Should young women that want marriage and children retain their purity and avoid the hookup culture?

Question

The dark side of hookup culture for young women:  Marriage satisfaction: Studies show women with more bodies are more likely to divorce their partners. Women who were virgins have an 80% marriage stability rate. Women with 5 bodies have a 30% marriage stability rate. Study conducted by the CDC for family growth in 1995.  Over at the Institute for Family Studies, Nicholas Wolfinger, a sociologist at the University of Utah, has found that Americans who have only ever slept with their spouses are most likely to report being in a “very happy” marriage. Meanwhile, the lowest odds of marital happiness—about 13 percentage points lower than the one-partner women—belong to women who have had six to 10 sexual partners in their lives.

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

absolutely 💯. I think hookup culture is disgusting and damaging to both men and to women.  Yes I absolutely agree with keeping yourself pure for someone special.

Berethor · Accepted Answer

The hookup culture is a dark path to follow, while virgin women tend to be wife material.

Lliam · Answer

I don't buy that study. I’ve seen it quoted before by men who regularly refer to normal women as sluts.
It's like coming up with a study that says women who wear burkas make better wives.

I can't see any value in virginity and I think the concept of women's "purity" is sick. Those ideas are based on patriarchal norms in which a woman was a man's property. It degrades women and stigmatizes their sexuality.

To me, sexual inhibition is like a phobia. It's like a germophobe who claims to be safer when they wear a mask, face shield and gloves all the time.

I suppose if someone is timid about life, or has a low libido, or thinks sex is gross, or believes that their genitals are only for procreation, it doesn't matter if they wait to get married before ‘submitting’ to sex.

While I think clinging to virginity is wasting one's life, I am NOT advocating for the opposite, which would be promiscuity (hook up culture). I think a middle ground is the most physically, mentally and emotionally balanced.

Having boyfriends/girlfriends is part of growing up. We don’t just grow up overnight. We have to go out and try things, make mistakes and learn from them, gain experience, wisdom and knowledge, and have fun doing it. We continue to do that for our entire lives. And the sooner we begin, the better. That goes for everything, certainly not just sex. The difference with sex is, we have to be beyond puberty and we have to be mentally and emotionally mature enough to make wise decisions. And some people mature at different rates.

I wouldn't even consider marrying a woman who was saving herself for marriage. Such at attitude would make us incompatible. I’m not constrained by religious beliefs or cultural traditions. There is also something to be said for young love (infatuation) and having a healthy libido.

When two people fall into infatuation and become exclusive, they should treat it as having the potential for a life-long relationship and eventual marriage. In that case, they have to give themselves completely to each other. If they can’t do that, it means that they don’t trust each other. And without trust, there is no love.

The most ecstatic thing in life is when two people adore and crave each other, think that their partner is the most perfect person ever born, and immerse themselves in the joy of togetherness.

I always thought of marriage as a lifetime commitment; a pledge of honor; a solemn vow. It’s the most important decision I would ever make. So I wasn’t going to rush into it just to satisfy a desire for sex or children. I wanted to be absolutely sure that my partner and I were 100% compatible and prepared to live the rest of our lives together.

And an important aspect of compatibility is sexual compatibility. It would be a nightmare to discover that my marriage partner and I had conflicting attitudes toward sex or mismatched libidos. I need to find that out BEFORE marriage.

What if a girl had discovered that she and previous partners had been incompatible? At that point, she would no longer be a virgin. Would that mean that she was “used goods” and that her vagina was tainted? Would it mean that she would now be less likely to be loyal to an eventual husband?

So what if she has been in several committed relationships that failed for one reason or another? So what if she had sex 1000 times with those previous partners?

I never asked any girlfriend about her body count and none ever asked mine. I assessed their personality, values, ethics and compatibility when we met and as we got to know each other. The past is the past and we all have taken our own paths to getting where we are.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, young women who are beautiful and has a good self esteem would stay away from the hookup culture. It is the ugly ones who has self esteem issues and no self repsect or lacks even an ounce of dignity who go behind the slightest attention from a man. They can open their legs for anyone because they crave attention and validation.

As someone who has turned 25 recently, I take pride in the fact that I never opened my legs to any guy who is there to get my body on his bed.

I am on the attractive and pretty side and I get compliments wherever I go, and I've been pursued by a lot of guys except that I have a Great boyfriend now whom I've been looking for all these years, I said I wanna keep my virginity until our marriage and he totally respects my decision.

Most of the guys were behind me due to my looks, they just wanted me on their bed. And when they ask me about my body count and I say I'm a virgin they used to go all the more crazy for me. But when I tell them that I prefer to do it after marriage, they'd suddenly be very disappointed and some have even tried to coerce me into sex but i always stood my ground.

