When a guy says he feels overwhelmed does it mean he has lost the interest?

[gypsygirl1]

I have been dating this person for over two month and since two weeks ago he started acting distant. I decided to send him a letter and he said the reason is that he thinks everything happened really fast and he felt a little overwhelmed. He said he has to for a month for work and wants us to see how I deal with him gone. I need an advice on how should I handle his answer.

[Arwens-Fire]

Well,he clearly feels that somehow you are way too attached to him. Maybe that you don't have your own life or activities without him around.Whether or not that is true or not,only you or him actually knows that.

He seems to have one foot out of the relationship already. I don't like his response to the situation at hand though. It puts you in a place of being at someone elses..."mercy". Like he is the one holding all of the cards of whether or not you continue to be together or not. I don't think his way is the proper approach. I feel like no relationship is perfect,and that's why communication is KEY. If I were YOU,I wouldn't even respond to what has said. I would act like it doesn't affect me any kind of way. You need to show him that you don't care if he leaves or stays. Someone who can say something like this to YOU realistically could care less if you left or stayed in the relationship. If he did,his approach would have been different.

I recommend you go into complete no contact with him and let HIM chase YOU. If he wants to talk,he should be the one worrying about you and what you're doing and who YOU are with. Its going to be hard as hell to do,but I think this is the proper response. Words are not it. Some guys don't respond to words,but they respond to actions. Show him you don't need him and I bet you he will come running back. I put money on it. Don't respond to what he said. Just be silent. And silent when he goes away.

[gypsygirl1]

Thank you for your advice. Arwens-fire, unfortunately I responded back to his note right before I posted the question :( so I think it's too late for me to stay silent. Of cpurse he has not communicated with me so I will have to move on and concentrate in my life

[Arwens-Fire]

Oh god. :(

What did you say?

[gypsygirl1]

I told him that it would be though no seeing him for 4weeks but I did not want to lose him and I would wanted to fight for him. I asked him if he was also willing to keep trying for this to work out. He reolied yesterday morning "But of course! :)" and later sent me a text with a note on how his day was going. I think what I was expecting from him was to ask how Iam doing and not continue to talk in 1st person as most of the time.

[Arwens-Fire]

Honestly,your message just sounds like a stroke to his ego. You are talking about fighting for someone who is more than willing to let you go. If that is not a boost to his ego,I don't know what is. If I were you,I would be silent and not communicate with him because you never want to be at someone else disposal. And he was really int'l working on things,he would not have sent the initial message...would he? This guy sounded happy in this text conversation and continues to speak about himself

[Arwens-Fire]

only because he feels good knowing that you are at the edge of your seat for him. That's about it.

[gypsygirl1]

Very true. But I did it because deep in my heart I have hopes that he still likes me and wants to fight for me as well.. I'm probably just justifying his behavior because of what he has gone through in the past but I think he is too afraid of being hurt...,thanks for your wise words...these really help me to see things from another perspective...

[Arwens-Fire]

I just think you should step WAY back. And let him show YOU how he feels. You will never know how someone feels if you keep chasing them. A relationship is not one sided,but the dynamic between the two of you at this point seems a little toxic to be honest. Its almost as if YOU want him more than he wants you. In fact,that's exactly how it is.If you want to see how he feels,step back and back off. Please give updates. I'm here if you need to talk...youre welcome.

[gypsygirl1]

Thanks Arwens-Fire.. It is painful but I understand that I need to take a step back and give him space and time to think and I will do the same. there is a lot for me to work on to make sure not making the same mistakes over and over...

[gypsygirl1]

hi arwens-fire... I want to say thanks again for reading me! good night...

[Arwens-Fire]

Hey girly, haha... you're welcome. :)

[gypsygirl1]

Fyi. He sent me a message last night. AGAIN talking in 1st person hahaha.. he'. The typical Leo and doesn't want to recognize it hahah.. I don't go with horoscopes but ge's making me think that somehow his sign describes him perfectly!

[Arwens-Fire]

I don't know . He seems selfish.

[gypsygirl1]

Hi Arwen-Fire.. he didn't contact me at all yesterday :( . and It's very hard for me to understand that he's not that into me... I would had prefer that he was honest and say it instead of using the excuse that he was "a little afraid" because of his failed two marriages that almost killed him and said it was nothing to do with me. I know that he has told me only his story and do not judge him. We both agreed that we were looking for a last first date and I really thought he could be the one

[Arwens-Fire]

Gypsygurl, under the circumstances, its not surprising that he didn't reach out to you. But are you really freaking out because he didn't speak to you for ONE day? I think you need to accept the situation and ease up on being so attached. Obviously he feels he needs space so give it to him.

[gypsygirl1]

you are so right... I need to give him space and remain silent but it's hard as hell!
Quite honestly, I do not expect him to get back to me because I don't think I will be able to deal with him being gone most of the time due of his job. A relationship with limited physical contact and lack of communication eventually falls apart.

[Arwens-Fire]

You're right on that.

[Anonymous]

I met this guy who I had been talking to for two months, we finally but he ghost me.. I confronted him after a week because he seems mature and we are both adults here, I felt he did me so dirty with all the shit be says to me.. he really lured me with words I felt. We didn’t hook up but when I confronted him he goes “sorry I’m really bad at responding, me and my team have been doing live projects and I’ve been overwhelmed with work” then I go “I’m so sorry, do you want to talk about it” and he goes “so tired, I’ll try when I can, busy morning” also sending me a photo of him, then I said that’s okay! Nope you’re doing good, ans he goes I hope you’re doing well! And I just didn’t respond.. am I over reacting?

[Anonymous]

I had this problem with my ex. It was horrible!

Constant text/calls. I also have a life and I can't sit there and talk to her all the time. I like girls who can keep busy and check up once in awhile. Not asking me stuff non stop all the time.

In this case I think you need to push back a bit. Spend more time on something else and wait for him to contact you.

[gypsygirl1]

Thanks for your advice :) quite hontestly I never was calling him. Since he travels a lot for work, I would send him a text message wishing him a great day only and he answered immediately but I would not bother him until I heard back from him.

At this point, I have given a step back without any contact but although I have a very busy life, these two last days have been very painful for me.

[Opinion Owner]

See this relationship is tough... because he isn't around.

One thing I learned about relationships based of some experience. When you cannot physically be there most of the time. Those relationships will not work.

Everyone WANTS the person to physical be there most of the time. Hence, why we move in and settle with our partner/husband/wife etc.. Because we want to see them and have that physical contact. When you don't have that., I find relationships slowly fall apart and end.

[gypsygirl1]

Agree. It's difficult to have a relationship by distance and it eventually falls appart. That's something I was concerned about since the beginning and he would insist that he has friends in his same situation with succesful marriages.. i think what we both want is a good person in our lives at our age but he's might not necessary the person for me or viceversa. As you say, I must get my life back and let time give me the answer.