My mother says I'm getting old, and no man will want me. How should I react?

[Anonymous]

I'm 31 but want to get married but don't want to have children.. anyways finding the right guy isn't happening anytime soon. how should I react when my family says my value is dropping because of my age?

if I wanted children I would have been concerned with my age but since I chose the childfree life I don't care about my biological clock.

I'm just looking for an older man with good moral to get married with.

as for my physical appearance I look active, and people say I'm beautiful or pretty and assume I'm in my early 20's. at least that's what they say.

[MrOracle]

You aren't without hope, but your mother isn't wrong either.

The reality is that lots of men, having seen marriage destroy their own families, and those of their friends and relatives, have decided against marriage or even serious relationships. Lots of these men are the ones most women would most like to be with as well.

Of the men who DO want a serious relationship, most of them want children, and children are a big reason they are willing to risk a marriage, knowing how vulnerable they become in court. The pool of men willing to have serious relationships/marriage but who don't want children is fairly small. It's not non-existent, but it's small.

The other thing is that "relationship men" are overwhelmingly traditional men and are looking for a traditional wife who has traditional things to offer - and among those are youth and purity. Again, I am not saying that this is true down to the last man, but it's largely true.

Your mom is trying to tell you that time is not on your side and that you can't afford to wait around, nor can you afford to demand a guy who checks every box on your list, because even if such a man actually existed, it's likely that such a man would pick a 22 year old instead of you, because he CAN.

She's telling you to make finding a man your top priority, because the clock is ticking and that every day that goes by, your available options get worse, not better. Delays will cost you. You don't have the luxury of holding out for a Chris Hemsworth or whoever who is wealthy, popular, good looking, successful, and thinks that you are the only woman in the world. That's a Disney fantasy, not the real world.

What you ultimately do is completely up to you, as always, but your decisions will have consequences, and the next 50 years of your life depends heavily on the decisions you make today.

[Anonymous]

Are you financially independent? Do you take care of yourself? If you are on your own you see on your own. Of course you should love and respect your parents. But an independent adult will make his/her own decisions.

I had to draw the line on my own mother a few years ago because her very controlling and o often ignorant behavior when it comes to what the world is really like for single men who try date. She wasn’t helping me but instead made me feel like shit. I found myself acting more clingy and desperate when I did meet a woman I started dating because subconsciously I worried about my own image and pleasing my family. That obviously turns women off and just makes everything worse.

Anyway you need to question your mom’s motivations for hounding you. Is it because she wants you to be happy and limit your life regrets? Or is because she is worried about her own image and what she tells her friends and other family members?

I ultimately deduced my own mother cared more about her own image than my own personal happiness. That infuriated me especially since she was doing this when I was an full grown fully independent man.

That’s when I drew the line and I now very sparingly talk to her unless it’s at a family event or holiday (I got other deeper reasons too but I won’t get into it right now). I don’t like doing it but I had to draw boundaries for a good reason. Maybe you should too.

[Opinion Owner]

*if you are on your own you are on your own.

[sheenagwapa]

men tend to like younger women that's teue but what's really the goal of people isn't it to be happy? you can't force yourself to marry someone who you think is shitty just because you're gettinh older it contradicts your goal to be happy unless it's youe plan to just get divorce anyway and yoy just want the kids


but yoy know if there's one thing that i learnef it's that we have a merciful God that provides. all i can do is do whatever i can to this i mean i don't believe in just waitinh because there are Christians who are like that, just waitinh without doing anything i'm not sayinh they're wronh but i just believe in beinh pro-active so yeah go on dates and most of all pray and follow God and he will take care of you


there's more to the world than our earthly life, there's the spiritual dimension that we thought doesn't exist but lo and behild it exist and by just knowinh that changes everything


my kast dream about end times is i saw two waterfalls then a third waterfalls appeared at the center but this waterfalls is beyong the clouds i bow down and said hope i did a good job Lord


when end times come it feels "this is it!!!" moment you get nervous you feel so powerless. you feel like a servant and the master just came so please you all prepare yourself

[TenderFantasy]

Yes. Since you said you didn't want children, that knocks off a BIG hurdle for you. HOWEVER, keep in mind that there ARE men (and I am sure a number of them, don't know how many) DO want to reproduce/have children of their own. So yes, your pickings will be a bit harder. That's just the reality of it, so I am glad you are accepting that fact.

Also, since you say that your physical appearance is considered good (hopefully by not just you), it's also good news because most men are PHYSICAL. They fall in love with looks first and foremost. THEN, personality.

As for your mom, maybe she is just scaring you. But if you look at this woman:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/hMLTYe7p6uM

You will get the feeling that there IS hope, and that if she (a leg less, arm less woman) can get a husband and get married, then maybe you can also do the same! I wouldn't listen to your mother, as she seems like she is pressuring you. Remember it is YOUR life. If you think you are too old, too sick, etc. then maybe you WILL be and it will be a barrier to finding what you want, but if you can overcome a lot of that stuff, then hey, more power.

