Why guys "disappear" instead of telling you "we should stop seeing each other"

[Anonymous]

I've been on a couple dates last year with 4 guys. It never worked with any & I was the one to call them, tell them we should stop seeing each other & my reasons (if they asked, which they all did) so it blows my mind about the infamous "guy disappearing"story. he's so into you for a few months then stops calling & barely acknowledge you when he sees u. my friends tell me how guys act "different" after sex or even if they never had sex, the guy just stop calling them out of the blue. my thing is, if I'm a girl & I can call them & say its not gonna work then WHY do guys just stop calling a girl out of the blues? what's so hard in letting her know what was wrong? I explained 2 the guys I mentioned earlier why it wouldn't work. so they KNOW why I won't b calling anymore but guys can't do the same, why? please lemme know. thanks :-)

[Anonymous]

First of all. Dating and relationships are different, I will always sit down and break up with a girlfriend in person and trying to explain why etc...

Dating is not as serious and commited. Usually the guy carries the load from the start. He asked the girl out, took care of organizing the dates and paid for most of it. So, many guys don't feel like they owe the girl much since they do it all. If there is a girl I date casually, I'm not going to call and have a serious talk about why and when and how I don't feel like keep dating. If the girl is texting and calling me, I'll always answer and talk. For girls it might be easier because the guys reach for them, so they always have the opportunity to turn it down at some point.

For a guy, it seems less dramatic to leave it as is. If the girl reaches back, then you answer her and makes things clear. If she never reach back, you assume she wasn't that interested either and leave it at that. Usually a guy thinks over if he wants to keep dating,it takes some days. As that time passes by, if the girl doesn't reach for him, then he usually thinks it's OK to leave it at that for now. Sometime you still like the girl anyway, and it leaves a door open without drama and hurt feelings.

[Asker]

thanks! now I have a MUCH better understanding why guys do it. STILL think the girl deserves some call or text saying "we should stop seeing each other". Its just mature & considerate. she doesn't have to be your girlfriend. if she know what was the deal breaker she can avoid doing that with the nex guy. someone probably ask her what happen 2 you & john doe? she wouldn't even know what was the actual reason. its just best 4 her 2 know why. but guys are a lot different than girls I've learned. Lol :D

[emzy-89]

As time passes, the girl doesn't try anymore because she's sick of chasing something the isn't there. It's not OK to leave it at that. I've had this happen to me & it doesn't leave you with no hurt feelings, it leaves us feeling confused & pissed off. I'd never start dating someone who did this to me again, it's disrespectful and down right rude. Seriosuly guys, be men and just come out and say, "I don't want to see you anymore." It's not that hard & we'll repesct you a heck of a lot more for it

[Opinion Owner]

I don't get you or any other girl here. Sorry but you girls hold men to a much higher standard than women. You say men who do this are gutless, but yet almost none of you would even have the courage to ask a guy out in the first place. And if you never reach for the guy when he's not contacting you, then why is he the a**hole while you girls are just sitting on your hands? That's a lot of double standards...To me if I don't hear from the girl I infer she's not that interested, period.

[ssunny1217]

I mean at that point, if one of them had made up their minds that he does not want to see you, it is pointless as to why they broke it off. Logistically, giving a reason does not help anything just makes things awkward. I personally would let her know. But won't make a big deal about it, just casually let them know.

If it works out, it does, if not, nothing will make it work

[Asker]

Im not saying the guy should let the girl know he won't call her anymore so she can get a chance to "fix things" I'm saying at least let her know you don't want to be friends with her anymore or whatever. Maybe she'll wanna know why & if so there's nothing wrong with wanting 2 know why especially when she thought everything was cool. when I try 2 copy guys & do the disappear sh**, the guys kept sending texts obviously wanting a reason why I stop talking 2 em. but eh I guess guys will be guys

[ssunny1217]

yep guys will be guys and girls will be girls. Guys do things that piss off girls, and vice versa. Just life honey

[tomfeltonforever]

It's an odd combination of the guy caring about your feelings by getting to avoid your disappointment when he calls to say, "It's over." Aaand, of course, his being selfish because a bunch of guys there are honestly scared sh*tless of confronting a girl about something like that. Lack of communication's a downfall. I also feel that immaturity plays a big role in this. I dated a very mature guy who apologized profusely when he left me for his ex-girlfriend and was honest about everything. Then the guy I dated after him was the same exact age as he was. In fact, they knew each other and were close. (I DID NOT KNOW THAT -__-). This guy saw me for about three months, and out of the blue, he just stopped talking to me. He didn't talk to me for over three weeks, and then he tried to be "friends" with me after this time of his random disappearing act. Ha, no. He was very, very immature during the whole relationship. Some guys are also afraid of commitment, and if they feel you getting attached to them too soon or at all, they freak out and run away.

[Asker]

Yeah, I hate when guys do the "come around again" after the "disappearing" act & I don't like immature guys either. Amen! to the "girl getting attached/guy being fearful of commitment" statement. it's true. same 4 me but even so I STILL call & explain 2 the guy that he's suffocating me because he was catching feelings & acting like we were in a relationship when I didn't hav any feelings 4 him because I was just trying 2 know him 1st.

[tomfeltonforever]

It's a shame that the two people in a relationship can't ever be on the same exact page. And that's where communication comes in so you guys can compromise and work it out to continue the relationship! Sadly, some certain people hide their feelings. :X

[emzy-89]

I love how all of the men are saying "we don't want to hurt the girls feelings" or "it hurts us to see the girl hurt, it's because we care." This is total crap and no girl buys it for a millisecond. The reason why guys do this is because they're gutless wonders who would rather live in blissful ignorance rather than looking like the 'bad guy'.

Im sure many of you men have talked yourself into believing that's OK to do this, but as a girl, let me tell you, it's far from it. It leaves the girl feeling confused and resentful towards you and after having done this you can almost guarantee that you've blown any chance you ever had of having a relationship with this girl; it doesn't leave the door open for the future, it slams it hard and dead bolts it shut.

So, just a word of advice gentlemen, if you don't want to date a girl anymore, just come out and tell us to our faces, both parties will be a lot better off for it.

[ksturges]

Hi All,

I am a casting director currently casting a new TV show about women dating a guy who just up and disappears. If this has happened to you or you have been the guy who disappeared and you live in the greater NY area, email me at: ksturgescasting@gmail. com
Let your opinions fly on camera!

Thanks,
Kelli

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

Because a lot of guys avoid seeing and hearing girls feelings being hurt. We are quick to confront or explain ourselves to other guys, but with females a lot guys are more sensitive to the pain they cause. It may not hurt her if we want to move on, but the possibility of her hurting makes us avoid telling her.

[Anonymous]

Awww girl! I feel your pain! I was crazy about a guy who did the same thing to me. It's just plain cruel and selfish! At least have the balls to look me in the eye and be honest instead of stringing us girls along then just disappearing!

[3336PS]

Agree, and we didn't even date. He doesn't want to be my friend. Yet he kissed me then he is gone. I ran into him. He was nervous...big smile...no hey how are things going...dont get it.

[clockworkwaster]

Probably they realized they were getting closer and closer to a "relationship" with you, so they panicked and ran.

[Anonymous]

it's the highest form of gutlessness & immaturity & selfishness

[DocClassic]

lmao

[Anonymous]

Cause they're punks.

They can't face the music. They think they'll hurt you less, but no. They leave you confused on top of being hurt.

[CindiluvsFriends]

Easy: because they suck.

[Hawaiikai]

Because they keep us as options.