Do girls just settle for nice guys in the end?

[kambo_trick3y]

Scenario begins, as they so often do, with a young and nice girl first becoming attracted and involved with a known player/bad boy. Turns out she discovers that his type is not very healthy for her, she leaves, and decides a nice guy is best for her.

So, my question is this. Did this girl end up settling with said nice guy only because her first and most natural feeling choice just wasn't good for her?

If it ever worked out with this bad boy for some reason, do you think this would impact her romantic opinion of nice guys in any way?

[Anonymous]

Kinda, but not exactly.

Both males and females are constantly re-evaluating what is the most important to them in a relationship as they move onto new ones. It's not as much settling as it is realizing that what you thought was important didn't really matter.

For example, I used to date funny guys who turned out to be manwhores and my boyfriend used to date flashy/trashy girls that ended up being cheating sluts. So, he's not as funny as my past boyfriends and I'm not as flashy ... but we are both much happier with someone reliable that we still find attactive.

Also, most guys aren't stereotypical "bad boys" and "nice guys" and the same goes for girls. Most people are in the middle. For example, many partiers settle down in their late twenties, often with each other. "Wild" sometimes is mistaken for "bad" because it does lend itself to a more reckless lifestyle. But not all wild people are bad people, they're just not always careful with their decisions. Another example is that people often have childhood experiences that they have to work out and all that, before they're a good partner. And sometimes even nice, well adjusted people need to learn from the human experience and make mistakes. In these cases, the "bad boy" or "bad girl" can BECOME the "good guy/girl."



Likewise, the whiny, passive aggressive so-called "nice guy/girl" sometimes learns how to become assertive and attractive and stops being that same person.

People who continually date people who are cruel and mean are generally messed up, mentally. They usually don't think they deserve any better, or else refuse to stop their own bad behaviors (drug abuse, for example), or had such a bad childhood that they think that crap is normal.

[eaeaea]

I think "anyone" not just girls, would want to end up with what someone who they see a future with.. If you are dating someone who can offer nothing, that relationship is mostly doomed. At a young age (middle school, and high school) you don't think about this stuff, all you see is a pretty face/body and who cares if they work or not, if they have plans or not. But we grow up and mature. We see ourselves with a family, so we need someone who can help us out to raise that family and not some lazy bum who thinks it's fun to work a crappy job and only earns to support him self, if even that, and has no goals in life. Completely careless.

I'm sure if you fall in love with someone who's that immature, you can quickly fall out of love, because that in itself is not attractive, and find someone with a real future ahead of them. And that does not necessarily mean "Nice Guys" or "Nice Girls".

I know a very nice guy, who has nothing going for him, he lives with his parents and has never had a job. He's 29. He sits at home, plays on the computer all day, and then complains about nobody wanting to be with him. If he really wanted someone to be with him, he'd get up off his ass and find a job for starters. No one starts at the top.

[lostnclueless]

umm no I wouldn't end up settling for one type just because it didn't work out with the other, but I guess at a young age girls fall for the bad boys just because their personality appeals to them but as we grow older we realize what type of a guy we really want, someone whos loving,caring,respectful and esp. responsible and always there for you! the so called 'bad boys' in my view are really immature.. not realsing the value of anything because they get it very easily maybe... I wouldn't want to be with someone who is as shallow, so yes a nice loving guy is what I would go for because I want to and not because I need to.

[Yeahhbro]

Yes definetely because when they are older their priorities change.

When women are young what they really want is the thrill of getting their heads played with (by that I mean they love how bad guys always make them second guess themselves) and also the fact that bad guys are almost always people that do like to go out quiet a lot and are people that are very proactive and full of energy. Also they tend to have very good social skills and they know how to talk and how to be funny. They also know how to be aggressive and girls love that.

Nice guys when they are young are predictable, they are not as wild and unpredictable as the bad guys. They are not very good socially: That is they may have some friends but usually that circle is small and they don't get out of it. They are also not aggressive at all, they are usually passive: they like to do passive things like watch movies, play video games and run from fights. They are usually smart or dedicated to their stuff, which means that they study and don't party as much.

When women are older the thrill of the Mistery, aggressiveness and high energy eventually runs out and they want somebody who is more stable financially and emotionally and who would treat her well as well her kids.

Hence the saying nice guys finish last is actually true.

[kambo_trick3y]

Shame.

