How do you not take your partner suggesting that you both work out, personally?

Question

So, my boyfriend is skinny skinny and I’m chubby and bigger and he is always talking about he wants to work out that he wants abs that he hates his skinny legs, and I always try to tell him he looks great the way he does because well I do truly believe so but i also tell him but if you want to then go ahead im proud if u do or don’t, anyways he lately brings up his legs more than usual and then out of nowhere he tells me “maybe we should both start doing squats” and I was like why? And he was like “so we can BOTH have better legs” anyways I kinda ignored cuz it was a quick conversation and I bring it up later I ask him “Did you just keep bringing up “doing squats” so u can get me to start doing them?” And he said “I knew exactly that u wore gonna ask that , and yes that’s why I said that idc if u do them or not like I already knew that u wore gonna say sum about it but ima be doing them and working out” and then I said cuz u basically told me to start doing them so “we can get better legs” like if u were trynna tell me something Are you trying to get me to do that so I can look better? and the he responded “is that bad”

KennethNoisewater · Accepted Answer

I really don't understand the response from either side here. Some "guys" on here are being children. Saying things that just don't need to be said. Some ignorant shit. They might have a legit reason to think a certain way but some answers were rude and could have not been said. I apologize for those "guys".

The women's response was just as crazy. Can we put away all this "Women power!" "#Metoo" garbage every once in a while. If you are in a relationship where both sides actually give a shit, do not listen to 96% of the female answers.

A relationship is a lot of work. It's a lot of patience, a lot of listening, and a lot of compromise. Anyone who disagrees with that is not in a healthy relationship. Another thing everyone wants in a relationship is being open and honest. I don't know you, I have never seen you, and I don't know your back story but it actually sounds like your boyfriend was being really considerate of your feelings. It's not his fault your feelings got hurt but you can't help that either. You can't really control what does and doesn't hurt your feelings so I'm not trying to put the blame on you. It sounds like he was considering your feelings before he talked to you about this. He is willing to put in the work with you. He didn't say "you're fat. Go to the gym." He has made it about you both. I do think feelings got in the way and it's harder now to see is intentions. Personally, to me it sounds like you got a good dude.

Like I mentioned earlier, I don't know you and I don't know the story so only you know this answer. You don't need to reply with the answer because I'm not involved in anyway but do you think you have put on some weight recently? If yes, is it very obvious? If yes, I would take him up on his offer. Don't do it for him if you don't want to but do it for yourself especially right now when you can have a cool gym partner. Your health is the only thing you really have in this life. It's something that you can't replace.

BullShark · Accepted Answer

I don't see what the problem is here. Your boyfriend wants to get in better shape and he wants you to get there with him as well. What's so bad about that? If anything, I'd say your boyfriend is really caring because he's looking out for your wellbeing.

I'm just gonna come out here and say that being fat IS NOT healthy, and whoever says it is don't know what tf they're talking about. And idc if I get flamed for this, but personally speaking, all these SJWs trying to advocate "body positivity" by spreading pictures of fat people saying that "this is what a healthy body looks like" wouldn't be further from the truth. Being obese only causes you health problems later on down the road. You'll become more susceptible to heart diseases, you'll get tired just by standing and doing things like running or even walking fast will make you breathless. How is any of THAT healthy? Jesus.

And yes, I know that working out isn't anything easy. It takes long hours and months of dedication, hard work and watching what you eat. But the results speak for themselves. Not only do you look better and more attractive, but you also feel amazing. You feel healthier, stronger, more energetic and all around good, both mentally and physically and anyone who does so will agree to what I'm saying here.

I'm not here to shame you or make you feel bad. But if you yourself don't want to put in the hard work and would rather stay as you are, then just come clean and tell your boyfriend that you'd rather stay this way instead and tell him why. Just because you don't want to, doesn't mean he has to stay skinny as well. If he wants to improve on himself, nobody should tell him otherwise.

SkyCastle90 · Accepted Answer

This is poor communication at its finest.

What's going on is your boyfriend is not looking for words of encouragement, but advice to his problem. Men are forward thinkers and all about action, they often don't talk about their issues unless they really want advice on it and only ask/talk to someone they trust. It sounds like he really wants to bulk up but does not know where to start, and hoping you had advice on the matter. In the end, he chose to begin his journey with you joining him, because your presence might be comforting and you both can benefit from exercise, it's a win-win.

