Why is he only affectionate when he's drinking?

I've been seeing this guy a little over 3 months. He calls and texts me all the time & he seems to like me. but he only hugs, kisses me or says sweet things if he's drinking. Not even drunk per say but just even a couple drinks. I don't get it, does he not actually like me? If we hang out when he isn't drinking at all it's more like we're just friends. When he's been drinking it's more like we're "together" I'm so confused.

I'm so frustrated, I don't understand. When he's drinking he's all "you have no idea how much I like you." & mumbling "I love U" under his breathe then pretending he didn't say anything, then when he's sober. He's distant and aloof


Most Helpful Guy

  • A lot of people are inhibited and can't express their feelings, especially emotionally dangerous ones, unless they have 'had a couple.' This is the root of a lot of alcoholism. The alcohol defeats the inhibition centers in the brain.

    So many people have such STRONG inhibition from years of observing social taboos that they can't be anything like spontanous without alcohol--traditionally--or other drugs more recently.

    So you should feel sorrry for him at first, and encourage him to get some counseling. Try to get him to practice being affectionate when sober. Like any other behavior, practice usually helps, especially when it's 'safe'--at least I assume it's safe with you!


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What Guys Said 5

  • It means he likes you. See all drinking does is lower your inhabitions. You don't care about the consequences of things when you are drinking. So he normaly is afraid of rejection or looking to clingy when he is sober. After he drinks he is like I don't care about all that I like this girl and I'm gona show it. So all you have to do is make this guy comfortable when he isn't drinking. Respond to stuff he talks about like it is the most interesting thing you ever heard. Make him hot chocolot. Rub his back casualy sometimes to make him feel comfortable. And you will see his inhabitions drop and his feelings for you will be visable even when he is sober.

  • he is probably shy. booze will lower your nerviousness, even just on bottle of beer. that's why on this site I alway advise shy people to have a drink to overcome their neriousness.

    So, id say he is shy, he gets a beer inside of him and comes out of his shell.

    This should stop over time. Hopefully, otherwise he may have a problem.

  • He;s not able to express his feelings without the alcohol to remove his inhibitions. This is really common especially in the Anglo US culture where people suppress their feelings generally since it's considered uncool to be emotional.

    He will need your help to cure him of this affliction. Don't be 'anonymous' with him on this. He really needs help.

  • He's probably more relaxed around you after a drink or two and can express himself better.

    Warning: Don't buy him drinks just because he will be more affectionate to you, alcoholism would not be in his best interest (or anyone else for that matter).

  • a drink can get a

    brother a little



What Girls Said 1

  • If he didn't like you, I doubt you'd even be there to see him drinking. Chances are, he's shy or not sure how comfortable YOU are with physical affection, but goes for it with some liquid courage. Try little things when he isn't drinking; touch him lightly when you pass by him, put your hand on his elbow when you're walking together, etc. See what happens from there, after he sees that you reciprocate his affections. Good luck.