Would you (personally) stay with someone who didn't workout after months of kindly suggesting it?

[DizzyDesii]

The cute face is likely why most even still stand a chance…
One ex let himself go while together and he’d refuse to join me in working out. I even suggested at least twice a week if not daily. He probably attempted no more than 6 times a year. That really irked me especially since he’d sit around gaming all day and so I lost attraction to him. Now he's trying to get me back but I see he still hasn't done what he needs to. (He went from like 20% to like 30%-35%). So I told him, I’m happy with who I’m with, but if by some odd chance he and I ever became a thing again, he’d have to look even remotely close to when we first met. Yea, I’m not expecting him to even try despite his familiar sigh of “yea”.

Chart 1

Then my dude, he's gained weight while on campus cause he and his friends go out to eat fast food nearly every day. (He went from like smaller than 15% to now 20%). The weight actually suits him. But the part I don’t like is that he's getting a beer belly and I suggested he start exercising with me. He gave the same sigh as my ex and he still hasn't attempted to even work out though its nearly a month later. When I tell him about my workouts, he just changes the topic. All I can do is remain attracted to him until I no longer am 🤷‍♀️

Chart 2

My old HS classmate (the former military/linkedin dude) who I reached out to before I met my guy, well, we’ve kept in touch and though I have to shut down his continuous belief of us finally getting together, I admit, he’s been working out with me (from a distance). He went from like 10% to 25% after leaving the military. He looks forward to us getting back to our high school physiques and I love how we encourage and uplift one another. It feels good to see one of the guys (I was initially into) putting in effort to get back to himself. He always had a nice chest/arms so I don't know what he's so insecure about. But his 6’4+ height is what always bothered me. Thats just too tall for me #FeelFreeToList

Updates

5 mo

I understand being active but these dudes are active like heck at work and constantly moving around and lifting stuff. But its not really showing. And at home or their specific diet is a different story. So i still prefer an actual workout together that targets certain areas

[Oliverlogan263]

My opinion:

For the first ex - nah, I wouldn't stay with someone who didn't work out after I had nicely asked them to. Exercise and being active is important to me and I want a girlfriend who feels the same way. If they let themselves go that much after you asked them multiple times, it shows they don't really care about something that matters to you. Not cool.

For your dude - it would bother you some if he was getting a beer belly after a month of not working out with you. If I were you, I'd probably give him one more talk about how it's important we do active stuff together. But his weight gain overall doesn't seem that bad so I'd give him another chance. As long as he isn't lazy about other stuff.

As for the high school classmate - it's good he's working out with you now even from a distance. Takes discipline to get back in shape after the military. I can see why you're more attracted to someone putting in effort like that. Means they care about their health and how they look for their partner too.

Overall, exercising together is a good way for couples to bond and stay attracted to each other long term. I feel like you guys should at least try it for you since it matters. If they're still not willing after another chance, then I don't blame you for losing interest over time. Gotta put in work to keep ya!

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i’m not gonna end things with my dude because his body is still tolerable. But its annoying that he won't at least try

[Oliverlogan263]

Right, I understand. His body isn’t at a dealbreaker point yet, but it’s still irritating that he won’t put any effort in when you kindly ask. Like bro, all I’m saying is let’s hit the gym a couple times a week - how hard is that?

I’d give him one last seriously talk. Be like “hey I’m not tryna change you or nothing, but getting active is important to me in a relationship. If you can’t even do it once in a while just to spend time with me, it’s gonna become a problem.” Maybe frame it as quality time together rather than just fitness.

Who knows, maybe he’ll come around if he realizes how much it actually means to you. But you gotta stand your ground too. Make it clear this isn’t something you wanna bring up over and over. Either he starts showing up sometimes or you may have to rethink things long term. Your needs matter just as much!

Don’t let it turn you off him completely yet. But going forward, I’d pay attention to whether he puts any effort in or just keeps brushing it off. That’ll tell you where his priorities really lie, right? Keep me posted on what goes down!

