Relationships

I think I'm in a toxic relationship and I don't really know what to do.

I think Im in a toxic relationship and I dont really know what to do.

Issues

1. Communication- I feel that there Is a double standard in our marriage. I’m the bad guy if he brings up something that makes him upset or mad and I don’t correct my behavior; however, If I bring up something that makes me mad, or upset, then it’s in one ear and out the other. Perfect example is the cold hands. I’m bad because I do not listen to him or I’m being inattentive, deliberate, trying to get a rise out of him by continuing to put my cold hands on him, but when I asked him to stop telling everyone and their mother that I had a cancer diagnosis because it makes me feel uncomfortable and tbh, it is none of their business, then I get called controlling and accused of trying to censor his speech. I also get told that he will never do it because he “speaks his mind.”

2. Between October 13- November 10, 2022, I wrote him multiple essays containing 10,687 words in total going over sex, mental state, work, the status of us, etc. I opened myself to him and started telling him everything. I know that I asked him about anything from those letters, he wouldn’t even be able to tell me. I feel that it doesn’t matter what I tell him because give 24 hours, he won’t remember what I told him in the first place, so what is the point in talking about it?

3. Always bringing up past things. I treated him like shit for the first two years that we were together. He turned the tables on me and did the exact same thing for the following 3 years to me. My mom told him to stop because I will grow to resent him, but he still continued it until I came over here in July 2022. He likes bringing up my past and my mistakes, but I’m not allowed to do the same thing to him. His justification is “We have history.”

4. Nothing gets resolved. We have literally argued about the same crap dozens of times, but it never changes. As a result, I’m at the point of just being mentally drained. Just let him yell, scream, and bitch and get it over with. Then just wait until the next one.

5. Everything must be done together. There is no alone time. I want some time to myself, but he insists that “I didn’t get married to do things on my own.” Example, If He want’s to go out to his sister (2-hour drive) and I don’t want to then I’m faced with two options keep it to myself and go to his sister’s or say I don’t want to, and I wait awhile until we have another argument about “we don’t go anywhere.”

6. I still don’t think he trusts me. He followed me to work one day because he wanted to make sure I was actually going to work. That was when we first got together. After our most recent argument, I went driving through the next town over after going to see a priest because I needed time to process my thoughts. First question was “What were you doing in xxx town?”

7. I censor my thoughts and opinions or change them to conform to his opinions because I know that I’ll be called ignorant or be told that I don’t know what I’m talking about.

8. He is insistent that I am a dumb child and not a man. I believe that the actual phrase is “You act like a ignorant or dumb child, but I didn’t marry a child. I married a grown man, so you need to grow the fuck up.”

9. It’s easier to just say nothing than to cause an argument.

10. I feel that I must be perfect.

11. At the end of every argument, I feel that everything is my fault. We could literally have an argument about him dropping a plate and it breaking, and by the end of it, I will feel that I was the one that dropped the plate. With our last argument, I put my cold hands on the small of his back and he punched me for it. He told me that I deserved it because he told me to stop and he felt that he didn’t have any other recourse. He also said that I provoked him. He doesn’t want to hurt me, but I forced him to do it. “I punched you with my weak arm. If I wanted to hurt you, I’d do it with my other.

12. Gives off the aura of “you wouldn’t be shit without me.” Tells me that he's given me so much in our marriage and that i wouldn't be anything if it wasn't for him and I need to show more appreciation.

I think I'm in a toxic relationship and I don't really know what to do.
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