You on the other hand took offense to his suggestion. This is common among us ladies to misunderstand what men are saying, and vice versa. But I get it, because in your situation you didn't ask for his suggestion or opinion on your body, you're not the one openly talking about body-image issues all the time so why do you have to do squats to "get better legs". Take a moment to think about this from a different angle. He obviously trust you otherwise he wouldn't talk about his insecurities openly and loves you due to asking you to join him. Even if you have a banging body right now, exercising has a lot of benefits and can improve on what you got going on already; instead of taking his invitation as a attack, just go along with it and help him stay motivated.

Dazed0N0Confused · Accepted Answer

My boyfriend keeps complaining that he needs to work out, he's gained a bit of a "dad bod" since I gave birth to our son 5 months ago & I have yet to lose my pregnancy weight. I keep telling him he looks healthy, I could count his ribs when we first got together, but he is a little pudgy now lol

He keeps telling me I don't need to lose weight, but I feel otherwise, as I was this size in high school, 16/18 dress, but managed to get to half that size in about 2 years. I was the happiest I had ever been because I had cut out a lot of bad eating habits, & loved the fact that I had more cute clothing options when shopping at the thrift stores.

While I don't think it's his place to tell you to lose weight & what not, it would be a smart health move to make. But if you're happy with yourself, don't change yourself to make him happy.

TruthBringer · Answer

Where you like this physically when he got with you? Or were you different when you both got together. Because if you were like when you both got together, then he is in the wrong for trying to change you. It is up to you if you want to continue with his plan or tell him that he got what he settled for and it wouldn't be fair for him to try and change you.

If he really wanted to work on his legs, and had the drive to do so, then he would just do it on his own or with some friends.

But if you looked different (meaning were slimmer) and gradually let yourself go during the relationship, then he has the right to feel something about that. In any way, I think honesty would have helped him better than try to manipulate you into working out.

In any way, this is why it is extremely important for people to choose partners they prefer rather than choosing someone whom they attempt to "fix" later on.

hahahmm · Answer

Funny how women will ignore what a man wants & then complain later on when he's less interested in her cause there's this thing called competition. Not just for looks but personality. The less perfect your personality is the more you need looks to balance it out but trust me, your personality isn't perfect.

Also interesting how in the old days almost all women were in shape so they didn't have to worry about physical competition. It was all about the personality. Today, due to feminism we have more lazy women who believe their own inner feelings are more important than anything their man wants... so there's a huge range of physical looks and you actually have to worry more about that than your grandma did.

BUT I do get the fact that since boyfriends are a dime a dozen and you're not even engaged you don't feel that invested in keeping this guy. It's not a top priority for you to keep him happy.

ElementoP · Answer

He wants you to get in shape too. Don't take it as an insult, you even admitted you're chubby. He could just break up with you or cheat on you with a fit girl, but he decided to hold onto you and try to break it to you in a way that wouldn't hurt your feelings. He sounds like a good guy and there is nothing wrong with either partner wanting the other to look good. If you put in the effort to look good for him, that will go a lot further than saying "you should love me for how I am!" and you'll be a keeper

litty · Answer

It's fun working out with someone especially if it's your partner. When my girlfriend asks me to workout with her I'm always down. She hasn't felt like exercising at all recently, but I still ask her to go out with me to the park for a walk.

The fact is everyone should be working on themselves. If you don't like exercising, believe me, you are are going to be working twice or three times as hard a decade later to get the benefits youth gives you.

Not to mention, if you decide to do nothing, not only will your skin elasticity decrease, but you will end up with wrinkles and sagging skin due to the extra weight weighing you down. I have stretchmarks in a lot of places.

So take your boyfriend's offer as an opportunity and you won't see it as personal.

scarletssecret · Answer

It’s not that personal 🥰sometimes it’s just a idea he has on you guys bonding and working out may be super exciting and fun for him so he just would love to help the person he loves become their best self and increase ur confidence as well. It can mean he loves you depending on his intentions. Ask him about it don’t attack him for it. First see what he says 🙂

Anonymous · Answer

This is why I tell guys not to bother ever trying to get their girlfriends or wives to lose weight. No matter how gently or tactfully you approach it, you'll always be the bad guy. She already knows she's overweight. She already knows it's unattractive. She doesn't care about losing weight to keep you happy. If you're not happy, it's your fault for being an insensitive, judgmental, misogynist prick (their words). The only thing that's gonna finally convince her to lose it is being single and trying to find a new man. So if you've had enough, just end the relationship (don't tell her why, just say it isn't working) and go find someone new. Maybe, if you're lucky, you'll eventually find one that doesn't just stop trying once she feels secure in the relationship.

