What's it like to be with someone who has a lot of health issues?

[Anonymous]

I have a lot of health problems which are pretty much long term for now and it will most likely be a long process for me to get better and I'm just wondering what it's like being with someone who has a lot of health issues?..Do you find it puts a strain on the relationship? I know I can't help that I have health issues,but I worry about my boyfriend,it probably gets so annoying after a while.Being restricted to what we can do,the days were I sometimes feel well and sometimes don't..I know he wants to be there for me but I worry about him,he'll probably get sick..of being with someone who is so unwell all the time.He probably just wants a normal girlfriend. :(

Updates

+1 y

I feel like I should break up with my boyfriend because I'm not really getting anywhere with my health and I feel bad for him having to deal with having an unwell girlfriend and missing out on things because of me,I feel like it will put a strain on our relationship for a long time,I feel like I'm adding onto his stress and I don't know if I can live with that :( What would you do?

[BeeNee]

Let's be honest here. Dating someone with a lot of health issues is going to be taxing on the other person. I know this because I've had major health issues my whole adult life thus far. It is stressful for them to see you hurting, they will wish they and you could do more together, there will be times when they just outright resent your illness. All of this is normal. It takes a strong person to take all this in and say, you know what, at the end of the day, I still want to be with you. That is not up to you what they can and can't handle. If they are sticking by you, they are sticking by you because they like you, they want to be with you, and they recognize that you are not your illness or disease. Don't push people away because you think it will be better for them. Allow people in because that will not only help you make it through your days, but it may help them recognize that if you can deal with all you're dealing with, they can simply love or like you and be there for you in the ways you deserve, yes, deserve. So stop trying to convince him that he should get rid of you and realize that he is there for you, and you should let him love you.

[kmhco]

Give him a chance. If he cares about you he won't mind. I don't know what you have but my boyfriend has fibromyalgia which can affect our relationship. Somedays he is too sore or tired to meet me somewhere if we have plans and I can't drive to see him because I have school. He's actually told me lots of times that I deserve to be with someone healthy and I shouldn't have to deal with his body. The thing is, I don't care that he's sick, other than the fact that I feel so bad for him when he is sick and I can't make him feel better. I want to be there to take care of him as much as I can. If your boyfriend would rather have a normal healthy girlfriend, he would. But he's with you for a reason and you should not worry. You thinking he should be with someone healthier is bound to frustrate him more than your health problems...well at least that's how I feel when my boyfriend says stuff like that.

[martyfellow]

Those of us who have had to cafe forf a sick parfent know all about this. The most important thing is to keep the sick person happy if you can. Give them things todo, as much as they can handle,so tht they feel useful and not totally dependent on you and others. Never get angry at them because, like a child, they can't help their condition.

Life is like that. At the end, we are much like we were as small children, dependent on others and not in touch with most of the world.

[Asker]

I know,except,I'm the sick person,not the healthy one.

[martyfellow]

I know, you asked what to do...ask your friends to do this for you. Good luck for recovery. Unlike the case with a sick parent, you can recover

[martyfellow]

It's not unreasonable for him to take care of you in this situation. It's a test of his character, to see if he can handle adversity.

[fightingchance]

It causes some problems with the relationships because the partner doesn't really know what to do with the situation and they know that they're powerless in it.

They want to help but they just can't.. I know this because while I was going in and out of remission, my girlfriend left me because the stress was too much for her. I can definitely understand why and I have to resentment, but it DOES cause a lot of strain on a relationship.

[DaniJ]

wow... I see what you're saying, but the fact that she did that proves she wasn't right for you... I guess it's like the ultimate test of loyalty/love...

[rachiee]

If he gets sick of you because of something you have no control over, then he obviously isn't right for you. A guy who truly cares about you will see these issues as his issues too and will stick by you and help you, not get annoyed. If it causes an issue with your relationship then just see it as a sign that he isn't the right guy for you.

[DaniJ]

I think it does bring a lot of stress, but that if the relationship is in place for the right reasons, it should hold strong anyway. I know this is kinda late... but if I were you in this situation, I'd tell my boyfriend how I feel, ask his opinion, and then accept his decision. It's a test of how well your relationship holds. If he really loves you, then it wouldn't matter if you're sick

[sunshineboy]

I was born with arthitis. So I know what its like to struggle like that your whole life. It wouldn't bother me having a girlfriend that couldn't do certian things either. It gets depressing how its too painful for me to work out, play sports, and thing that other guys my age do. So if I had a girlfriend who was similar in that she couldn't do those things at least I wouldn't feel as left out.

[Longshot]

It can cause stress if the health issues intefere in the relationship or activities you would like to do together or the amount of time you can spend together.

[Longshot]

@update. Discuss it with him and tell him your feelings and see how he responds. In part, it's his decision too.

[taster]

Depends on a lot of factors...but you are not so sick that you cannot snuggle?

[Asker]

No I mean I can do that..