Big Girls need love too, right?

[Anonymous]

Okay, I'm overweight. Not grotesque but I am 5'7 190lbs. I carry it well and I don't want to link a pic because some of the people on here are just horrible trolls.

So I am always told that I am one of the guys or guys will always want to hang out with me, some of my guy friends and I even sleep together (no, I am not a whore, I have just slept with like 3 of my guy friends) but none of them ever want to date me.

They say how I am a great person and so much fun but I am apparently not great enough or fun enough to date, but I am great to f***.

So the problem I am having is finding a reason other than my weight that these guys might do this. I have tried starving myself, crazy diets and diet pills. I tried the traditional route and got a personal trainer and nutritionist and after 6 mos of losing no weight I gave up.

So is it just that big girls don't deserve to be valued or loved?

[greedygal]

I'm about average weight bmi=22. And there are plenty of shady guys no matter what your size. If you're giving out milk for free there will always be a line of thirsty guys. And if you don't want a steady man then there's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes people that are overweight just like life and food and not depriving themselves- good for them! Sometimes there's thyroid issues. Sometimes there's calorie black holes that people don't realize they've gotten sucked into (like juice, and because it has so much sugar it just makes me hungrier). Sometimes people try to starve themselves, their metabolism drops and then their brain freaks out, thinks their starving and they binge on whatever bad choices are around because denying a person of their basic needs is unnatural and impossible to do for very long at a time.

Sometimes people get unhappy and turn to coping skills that might be unhealthy. Like smoking, drinking, overeating unhealthy food, destructive sexual practices, kicking puppies or whatever. anything in excess turns bad. even exercising. The thing with having food as a coping skill is that usually it can't be hidden as easily as other maladaptive vices. And you need food to live, so it's not like you can just avoid it like you can with smoking or drinking. Alcoholics often are afforded the luxury of secrecy. I'm lucky I have a normal appetite. When I went on a medication for insomnia I was STARVING all the time. I NEEDED sweets. And I needed them now! It sucked. I imagine that is how most people feel most of the time. It's not fun.

I've met a few overweight gals that were really sad. They got angry about their boy problems and rejection and dealt with those feelings by eating. I know for a fact that one of those ladies didn't have relationships because of her bitterness and sadness. not because of her weight. She just thought her weight was the only reason. I didn't have the ability to tell her this without feeling like a jerk. So I kept quite. Generally people like to be in relationships with happy people. hopefully this doesn't apply to you, but if it does chances are people in your life are just to scared to point this out.

If you do want to lose weight there are healthy tricks that you can do that maybe you haven't tried before. Like upping your fruit and vegetable intake to 12 servings a day. when I cared about my weight this is something I did. Keep the fruits and veges pure; not jam, not leather, without butter, keep tropical fruit intake lower (bananas and mangos give you a sugar rush without any fiber, just leaving you hungrier). If you make spinach and green peas your staple, mixing it into everything it could leave you feeling better, more satisfied and more able to resist potato chips and pizza later in the day. I also stayed hydrated, only ate refined carbs (non whole grain) when I was craving it, not just cause it was there and upped my protein and healthy fats.

Good luck sweetie!

[Asker]

Thanks for your input and suggestions. I have not had any fast food in 2 months. At that time I started cooking my own meals and portioning them out. I eat berries (blackberry, raspberry and blueberries that I freeze so I get the feeling of actually eating a dessert), drink tons of water, take b12 and green coffee bean extract.

For the most part when I am in front of most people I am confident even when I don't want to be. I am generally happy and love myself and am okay with way I see in the

[Asker]

mirror but recently now that I have been single for a few months and I don't seem to have any guys really interested in me I just feel kind of blah. Plus the last of my single friends just got married :/ I know that sounds stupid but its like I am a third wheel in every situation and I am just figuring my weight is the main thing and reason why guys find it okay to try and sleep with me but I don't seem to be relationship material.

[greedygal]

Sounds like you're making good food choices choices. better than me now. are you getting enough calories? under 1400 might be too low.

Are your standards too high? the girl I was writing about was picky to the point of being mean.

[Asker]

No, I don't really have high standards, as in I don't expect him to look like a model or drive a certain car or have a certain pay grade. Looks aren't that big of a deal to me, I generally just go for a guy that can make me laugh and can just be himself.

