Should young women that want marriage and children retain their purity and avoid the hookup culture?

[Adaeva]

https://www.michigandaily.com/opinion/the-dark-side-of-hookup-culture-for-women/

The dark side of hookup culture for young women:

Marriage satisfaction: Studies show women with more bodies are more likely to divorce their partners. Women who were virgins have an 80% marriage stability rate. Women with 5 bodies have a 30% marriage stability rate. Study conducted by the CDC for family growth in 1995.

https://ifstudies.org/blog/counterintuitive-trends-in-the-link-between-premarital-sex-and-marital-stability

Over at the Institute for Family Studies, Nicholas Wolfinger, a sociologist at the University of Utah, has found that Americans who have only ever slept with their spouses are most likely to report being in a “very happy” marriage. Meanwhile, the lowest odds of marital happiness—about 13 percentage points lower than the one-partner women—belong to women who have had six to 10 sexual partners in their lives. https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2018/10/sexual-partners-and-marital-happiness/573493/

[Summeroflove]

absolutely 💯. I think hookup culture is disgusting and damaging to both men and to women.

Yes I absolutely agree with keeping yourself pure for someone special.

[Berethor]

The hookup culture is a dark path to follow, while virgin women tend to be wife material.

[Jennz6]

@berethor just because she isn’t a virgin doesn’t make her a whore

[Berethor]

@Jennz6 did you saw the chances of divorce? how can I trust a non-virgin woman?

[D_Bone_Steak]

Ah... does someone other than me know who Undead Chronic is here? I second your motion.

[MysteriousDarkness]

@berethor
A woman could be born without a hymen or tear it by exercising, inserting a tampon or even hormones and not just from having sex.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@MysteriousDarkness Thanks for the information Mr. Knows-everything-about-vaginas. I think we all know this stuff and a better way to make your argument rock solid like my hymen breaker, is to focus on all the ambiguous sexual relations making their pair bonding skills pretty much non-existent.

It's not literally about the damn hymen... it's if she's been laying on her back for every guy that just happens to look at her in a nice way. The girl that has might feel empowered according to feminists (the modern ones), but she'll never pair bond and will never feel guilty about cheating on her man. In fact, she'll probably think it makes her look cool. That's a real boss chick... is what she's thinking.

[MysteriousDarkness]

@d_bone_steak
My reply wasn't directed at your cocky ass.

[Adaeva]

@MysteriousDarkness Since rare exceptions don't make the rule, what does 1% exceptions have to do with anything?

[MysteriousDarkness]

@adaeva
Prove that what I said is the 1% exception

[Berethor]

@MysteriousDarkness heard about sidesaddle, it was made to keep the hymen intact.

[MysteriousDarkness]

@berethor
What about riding a bicycle, using tampons, hormones etc

[Berethor]

@MysteriousDarkness could be avoided, hymen is a proof, better to have that proof.

[MysteriousDarkness]

@berethor
A woman could have sex and still have her hymen intact

[Berethor]

@MysteriousDarkness yea good luck with that, anyway you missing the main point.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@MysteriousDarkness Missing the real point... just refer to what my cocky ass said already. You're not learning... you're just trying to argue/fight the facts. I want you to learn though... I want you to be in my head space and see what I see. I would love to see you a year from now pointing out to some young dude why he shouldn't entrap himself in a scam like marriage.

[Adaeva]

@MysteriousDarkness There you go again, being illogical arguing exceptions, but exceptions don't make the rule. It doesn't matter anyway since having a hymen is not the definition of a virgin.

[Lliam]

I don't buy that study. I’ve seen it quoted before by men who regularly refer to normal women as sluts.
It's like coming up with a study that says women who wear burkas make better wives.

I can't see any value in virginity and I think the concept of women's "purity" is sick. Those ideas are based on patriarchal norms in which a woman was a man's property. It degrades women and stigmatizes their sexuality.

To me, sexual inhibition is like a phobia. It's like a germophobe who claims to be safer when they wear a mask, face shield and gloves all the time.

I suppose if someone is timid about life, or has a low libido, or thinks sex is gross, or believes that their genitals are only for procreation, it doesn't matter if they wait to get married before ‘submitting’ to sex.

While I think clinging to virginity is wasting one's life, I am NOT advocating for the opposite, which would be promiscuity (hook up culture). I think a middle ground is the most physically, mentally and emotionally balanced.