Julybaby13 · Answer

In my opinion, he wants the best for you. Working out is very healthy, and let’s just cut the the chase. Maybe he does want your legs to look more muscular or skinny. If you guys are in a good relationship, this shouldn’t mean much. He’s just trying to help.

but let’s say you don’t want to workout and you tell him that, and he keeps pushing it and keeps mentioning something along the lines like you need skinnier legs, that isn’t helpful. And may not be the best relationship

ultimately this is up to YOU. If you want to workout, great! If you don’t, great! This is your choice.
Just remember though, I only said these things based on what you told me. If you want the best answer you should go to your boyfriend

EaterPeter · Answer

It's difficult. The only thing in our control is try to and think differently or just do it. Just do it is nikes slogan. Not as give up and surrender to him. There is no alternate to hard work. Work out or keep doing things consistently. Encouraging our selves is really really difficult hence just do it works best. Be a yes woman. Say let's do it. Start with big number. Day one you will be able to do very many squats. Then you will be sore for couple of days. Do as many reps and sets. That is how I used to do 50 deeps dips long ago. And used to skip ropes 500 times a day. Last set of 50 reps at double speed. Enough about me. Just do it.

RationalMale · Answer

Your partner wants you *both* to exercise to be healthier and more attractive to each other, and sounds like he's very nice about it and wants it to be a team effort, not putting it just on you.

If that's too offensive... maybe you're not ready for a relationship yet.

sw1916 · Answer

Let’s be real here. Your boyfriend is skinny, if he starts seriously working out it’s going to be easy for him to pack on muscle and he will be getting a lot more female attention. And he will start questioning why he is with a female who doesn’t give a shit about how she looks. I would take it seriously and start getting on your shit if you want to keep him.

ThinkFitness23 · Answer

Take your partner seriously, without your help this process could take many years but with you both on the same page you can achieve weight loss and more toned legs and general better physiques.

ATM though this seems to be a goal for only one of you and this could be an issue.

Your partner wants to make some changes and would like you to also do the same.

shaysh87 · Answer

sweetie, understand how lucky you are to look the way you do and still manage to get a boyfriend. There is a good chance your boyfriend is just settling for you. You better go make an effort to improve yourself before he ditches you for someone else.

HighValue · Answer

Why is it bad to tell the truth?

If someone is fat or skinny and weak, what is wrong with their partner suggesting making changes? Especially if they are also willing to make the same changes?

Now if one partner was in poor shape and wanted their partner to work out while they sat there and did nothing, that would be a problem, but wanting both people to make changes is fair.

He did have poor communication skills though and should have been more direct.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I don't know everything going on in your particular relationship, but generally speaking; the sign of a healthy relationship is that two people can encourage and challenge each other to grow for one another. I would generally advise you to hear your boyfriend's comments as saying "hey, I know a way we can step our game up," as opposed to "this is an area I think you're deficient in."

Plinko · Answer

You should take it personally, but you shouldn't take it negatively.
It implies they want you to be healthier, and more fit.
It probably means they want you to be a little more attractive to them, but that means they want all of that for YOU.
They don't want to seek those things from someone else.
They're thinking about you in the long term and that's a good thing.

YollyM · Answer

Just tell him that you would feel more comfortable working out by yourself. You want to take things at your own pace without feeling like you have anything to prove anything or compete with him, not that he had suggested anything that has made you believe that you'd be in competition with each other.

Tell him that you want to meet your personal goals and expectations.

globetrotter22 · Answer

Overweight women who start doing resistance training might be shocked at the results. You would gain more lean muscle which boost your basal metabolism rate which naturally burns fat. You most likely would not get “bigger”’ legs from squats. Rather your legs would improve in tone.

Kabluie · Answer

I like going to gym classes with my partner. She would mention it early on that I should try this place, as she knew I'd be interested. There was a morning at the resort they had yoga session she wanted to go, and i told her I'd go the gym that morning.

