How long should I give him to cool off?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I got into a hugeeee fight yesterday. It was almost entirely my fault and I feel bad. But he also acted really badly. He yelled, cursed and told me not to call him. We have been together for 2 years and recently we have been fighting a lot more. He is going through a tough period which doesn't allow us to see each other very often. It has put us through a lot of stress. He hasn't contacted me since yesterday. I am worried a bit, I want to make sure he got home OK yesterday. I don't even know that. And I know he needs time to cool off and will be OK after. But how much time? It's been 24 hours. I'm getting anxious. Do I call? He usually sleeps off his anger and is OK the next day.

Updates

+1 y

I really messed up ... but he acted so angry. I was scared and started crying.

[Stache]

Fights are inevitable as lightning around a storm. Stressful events are the fuel. If you were the precipitator, apologize and take your share of the blame. He will probably acknowledge his share of the blame and you can have make-up sex and put it behind you. If it's been 24 hours you can probably call any time.

If you said some personal hurting thing, it could be a long time before you're back to normal.

[Turtleluv]

I would try to call and/or text, but don't be surprised if he doesn't answer. If he lives with a roommate I would text/call them to find out if he got home OK. But then leave it at that. If you guys are fighting a lot maybe it's time to call it quits?

[Asker]

He lives at home. Tonight is actually our date night ... so I am kind of annoyed if he doesn't call you know? He doesn't want to call it quits. He wants us to pull through this. But at the same time what he is going through has changed his moods, he is more irritable, more angry, and he really shd not have flared up at me like he did yesterday. Part of me needs to have more self worth and not care if he calls or not. Even if it was my fault ...

[Turtleluv]

The fact that you are 'playfully' trying to gauge if your boyfriend is lying and that he got so defensive so quickly aren't good signs of your relationship. Your gut is probably telling you the truth and he is lying. Once the trust is gone...

[Asker]

No but that's the thing. I have NO reason at all to doubt him. He always picks up his phone when he is out with the guys and I call, he will let me know when he gets home if it's really late etc. My gut didn't feel like he was lying. I just assumed he was because maybe he was afraid to tell me he was actually going to the car meet and not the junkyard. I mean either way I wouldn't have cared if he went. But I shd not have phrased it like I did.

[posted]

A fight over what?

[Asker]

I accused him playfully of lying to me about something (he said he was going somewhere with his cousin, but I said no, you're lying you're really going to this other place aren't you?). I was being playful about it but also trying to gauge the truth... but he was half asleep -- he had just woken up from a nap -- and he took it seriously and said I shd not jump to conclusions and make assumptions. He got SO MAD. He said, I have always told you the truth, why wd I lie now?

[posted]

I can see both, I have done something similar. You said it yourself though, you were trying to pry and he got offended.

The other person said if you're just fighting all the time, what's the point..

Anyway yeah call or text, apologize and tell him it was meant to be a 'joke' obviously word it differently.

[Turtleluv]

So how's it going?