I hope young women will stay away from this toxic hookup culture because you can never find anyone good from it. No good guy would choose you if he comes to know that you give free sex. Stand your ground , you deserve the best and when you respect yourself you'll see how you'll find someone who respects you.

EricSummer · Answer

You are only showing the extreme options of casual sex on the one hand and chastity up to marriage on the other.

While I will gladly give hookups a pass, I spent my college years with an amazing young woman and I would not want to have missed that. It is true that it hurt a lot when it ended, but that does not mean it had not been worthwhile. You first partner does not necessarily have to be the one for life. You also learn in relationships.

So please do not mix up hookups with long-term relationships between young people in love.

RingOfFire · Answer

I don't normally write comments on posts from people under 18, but your posts have been too interesting to ignore. I am having trouble believing that they come from the mind of a 14 years old, but I will take that at face value.

I think sex without commitment takes away a part of your soul that is very difficult to regain. It's shallow and leaves you feeling empty. So I think your thinking is on the right track.

I don't think it's so much about being "virtuous" as some of the other commenters have mentioned as it is about some kind of inner instinct that there is something of great human value to the act of bonding through this ultimate form of intimacy that should not be given away lightly. It's not so much about a fear of facing judgement as it is making a physiological and spiritual choice that is more satisfying.

inhua · Answer

if they want to be taken seriously then yes. can't turn a hoe into a housewife

all these other dudes out here in the comments virtue signaling don't give a shit about the women they fuck. they're just selfish and thinking with their own sex drives. nothing wrong with it but they're pretending to hide behind "social justice" to justify their own selfishness

Anemone978 · Answer

Hookup culture is disgusting.. women need to learn you can not use a man he will always be the one using you. That is why they feel regret and depressed because men will never care about a girl they just want to fuck.. where as for us it is natural to care.. that is how I don't understand how girls will continue to do it even tho it hurts them?

FreyaRed · Answer

It's not a real depression it's cognitive dissonance when they realize everything media fed them over years about sexuality is BS.
Everyone wants intimacy with partner they love or think they love, will be something special, but with a body count of 200 nothing will be ever special again.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Duh.
But even forget the science for a moment. What matters more is the marriage marketplace. Because traditional and faithful men don't want to marry sluts. If most good men don't want her, she will have very limited options. (Women simply do not realize this inconvenient truth, until it is too late.)

Poliker · Answer

This gives off the vibe of repressing women. I do not engage in the culture, but would not dislike another women if she did. I do not promote it either. I just feel like it is dirty. I think that men feel the same way, they are just encouraged to promote is or else they are "less of a man."

Jltakk · Answer

I was never fortunate (?) enough to have partaken in hookup culture. I don't know the specifics or if it counts as a date. All I will say is focus on bettering yourself and by the time marriage happens, you'll be at your mental best. What do I know though

Anonymous · Answer

Absolutely. Should also look after your health and fitness. Avoid over eating and fast foods. Avoid drug taking even the legal prescribed ones if possible. Don't spoke. Don't drink alcohol or at the very least spirits like vodka and whiskey.

For the man you want think of the kind of woman he would be intrested in marrying and having kids with.

anon1903 · Answer

If you want.

I personally feel that neither benefits women. The feelings of regret and loneliness are an experience due to unusual social conditioning and sex negativity.

I can elaborate, but I do not hold the power to change your mind. You've already made it up. Good for you.

LazerBean · Answer

Yes, and ostracized non virgin men out of their dating lives.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Yes, but the world isn't ideal. In an ideal world both men and women will be virgins and each other's sexual first but we as humans sometimes make mistakes and rush things then afterwards we realize we screwed up.

Iron_Man · Answer

No sex until after marriage men don’t respect that they think you’re easy, and they move on to finding somebody else. If a man is just looking for sex only once they conquer they move on. If somebody is truly a keeper, they will stick with you if they’re not having any sex with you

clampfan101 · Answer

People should not hook up. They should look for a long term relationship, and not have sex outside of marriage.

WanderingLoveWizard · Answer

What the hell is "hook up culture" and why is everyone acting like it's a new thing? People have been fucking the shit out of eachother since the dawn of mankind.  Ever heard of the '60s and '70s?

Anonymous · Answer

There is a middle ground between staying a virgin until married and participating in hookup culture. A lot of women only have premarital sex in committed relationships, and I view those women much more positively than I do the promiscuous ones who play the hookup game. Those women are low value and not worthy of marriage to a quality man.

purplepoppy · Answer

This isn't the 14th century, girls no longer get married at 12. Now many want to get a career and date a few guys first. Few want to wait year's and years before having sex then finding out their husbands shit in bed.

najekim · Answer

IMHO, talking, being together, etc. is great to learn about each other and compatibility in some ways. But it is not until after full sexual relations have started do they learn whether they are fully compatible or not.

Should young women that want marriage and children retain their purity and avoid the hookup culture?

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