[Shameneyes]

https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=yDSK91mUNLU

you might like this song :0

[Asker]

Aw, I like that song, I have Mika's song Grace Kelly, and now I just downloaded that off itunes :)

[Glory90]

i know a lot of guys love big girls and you are not big by the measures you say just alittle chubby and curvy which is hot and if a guy sleep with you then your body isn't the problem so be confident check your personality you seem like a great girl be confident and know your real value and don't underestimate your self and beauty and you will find a lot of guys wanting to be with u...u will find real love and care and attention your body isn't a factor trust me be yourself

[Asker]

Aw, thanks, is that really how you feel or are you just trying to be nice?

[Glory90]

no I'm a direct person and I say what I feel and mean and this is the truth to me and others

be yourself you are awesome the way you are and you will find him...if you need to talk I'm here you can take my email

[Prof_Don]

Some guys are bigots and have no problem f***ing you in private, because they are sexually attracted to you.

But they feel a girl your size isn't fit enough (no pun intended) to "flaunt in public".

What douches...if I'm giving it to a girl in the sack, I want to show her off too! 8-)

[Anonymous]

Im 5'1" and 215, lbs and I don't know what it is but guys actually hit on me to the point that it makes me uncomfortable. I know. Its strange for a fat girl to dislike male attention but I just don't like it. I like to be respected so I act respectable and polite. I am smart, hardworking and really nice. Just be confident and be happy with who you are. Ever since I started being more comfortable with myself, guys also started taking notice of me.

And its a big difference. In high school, guys never paid attention to me, but now that in in college, they do. Even cute guys notice. And I haven't even lost weight.

I also see many other big girls who get a lot of attention. Some have boyfriends, cute ones too, so that makes me feel reassured too ha ha :D

Just be more confident. Dress nicely, stay strong, and make yourself get respected. Don't let yourself be that girl that gives it up to everyone. have some self respect. If you're not good enough to date like they, don't f*** them. Theyre not worth it. tell them to f*** someine they're dating then. Don't let any one use you like that :D

[Asker]

Yeah I am trying not to f*** any of them anymore. Especially since I started to develop feelings for one of them and I don't think he reciprocates them because he has told his buddies I am a cool girl to hang with but I am overweight and he likes skinny chicks. But yet he calls or texts everyday and wants to tell me about his day and what not.

[KARAM3l15]

Girl please! I'm 5'5 and overweight occurring to my doctors. I pull men within the next breath you take lol. All my exes friends and boyfriend love my personality. You can't mope around and say I'm fat omg imma die. You stick your head up high laugh smile Be ambitious and cute! One man will notice you and take you to Jamaica or Hawaii for y'all honeymoon ! Just keep on strutting cause everybody fat skinny thick small tall short blk purple white green needs love...just gotta go through dirt before you get to your true love.

[Asker]

I don't know why I can't pull men, well I take that back if I go out to a bar I get propositioned but its always for like a one night stand, I never take them up on the offer though.

[sthrnsweeti]

Wow...my feelings exactly! I'm an overweight girl as well and while I'm no where near obese or extremely large, I do carry some extra weight. I get told how beautiful and amazing I am all the time, my guy friends tell me how great I am and how amazing they think I am and yet I feel like no one ever wants to actually date me. If it's not my personality and it's not my "popularity" or the way I dress, the only thing I can come up with is that it's my weight. I don't understand it either. I know this doesn't answer your question but I can say that you aren't alone in feeling this way!

[Asker]

Glad to know I am not the only one.

[Anonymous]

It's not that you don't deserve to be. It's just that most guys aren't checking for big girls. it has no bearing on your worth as a person, you're still who you are regardless of whether a guy wants to be with you or not. however, the reality is most guys care more about body than anything else. so if the body is overweight they instantly don't see you as girlfriend material. at your height and weight, you prob don't even look that bad, if you lost even 20-30 lbs a dramatic change in your love life is sure to occur.

[Anonymous]

Well, the stereotype is that fat girls have low self esteem and it's easier to get them. Contrary to popular belief, plenty of guys are willing to sleep with them. Plenty of guys are attracted, but it's not easily accepted in society, so they are hesitant to date. I don't know if you put out relatively quickly or not, but that wouldn't help your case, would it?

[Asker]

I don't put out quickly I mean I hooked up with my guy friends after knowing them for quite some time, and I am pretty hesitant about throwing myself at a guy, sexually, unless I am in a relationship with them, so most of the time the guys initiated it. It was more of a FWB scenario with them, none of them were one night stands.

[Opinion Owner]

In this case, it doesn't make much of a difference. Guys don't have to date you to get into your pants. Easier path, you know?

[Asker]

I suppose. I don't sleep with them anymore. I got into a relationship and then 2 of them did so we are still friends but I was just curious and figured I would ask the public of GirlsaskGuys their opinions.