[melanieeeB]

Ignore her. 30 is still young.

[Vegasrunner]

@melanieeeB Ignore your family member that has already gone through what she's going through?

[Still-alive]

@Vegasrunner yes because just because she suffered doesn’t mean the daughter will. Family can be wrong.

[melanieeeB]

Excatly, not everything that your family tells you is right and especially the older can have some views that are just a few centuries behind.

[Vegasrunner]

@melanieeeB Sounds like a mistake. Experience is the best teacher and if you can learn from others mistakes u lesson the chances you repeat them. If you're not listening to the people who have supported you you're entire life who would you listen to?

[Sorrento-Sun]

That's harsh and cruel to say to your own daughter.

I'd ask her if she'd rather you be happy or settle for any guy for the sake of being in a relationship.

Loads of people meet the right one when they're older. What if you'd married at 20, and got divorced at 31. You still be in the same situation. Looking for the right man at 31.

It's difficult to find the right person. I'd rather search for the right guy until my dying day , and never find him than to settle for any guy just for the sake of being in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Ignore your family, you’ve become focused way too hard on finding a man. Who has time to stress about being too old, not wanting kids, and all that? Live your life and let the rest fall into place, including a relationship. If your family hassles you then maybe they aren’t good people to be around. At the very least you can refuse having that conversation and tell them it makes you uncomfortable. Healthy boundaries are OK, you aren’t obligated to deal with that just because it’s your mom or sister or whoever it is.

[Paulalove98]

That’s really rude and disrespectful of her… some people don’t find someone right away. My mom didn’t meet my dad till she was like 36 or 37 and had me when she was 38 which is pretty late in life to have a kid even tho she had my sister when she was 20 but honestly since you don’t want children you don’t have much to worry about, I believe at any age you can find love but sadly the biological clock is true because it the older a woman gets, the more risky a pregnancy becomes but it’s mostly after 35 there’s a lot of risks but that’s not every woman of course, I personally would want kids at 27-31 at the oldest, just me tho but it’s definitely not too late for you to find love. My sister was married till she was like 35 and didn’t find her now boyfriend till she was 42 after her kids got older, so it’s definitely not too late. There are still good men who won’t care about your age.

[OfMiceandMen]

Sometimes, you have to tell your mom to back off. Her applying pressure to the whole situation is not helping.

Good quality older guys can be hard to find as they may already being a long term relationship.

I would recommend looking for someone around your age. There are lots of decent guys that are coming out of their 20's and finally looking to settle down. They have good morals, and are out of their playtime years, because they are focusing on their careers at that point and more grounded.

[Lliam]

Your mom may believe that she is thinking about what's best for you. But in reality, she's thinking about her own desires. And she's willing to hurt your feelings and shame you in order to get what she wants.

If she won't let up, you might have to distance yourself.

Parent aren't right 100% of the time. Sometimes that are incapable of understanding.

Since you don't want kids, there is no time pressure.

I had girlfriends from the time I was 16, but I didn't want the responsibility of kids.
I met my future wife when I was 40 and she was 38. We had both been in relationships over the years but had never been married because we considered it to be a huge step; the most important decision we would ever make.

We got married two years later and have been very happy together now for almost 26 years. We've built a good life together and look forward to being a team for the rest of our lives.

[TheorionMage]

Your Mother is HALF right. IF 'fertility' is a potential Suitor's criteria you have approx. 435 Ovum released from first Menses til Menopause. And 'Form follows Function' (Frank Lloyd Wright)

Those hormonal 'secondary allure characteristics': pheromones, breast development, body fat distribution, pouty lips, skin texture and firmness, a child-like youthful voice, hair texture exist hereditarily in service to attract Suitors.

But, if you're approachable by. YOUR male equivalent. And you value intelligence, character, sociability, humor in search of a life's companion THERE is YOUR potential 'audience'.

[Sunssong]

You don't have to accept any idea you don't want to accept. I don't care how real or how wrong it appears to be. If you allow your mother to control the way you think about yourself, you're going miserable. Your value is not dropping. Ignore anything your mother says that dims your hopes and excitement for life. Choose to believe in what aids your life not destroys it. You get to choose.

[notwoke]

You parents are right, your options are slimming down by this age. A highly eligible (top 10% man) your age can get a perkier, less tired 24 yr old that puts up with his weird sexual requests that 30 yr old women balk at. Start looking for a 40 yr old highly eligible man and if your heavy, don't expect a doctor or an engineer and maybe look for an even older man. Of course you can get all ages of guys at 30 that are willing to sleep with you. All this being said, sometimes this can be overcome by a great personality, good looks and not being a feminist or having feminist views

[HighValue]

Since you don't want children, your age isn't anywhere near as concerning as it would be for a woman that DID want kids. The main difficulty for you in my opinion would be that most of the good men DO want kids. You just have to look harder to find one that doesn't want kids. Or if you want one that is older, find one that already had kids and raised them to adults so it is no longer a concern.

