Want to work out MY way not his?

[Anonymous]

So I started going to the gym last Monday with some of my friends. We go monday, wednesday, friday. I usually just kinda do what my guy friend tells me to do, but last time we went I really didn't feel like I did hardly anything. I feel like I always have to do things on HIS time, but with something like working out I think I should be able to have some kind of say. Well he is very full of himself (he is also very... gay.. well he is bi but he acts like one of those cocky gay guys) so I have no clue how to tell him that I want to start doing things my way. How do I tell him that I want to do things on my own now and I don't need his help anymore without sounding like a bitch?

And I'm not trying to sound homophobic, I have many non-straight friends. He just fits the stereotype.

[Theguyoverthere]

I've had this problem in some ways with people who work out. I basically just tell them what I am doing and go with it. If they get offended and pissed off, the confrontation usually gets too awkward.

If you let whoever it is know that you have a routine already laid out and let them know it's working for you and that you're gonna keep going with what is working for you, they shouldn't want you to lose out on progress and respect that.

Some people have a really bad habit of acting like they know everything there is in fitness and that their way is the only way. I've had people insist that I use a different grip style on exercises, perform an exercise differently, insist I use a different level of range of motion, and so on. I've also had people give me the most bizarre "theories" to try and make it sound like they know what they're talking about. In the end, do what truly works for you.

You can't do something tailored to someone else's body type. In the end, even something like your time of day should be tailored to your workout. You have your own schedule so just go without him and tell him you have plans later on and wanna get the workout in asap so you can do what you gotta do. If you're stuck in the gym when he's gonna be there you just gotta take charge and be friendly. So if he comes by and asks what's up you just say you're doing this this and this exercise and that you gotta finish by X time because you gotta be somewhere and that you're doing a quick workout. The fact that you're basically telling him you're blitzing it should be enough of a hint for him to know that you wanna do what you laid out for the day.

Having your own "routine" and style is critical because all of the know-it-all's who try to force themselves on you in the fitness world will try to use you to boost their self esteem by trying to take control of you. I ward these people off every so often myself.

[Asker]

Yeah he is exactly what you just described. He thinks he's a genius... but he's only been going for like a month and a half so he is almost as clueless as I am. I really do need to come up with some kind of routine though. It's so hard to find something online that actually makes sense to me lol. I don't know I guess I just need to play around and figure it out for myself one day without him. He always acts like his way is the only way and he basically does the elliptical, treadmill, one rep of ten on a few different machine thingies and then he is done. It feels like he is kinda trying too hard to get everything in. The first day we went I could feel it for a few days and now when I go home I feel absolutely nothing

[Theguyoverthere]

I did something similar when I first started but in the end, my goals ended up being way different. So something for you, me, or him would all be aimed differently. There's definitely not one way to do everything and in the end, you can always mix things up to as you see fit. Like if you wanted to do a "leg toning, ab crunching, cardio-oriented" type of workout you could easily make up some circuit of exercises back to back with little to no rest and if he tried to workout with you just tell him what circuit you're in the middle of. He'll likely back up when he sees that you're in the middle of something. In the end, guys and girls always tend to have different styles of workouts. They can workout together, and I see some girls who like to bench press and stuff. But I tend to see girls doing more flexible types of stuff and yoga and whatnot while guys are doing more heavy weight muscle building exercises.

[Asker]

I came up with an excuse to go with my female friend today instead of him. Her body type seems a lot like mine so I asked her for some tips and it seemed to make more of an impact than when I was with him. I think I actually know what I'm doing now in there

[Ubetiburn]

The differences and needs between a male and female are many and varied. A person, when they are in the gym, usually have a reason for the workout. Some are for bulking up, some are for maintenance and others for sports, health or attraction. What is his geared towards? Is it (the reason for the workout) in line with your needs and wants?

Most gyms have people on staff that will work with you to make you the best work out for your needs. After a little you should plateau which is another way of your body telling you to change it up, either exercise wise, weight wise or intensity.

Finally, your diet should reflect your physical and workout needs.