[Pete206]

I hate this nice guy/bad boy theory its retarded. Guys getting girls because of them treating women like crap is stupid, matter a fact most girls have their own sense of self respect and being a douche usually gets you no where. Girls are attracted to that guy who isn't scared to get in trouble, someone who is OK with breaking the rules someones, and one who stand up for what he believes in and is not scared to punch you in the face if he has too lol. a lot of guys out there "Nice Guys" tell a girl how he feels right of the back, the girl now already knows you like her and she has a subconscious thought that well sense you already like her she can have you when ever she likes. Girls love a little game of chase if you make it easy for her she loses all interest, unless you look like brad pitt. Honestly I'm a nice guy, I treat girls with respect and I have no problem getting girls. its all about how you present your self, no girl wants a wimpy romantic lol and if your a goody too shoes that's marrige material for a girl but a girl in her 20s to 25 isn't looking for that right now she wants to enjoy her youth right now.

[Anonymous]

girls just like guys who are confident, assertive and interesting. a "stereotypical nice guy" doesn't have these qualities and an "a**hole" doesn't exactly have them either however he's closer to it and girls are willing to endure the emotional pain of his carelessness as a trade off.

like I said, the supposed "nice guy" is actually a guy who kisses the girls ass (NO ONE respects someone who kisses their ass, no matter what type of relationship you're in, not limited to romantic ones even friendships, coworkers, etc. you can't respect them). also these same "nice guys" tend to be pus$ies in general and girls just don't find that attractive.

"a**holes" have the confidence but they also obviously treat them very bad. some girls actually like this because it gives them more drama so they can feed off the attention that they LOVE. it's stupid but that's just how it is. most girls though don't want to be treated that bad.

the perfect middle ground is a guy who keeps them guessing (isn't a predictable spineless coward like the "nice guy") but isn't a rude, callous a**hole. it's stupid and cheesy but girls like that "adventure", it keep things interesting for them (stupid I know, but that's just how it is).

my advice to you is stop wondering if girls settle for nice guys in the end and just follow the guidelines about (dont be spineless, don't be a d***) while still being yourself and you'll be fine. you won't even be concerned with wondering about questions like this. good luck

[madmisskelly]

Ultimately we try to go for the best of both worlds. I try to go for guys who are both nice and whom I am attracted to.

These things don't exist separately. Not all nice guys are physically attractive and not all physically attractive guys are nice.

Most women don't go after a player if they know he is one. Again, a lot of a**hole guys start out being pretty cool and it gradually escalates. Its also hard to see it when you are blinded by attraction- no one escapes that.

That being said, I always look for a guy who is nice, funny, etc. However, a guy could have all those attributes but not be physically attractive to me.

So no, girls aren't "settling" for nice guys.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, obviously.

Women say they grow out of bad boys, but that generally only happens when nice guys start earning more money, and most of the bad boys are flaming out.

Bad boys who strike it rich are still rolling in women.

Women go for power. When you're young, bad boys have it. When older, its more complicated. Successful doormats are still not liked by women.

Some women totally 'settle' and marry some dull but sweet guy who will look after them.

In a way, all women who sleep around settle. Since men have a higher bar for 'relationship' then 'sex', women can always have sex with more in demand men then they can actually date. So they have to 'settle' to get a relationship.

Men on the other hand generally trade quality for quantity if they sleep around.

[Anonymous]

hmmm... can't confirm. I seem to have the opposite. I start dating men whom I find interesting which often happen to be the "artistic bad boys". Soon after we get involved they clean up their behavior and after sometime they become the dreaded "nice guys". Then I leave and repeat the cycle. I really do not like the stereotypical "nice guys" because they don't have the qualities that I like in men - aka being the alpha male. I like leadership and people not afraid of taking charge and nice guys just don't have that.

[Prof_Don]

Im curious...what do you mean my "clean up their behavior"? What happens in this process that's so bad?

[Opinion Owner]

In short they stop being fun loving free spirits that they were to begin with. They no longer want to go out and have fun, they become less adventurous, less open to various ideas and start getting clingy and overly attached. What is bad (at least for me) is that they no longer have that character that I fell in love with to begin with but become these tamed, push over like home boys.

[patoot10]

you are that kinda of girl that likes to be around clowns to entertain her .. what a naive attitude

[Opinion Owner]

LOL far from. I entertain myself just as fine. "Bad Boys" aren't clowns. They are however more open to ideas outside of their comfort zone and are more free spirited and unattached. Just because I don't want to settle for plain joe doesn't mean I am naive. Plain good boys have their place, just not for me. But hey, if they makes you have then w/e enjoy, more for you to go around.

