My wife wants to find herself. She says she's fallen out of love, headed for divorce?

[Anonymous]

Hello, my wife of a year and love of my life for 7 years has decided that she wants a divorce. We have been together since she was 16 and I was 18, her father kicked her out at 19 and felt that I was always her savior sent from her late mother. She says that she has not been happy for awhile, but has put on a front to make me happy. She feels that she has become to dependent on me and that this relationship was forced. It was "the right thing to do at the time" and that "the feelings never grew". She feels that this is not the way a 23 year old girl should be living and that she needs to better herself as a person and be much more independent not needing to rely on anyone but herself. She feels that she put too much emphasis on letting me do a lot for the relationship and her in general. All she has ever communicated that she wanted was a family of her own, since hers ended with her mother. I've done nothing but try and provide this to her. There are no kids currently but has been a on going topic. She feels that she needs to grow as an individual and find out who she is, who she now inspires to be and that she need to be on her own for once in her life to be able to do this. She fells there is so much for her to see, so much to do, and so many people to meet. This is all needed to create her self along the way. She just can't find it in herself to go on not knowing who she is. She says that she loves me but is not in love with me, that she has fallen out of love somewhere along the way. Our intimacy has been shaky for some time, not bad just shaky. I am a big believer in "things happen for a reason", she in a way is using that to her advantage. She said she never planned for this it just happened. She says if I truly believe in us and that we're meant to be together then one day she'll be brought back to me, but in no way is she asking me to wait. The other part of this is that she has been out partying with a girlfriend who has just graduated from college with a very promising and wealthy future, I think she could be envious in a way. To boot this girlfriend is dating someone new and hanging out with a new crowd. A crowd that my soon to be ex-wife has been pulled into. Yes I am going where you think I am, there is a new man that shares her beliefs and agrees that she should do all of this if it makes her happy. Yes they have been involved for approximately a week now, possibly more. She although says the decision to split has nothing to do with him, it is the "finding herself" issue. I have asked for counseling, I have sat down with her and discussed her feelings the last 4 nights in a row, there is no swaying her decision. I have shed a lot of tears over the past week and she asked if I noticed that she has not shed one. She said this is because in her heart its the right thing to do. I've taken off from work as I cannot function right now. We are speaking tonight on how to divide our possessions. Not sure where to go from here.

[notorious_eagle]

Dude honestly my cousin went through the exact same thing, I am going to say the same thing to you even though I am younger than you "Grow a pair of Balls" :@. So what if she wants to get a divorce, your life shouldnt end there. You are still a young guy, you have your whole life ahead of you and if she does not wants to be a part of it than FINE. I know that your heartbroken, but the best way to get over this is to stop being sad. Go out with your friends, party have fun and if you don't have any friends there is nothing wrong in going to Bars or Clubs alone and meeting new people. Start to keep yourself busy, enroll in courses that can upgrade your skills and make you financially more stronger. Join a gym, get in shape but keep yourself busy. My cousin was deeply in love with his wife and appearently she wanted a divorce because she wanted to find herself, he was heartbroken and literally left distraught. He quit his job, finished Grad school, joined a Gym and made new friends and I can see how he has bounced back even stronger than before. While his ex wife just bumped from guy to guy, just last week he told me his ex wife called him and wants to get back togather with him. He simply flipped her off because his life is much better now, he is dating girls that are much more beautiful than her and more successfull than her. Buddy just stop thinking about her, she is not the only girl in the world. Go out have fun, improve yourself and trust me things will start getting better for you. I know its not easy but that is the only option you have, if she has moved on than so should you. Dwelling about the past will only make you sad and will eventually lead to depression, don't do this to yourself man. I saw what my cousin went through but he picked himself up and came out stronger than before, I don't want you to go through the same pain he did at the early stages of his divorce.

P.S. Sorry about the long answer :P but I just don't want you to fu** up man.

[Asker]

Don't appologize, my best friend is telling me the same thing. I can empathize ith your cousin, I think I'm in a mild stage of depression. Didn't leave my bed today but to throw some towels in the wash. Tonight has been horrible on my emotions. She came home from work and was so cordial and almost loving. She even paid attention to our dog. She although has left again for her girlfriends, she says I'll be able to cope with things better if she's not around.

[notorious_eagle]

Than you need to do the same thing to, go out with your friends and have fun. Just keep yourself busy, by laying all day in your bed your just making it worse for yourself. Go out have fun and go back to work bro, no point of skipping work because she is not skipping her work. Just keep yourself busy with productive activities, I have seen my cousin do the same and he is a much better and stronger person than he was when he was married.

[Asker]

Yeah, I know, easier said than done. I've been trying to keep my mind off things today as much as possible.

[blacque]

Did you get divorced eventually? what's the status of your marriage ?I'm in the same situation and I don't known what to do

[Just_want_closure]

I’m going through the same exact think. My wife of 13 years just left me after marrying by church 1 month ago I’d like to know the outcome of your situation.

[Anonymous]

First I want to say as a woman from the bottom of my heart I feel your pain. Sometimes when people marry young this can happen. She thinks it will be so much fun going out, etc., etc. In reality, it's the same sh*t over and over again out there. So many people are looking for a secure relationship with someone who loves them. Just like notorious eagle wrote, your wife may find the grass isn't greener and she'll bounce from guy to guy. SHE does not deserve what you have given her. It looks concrete she is leaving. Right now, your sufferring will not ease up because she is still living there. It's bad enough telling you she is not in love with you...but to go out to date and party and then come home must be making you sick. SHE is making her choice to leave you so she needs to leave if she has any empathy of what she is doing to you, she will do this immediately. I hope she has somewhere to go and you can tell her to leave NOW. 7 years is a long time. You are going to have to go through some terrible healing time before you feel normal again. It is affecting your work life and everything. You may want to see a counselor...not to get back together, but as a place to go where you can talk to someone. It will help. I know your friends are telling you to go out and have fun but take one step at a time...get her out of the house first, start feeling a little better and then start going out. Sorry for the long post...I wish I could hug you.

[Asker]

Hi, I agree, and yes it is making me sick, somewhat appetiteless. I just don't understand it really, everything was perfect and it was like *snap* a change happend, at least to me. She was probably planning this and knew each and every move. I havn't had to many people to talk to which is why I turned to here. She doesn't have anywhere to go, that is the worse part, as much as I want to say BYE, I can't just push her to the streets. She can't stay long though, she knows its wearing on my emotions.

[Opinion Owner]

She doesn't have anywhere to go yet she is willing to put this crap in your face everyday. This is the worse kind of person. ..lack of empathy for what she is putting you through. Does she have a job? If so, she needs to get her own place right away...even if you have to pay the security deposit. If she has no job, what the hell is she thinking? Your medial benefits through work should cover some type of counseling. You need an outlet. Someone to talk to who you can spill your guts.

[Asker]

No, abosolutely no where to go. Can't go back to the parents, fighting with her brother because of this, and her girlfriends parents said no as they don't want her to rely on them. She does have a job, part time, she wants to go back to school though. We just got done talking about this before this all went down, I was in support of her since she wanted to better herself. Yes is does actually, I forget why I was looking through the coverage at work one day but it does. Not sure how much though.

[Opinion Owner]

Looks like she needs a reality check. There is no way she can go to school on p/t income. She is going to have to get a full time job and leave. What I would do RIGHT NOW is see a lawyer to file divorce papers and find out exactly what financial obligations you will have to her regarding divorce. And get to the counselor too. One step at a time..