Is depression a deal breaker for you in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Yes

No

[Mr_Smile]

I wouldn't think so, no. I have never had to deal with a partner who has depression before, so I can't say for certain either way, but I would like to think that I would be able to be patient and help them through it, especially since I myself struggle to get through the day a lot of the time. I haven't been diagnosed with depression, so I won't claim to have it, but I would like to think that I could at least empathise or relate to my partner on some level and try to help them through it.

That being said, they should also be seeking professional help. You can't help someone if they aren't willing to accept any help, and I understand if they are just frightened because it can be scary for many people, but if they are simply unwilling to get any kind of help, then it probably would be a deal breaker. It might be rather cold of me, but I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who has something like depression and is aware of it, but is unwilling to seek any help and doesn't even try. I wouldn't even want to be around that person to be honest, because I have known someone like that and they were very annoying, so I just wouldn't be able to deal.

[brendon76]

It’s not a deal breaker and if it happens during the relationship and the person is willing to seek help if it persists for an extended amount of time then it’s fine. Everyone goes through depression. Sometimes it’s just a bad day where everything is off. Or it could be a week or two where you you just fee up for anything. When it persists longer and there doesn’t seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel that’s when I would want the person to seek help. Being depressed too often or for long periods is not good for a relationship.

[Cuteusernamehere]

With my husband no. I've know he's had bi-polar depression for a very long time, even before he was formally diagnosed. I would never leave him in his times of crisis because I didn't "feel" like dealing with it. When I said for better or worse I 100% meant it and will always be there for him even when he thinks he's not worth it. Because to me he's worth more than he'll ever be able to see.

For any future relationship (romantic or otherwise) if there's obvious mental health concerns I would honestly not invest myself in the relationship. Mental health disorders are horrible for those that suffer from them and exhausting for those around them. It takes a lot out of someone to be a true support system. The pain the sufferer feels radiates to you, so on top of feeling their pain with them, you feel helpless (because you really can't "fix" them), lonely, isolated and guilty when you think I can't do this anymore knowing they really can't help it.
Ps I'm a mental health nurse 😉

[sugarette]

If the person has every single thing you look for in a partner, then I don't see why you'd make their diagnosis an issue. There are millions of people walking around with mental illness -including myself. At 13 I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I have bad days and good days, low times and high times. Does that make me a bad person or a subpar romantic partner? No. Nor does it mean you'll have an easier relationship with a person who doesn't suffer from depression.
If they're working seriously on combating their depression through prescriptions or/and therapy, then it's worth pursuing. It’s easy to say that it’s too much of a hassle to date someone who's depressed, but it’s also easy to say that it shouldn’t be an issue. It’s not easy, but then again neither is love.

[EvilAngel114]

Depends on the situation. If I know that a person had been medically diagnosed with depression, I’d have to see how things are before I made the commitment to be with them. I’ve seen people use depression to their advantage to make others feel bad for not catering to them and it’s very unattractive to listen to someone that is ALWAYS talking down on themselves and negative about everything. It’s very exhausting to keep them up all the time. If it were a situation that I was already with the person and they became depressed or dealing with something then I wouldn’t leave their side. I’d stick around and figure it out or work it out with him.

[Anonymous]

I voted yes. But not because you can’t be depressed about anything, I don’t like the mopey everything sucks type of person. I’m depressing by nature and always a pessimist. I like to consider myself a realist so everything I do I find it hard not to assume the most plausible outcome which for some reason and most of the time is the worst outcome. That being said, two depressing people will not and should never be together. So that’s why I can’t be with a depressive person, the same way I can’t be with a person that fails to see and grasp reality. If you live in a la la land where nothing goes wrong, I can’t deal with you either.

[rjroy3]

If we're talking about clinical depression and I'm just now meeting her, then it can be depending on how she deals with it. That's a whole bag of worms that I don't know I'm willing to sign up for handling.

But if we're in a relationship and she gets depressed, then no. Or if she's just feeling down because of life circumstances at that point in time. I think a lot of people over use the term depression. Because there's a pretty big difference between clinical depression and just feeling down from life stress.

[Electric_Dreams]

Not at all. I am of the opinion that depression is caused by something being missing in the individual's life; this is certainly the case for me.

Also people who suffer with depression are often very thoughtful, insightful people. They think about a lot of stuff, they are very interesting people, very empathetic and very enjoyable to be around. Some of my closest friends suffer with long-term depression where it comes and goes in bouts, just like my own. I think it's always there even if deep below the surface, but at the bad times it's quite near the surface. Anyway, I seem to get on best with people who have this. They're not mopey 24/7. They're a joy to be around, but just like myself sometimes they just don't want to be around people too much.

[Browneye57]

You mean will someone want to date you if you have depression?
The answer is 'no'. Get yourself healthy before you try to bring someone else into your life.

No mature adult wants to babysit another adult. Period.

Depression is a new fad in mental health, kind of like fibromyalgia is for everything that hurts. Everything gets lumped in. A lot like BPD - borderling personality disorder - a lot gets lumped in there.

Mostly it's from unmet expectations, and unrealistic expectations, and failure to exert more effort in your own success. If you're busy making yourself awesome, going after your life goals and aspirations, you don't have time to be depressed. And a lot of people feel sorry for themselves and call it depression.

