How do you explain to someone you love that you can't work?

[Anonymous]

I have a disability I've had it for a long time there's no cure for it and I've been pushing through and working and what not when I got pregnant with my son which was a surprise. I was told after he was born that my disability has begun to get worse. And it's at a point where I can't actually work anymore and before I get judged no I do not accept assistance. But my husband love him to death but he can't understand it. And he keeps going on and on about how when I get a job and I can't and all I want to do is cry because he doesn't get it how do I explain to him that my disability that has no cure has gotten worse and will only get worse? How do I get him to stop hounding me about a job when it kills me that I can't work? I feel less of a person because of it. And once again I don't need to be berated and judged I do not accept help so I don't need to hear about anybody paying for me because no one pays for me.

Updates

+1 y

I had dystonia which if you don't know what that is if you know what Parkinson's disease is it's very similar there is no cure and dystonia comes in many forms the one I have is generalize which was caused by traumatic injury I was hit by a car when I was 14 and suffered a traumatic brain injury among other things and then later developed dystonia. Generalized dystonia usually affects one part of the body ie afoot a hand a leg and arm mine affects my entire left side I have no control. It's sad

[CheshireCat89]

I'm so sorry that you are in this position. I have similar disability issues though I'm not married. It was so hard for me to accept all the things I won't be able to be or can't do any more, I'm not sure I ever really will accept it. Working full time is just never going to happen. I often feel like my body has betrayed me. I wonder who I would be with out pain, fatigue, and pills. I've found in dating it's very hard to find a guy who can cope with helping to care for me. I would settle for someone willing to listen and learn.

It sounds like your hubby is stuck in the past. He might be trying to stay positive about your condition (as unhelpful as it really is). He might be having a hard time accepting that the old you is gone (as you may be at times too). He might really not be listening or understanding.

If you haven't already look of butyoudontlooksick. com and read spoon theory. It's a way of helping others relate to dealing with chronic illness.

[Cmasterson]

I think you should be honest with him, tell him how this disability is slowly taking over your ability to work. And after all government pays you if you're on disability hopefully where you live. SO you will still be contributing to the household income, tell him that you hope he loves and supports you whilst you're going through this rough time. If he takes it well and genuinely loves you, he won't feel like there has to be a certain fairness, but if you're at home, its important to do your part too.

[Asker]

I didn't know disability I get no assistance at all

[Asker]

Sorry for whatever reason my phone autocorrected no I do not get assistance or disability in any way it's all us

[Cmasterson]

Ohh i see. Well I would still say this, and help out where you can x

[worldscolide]

Take him to a doctor with you. If he doesn't accept it after a doctor tells him that you can't work, then he can go F him self

[Anonymous]

Whats the disability?
Does he know about/understand the disability? Go online and teach him about it or take him to your next doctors appointment and have the doc explain it to him...

[Asker]

I have dystonia which is a lot like Parkinson's disease mine is generalized which means it affects certain part of the body unfortunately it's my entire left side I have virtually no control over my left side and is very frustrating and very painful and he knows about it he just thinks you have to suck it up and deal with it

[Intraluminal]

Dystonia is not a disease, its a symptom of many diseases. You need to discuss the underlying disease with him.

[Asker]

@Intraluminal I never said it was a disease I said it was like Parkinson's disease

[Intraluminal]

Okay it's like Parkinson's but what is the disease that you have? merely saying is like Parkinson's or that it's I includes the asymptom of dystonia says nothing. what is the disorder?

[Asker]

@Intraluminal it's a neurological disorder/movement disorder. I get seizures sometimes and bad muscle spasms. And cronic pain. I have a chipped tooth because my jaw slammed down so hard and stuck for a minute. I have torn muscles from the spasms. I have had 1/3 surgeries so far. Its hell. That's the best way to describe it. Hell

[Anonymous]

May I ask what disease you have? I am in the same boat and maybe I can help you

[Asker]

It's a disorder not a disease it's called dystonia

[bcromartie]

"I'm fucked up. Sorry."