[Anonymous]

Yes, each relationship is a learning experience. I've found out what works for me and that has affected my choices later on.

"Nice" guys and "good" guys are not the same. Yes, I had tendency for the rougher on the edges guys in high school but in the end I went for the good guys. (This is personal opinion FYI) Nice guys are often shy and too careful. They worry that I'll break something, they need serious convincing to get them to act. The good guys are more confident, and will test the limits but still treat a girl right.

I don't think girls settle, they may change their type but they don't settle because someone else didn't work out.

[abzence]

Most people don't do what is good for them but what is fun and exciting to them.

once a woman has "been there, done that" enough times with bad boys she often shift focus in life and want something more steady, reliable to start a family with, etc.

It's not a matter of settling but more a shift of focus in life.

[patoot10]

thats a very good question .. and am really disappointed because all girls agreed on the part of liking bad boys first then settling for nice guys .. can't a girl just figure this out while she is young .. and yet they deny being fool @ that time .. on the other hand men are attracted to the same thing all the time .. attractive girls then getting to know them to evaluate their personality .. and if a girl with a good personality and average looks came along they would settle for her

[Anonymous]

I'm sure glad I'm not exactly mr. nice guy, cause I would sure hate to 'settle' for girl who decides she's gotten enough d*** that she can finally be with me "oh goodie left overs". And yes I'm sure girls would feel the same about settling for a guy who does the same.

Then again there'd be no way of knowing for sure about a persons past short of a lie detector test, again that's if you care to get that detailed.

Just my 2 cents

[2230655]

That's a wise two cents!

[Anonymous]

Yes. I don't like bad boys anymore, theyve all f***ed me around, my current boyfriend is a nice guy and he's the best, he's also the best in bed, which I didn't expect, I thought bad boys were meant to be the best in bed which I think is why a lot of girls (or just old me) go for them.

[Kiran04]

Only after they get over their fetish for being treated like sh*t. Girls always go through the "I love a**holes" stage. Some never get out of it. If he isn't pretty and treats everyone around him like sh*t she isn't attracted. Thankfully, some get tired of being slapped around and emotionally abused. They do grow up eventually. You just gotta wait for them to either grow some brains or have it beaten into them.

[Anonymous]

Nice guys (and nice girls) are often left till later on in life to be able to be in a relationship. It's harsh that they have to wait until the opposite gender has had their fun so that their opportunity can come. If only nice guys and nice girls could find each other! I'm still waiting for my opportunity.

[Prof_Don]

Waiting for an opportunity...is being passive.

Nice guys and nice girls need to get out more and not be as passive and shy. From first hand experience, this is a gradual process but can be done! 8-)

[Opinion Owner]

My mistake, that's not what I meant. I just mean waiting for someone who can appreciate me/them for who I am/they are.

[suzyy]

I was never really attracted to bad guys/players but girls who fall for them do end up with nice guys at the end...well at least they should.

[kambo_trick3y]

So would you call that settling or no?

[suzyy]

yes

[Hades]

They try to, after they've hopped off the **** carousel. But these days guys refuse to settle for reformed whores that wanna be housewives. Hence the record low marriage & birth rates in the US & UK.

[2230655]

True. Why should guys who know how to get the most out of life by working hard and planning for the future marry some girl that's sampled every diseased dick in town, only to be made to feel like crap because they aren't the edgy bad boy the girl always wanted. Guys, don't let American women treat you like that. Think South American or Asian women - but NOT those women if they have lived in the US... too corrupting.

[djbreal87]

Probably not, I'm 25 and a nice guy and haven't found a girl to settle for me lol

[2230655]

Consider yourself lucky. You don't want some burned out twat that will treat you like trash. If you're not "good enough" for these girls when you're young, then they aren't "good enough" for you when you're older, smarter, richer and have a career. Stay away from these types of women, send them back to the criminals they thought were so cute once upon a time.

[shumailkazimi]

yes they do but with nice and settled (not necessarily good looking mind u)

[Valhalla]

Yes, sure they go for them...in the end, when they are dead!

[Anonymous]

yea, I could see that happening...im sure guys settle for nice girls in the end

[Anonymous]

probably when they reach their 30's