Who should make the first move?

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

As the years are passing by, gender roles are vanishing. Girls and boys are becoming alike. They both value their independence; they both earn; they both are the bread winner; they both help each other in various tasks that were previously seperated.

But many people still prefer to stick with the gender norms when it comes to making the first move. In ancient times, males were supposed to court the females of their choice. They chase the women and make them their own. But is it important to follow the same process now?

My answer is: No. I am baffled at how confused girls get when it comes to making the first move. Should I text first? Should I ask for his number? Should I ask him out? Should I compliment him first?

Of course, you should. It can be tiring for a guy to always have to text you first. To always have to make the first moves. If a girl is making some moves first, it can be refreshing for a guy as well. He also needs to know that you are interested in him in some way. It should be balanced. Both guys and girls should make equal efforts to make the moves. After all, a true relationship is a balanced one.

Moroever, life is too short. What if you are sitting on your bed, wondering if you should text the person first or not. You decide that you won't text them first. Then the very next day, you get to know that he/she is dead. What then? Won't you regret not talking to the person for the last time?

I guess it's always nice to make someone feel important. Both the guys and girls should make the equal efforts. A girl shouldn't wait for the guy to text her first and till then, stare at her cell phone's screen. A guy should appreciate when a girl makes even the slightest effort to get closer to him instead of remembering the dating games and gender norms.

If you stick with the idea that a guy should make the first move, then it's all fine. If it makes you happy, keep doing it. This take is for all those ladies and Gentlemen, who just aren't bothered by these games and like to keep it simple and fun.

[AleDeEurope]

The one that's interested. I don't agree with the fact that the guy has to make the first move all the time, as a guy, it's tiring to do this all the time, and you reach a point when you don't give a fuck and you just let it happen. If you're interested in me, come talk to me. If you wait for others to do something that will benefit you, most of the time you'll get nothing, and you would have lost the opportunity.
Also, when the girl waits for the guy to approach, call or text first, ask for a date first... and all that, it will probably give the guy the impression that she's not interested. It has happened to me before, I thought she wasn't interested so I stop texting, then one day she texted me why haven't I texted her. The fact that you don't try to contact me, is a clear sign of lack of interest, and if you keep this going, you'll eventually lose the guy.

I always say this: if you want something, go for it. If you're hungry, the sandwich is not gonna make itself, you gotta go to the kitchen and make it, the same applies to this situation. If you want it, grab it.

[Hajar_Whitestone]

The must Idiotic thing I ever heard and read in a website so in your opinion girls must hint into guys and make there self stupid and embarrassed.. what a stupidity

[AdamThomas]

@Hajar_Whitestone - not idiotic at all, just common sense. Would you pursue somebody who showed no interest in you at all?

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

@Hajar_Whitestone can you please stop trolling here? This take is meant for some sensible people who can give some logical reasons to support their opinions unlike you who thinks that generally sluts make the first move. moroever, @AleDeEurope opinion is one of the most sensible thing I have read on GAG.

[AleDeEurope]

@Hajar_Whitestone You're just saying nonsense. You know I'm right, and you're wrong, you just don't wanna admit it. But it's ok ;)

[Hajar_Whitestone]

@AleDeEurope Right on what? are you dreaming or are you drunk? am not like u or like any other girl I won't and I did never make the first move am not that stupid to hint into a guy and embarrass my self till death

[AleDeEurope]

@Hajar_Whitestone Ok, you're either trolling or stupid, either way, there's no point in arguing with you.
Have a nice day ;)

[Hajar_Whitestone]

@AleDeEurope I don't troll and am smart then you, don't try to judge me

[Unit1]

Silly. I feel you gotta be embarassed for being disapproving, claiming that this method is... "stupid" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[TheDevilInside]

I like these parts best:
"I guess it's always nice to make someone feel important."
"A guy should appreciate when a girl makes even the slightest effort to get closer to him instead of remembering the dating games and gender norms."