[DizzyDesii]

he's away at school rn so he wants to do whatever his friends do and thats basically lay around drunk or go out to eat. If they chose to exercise he would too. One day they suggested rock climbing in the rec center and he was willing to do that but when they changed their mind, so did he. Sadly he only listens to the guys when it comes to stuff like this

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang girl that's wack af of him to only listen to his boys like that. I feel you totally bein annoyed, that would get on my nerves too no lie.

Seems like he just goin with the flow of whatever them friends wanna do instead of thinkin for himself sometimes. Kinda lame he couldn't even do the rock climbin on his own once y'all suggested it. Like bro got no backbone fr.

Only thing you can do is keep it real with him when you talk. Tell him straight up it bothers you that he won't consider your suggestions to work out and improve his health together, but is down for whatever his boys want even if it ain't healthy.

Emphasize you care about his well-bein and it would mean a lot as his lady if he made more of an effort on his own without always followin their lead. Hopefully it'll click for him. But at the end of the day don't stress yourself tryna change him either ya know?

Keep doin your thing and keep him in check. If he chooses to be a follower instead of meet you halfway that says something bout him. But you stay stay strong in what you need from your partners!

[DizzyDesii]

Yep thsts what my past posts this week were about, trying to help him get a backbone with the dudes in his life. And yea im not nagging him about exercise like i did my ex. If he dont figure it out, i’ll just leave. And yea I've told him numerous times that he's too built to lead to keep following these folks

[Oliverlogan263]

You right, you did what you could to help him grow a spine with his boys. But he gotta wanna make some changes himself too or nothing's gonna change.

I feel you on not nagging - that ain't a good look for anyone. Sounds like you laid it out real for him already about stepping up. Dude's gotta learn on his own sometimes too, you know?

Def don't stress yourself waiting around if he never comes around either. You too good for that! Like you said, he's too built to keep half-stepping just cause this friends tell him to.

Maybe he just needs to spend some time alone these summer vacay to get his head straight. Soon as he seeing you out here glowing up without him though, bet that'll light a fire under him real quick!

Till then just do you and stay on your purpose. His loss if he ain't tryna match your energy no more. Keep shining with or without - that's the realest thing you can do.

[DizzyDesii]

I dont want him alone. I want him to myself 🤣 lemme hush sounding selfish haha. And the summer is over 6 months away

[Oliverlogan263]

Haha nah I feel you, nothing wrong with wanting his attention. Them boys always trying to steal your boy, ain't they?

Look, summer's far away so don't sweat it for now. Just keep doing your thing, stay fit, and let him miss being around you when he's stuck with the crew.

In the meantime, you said you see him sometimes right? Make the most of that time! Hit him up for one-on-one dates, go do some fun activity just you two can bond over. Keep it positive and make him wanna ditch the amigos to hang with you.

Nothing wrong with telling him straight up you think it's whack how he drops everything for them too. But say it smooth, not salty - he's more likely to listen that way.

And hey, if all else fails start dangling the carrot - tell him how fine you're looking after your workouts then cut it off teasing him till he joins you next sesh! Motivation works both ways 😏

You got this. Just stay cool, focus on you, and he'll come around. If not then his loss!

[NathanDavis]

if they stop caring and looking after themselves... then I would have a difficult time caring about them the same way I used to

however, whenever I am in a relationship with someone, I am very involved with that someone.. so I would know about what could be causing this situation... if it is a health-wise issue then yes, I'll do everything possible to support and help out with that

but if they have just become lazy and let go... that means they abandoned the better and healthier habits, replaced them with very bad ones, I am not into that at all

[DizzyDesii]

If his friends dont exercise, he won't either. Lol simple as that

[NathanDavis]

that's weak... lol

peer pressure, easily influenced... not a good thing

[DizzyDesii]

Yep I’ve been telling him he's too talented like a leader to be following these idiots. He just doesn't get it. And he’s so much older than them too

[NathanDavis]

and he wants you back... only till you're better with someone else?

did I get that right? lol...