Having boyfriends/girlfriends is part of growing up. We don’t just grow up overnight. We have to go out and try things, make mistakes and learn from them, gain experience, wisdom and knowledge, and have fun doing it. We continue to do that for our entire lives. And the sooner we begin, the better. That goes for everything, certainly not just sex. The difference with sex is, we have to be beyond puberty and we have to be mentally and emotionally mature enough to make wise decisions. And some people mature at different rates.

I wouldn't even consider marrying a woman who was saving herself for marriage. Such at attitude would make us incompatible. I’m not constrained by religious beliefs or cultural traditions. There is also something to be said for young love (infatuation) and having a healthy libido.

When two people fall into infatuation and become exclusive, they should treat it as having the potential for a life-long relationship and eventual marriage. In that case, they have to give themselves completely to each other. If they can’t do that, it means that they don’t trust each other. And without trust, there is no love.

The most ecstatic thing in life is when two people adore and crave each other, think that their partner is the most perfect person ever born, and immerse themselves in the joy of togetherness.

I always thought of marriage as a lifetime commitment; a pledge of honor; a solemn vow. It’s the most important decision I would ever make. So I wasn’t going to rush into it just to satisfy a desire for sex or children. I wanted to be absolutely sure that my partner and I were 100% compatible and prepared to live the rest of our lives together.

And an important aspect of compatibility is sexual compatibility. It would be a nightmare to discover that my marriage partner and I had conflicting attitudes toward sex or mismatched libidos. I need to find that out BEFORE marriage.

What if a girl had discovered that she and previous partners had been incompatible? At that point, she would no longer be a virgin. Would that mean that she was “used goods” and that her vagina was tainted? Would it mean that she would now be less likely to be loyal to an eventual husband?

So what if she has been in several committed relationships that failed for one reason or another? So what if she had sex 1000 times with those previous partners?

I never asked any girlfriend about her body count and none ever asked mine. I assessed their personality, values, ethics and compatibility when we met and as we got to know each other. The past is the past and we all have taken our own paths to getting where we are.

[Lliam]

So I don’t see virginity as virtuous. And I think holding out until marriage is a form of coercion. “Marry me and you can have my goodies.” Some guys are desperate enough to fall for that. And some guys just want a virgin to produce babies for them but will treat her like crap.

The other thing is, getting married before sex doesn’t guarantee anything. A person can still become disenchanted later. They may start wondering what they missed out on when they were busy protecting their virginity. A guy might think “Well, she’s no longer a virgin, so the thrill is gone. Now I can go get thrills from other women. Maybe I’ll trade her in for a newer model.”

On the other hand, people who have experienced life and seen what it has to offer might have gained the mental maturity to know that they are ready to be a good partner, and to be able to recognize the person they want to spend the rest of their life with. They may also have the financial stability to provide for a family.

[Lliam]

None of my previous girlfriends (8, including my wife) were virgins when we met. I stayed in touch with the first one. She got married and had two beautiful daughters. She was a really good person and a wonderful wife and mother. We’re Facebook friends and she’s now a happy grandma. My wife and I had both lived full lives before we met. We’ve been happily married now for almost 26 years. She’s wonderful. We have built great life and had the best times together.

So, while I’m not criticizing the desire to save oneself for marriage, or saying that such marriages are unlikely to be happy, I am simply rejecting the idea that people who don’t save themselves for marriage are less likely to make good life-long partners. That hasn’t been my experience, and I’m not just talking about myself. I know lots of people who had been in previous relationships or marriages and went on to spend the rest of their lives happily married.

[Anonymous]

Yes, young women who are beautiful and has a good self esteem would stay away from the hookup culture. It is the ugly ones who has self esteem issues and no self repsect or lacks even an ounce of dignity who go behind the slightest attention from a man. They can open their legs for anyone because they crave attention and validation.

As someone who has turned 25 recently, I take pride in the fact that I never opened my legs to any guy who is there to get my body on his bed.

I am on the attractive and pretty side and I get compliments wherever I go, and I've been pursued by a lot of guys except that I have a Great boyfriend now whom I've been looking for all these years, I said I wanna keep my virginity until our marriage and he totally respects my decision.

Most of the guys were behind me due to my looks, they just wanted me on their bed. And when they ask me about my body count and I say I'm a virgin they used to go all the more crazy for me. But when I tell them that I prefer to do it after marriage, they'd suddenly be very disappointed and some have even tried to coerce me into sex but i always stood my ground.

I hope young women will stay away from this toxic hookup culture because you can never find anyone good from it. No good guy would choose you if he comes to know that you give free sex. Stand your ground , you deserve the best and when you respect yourself you'll see how you'll find someone who respects you.