[MLGbreezy]

Absoultletly not its hard enough theses days to find a truly kind beautiful and respectful partner. And If I did find and abousltley Incredable girl that loves me and cares for me then. Then there's no way in hell im gonna let a mental illness keep me from loving her any less especially a mental illness like depression If anything she needs all the support she can get and ill support her not matter what. So not It not a deal breaker and It's not something that would make me leave her either In her time of need there's no way I could bring myself to just abandon her no way.

[lernulo]

I dont really know if those who have answered no ( I said yes), have really been in a relationship with someone who has depression.

I didn't cut the relation because of it, but it really helped, I would say that its like a great amplifier which makes any little thing, looks like something great, and great things like unavoidable obstacles, you really need a lot of effort, and a lot of cold blood, take care of almost everything, and if the other person takes you as the objective of his own blame, you must help her with the depression too and make your heart as iron to survive when she puts all that shit in you.

I dont say you can't try, or that if you love the other person you can make it the try, but it isn't gonna be easy, it isn't gonna be roses, so to me chronical depression is of course a great deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

I tend to have a bad habit of finding girls who are least melancholy attractive on an emotional level.

I think if I were single I’d try to be more pragmatic about recognizing my own needs as well and realistically that means being clear about what happens to her affection and sex drive levels when depressed. If those drop I should probably stay away or it will be hard for me to not get dragged down with her. (And then dropping is not uncommon). If they stay high then I’d be getting enough emotionally from her to feel cared for and that would help me keep the strength to continue being an emotional support for her.

[Decentguy]

Not at all, If my girlfriend is in depression, i would love her more and take more care of her instead of finding it a turn off !, People need to realize that when your partner is going through worst time, then you should love them more instead of making their life more worse !

[Logan-5]

No, but...

I did leave a woman because of her suicidality. I didn't want to say the wrong thing and not know it until I learned later that she'd killed herself because of it.

I'm an optimist, and a myth builds up in my head that the relationship will be so magical that she will be happy, and eventually even become happy independent of my love. But in that woman's case, I got a little scared.

[Jjpayne]

You are dating the person not their mood or period of life. But it kind of also depends on the level of depression to some extent. Like a depressive disorder is different from being depressed. And being mentally unstable is different from not being socially stable. But that being said the relationship is about the person, in fact the main reason they are depressed is because they were waiting for someone like you.

[Noviian]

From personal experience, depression makes a person stronger in the end, making them a better person. It gives them emotional intelligence.
I have seen depression tear a relationship apart, but there are healthy ways to keep boundaries and to help the other without being dragged down by them.

[User-Jacob]

I adore the mind that can consider itself thoroughly enough for the wielder to fall victim to its depths.

That said, if their depression results in an active avoidance of me, or frequent lashes without apology or otherwise recompense, I may be forced to remove myself from a toxic situation.

I'm happy to put in the extra work to help a doleful soul see beauty again. But I need to know that there is reciprocation, and appreciation. They should expect the same of me, when I'm down in the dumps.

[bacca400]

Untreated depression could be a problem, but it all depends how their treatment and coping skills are working. Some of my family has depression and we talked about it openly so it's not a big deal for me. What I look for is, can I deal with them the way they are most of the time.

[ScaryCool]

It depends. Some people will just give up and not try to keep working on it no matter how much you encourage them. Eventually that'll take a toll on you and it probably won't be a good relationship.
But if they're trying to work through it, I deff would try to be there to help get the person I know they can be out of them.

[jennifer_bloom]

It depends how they cope with it. If they do it by including me in their life then I won't leave but if they shut me out and ignore me and refuse to care about my feelings as much as I care about theirs then I will conclude they are not ready for a relationship and should wait until they are ready before they date me or somebody else.

[Anonymous]

The vast majority of women under 40 have some sort of "depression" these days because they have been raised in a post-feminist world where they are expected to do shit or believe shit they either don't want to or simply can't.
law.yale.edu/.../...iningFemaleHappiness_Dec08.pdf

So when I hear a female saying she has "depression", I essentially roll my eyes and mentally see her as a child that can't deal with basic life issues.

[dan_can_fixit]

Depression is a tragic illness , it effects both partners. We're it appears to be one person's suffering, it always effects the other partner. It limits activities putting and intamacy. The afflicted partner inadvertently causes there mate to suffer also.

[deric_97]

Because when people are depressed, they are quite confident in their depression and will be very confident towards not changing for the better. That's what I believe. But then, I'm never depressed before maybe I won't even be, because of my healthy mental state, but can anyone tell me why they would be with someone with depression?

[AquaBoo]

No. I have undiagnosed depression. My partner is on antidepressants sometimes. But rejected someone becithey have depression or 'give off bad vibes' or some weird shut like that, is wrong. Depression is an illness and to make it better and to help people cope, we need understanding people who are willing to sacrifice for us.

[Ayer93]

I'm somewhat depressed myself (the rule is not to tell a psychologist because they'll just label you and your life coild easily change for the worse lol). I don't mind if my partner is depressed. I'd most definitely get a lot of satisfaction knowing that I'm the reason for some of her happiness and making life a brighter experience.

[Anonymous]

Depends how influential and part of the relationship itself, many people, sometimes without even knowing their are doing it, use their needs and expectations, based on things like depression to develop manipulations in the relationship, martyr - hero, type of dynamics that can get really unhealthy fast, where “daddy” doesn’t just become a fun word in bed, it becomes a reality