A females body needs different levels of vitamins and calories and more then that of your effeminate-workout partner.

[Asker]

Well we both are trying to lose weight, but I am really not a fan of how he does it. Some days he tries to make me do something that is too hard and out of my comfort zone that I don't think I am ready for, and the others he hardly does anything and I feel underworked. There is a really nice woman who works that that I talk to every time and she seems to be okay with what we're doing so what we are doing isn't the problem, it's mostly how much we do that bothers me. He makes me work at his pace instead of mine. I am not a small person. I'm 5'4" and I weigh 225 so I would love to lose weight, just my way and I don't know how to tell him that. And yes I am still working on a diet. It is very hard to eat healthy in my home because my parents are extremely unhealthy and no matter what I say to my mom she still continues to buy junk.

[Ubetiburn]

Just because she buys junk that does not mean that you have to eat it, or eat what she cooks.

Men and woman are so different. What is good for me is not good for you. What is his weight and height?

You do know that exercising and diet can change your menstrual cycle, right? Granted you are both trying to loose weight. That is where things that are the same end. Your diet, your exercise, none of that will be the exact same or close enough to what he needs or wants. Hence, why would you think that his workout regime would benefit you. At a certain point, where he keeps loosing weight you might suddenly start building muscle mass or it could be the other way around...

[Asker]

well I don't have a job or money so I can't buy my own food, and I can't starve myself lol.
And actually he is about an inch taller than me and I think 30lbs less. But yes I agree, I shouldn't be doing the same thing as him because we are built differently.
And yes I know but I am on birth control (for medical reasons lol I'm a virgin) so I don't think it will change too much.
What you are saying makes so much sense and now I for sure need to start doing my own thing! Thank you for helping me open my eyes more :)

[Asker]

Also it doesn't help that I have high testosterone :/

[Asker]

I came up with an excuse to go with my female friend today instead of him. Her body type seems a lot like mine so I asked her for some tips and it seemed to make more of an impact than when I was with him. I think I actually know what I'm doing now in there

[Ubetiburn]

That is good, although you should check with your gym and see if they have a personal trainer or dietician on staff. Most offer then free for a week, month, as needed basis, some charge. I go to the local YMCA and they have one that is 100% free.

Best of luck to you.

[Asker]

There is a woman there who can help me if I absolutely need it, but I think that what I did today I'd going to work, at least for a while :) I did a lot of things towards the parts I wanted to work so I think this routine will work for me. Hopefully!
Thanks for all the help!!

[obiwansmistress]

Do research and find out what exercises you need to be doing for the body you want, then do them.
Don't worry about sounding bitchy, if you do your friend will more than likely forgive you. Just tell him it's your body so you'll decide what you do with it, and that your pace and your way is what's best for your health.

You always have a choice, so do what you want and how you want, if he gets mad then let him be that immature and tell him you appreciate his hell and advice, but you can decide what's best for yourself.

Good luck on your weight loss journey, I'm on one as well, I've lost 22lbs so far! You can do this!

[obiwansmistress]

Help*

[Asker]

Okay I don't even know why I am so worried about how it will make him feel. He is rude with me all the time. Thanks for the advice!! I will look up some stuff to do :)

[obiwansmistress]

Honey, a real friend will still love you and forgive you for being rude sometimes. But telling him you need to do things your way for YOUR body is not rude. Everyone's body is different so you need to find out what YOU like and what works for YOU and do it at YOUR pace. Trust me if you do that your body will thank you. Push yourself at a safe rate, don't push your body too hard.

[Asker]

Yeah that makes a lot of sense!

[Asker]

I came up with an excuse to go with my female friend today instead of him. Her body type seems a lot like mine so I asked her for some tips and it seemed to make more of an impact than when I was with him. I think I actually know what I'm doing now in there

[obiwansmistress]

That's good! You'll definitely figure it out as you go along.

[BenjaminBix]

Tell him this "hey, babe, I going to do some workouts of my own I found online that will benefit my physical appearance. ... bla bla bla bla" you know the deal.