Guys: Is ths a good way to weed out players?

[pinkit3232]

In my personal experience, it's really hard to find a guy who doesn't just want to automatically get in my pants. I like to have fun, not in a promiscuous way, but I think guys will think that when they first me, that I'd be up for anything when I'm not like that at all. But surprisingly I'm not like talkative out-going, I'm actually pretty shy.

Anyways, I've been trying out this method where I can sorta see if these guys that come my way are good guys and not just f*ck and leave boys. When they ask me out I normally say well I usually like to get to know someone first like as friends before I go out with them. (when your "official" or going out that doesn't mean I'm going to have sex with him right off the bat. I want to make sure this guy is good) If he says its cool then I may hang out with him maybe three times to get the feel for him and then id go out with him. Because if he'd really liked me he'd be ok with getting to know me first. Unfortunately I haven't met a guy who was cool with that. I don't know if that means that he just wanted to get in my pants but I just want to be careful.

Guys is this a good method?

[AlekNovy]

Sorry pinkit... Your method is like the very first thing players learn how to overcome, lol. I know you think its unique, bust most girls have thought of the same way. Google it, and you will find like entire player websites with exact ways to "overcome girls asking to be friends first" FOR players, lol. Like the exact thing to tell her to manipulate her.

Here's the thing pinkit. Players LOVE you trying to defend against them.. You know why (counter-intuitive, but true)... Any METHOD you try to shield from them, they USE and turn it against you, they use it to manipulate you.

If you want guys who don't play games, then don't play games... And having "methods" is playing games (it is, I'm sorry).

If you want an honest guy, BE HONEST! Playas run away from girls who are direct, bold and confidently say exactly what they want. You saying that whole friends routine, is just a routine for you... Give them routines, and they'll give you routines.

Just say "here's who I am, here's what I want, here's what I expect". - Playas will run faster then you can finish that sentence. They hate direct-confident women, because they can't manipulate you if you're DIRECT.

[pinkit3232]

Wow I had no idea stuff like that was out there. Thanks for letting me know! You seem so right that I should have just been direct from the start. I'm def gonna be more like that now. Makes sense there's no other way lol. Thanks so much!

[MrMixedUp]

Why distinguish between 'dating' and 'hanging out'? Just because you date someone does NOT mean you have to have sex with them! Calling something 'hanging out' instead of 'dating' just make a confusing situation even more confusing. Heck, soon those guys will be posting here: "What does she mean that she wants to 'hang out' instead of 'date'? What does she mean?"

I'd suggest that you tell guys on your first date that you won't sleep with a guy for at least ___ weeks/months after you start dating. I've had women do this (and I've said it to women myself) and -- if it's the right person -- they'll like you more.

Men want a woman with high 'value'. If you value yourself, you won't sleep with every guy you meet. And if a guy likes you, he'll be more than happy to wait as long as you want, because he knows that you're worth the wait.

[confusedgirl22]

I like this answer!

[helms_girl]

It's a really good method...in theory.

And I say this because I kinda do the same thing. Some girls come off as a type that they're not and this is a great way to sort all the fluff from the real men.

HOWEVER, there is a special species of men out there called "Players". And sometimes when you tell them that you want to wait for sex, take things slow, or just be friends first, it makes them try even harder! You kind of make yourself a conquest for them when you do this. Kinda like they're the hunter and you're the hardest prey to catch. Once they get you...bragging rights that he caught the "untouchable"..and then he's off.

This is a good way to weed them out, yes..But be careful. The best of the best players are extremely patient.

[pinkit3232]

Hm, I never thought of it that way...

[Shlei3]

I agree with this method completely. Another thing I like to do is tell them point blank that I would love to go on a date but not to expect to get any 'cause I don't give it up that quickly. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to get a prince.

[Blindness]

I think it's a good method.

I suggest you insist on scheduled dates, not "hang out" sessions. Dates where you do activities are a great way to get to know someone, rather than hanging out and watching DVDs or something.

I also agree with Shlei3 about being direct about your expectations. Tell these guys up front that you're not looking to fool around with someone you barely know. Simply saying those words to their face will filter out a lot of the guys who want sex more than anything. This might drastically reduce the number of guys who want to see you, but it'll also drastically reduce the amount of drama and chaos in your life.

Good luck.

[RandomGuyNumberTwo]

It will ward off most of them I guess, but it's by no means waterproof. I guess you just have to be good at reading peoples intentions. Most "players" have a reputation and that's easy to find out. If he has a "clean record" in regards to being a player around girls then that's a good first step.

[nicholaseddie]

It's both good and bad in a way.

Good in that for the guys that really are in it just to get some are eliminated right off the bat.

Bad for the guys that are also a bit shy and tend to wait more for the girls to show interest first before making a move. Those situations usually tend to end up in the "friend zone" and eventually lead to the awkward opposite sex friendships.

[Blindness]

Good point.

You put it better than I did. But this idea is partly what I was getting at when I suggested she insist on formal dates. Making it a DATE shows that there's the possibility of a more serious boyfriend-girlfriend relationship and avoids the problems you mentioned.

[bereaver]

we can't be weeded out