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As a woman, I know exactly how you feel. I'm a bit depressed as well from being single for so long. My last relationship was ions ago and ended really badly. I'd love to have a boyfriend who cares about me. However, I think the problem you may have is coming on too strong too quickly. If you come on strong too quickly...it's not that it's wrong...it's just that women will think you're not being genuine (when in reality you are). I think American society makes it seem like you have to be this emotionally unattached human being and love will magically come to those who care the least...which I think is total bullsh*t! I've dated men in other countries and it's like totally normal for them to come on strong to a woman. But in America, it's frowned upon.
I think you just haven't met the right women who can appreciate what you have to offer. You're probably not going to hear this a lot but I'm one of those rare women who loves a man who comes on strong (as long as I like him though) and is really obsessive when it comes to loving me. I think everyone is different and it's wrong to assume that if you act this particular way then you are unhealthy or need to work on yourself or "balance yourself", etc. I think you should date tons of girls and when you see a woman who are genuinely like...take it a bit slow with her (because remember, most American girls don't like men who come on too strong). And when she starts showing interest of getting serious, then show her bits and bits of your desire to be with her. If you give it to her in small doses, then it won't be too strong.
Also, please don't be depressed. Love doesn't happen everyday and I know it's hard when we live in a couple friendly world. But you just have to keep on going and know the women of your dreams is out there. And she's probably even more depressed as you thinking no man will ever want her. You guys just haven't found each other yet :)
A too-clingy guy is just as bad as a jerk! You need to cool down your advances, stop feeling desperate, and start trying to find an inner balance. Even if you got a girl right now she would not be able to make you feel normal. You'll need to do that for yourself. Once you have, everything will start to fall into place.
Don't be depressed!
The best advice I ever received was to think of the type of person I'd like to date and act like that.
If you want someone who is happy, confident, funny and secure...start by acting that way yourself. It works, believe me!
Yeah, dude, you have loneliness anxiety. You might already be aware of this, but the reason why you come on too strong is because you're worried about being alone for the rest of your life.
Being "nice" doesn't mean that you deserve more things than the other. It's those girls' choice to go out with those "jerks" and often times the reason why they would chose them over you is because they think that those guys have more to offer them than you.
No one wants someone to try to trap them in a relationship that they could potentially be unhappy in, so it makes sense that these girls might freak out when you come on too strong. You really should try to stop being so worried about being alone so much. At least, when it comes to your emotions.
You know that you don't want to be alone for the rest of your life, but the anxiety that you're experiencing isn't helping things. You need to find a way to control your emotions. If you find that you're not able to do this on your own, then you may need to seek counseling. If necessary, you may need to take some medication to get this anxiety under control.
Let's be honest... you're depressed. Blaming your lack of a relationship is your big mistake.
If you REALLY need a relationship to FEEL good about yourself then you're not the kind of guy women will find attractive. Because no girl wants to be the crutch their boyfriend uses to feel good about himself.
So let's just get that out of the way.
Relationships are not the bridge to feeling happy!
But if you really are feeling like crap, don't let yourself try to blame your lack of a girlfriend as your reason.
Most likely you're just feeling lonely, and that's easy to fix. Reconnect with friends. Reconnect with family. Get out of your basement and force yourself to connect with people you care about. That's the fastest way to picking yourself up again!
And, when you've got yourself handled, like a man, then you'll have WAY more success with meeting and picking up the ladies!
Know what I mean?
~ Robby
My Blog ( link )
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I wanted to help but a lot of the guys have said most of what you need to know already.
As for all that "inner balance" advice (call it bs, it makes you sound manly and like you don't give a sh*t) from some of the girls, just think about doing it like this. Go out and MEET multiple people and many women. So date lots of people and change your attitude about yourself:
1. You are man. (at least in our weird society of male dominance)
2. You should have stuff revolve around you, just think you're like the sun.
3. IF people have time for you? NO, if you have time for them... and if that situation is not like that, MAKE it like that, believe that it is like that.
4. Project yourself differently as a powerful being.
5. Even if you do get scared, NEVER ever show it. Conquer it.. or at least, pretend to conquer it, that's what acting is about.
6. This is not the same as being a jerk or a player, it is about surviving mentally.
7. You said you come on too strong? Don't do that. EVER. Leave at least 1-2 days between EACH correspondence with a woman. Or if it's a text, ALWAYS respond several hours later and say sorry for the late respond... yada yada yada.
That way you might not frighten off the girls.
Also engage in sport... do something dangerous.. Weights... sport... army... fight... shoot whatever, get something you can feel good about.
Do your own thing ,personally what worked for me while single and still stands is the numbers game, when in a social setting work the room, as in make it an aim to meet every one male and female in the room and introduce them to one another, you become the go to guy in a social setting, your already half way there.
Focusing too much or been too intense screams that you aren't doing your own thing, do sh*t that interests you, no one male or female likes some one who doesn't seem to have other interests aside from them! brings to mind terms like "clingy" "needy" and insecure or just plain jealous.
Not to mention having your own hobbies and skills makes you more interesting in conversation as well, but mainly if its a passion this shines on through as natural and thus more appealing.
Hope this helps.
Oh and you gotta stick the flirty stuff as joking around ,but keep it out there just so they know that its on the table.
Steer clear of the friend zone.
They start confiding and you ain't getting laid ,get up and move.
You need to get over yourself FIRST and they you'll be able to get under a hot girl. You know you're screwing up by coming on too strong. So you need to change that behavior. And stop thinking that other guys don't "deserve" the girls you like. They're probably just as deserving if not more so than you. Why? Because CLEARLY they're delivering SOMETHING that those girls want. Be that excitement, strength, looks, or just plain knowing how to pleasure them sexually. There's a REASON that girls make themselves sexually available to the guys you see them with. Stop being envious--figure out WHAT it is that makes them want to play with those guy's d***s and eventually, if you LEARN from that, they'll want to play with yours too.
Is that your reason to be depressed? Are you kidding me? DUUUUUDE I've been single for 5 years straight. Am I missing all of those mood swings and stuff? Not really. In fact I can't deal with women drama. Where have you been, who is that girl, why did you talk to that girl, she is too cute to be talking with you and I can go on and on and on... I am over that!
TO me it seems that you are depressed because you did not get any ass lately.
Remember one thing that life is toooo short to be depressed over "not having a girlfriend"
honestly there is no easy fix dude.
Well, I'll tell you something - first, what you feel is valid. having the connection of sex and romance is only natural, so when you feel like you're not getting it, it is evolved to hurt. think of it as an evolved motivator to fix your position in life.
Bro I am EXACTLY like you. Stay strong. I'm 22 and I just found the perfect girl. She is out there I promise you that.
I also get annoyed when I see guys with stupid and superficial girls but you know what? It is the vicious circle. Good guys are with bad girls and good girls are with bad guys. Very basic.
Are you the person you want to be?
You'll attract what you project to the world.
unfortuneately since you are a guy you are not allowed to seek validation
better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all
I am depressed because I don't have a girlfriend. Plus I have a difficultly with my coordination and on top of all the I have tried to work out my problem but now I can sadly I am stumped
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