[Opinion Owner]

And some even went on to say that "You're wife material" "You're the kind of girl anyone would be proud to introduce to others as their girlfriend" "it's so rare to Find a girl like you" "your character and values are amazing" "You are a complete package"... these are the exact sentences of some guys, and there are many others too but I don't remember it because it doesn't matter. They think this yet they couldn't be the guy I wished for.

But when the Right guy came along he proudly put a ring on it 😊

[RingOfFire]

I don't normally write comments on posts from people under 18, but your posts have been too interesting to ignore. I am having trouble believing that they come from the mind of a 14 years old, but I will take that at face value.

I think sex without commitment takes away a part of your soul that is very difficult to regain. It's shallow and leaves you feeling empty. So I think your thinking is on the right track.

I don't think it's so much about being "virtuous" as some of the other commenters have mentioned as it is about some kind of inner instinct that there is something of great human value to the act of bonding through this ultimate form of intimacy that should not be given away lightly. It's not so much about a fear of facing judgement as it is making a physiological and spiritual choice that is more satisfying.

[EricSummer]

You are only showing the extreme options of casual sex on the one hand and chastity up to marriage on the other.

While I will gladly give hookups a pass, I spent my college years with an amazing young woman and I would not want to have missed that. It is true that it hurt a lot when it ended, but that does not mean it had not been worthwhile. You first partner does not necessarily have to be the one for life. You also learn in relationships.

So please do not mix up hookups with long-term relationships between young people in love.

[Adaeva]

Such selfishness. It benefited you but was harmful to her.

[EricSummer]

We lived in Western Europe, not in the U. S. or in 1980s Iran where virginity would have been an issue. I do not think she would have complained of spending some of her youth with me and discovering each other. Men are not judged radically differently from women here.
I should also mention that it was her who broke up with me in the end. At that age, people can still develop differently and she also matured faster. Her next boyfriend was 8 years older and potentially already prepared to settle.
By the way, having one partner before marriage can statistically still be beneficial for the marriage as it avoids the difficulty of knowing only one partner in your life. At some point, a woman might still get curious if all men are like hers.

[EricSummer]

@Adaeva - One more thing is to watch out about causality in your numbers. Most of the people who have sex only in marriage are religious. Many religious people would also avoid divorce at all costs.
However, a person who forces themselves to stay in the "zero" category without also being religious will not have the same benefit.
Likewise, a high number of sexual partners can point to issues with attachment in general. It could then be the symptom, not the cause.

[Adaeva]

@EricSummer The argument that people that only have sex in marriage are more likely to be religious may be true. I have no way of proving if that is the reason for fewer divorces so I will not say that is not true. Especially, since based on the chart, there is little difference in the percentage of divorces if the number of partners is 2 or 10. However, in women, sex causes bonding and the ability to bond is less as the number of sex partners increases. Furthermore, I don't doubt that men may be curious about what it would be like to have sex with other women. However, that is not how women think. If women seek out other partners, a far more likely reason is because when they are ovulating they tend to seek the best genes for their eggs--a natural selection advantage.

[inhua]

if they want to be taken seriously then yes. can't turn a hoe into a housewife

all these other dudes out here in the comments virtue signaling don't give a shit about the women they fuck. they're just selfish and thinking with their own sex drives. nothing wrong with it but they're pretending to hide behind "social justice" to justify their own selfishness

[Anemone978]

Hookup culture is disgusting.. women need to learn you can not use a man he will always be the one using you. That is why they feel regret and depressed because men will never care about a girl they just want to fuck.. where as for us it is natural to care.. that is how I don't understand how girls will continue to do it even tho it hurts them?

[FreyaRed]

It's not a real depression it's cognitive dissonance when they realize everything media fed them over years about sexuality is BS.
Everyone wants intimacy with partner they love or think they love, will be something special, but with a body count of 200 nothing will be ever special again.

[Jamie05rhs]

Duh.
But even forget the science for a moment. What matters more is the marriage marketplace. Because traditional and faithful men don't want to marry sluts. If most good men don't want her, she will have very limited options. (Women simply do not realize this inconvenient truth, until it is too late.)

[Poliker]

This gives off the vibe of repressing women. I do not engage in the culture, but would not dislike another women if she did. I do not promote it either. I just feel like it is dirty. I think that men feel the same way, they are just encouraged to promote is or else they are "less of a man."

[Jltakk]

I was never fortunate (?) enough to have partaken in hookup culture. I don't know the specifics or if it counts as a date. All I will say is focus on bettering yourself and by the time marriage happens, you'll be at your mental best. What do I know though

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. Should also look after your health and fitness. Avoid over eating and fast foods. Avoid drug taking even the legal prescribed ones if possible. Don't spoke. Don't drink alcohol or at the very least spirits like vodka and whiskey.