Girls, remember how flattered you are if a guy makes a move on you? Just think that he'll feel the same way too if you make a move on him. Not to mention that most guys don't get approached that much by women, so I doubt that there's a guy who'd think that a girl hitting on him is annoying. In contrary to when guys hit on girls.

And I definitely agree with guys should appreciate it when girls make the first move. Instead of judging her, thinking she must be desperate, yaddayaddayadda. Just embrace it, feel flattered, and have some respect for her, because it takes guts to make a move on someone. Unless it's a Saturday night, then all you need it alcohol: instant courage.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

Thanks! :)

[Kalinda]

I have no problem with your writing a take on this, . So I say this generally. :-)

It's geting old orople constantly debating who should ask who IE "should women be allowed to ask".

in my opinion People should go after people they like. Bc they are intersted nott bc they have the certain chromosomes.

People saying 'yay girls should too ' or 'even girls should'... It's demeaning. It really isn't exceptional that a woman asks a guy out. And everytime someone asks whether it's ok it's like back to the drawing board.

I think people should just step up go after whoever and accept rejection gracefully.

Incidently I just asked my bf out a few weeks agi, and he had no idea I liked him. So its a real good thing I did. though I wasn't debating whether I should ask him as a girl. That actually never occurred to me to worry about:p. I had other concerns lol

Snyhow I think it's disrespectful towards Women for people to keep reinventing the idea that there's something special about a woman making a move. You know being human and not inanimate objects:))

As for Women not asking, not Bc they don't want to but Bc they are afraid the guy will reject them for asking, or think they are needy... That's just incredibly frustrating to witness. No one needs someone like that in their life -let alone as a boy friend. And exactly how much integrity can you expect from thar oerson. It's not as if you keep quiet he's going to become a person who can suddenly think of you beyond his ides of how you should make him feel -about himself.

That's just some strange judgement. 'I'll just wipe out my real personality in the beginning and slowly introduce the fact im a human being... Later. he'll magically love and respect me. ' Sure " great idea" lol

Plus it's sending a really bad message to her -about her. They both want to and are capable of asking the other out. She lets him do it so HE can feel good about him. And what sbiut her... She matters less. She matters-- but less.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

You know, man girls go around, saying that a guy should make the first move. Some have said that under this opinion section as well. Then there are dating websites that state that a girl should never ever make the first move. Like, who cares? At the end of the day, following your heart is all that matters even if you are a boy or a girl.

[Kalinda]

Yes I have noticed and I find it disturbing.

I really don't care if a person just doesn't want to mske a move. But to decide you " shouldn't" do it Bc of the body you were born into before you evdn developed your personality... It's just sad.

Saying somrine ekse should do something is saying much more than that. It's saying "you should not". Self censorship Id just really repugnant to watch.

My parents were kind of quiet and stuff and we didn't get along great and frankly I think my mom would like it if I was more conventionsl in general, but I'm really greatful they never encouraged me to think of myself as some kind of strange humsn specimen that can't do regular things that a normal human being can do. Or has to wait for permission.

Ifk in my opinion were free and should live life that way-- within the letter of the law of course:)

[faruine]

Funny how i come across this after i decided i was gonna ask out the guy i liked. Literally a second before i was gonna ask, he managed to awkwardly ask to hang out sometime. I agree, that i think it's time for girls to step up and ask. But it's been such a huge stereotype that a guy should ask a girl out. Like all my friends have told me if a guy doesn't ask you out, then he isn't into you. That doesn't take into account shy/introverted peopl either, so it's unfair. I just think if a girl or guy likes someone, they should just ask the person out. You take a risk, and you might get rewarded. But it took me a few months to get that mindset, and then things sort of are falling into place. But basically, i agree with you lol.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

Hehe thanks! Hope things work out for you! :D

[OHGEE]

It's cool when the girl makes the first move, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have to know what she is doing. Majority of the time when women approach me they will just stand there and leave it up to me. Or one time I was carrying a lot of stuff and this girl came up and offered to help me, then sheepishly walked behind me the whole time. That kind of stuff can put you both in an awkward situation. That's why women say they like a man with confidence. An aggressor that has confidence makes these types of situations happen with a lot more ease. Another common one is they will act drunk. I guess that can work if they are really shy.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

Of course, girls should know what they are up to. When I was talking to a guy and needed his number, I just walked to him and asked for it. He texted me first everyday since then. Lol.