[DizzyDesii]

Oh no above i listed 3 different guys. The ex wants me back. The classmate wants me now that we’re aware of our past crush in ine another. And my dude is sadly the follower of his little college classmates lmao

[NathanDavis]

some people learn only, till it's too late...

[DizzyDesii]

Hopefully not too late because they’ve talked him into dumb stuff. But school ends in a week or two so I’m hopeful he’ll have some sense once back

[NathanDavis]

it is worth the try, for sure...

[Sour-rose]

Welll i'd consider my options.

• If he doesn't, i'm likely to be like him.
• If he doesn't, I'll be fine without him.
• If he doesn't, he'll remind me of my mom..
• If he doesn't, maybe i can shock him with facts.

So if he really doesn't even try to get fit... I'm now wasting my time and life with this mofo. Sooo uuuuh... we don't use the same account right? No? Good. Then you can have as much pork rinds you want.

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao

[RoseySarah]

Really no cause this is not engaged and it's changing as you date getting worse!

It's communication being broken constantly and you need that !

Simply he is ignoring you in small things so he will be so lazy doing big things

You want someone doing your hobbies with you and they won't so yes or I'd not fully get with them till I could see them doing my stuff with me

[DizzyDesii]

I used to think I had to share the same hobbies but i technically dont need to. I just want them to stay healthy

[RoseySarah]

True just need a few hobbies together!
It's healthy for time apart

[jennifer_bloom]

I’m not saying it’s wrong to want a fit guy but I don’t believe anybody can motivate somebody who is not willing to motivate themselves. I know there are many things I attempted to do, that no guy, no matter how attractive could have motivated me to do, because the sacrifice was greater than the thrill of attracting a guy I like. My religion and degree are things I did for myself and not for a guy.

[DizzyDesii]

True

[BoopBoopBeep]

I've known active people (farm, homesteaders or military) that don't have to "work out" to stay in shape because they're active all day. I'm cool with you not working out if you're one of those. I'm not cool with you ballooning up. How you stay in shape is on you, but if you let yourself go then well... choices have consequences. Now personally I like having a workout buddy but we BOTH have to get something out of the workout or why bother.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i think couples working out together is best

[iron_ninjs]

It depends if she's the one who suggested it, and doesn't do it, but I have to, I wouldn't stay. It doesn't have to be a full on workout routine, just enough to be healthy. Doesn't have to be skinny.
And that would motivate me more too. Because I'm lazy when I have to do something. I need good motivation, just to stat. When I start, I can keep it up.

[DizzyDesii]

I think anyone suggesting it should offer to workout with the other

[iron_ninjs]

That's how it should go.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't care if they didn't work out as long as they weren't obese. It would drive me insane having someone who was too into fitness and working out. When I say too into fitness, I'm meaning someone who has to go to the gym everyday for hours.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i’m bot a gym freak and i wouldn't date one. But working out a few days a week is ideal

[AlexEfron]

🥲 my workout routine has been on and off as well. I do want someone to workout with. Not necessarily a girl. Just a partner who keeps me motivated and wanting more. If not weight training then I'd still love to swim. But all I want is a partner 😂.

What do you think of me from the pictures you've seen? Which % category do you think I fall under? 😂

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i definitely want to keep eachother motivated. And you’re pretty slim in a good way

[AlexEfron]

True. I am lean 😂 but I fear being skinny fat. I would say I fit into the 20% category right now.

[DizzyDesii]

20% is hot

[AlexEfron]

And just a little bit of carelessness could make it 25% 🤣

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I would not leave a person because he didn’t work out.

But if he needed to lose weight, I’d drag him to workout.

It’s important for me that he’s healthy and alive.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea thats the point im tryna make

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

If body type and maintenance is that important to you and your lifestyle, leave him. What you call “kindly suggesting” he more likely sees as nagging anyway

[DizzyDesii]

I nagged the first guy, not my current. My current knows the deal and its on him if he doesn't live up to it. I will still share my progress with him

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

And leave him in time too? No need to deal with empty promises

[DJB72]

I'm not sure I'd stay with someone who constantly told me I needed to work out. If I was this shape when we met and it was good enough then, it's good enough now!

