Do girls criticize their looks harder than they actually should?

[Anonymous]

I wondered if anyone else experienced this.

Random stories to tell:

In a nutshell this was my reaction when my boyfriend said I was beautiful/sexy: "Are you kidding me?! You could do better! I don't even wear make up, I have bag under my eyes, and my butt's flat! Are guys this easy to please?! What's the point plastic surgery?!" I didn't really say that! That's what I was thinking.

Then there was the time I told my friend she was pretty in her senior pictures and she told to stop looking at them because she looked terrible and fatter in the pics. She really didn't. She actually looked seductive and charming.

Yes

No

[Olivia9]

Women are taught that they ARE their looks, that is all they ever will be, all of their intellectual accomplishments, great character, ambitions etc. are all secondary to our looks. Whereas men are taught the opposite that their accomplishments are who they are and that the more money or esteem they have the more desirable they become. Women and men are raised with very different ideals and self image. I think that women put so much emphasis on our looks that we really lose out a lot of things in life when we are focusing on attracting men. Also do you know how many billions of dollars are made off of women's insecurities it's not just an "odd" thing that you and some one your friends have plastic surgery, make up, diet pills etc. all work odd of he premise in women that in order to be of value you must look like X-ideal. Of course some women thought few actually look like that so the fashion industry creates a "new look or ideal" every so often to keep women on their toes. Half of the people we aspire to be don't even look like that.

I also think that it's social norm for girls to put themselves down. It's like low self-esteem is polite. Imagine if your friend said "Oh yes I look damn good in the picture!" you would kind of think "wow, what a bitch" I saw a comedy sketch on this in the Amy Shumer show on Comedy Central. Girls are supposed to put themselves down when it comes to compliments otherwise it's kind of seen as rude to a certain extent.

As for guys, it depends on the guy and his culture. I hate to say it or bring race into the equation but white men have much higher standards and ideals for their women in large part due to the media. A fat woman by a white man's standards is considered "thick, curvy and even normal in most other cultures" Look at Jessica Simpson a while ago, in her white "fat stage" she would have been on the cover of a Hispanic or a Black magazine. This is just generally speaking a lot of white guys aren't super into looks but a great deal are into perfection. It ultimately depends on the guy, what is beautiful to one guy is nasty to another beauty is subjective for most people. However, when people are being brainwashed by the media and constantly told that "THIS IS ATTRACTIVE" a lot of people internalize this and believe that it is their own personal preference when in reality it is just what they are taught.

Sorry this was so long, I just tried to answer the initial question as well as respond to the story you told about your friend. I hope this helped :)

[Asker]

Wow! I never looked at it like that! Thanks for the new perspective!

Personally, I have never cared too much about my look. As for my friend, we both go to an academically challenging school (ranked 7th in the country) AND she was Valedictorian, so I don't think she was that obsessed with her looks either (but cared more than me). When you go to a school where there's one boy for every three girls, there's not that much dating opportunities to rip us from our studies.

[Olivia9]

Same here I went to a historic all girls college for my undergrad and it was literally like a feeding frenzy I believe it's 95% females and 5% males with a large percent of that percentage being gay males. We obviously allow boys now but I think I'ts kind of like throwing a few scraps to a herd of starving women, it really boosts the guy's egos though ha ha that's for sure. I'm glad I could help. Apparently 2 people disagree so far haha. I wonder how many more :p

[xHoneyxBeex]

Yes. So many women want to look "perfect" because of what they see in the media and magazines. In reality, no one is perfect. All of those women are photoshopped. I also wish the media wasn't so focused on the "flawless" woman.

No one the media portrays as "flawless" is actually flawless in real life. We're human, humans have flaws. The fact is, real women have cellulite, stretch marks, blemishes, under eye circles, and various other "issues" that women choose to criticize about themselves.

Women just need to stop comparing themselves to other women. We're all different. It's not doing them any good and it's only hurting their self-esteem.

[aMuse]

I wouldn't say we're easy to please, but girls focus far more on looks then guys do. You compete with each other on your looks all the time, and make what you wear, how you do your hair, nails, your shoes, make up, purse and all that other crap import to you. That's your way of showing of to other women and getting attention, like guys benching more weight then their friend or shot gunning a beer really fast. If we're attracted to you, then we're attracted to you. We don't see you as a work in progress that we have to carve up and change and model into what we actually want.

[TheGoodTheBadTheHOT]

For the most part everyone criticises their appearance harsher than others. It has little to do with gender, women are just more vocal about it.

But of corse there are three groups of people in this world:

- people with esteem and self image issues/depression

- people who are just too critical

- people who are vocal for attention

Everyone at one point or another in their lives has looked at themselves in the mirror and wanted tochange something. We look towards perfection, but strive to find imperfections.