[OHGEE]

LOL way to be. Yeah if she approached me I would definitely take care of things like calling and texting.

[Mesonfielde]

I actually slightly lean towards males doing the first move, although the female has to signal that they're not completely uninterested.

I even have a reason behind that, despite me being a primarily supporter of the erasure of gender expectations and stereotypes. And that is that males are far more likely to be desperate, even willing to barge into no-strings-attached relations, or even maybe fake being in a relationship just for the sexual relation then throw her out when she's a nuisance!

Females are far more vulnerable to being exploited for their sexuality. Therefore, I think it is far more riskier for them to make the first move. Do it only when you know the guy legitimately likes you back, just isn't making that damn first move.

I tend to say, it's not really the "balance" factor you should be looking at. It's that you want to establish a connection that could be beneficial for both of you. And if no one makes the effort to start it, then it will never happen!

[Mesonfielde]

THE DOWNVOTES

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Seriously, why am I getting downvotes? it's a fact, guys are more often desperate, and are therefore more likely to... oh, you don't want to make the first move, eh? It only makes sense if the female shows interest, that's the key secret if you didn't know.

[Mesonfielde]

And girls just don't want to even think of making the first move.

Sigh, I didn't expect this to get so many downvotes XD

[Hannah591]

Girls should make the first move more. I have before and I was glad I did. I would never be afraid to text or compliment a guy. If I feel something, I will let it show and I know for a fact, guys appreciate a confident girl who doesn't shy away from showing her feelings!

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

I have also made the first move for asking a guy's number and asking a guy out. My confidence level has risen up.

[Hannah591]

It's a great liberating feeling.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

Definitely :)

[AllThatSweetJazz]

Wonderful, I support this. (^_^)

Accidentally down-voted. Oops.

[Hannah591]

I was gonna say, what guy wouldn't agree? Haha @AllThatSweetJazz

[DarkHumorRUs]

Wouldn't it be worse if you texted them, they said yes to a date, and then they still died the next day?

Anyway, if girls made the first move more often, there would simply be more relationships overall, because guys are more simple and would probably say yes more and would hesitate less and would make their intentions more clear.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

But still, you talked to them. You at least got to talk to them at their last time.

[BellyBells]

would there ever be an instance where a guy would say no if you asked them (not including already in a relationship)?

[DarkHumorRUs]

Probably if the girl is too unattractive...

[Kiwedin]

I think whoever is most comfortable making the first move should do it, at least in a situation where it's obvious both people like each other. Gender shouldn't play a part in it. I've dated guys more introverted than me, and I made the first move. I've dated guys more extroverted than me, and they were the ones who made the first move. It all depends on your comfort zone.

[LotusBloom]

Preach it! I asked out my first boyfriend, and we were a fabulous couple. I don't regret it. Just make sure you're prepared, and it helps if you're pretty much sure the feeling is mutual.
That aside, most guys in my grade would much prefer if they were the ones to make the first move. Something about masculinity or whatever. And I respect that.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

Yes. Signs are important.

[Kalinda]

Im confused. On the one hand "preach it ". presumably you respect the asker saying womdn should absolutely feel right in asking. and you asjed your bf and its "fabulous."

On the other hand, boys around you prefer their actions be respected more than women, and you respect THAT... So what's your main point?