[DizzyDesii]

Thats the thing. This is about them being a different shape from before. You’re wanting them to workout to get back to where they were. The new look is less attractive and you’re trying to tell them that in the nicest way by suggesting they workout when you go

[DJB72]

I suggest reading "His Needs, Her Needs" by Willard Harley together. It's a great way to open those conversations up.

[Joshydavid25]

Yeah, as long as she wasn't obese, than I'm good.. Although, if I suggest it, it probably means she is out here kinda fluffy.. But I wouldn't leave because of it.. Just continue to nudge her in the right direction.

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao not fluffy 🤣

[AviatorTom]

A person doesn't need to work out to be healthy. But they should do things to stay healthy, eat good foods, walk, etc.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea but i want him to actually workout to target certain areas. I’m gonna be doing some wild shit during sex and he needs to be prepared to lift and whatevr else

[AviatorTom]

@DizzyDesii Sounds like you need an athlete, not a regular guy.

[DizzyDesii]

Definitely not. Just someone willing to workout a few days a week. there's 7 days. Give me at least 3 days

[jahaims]

She doesn't have to workout as long as she is eating healthy and is active enough to stay healthy. I wouldn't be with someone that doesn't respect themselves which is what being unhealthy is.

[DizzyDesii]

So if they ate healthy but didn't pair it with working out and constantly shifted upwards to the higher percentages, you’d be ok with that?

[jahaims]

Higher body fat percentage? I said, "and is active enough to stay healthy."

[DizzyDesii]

Missed that

[jahaims]

It happens

[RavVid]

If they are in good shape don't try to fix it.

[DizzyDesii]

Having a nice body doesn't mean in shape. 2 of the 3 can't lift well and well if i end up having sex with one of em, i got some crazy positions im tryna do lmao

[John_Cobretti]

@DizzyDesii
That makes sense, if the man can't stay in missionary for a minute he needs some exercise

[Pink2000]

I wouldn’t leave but I’d let him know that he’s gaining weight and getting fat. I barely work out myself anymore.

[DizzyDesii]

Im on/off with it but have been consistent lately

[DreamLife7]

If he's man of the house providing for me while I'm a stay at home wife. No complaints here. Unless he's obese then no we can't be together cause he will die from being unhealthy

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao i can't

[Apple1996]

I literally could care less if my husband works out or not

[CoolCatMar1]

I always preferred fit men so i wouldn't feel kinda sad but i wouldn't break up.

[DizzyDesii]

But what if they just never agree to. Like whats the longest in terms of months or years that you can tolerate them getting bigger like the higher percentages

[CoolCatMar1]

2 years...

[DizzyDesii]

Yep that was my limit but i wouldn't go longer than 3 months now

[CoolCatMar1]

I see what you mean..

[MysticDevice]

It would be a source of friction for sure. But I honestly couldn't say for sure.

[DizzyDesii]

Whats the highest percent above you’d tolerate longterm

[MysticDevice]

I would say 40%. Based on the picture above.

[Jerre]

I’m probably between 15-20% in the pictures above. I run about 5 miles most every day, but also get lots of exercise in bed pumping my hips.

[DizzyDesii]

Oooo that last bit sounds like the perfect workout to me

[Jerre]

@DizzyDesii you can run with me and then we can work out our hips

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao you never quit 🤣

[Jerre]

@DizzyDesii No, I never will

[DizzyDesii]

A man of great determination ;)

[Jerre]

Maybe one day you will find out how determined I am

[Jamie05rhs]

I would make that an upfront condition of getting into a relationship with me.

[DizzyDesii]

Good

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks

[Sparkie460]

I'm not a workout type of guy so she doesn't have to either

[DizzyDesii]

At least walk through the park lmao

[Sparkie460]

I do a lot of walking during the day.