Guy13 · Answer

Yep, been there but I the suggesting end. Why do you Women people lose your mind at the idea of self-imptlrobing. Fix me to death,…fix everything else to death…BUT Fix yourself and someone is attacking you. At least he’s going with you,..

Pinay_ako · Answer

I think it’s for both of your own good not as a couple only but as individuals. The couple that works out together is good for your relationship too coz you spend more time together motivating each other. Couple goals

Twalli · Answer

I think it's good to work out together. My girlfriend and I both put on some weight during COVID-19. I think we should do some light workouts every day (30 minutes each) to get into shape, but she isn't ready. While my new weight is numerically healthy, it's mostly just fat as opposed to muscle

Shamalien · Answer

stop being an emotional baby and get in shape or break up because he’s not satisfied with the way you look and that probably won’t end well. Doing “work” to be satisfied with your body isn’t work at all, it’s delusion. The work is getting fit, that’s work. When you have the body you should it will be easy to be satisfied

Shy_Steve · Answer

It depends how you feel about it, You don't have to do what he says just because your a bit Chubbier than him or He is a bit thinner.

The thing is it can be easier for us Guys to Stay fit because a lot of us have jobs that are fairly Physical, But it depends how you feel about it and about him it might be okay if your just with him, But I think if you really don't want to do it it is probably because of him.

LazerBean · Answer

You just have to decide not to be offended and accept that there is always room for improvement.

Anonymous · Answer

I don’t like it sorry … it’s one thing to suggest group exercise because they think it might better your (and his own) health, but it kinda just seemed like he was taking a jab at your body? which is weird?

Xtendable · Answer

She’s the best judge of whether I’m putting on weight, and I like suggestions of working out or exercising together, because it means she lives me enough to care, she wants me to be around longer, she’s investing in me, she knows I’ll feel better afterwards, its an incentive for us both to be healthy

Literalbillionaire17 · Answer

If you like the way you are then don’t change just bc your boyfriend is suggesting it. You have to want to change for you. If you feel that you need to change it up a bit then you do that. I’m sure you look amazing !!!

EarthRealm · Answer

He doesn’t wanna walk around with chicken 🐔 legs 🦵
Your Fat and don’t have no muscles in your legs when your old Your gonna fall down the stairs and break your neck on the fall down and then I’m gonna laugh 😂

OlderAndWiser · Answer

You don't want to look better, or you don't want to admit that losing some weight would look better, or what?

Wubs3000 · Answer

I don't really get it. If my partner told me what I could do to look better I would do that (within reason) I mean you should probably be exercising anyways and trying to look your best.

Avicenna · Answer

If you have different workout regimens, it might make sense for you to work out with friends

Apple1996 · Answer

I'd just be offended and tell him to fuck off

Blueeyes81 · Answer

How many women date a guy because they see potential? They push the guy to reach his potential. Try to look at it this way. He's trying to get you and him to reach you're collective potential.

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't anyway, I like losing weight, and fit guys are really hot. I might be a bit embarrassed though. But, if you do it healthily, it can be kinda fun to set goals and works towards them, seeing a little improvement every day.

khayecv02 · Answer

I won’t take it as an insult rather I would appreciate that my partner wanted me to look fit.

Iron_Man · Answer

I do 12 to 14 sets of bicep curls on different exercises no girl can keep up with that schedule that was before Covid-19

UdontNeedtoknow · Answer

Look in a mirror and be honest with yourself and your weight. Stop being a emotional toddler about it.

Dnc_21 · Answer

It's for your own good... you should start working out and eating healthy in order to improve your health

Becca1998_ · Answer

I tend to date those who like to workout. I go to the gym 5 days week. Twice on Friday run everyday.

Anonymous · Answer

You don't. If she told me that I'd say you want me to make a list of all the things you can improve? 🤣

Beardedman1996 · Answer

Put emphasis on you more as it will distract them from thinking it’s a personal attack

love_conquers_lust · Answer

Yes, he wants you to do squats.

GutsNCascaBerserking · Answer

Sounds like a great idea.

Staximus · Answer

He wants to improve himself, you should to

In_Trance · Answer

Snowflake

Jackson619 · Answer

How do you look

How do you not take your partner suggesting that you both work out, personally?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

How do you not take your partner suggesting that you both work out, personally?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.