Why being an Introvert is not a bad thing.

[Aethereal]

Many of us are familiar with the Introvert-Extrovert spectrum. And we all fall somewhere within that line.

I myself am an Introvert. Introverts are characterized as people who prefer the company of few (or even no) people to crowds or large groups. We gain energy and peace of mind from solitude, and lose it in places with a lot of people such as parties, large gatherings, clubs, etc. Some introverts spend a lot of time in their own heads, daydreaming, thinking, creating. Many are also shy, reserved, and quiet. Some even avoid, or find it very difficult to interact with others.

In quite a few cases, being an introvert is seen, by socially adept extroverts, and even a number of introverts themselves as a bad trait, or even a problem of some kind. The world is, after-all dominated by extroverts. Social interaction, and skill is seen as helpful, if not necessary to achieve things in this world. We are often reminded that "Man is a social animal".

I could now go ahead and write about how the above mindset downplays, even rejects the value and perspective that introverts have to offer. But you can get that from a simple google search. Instead, I'd like to present my personal opinion on why I love being an introvert.

To begin, I'm the kind of introvert who:

- would almost always pick staying home over going out to a place that has mostly people I don't know. So long as there is a choice. My choice to stay home is a 9/10.

- Who would rather sit in silence and enjoy the company than make small talk to fill a void that doesn't need filling.

- Who has to reward himself in some way for almost every time he has to leave his home for some reason that necessitates interaction with lots of strangers.

Essentially, I’m pretty much on the far left of the above diagram.

However:

- I do engage with people.

- I smile and even offer up a bit of small talk.

- I can (and do) give presentations, and talk to colleagues about a project we’re working on together.

However, this is me being polite. I do this because I’ve found that politely "playing" at mild extroversion will make it all end faster, and restore me to the sweet solitude I crave, or at least the company of people I am close to. It's fascinating just how many extroverts expect you to start conversations when they're brimming with their own (but keep silent for some reason). I can only truly open up when I'm with people I’m close to, or with whom I share similar interests and passions. Talking for it's own sake has never had value to me.

There are “Social introverts” out there. People who are socially adept but need "alone time" to recharge after being around a lot of people. Introversion does not automatically mean shyness. However:

- I am personally quite shy and reserved (unless I’m writing).

- I would be unbelievably (maybe disturbingly) happy to spend a whole week alone. People are nice, but definitely not necessary.

I don’t know how you, dear reader, feel about me after reading the above.

But I can also tell you that I will never feel bad about being who I am. This is me. You may not think so, but I think I’m pretty awesome :D

You have to love yourself before considering making personal changes for others.

Frankly, I find it rather insulting when people think Introversion is some kind of problem. I actually think its more of a problem that some people cannot stand being alone for a day or two. Yet I don’t think they are in some way lesser than me, or are missing out on something. Just as I do not feel that I am lesser than them, or missing out on anything by being an introvert. The value of what I have missed out on by not being an extrovert is made up (maybe even surpassed) by the value of what I have gained from being an introvert. I like to imagine extroverts feel the same way in regards to missing out on introvert things.

Honestly:

- Not having to care what people think about me, their impressions, if they like me or not; knowing how easy it is to move on if I find they don’t, is a wonderful feeling. I don’t know if this is an introvert ability but I think its a very valuable skill.

- The time to constantly observe, introspect and then grow from the social interactions of others beats having to reach the same end by personally experiencing them. GAG is a wonderful place to do this.

- Silence is silence, nothing awkward about it.

- Seeing people as people and not "contacts" makes me like people a whole lot more. Those who have a problem with introversion argue that we miss out on making valuable contacts and building a network. I for one, am grateful that my introversion prevents me from interacting with, and seeing people in such a light.

- Immunity to loneliness is just so damn awesome! Sure I'm not always out there chasing superficial, temporary relationships. But those are exactly the kinds of relationships I don't want. One true friend is worth more than a thousand acquaintances. And even if I didn't have such a friend, I'd still rather be on my own than have to seek incessantly to interest strangers in my fate, and to make them find their own profit, in fact or in appearance, in working for mine.

- Succeeding on my own merits and abilities, rather than with a silver tongue, or by leveraging contacts is a beautiful feeling.

- Having an active imagination; a world (several actually) in my head that is both colorful and intriguing; to which I can escape, reflect within, and draw inspiration and confidence from beats relying on people for the same things by far.

- I don't know what to say about the quest for love. It is a journey regardless of personality. What I can say is that my introversion protects me from succumbing to desperation, and lowering my standards. I can focus on seeking a true connection, not something to alleviate nonexistent loneliness. Obviously, the right person will appreciate the many things I have to offer as an introvert. And truth be told; there are many ways to try finding this person without having to use the "normal" routes.

On a final note; the World might be full of extroverts but that does not mean that introverts are destined to fail unless they learn to hate themselves and force themselves to become someone else in order for the world to be happy. The world might not change for you, but why the hell should you have to change for the world when you can enjoy it as you are!?

I love being me. Like everyone, there are things I need to change/evolve in my life of course. But my introversion is not one of those things.

[Swat_]

Beautiful post. Could not agree more.

I am kind of in the same situation as you. I'll be polite and talk a little or smile, but I don't desire it. I am actually really skilled at presentations for instance, as it gives me something to talk about.

While I do not have a desire for friends for instance, I do have a strong desire for an SO. You said there are many ways to find girls of your interest, without using the normal routes, would you mind sharing those? I really dislike the mainstream dating scene, it's not my thing.

Great mytake once again, very relatable. ^ 😁

[Aethereal]

Thank you. I'm glad you liked it.

When I say the "main routes", I'm basically thinking about the standard method of going to a bar, club, coffee shop, even a library and talking to random attractive women. I don't like this system.
Other routes I know of (and prefer) are joining activities you like: taking a cooking class for example (someone I know met someone he almost dated this way), or volunteering. There are opportunities for like minded people to meet up and do stuff they like together while making friends, and maybe finding love (there is a site called "meetup" for that actually). Opportunities may also appear at work or in school/college (as they did for me, and people I know). And yes, despite popular disdain of it; I think online dating is a valid route as well. It's just that you need to choose the right platform, and have the right attitude towards it. Stuff that would probably need a whole new mytake to discuss :D
I think it's useful because it let's you find (and be found by) people based on personality as well, not just looks.
There are compatible people out there. It's just that not everyone is actually "out there". If introverts only try to stick to the mainstream route, we might not ever meet the type of person we feel compatible with. Best wishes.

[Ally247]

I'm glad you think like that