[SuperPickle]

Even though I've met many beautiful women in my life, I have so rarely met anyone who actually saw themselves that way. It doesn't matter how beautiful they are, almost every single one of them has a long long list of flaws that she thinks that she has.

It doesn't matter how flawless others think she is, she sees herself as full of flaws. I wish women could see themselves through other people's eyes, they would quit being so hard on themselves.

[snowangle]

Yes. I'm convinced that guys don't look at our bodies like we do. People tell me I have a good body, and all I see is a bulging tummy and thighs that touch each other. I tell a friend she has nice legs, and she brushes it off saying she has chicken legs. It seems we girls can't even believe people when they compliment us.

We should definitely not be so hard on ourselves.

[xzinax2]

some studies say we're better looking than we think,some say the opposite. but I think a lot of girls tend to focus on details that they find on their body but don't see on photoshopped pictures and they just see that. that's why I like ''me in my place'',they don't use photoshop,they use models of all sizes,and they don't go on about ''self love'',they just legitimately want to fap to well shot photos of girls.

[Anonymous]

It goes too ways: Some girls are too hard on themselves for their looks, or some aren't hard enough on themselves. Like some girls don't care at all about how they look, and then the other half care too much about it. But there are very few girls who have that equal balance.

To answer your questions, I do think that

[skinandbones]

yes. I think sometimes it has to do with low self-esteem, trying to be modest... but these days, I think everyone's too worried about what they look like. this is why I have decided to adopt the style of a hobo.

[Michaelmwm19]

A hobo you say? I too, shall walk the path of the hobo.

[skinandbones]

you will be my first hobo-minion hehehe :D

[fancykat1]

Yes. I had a friend who believed she was average when she was actually a pretty girl. I had another friend believe she was fat when she was just a normal weight range.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

There's actually a psychological study I've read that proves they do so. Basically things like weight/body type and whatnot. I'll update my answer if I can find the study again.

[kissmeneckback]

I do all the time because I am tall and to me my legs are long; although, I'm often told to be sexy looking I think my legs are to long

[front2back]

Yes, and It can be really annoying when her self-esteem keeps her from accepting compliments and such.

[Prof_Don]

Yes girls absolutely pick apart their looks too much...most guys don't analyze a female's look that deeply and they need to realize that. :)

[Anonymous]

I am 18 and I know since the age of 13 I have criticized myself harshly, people say I look fine but I am frequently worried about it. Most girls do judge themselves more harshly unless they are a supermodel and I am sure they still judge themselves pretty hard

[Anonymous]

Most girls are too hard on their looks or not hard enough.

For example, normal-weight girls often worry that they're fat. Fat girls often call themselves curvy and pretend that nothing's wrong with them.

[Asker]

I agree with your first sentence, but your not so much with your example. I can't think of any fat girls who don't know they're fat. My friend is fat and thinks she's hideous looking and a whale. She really isn't.

[Opinion Owner]

Unfortunately, my experience has been otherwise. It doesn't help that the media love to fuel this fantasy. I think it was the Huffington Post that included some overweight and obese celebrities in its list of 'Body Image Heroes'. Totally irresponsible. Being overweight isn't just a cosmetic issue. It isn't just a self-esteem issue. It's a physical health issue. We should really be encouraging people to be a healthy weight.

[Opinion Owner]

Fat people shouldn't be shamed for their fatness. But they shouldn't be celebrated for it either.

[Opinion Owner]

But I didn't mean to imply that fat girls don't know they're fat (though some don't). What I meant was, some refuse to admit that it's a bad thing and they try to put a positive label on it. In the USA, 65% of women and 75% of men are overweight or obese. I don't think the problem is that most girls (or most guys) worry too much!

[Anonymous]

Absolutely... it's one of our biggest flaws, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Without a doubt because how many dudes use the ridiculous line:

"Men are visual"

When it's proven so many times that women are visual as well. Women need to start putting emphasis on a dude's looks

[evenlift]

Everyone has standards for looks. I'm sure you do too. And it's debatable who has the higher standards, men or women. An overweight woman is often labelled as 'curvy'. An overweight man is just overweight lol.

[Opinion Owner]

Apparently you can't read. Where did I say that not everyone has standards for looks? I'm saying women need to be more vocal about it.

[Asker]

That's a bit harsh to say he can't read, isn't it?

[Opinion Owner]

No

[Anonymous]

Girls criticize guys looks too much because all girls today think they're supermodels and have entitled attitudes. I really don't get it. I mean guys aren't the ones who usually end up aging like crap. Gravity is good to us too.

[Anonymous]

I know I do:/