He told me not to get fat!

[Anonymous]

I have a shape similar to Kim kardashian and Selma Hayek but a bit chubbier. (42-31/32-46/47) my measurements. I'm 5'4 maybe. 20-30 pounds above the ideal weight for my height. I'm a curvy girl and even when I was thinner I was still very curvy. This guy I'm casually dating just told me that I need to start exercising and running. I asked him if that was his way of calling me fat. He responded that I wasn't he loves my body but if I eat too much I'll get fat.

I'm know that for health reasons I need to lose the extra weight and I have been trying but I felt what he said to me was rude. It came off as if I gained any more weight he wouldn't be attracted to me anymore. Which is fine because people like what they like but why approach me at all if I wasn't up to your standards or one cheeseburger away from no longer meeting them. More importantly we're not exclusive or serious this strikes me as something a boyfriend, fiancée or husband might say.

Besides that I don't think people should date someone they hope to mold into the perfect partner shouldn't you love them as they are rather than try to change them?

So my question is do you feel this was rude or am I being overly sensitive?

Does a casual guy/gal your dating have the right to say something like this?

[snowangle]

Personally I would be upset too, if I guy I was casually dating said that. I'm in my healthy weight range for my height, but I'm definitely chubby. Anyways, it does sound like he was implying that he wouldn't be attracted to you anymore if you gained more weight. Which is kind of worrisome, honestly, considering that our weight as women can fluctuate at different times of the month. What's he gonna do when you're cramping and bloated and can't fit into the same pants you wore 2 days ago? Okay maybe that's a little drastic haha.

Bottom line, you are totally justified to be upset. There's a lot of pressure on girls to be thin, so this is a soft spot for a lot of us. Guys should know to be more sensitive when mentioning our weight.

[Asker]

Couldn't have said it better myself! Society puts enough pressure on women to live up to its impossible ideals. Most women can't be 6ft 100 lb Victoria secret models. Thanks for the comment

[harveykinkle]

Doesn't matter how much I liked the guy up until that point commenting on my body would be a DEAL BREAKER!

So rude!

[Sekrett]

If its just casual and you guys have no intention to get serious I don't see what the problem is. Is he getting attached or wanting more than just casual? Another thing what kinda shape is he in. Simple way to check is BMI(Body Mass Index), if you close to your BMI and can stay there no problem.

Honestly speaking yeah I would like my GF/Partner to stay fit, and I'll without a doubt stay fit for her. But it does strike me as odd asking you to lose weight if you're just casual. As he knew what you're like when you started going out. I agree with you I understand why you would be mad. If you were actually in a relationship or serious then one can understand. Either way if you can't get it off your mind you gotta talk.

[Asker]

Thanks your right I need to talk to him about it

[Confucius16]

It sounds like he is politely letting you know that he doesn't want you to get fatter. At the same time, there is an underlying message which is "I don't want to date even remotely fat people". This isn't something someone says when they hardly know you, even in a casual date.

[Asker]

Exactly! I feel as though he doesn't know me well enough to 1.) Give me instructions on what I should do with my life and 2.) Dictate how my physical appearance should be. Thanks for your response.

[Confucius16]

Don't be with someone who wants you to meet his standards. Don't be with someone who wants you to change the way you currently are. If you want to lose weight, that is your choice, not his.

[kethel]

You sound like the perfect size to me. I like a woman's body, not a boy's. Find someone who appreciates that sexy ass.

[Asker]

Lol thank you, if he doesn't get himself together I just might

[Anonymous]

20-30 pounds over your ideal is pushing it... And you are being too sensitive.