For the man you want think of the kind of woman he would be intrested in marrying and having kids with.

[fonduegirl]

If you want.

I personally feel that neither benefits women. The feelings of regret and loneliness are an experience due to unusual social conditioning and sex negativity.

I can elaborate, but I do not hold the power to change your mind. You've already made it up. Good for you.

[LazerBean]

Yes, and ostracized non virgin men out of their dating lives.

[LazerBean]

I don't know why you didn't include it in your post, but that study shows that women who have one lifetime partner are 4% more likely to be very satisfied in their marriage and versus woman with two left on partners. The impact on men is even greater at 6%.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Yes, but the world isn't ideal. In an ideal world both men and women will be virgins and each other's sexual first but we as humans sometimes make mistakes and rush things then afterwards we realize we screwed up.

[Iron_Man]

No sex until after marriage men don’t respect that they think you’re easy, and they move on to finding somebody else. If a man is just looking for sex only once they conquer they move on. If somebody is truly a keeper, they will stick with you if they’re not having any sex with you

[clampfan101]

People should not hook up. They should look for a long term relationship, and not have sex outside of marriage.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

What the hell is "hook up culture" and why is everyone acting like it's a new thing?
People have been fucking the shit out of eachother since the dawn of mankind.
Ever heard of the '60s and '70s?

[Anonymous]

There is a middle ground between staying a virgin until married and participating in hookup culture. A lot of women only have premarital sex in committed relationships, and I view those women much more positively than I do the promiscuous ones who play the hookup game. Those women are low value and not worthy of marriage to a quality man.

[purplepoppy]

This isn't the 14th century, girls no longer get married at 12. Now many want to get a career and date a few guys first. Few want to wait year's and years before having sex then finding out their husbands shit in bed.

[Adaeva]

If they are young, healthy, good looking, and have (or even if they haven't) messed around a bit, the odds of that happening are near zero. That sounds like an excuse, 304s would make since to justify their behavior, instead of being logical, they always point out some rare exception; never the general rule.

[Jennz6]

I’m 33 years old and I’m still dating and not a virgin

[Adaeva]

From ages 13 to 22, virginity is highly desirable. However, in my opinion, their is nothing desirable about a 33 year old virgin.. That doesn't imply their body count should be greater than 3, but a 33 year old virgin is going to be suspect.

[Jennz6]

@adaeva if you have a choice, stay a virgin; you can always give him a blowjob

[Adaeva]

I intend to until I am married or at least until I have an announced engagement. I plan to marry or at least have and announced engagement between the ages of 18 to 23.

[Jennz6]

@adaeva do you give BJ’s to the guys you date? That and anal sex is a good birth control method

[Adaeva]

Typically the guys I date don't have driver's license that allows them to drive without an adult. Perhaps for that reason, I have never had much pressure to engage in sex. Therefore, I never have and the oldest guys I have dated is 16 and I often change boyfriends. I suspect that when I go on regular dates with guys that have adult driver licenses, I may have more pressure but if so, I believe I will be able to handle it. Also, I wouldn't do anal sex in any event.

[Jennz6]

@adaeva what about BJ’s, ?

[Adaeva]

I never have. Typically my dates are group dates, me or a guy visiting when parents are home, or something that a parent would drive us to. Besides, the only thing I change more often than boyfriends are my clothes.

BJs and other sexual behavior is age related and would seldom occur at my age. For example, per the Center For Disease Control only 13.6% of 9th grade student have ever had sexual intercourse. www.cdc.gov/.../grade.htm

[springxxx]

She's 14 chill😭

[najekim]

IMHO, talking, being together, etc. is great to learn about each other and compatibility in some ways. But it is not until after full sexual relations have started do they learn whether they are fully compatible or not.

[Googlemyahoo]

Those who don’t experience sex will regret it later and eventually cheat.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

Yes, unless they do, they're unacceptable to marriage minded men.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but we all know that isn't going to happen. 😆😆😆

[Guanfei]

That's certainly easier to find a guy if you haven't fucked the equivalent of a football stadium before.

[Noah2023]

That’s why I advised my exes not to break up with me…

Their lost.

[SawerBrown]

Yes, if that is what they want.

[Astarlessnightsky]

If they want to. Its their choice.

[tzdc21]

Absolutely they should avoid hookup culture

[springxxx]

I am also saving myself for marriage😇

[McGrill]

Can help yourself till then

[TomCatJones]

You don't care.

[LovingJo]

No 😂