[EmyyWolf]

You’re not forced to bring forth a child (a whole life) to please others and their wishes. They won’t be the ones to change diapers, YOU WILL.

Tell them this.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/slzLs07t8Wc

[Rosexøxø]

Ignore it. If she wants you married and out the house, tell her men origin in wanting sex and last time you checked you still have one, so…

If you don’t live with them, absolutely brush this off mentally and emotionally. Thank them verbally for their topics of interest (that’s theirs, not yours), and your body is yours and not theirs. Accept the compliments from others if they’re nice and polite, and move on keeping the happy life you live and continue to wish to live. ✨

[menina]

That sounds like something my sister would say... 🙄😡

I know how you feel. But don't listen to her. There are more important things in life than getting married and having kids (I know you don't want them).

Just worry about yourself, your goalsin life, have fun and when it happens, it happens. As long as you're alive and healthy, you can always find love.

[ChillaxingLove]

Listen Linda. 30 is the new 20. I was just scrolling YouTube and I saw a 45 year old grandma and I was shocked because she looked super young. Back in the day grandma was usually 70. Today nope. Mind you I’ve even seen 70 look young. Just take good care of yourself and you’ll age like wine

[ChillaxingLove]

Just don’t get lazy in taking care of yourself, keep making yourself better. Dudes are easy. Look good and have a great personality that’s like %70 of the battle

[Marked_Man]

This is a total lie that simps have invented. 30 is 30, meaning less fertile and older. Stop lying you won't get p by lying.

[ChillaxingLove]

@Marked_Man I think you fail to understand that real men understand the value of a good woman. I’m not driven by dick in pussy and baby ratios. That’s why you all fail at relationships in the first place with all the divorces this generation has.

You’re so focused on sex. So your telling me a beautiful 30 year old nothing wrong with her she’s not a feminist just don’t have a man, your saying no you wouldn’t want her because you feel she can’t have babies? You are the lie

It’s this kind of thinking that makes dating terrible. A. 30 year old is datable given they have a good marriageable character as a person. Don’t mind this guy. Stay fit and know what real men want in a relationship and you’ll be good

[Anonymous]

There are a few ways to go about it.

1 is to change the topic or end the conversation every time it happens.

2 is to talk to them and make explain how it makes you feel type thing, maybe even go with the whole it's not your life but out approach.


3 make a snarky/not so kind comment could work each time, but some of my suggested thoughts for that I won't just put down. This option I don't think is for many people.

I do to agree get what your saying. I'm not 25 yet but don't want kids. So everyone just says everyone says that you'll change your mind. And I've had my parents have gone from asking if I have a girlfriend and if I'm interested in dating. To assuming I was gay. Yo then assuming im going to be alone for life. Theybe always gone on about how that's okay and stuff. But that's fine to say once not every damn time. It makes you feel bad about everything in my experience at least.

I hope it doesn't do that for you.

[Twalli]

Since you don't want kids your value isn't any lower now than it was 10 years ago. Neither my girlfriend nor I wanted kids, so her being 32 when we started dating wasn't a problem. You need to find guys that don't want kids, because your age won't be against you with them.

[Mansearching]

Tbh... I've done this. I'm not telling you that you should. But it worked in my case.

Tell your family to F-off. Leave you alone about your private life. Also says that itll happen when it happens. So it did. I've been with someone for 12 years in June.

Again, that might not work for you. But it worked in my case. But you're going to get aggravated enough that you'll feel like doing it.

[Gopackers02]

I say let a man come to you and don’t try to force anything. I know some guys that don’t want kids either and some that want at most 1. Me though I want 5 lol but that’s because I grew up in a big family of 7. But don’t listen to that. If you don’t have a need for a man in your life then you don’t need one it’s your life live it how you want so when you’re old you don’t regret a thing

[HippieVeganJewslim]

I myself care not about ages, and have wanted many women way older than You, so there’s a counterexample to Your mum’s saying. 31 is younger than the average human being, provided that they weren’t aborted. You’re five years older than I am, and I also was thought by others that I’m younger than I really was, like by seven years. My stepfather claimed I look ten years older, but I believed him not. Believe Your mum not as well. You’re as young as You feel; stay gold, Anonymous, stay gold.

[Anonymous]

Thank her for having your best interests at heart. And recognize she's correct. You don't get MORE options by waiting. Not saying you need to get married tomorrow to the next guy you meet, but you should start working on meeting people and make a decision sooner rather than later. Your choices 10 years from now will be much, MUCH worse than your options today.