[ncannon18]

Things like this most times can be really hard most times, depending on how a male or a female would feel like. I've never had to deal with the approaching action because I'm inexperienced to it but I do know how this works. Sometimes when someone who thinks approaching is so hard is be they are shy just like me because I get shy too. Overall you just have to try your best & to truly be yourself no matter what.

[Frost_Byte]

I totally agree with this! Man id just like a break for once lol. I can only imagine how easy life would be if guys got asked out by girls just as often as the opposite. That would straight up heaven, i tell ya!

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

But it will take time for girls to become more open about asking guys out. Since girls generally have more options, they don't feel like making too many efforts.

[Frost_Byte]

So your saying girsl dont ask guys out, out of sheer laziness? And that they feel like they shouldn't giv too much attention to one guy when they hav more options? If thats what your saying then that is 100% bs.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

No. I was not talking about asking a guy out. A girl will obviously do it when she has feelings for him. But when it comes to talking to a guy for the first time. Some girls would approach a guy, and some will not. Simply because girls can be quite shy, so they learn to focus on the boys they already have. Many of my friends did it.

[Anonymous]

I do show guys I'm interested by complementing them or something but honestly I could never make the first move ever. Besides you never know what guys are really looking for. Most of them just want sex and I'm not generalizing but most men don't really want to be serious until they find that so called perfect girl or they get older and want something meaningful.

[Perf4her]

Sadly it's true that we do... And as a guy I'm sure most people would understand your not generalizing but it's just the truth however when you find a guy that isn't like that and actually wants you for you... And nothing more (for the time being) it will mean a lot more to both and have a much closer bond. That being said I think either could make the first move but commonly it is the guys because either 1. They're manwhores... 2. We want to make a move before we miss out and get friend zoned... Or 3. We want to prove that we are not just there for sex before we get judged... (In my opinion)

[Opinion Owner]

Well said, my friend. Most people can't handle honesty but if I put myself out there and I start to like him, date him n sleep wiyh him then phone calls N texts come in less and he's bragging to his friends OUCH! I dont even wanna imagine how much worse it'll be. Not that there is anything wrong with it but 1. girls are more sensitive 2. He might think she's thirsty lol not the only option but c'mon.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

I guess, we all can make moves. Obviously, girls have to be cautious while doing so, but first, you can observe someone and then finally make a move. I don't think guys would consider a girl thirst for asking his number, lol. That's too much. At least, that has never happened to me.

[Opinion Owner]

By thirsty (unless he's a decent guy) I mean they think she wants the D lmaooooo

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

It can be, it can be not. It all depends.

[emmabee11]

Nah because 99% of the time if we make the first move guys get super embarrassed about it... and then they make us look like a psycho because they got butt hurt their friends made fun of a girl asking them out... so it's easier just to let them do the chasing to stop them moaning... we can't control how guys get so butt hurt over their man card lol so... it is how it is.

[emmabee11]

It has also never gone well the times i've made the first move on a guy, they legit got butt hurt because their mates starting going "Why didn'y you go up to? why coudn't you of manned up?" so... afterwards i was made fun off for months... yeh... so it's easier to let them chase us to avoid males childish pack behavior.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

Do you know many guys flaunt that a girl asked for their number or asked them out. It's s big deal because they generally do the chasing.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

I have noticed that a guy's social standing improves if a girl makes the first move.

[Watermelonoma]

yeah i disagree with this opinion. This hardly happens. I find that girls who are super shy come up with stuff like this as an excuse not to approach. My hope for them is that they are attractive enough to bait the best guys into approaching them first, because more girls these days are being proactive and taking the best men there are and leaving what's left for the shy/meek

[emmabee11]

Hana rarely... only if they have a good set of friends but usually the "good guy" is mixed up with a bunch of guys that clown around too much... even if i catch him alone his friends are gonna ask about it later when he tells them he got asked out, the guys make fun saying "haha! you got asked out by a girl!" and then from there the guy officially ignores you lol twice i've gone up to a guy and both times denies because of his friends embarrased him :\ lol never again because they don't just show him up they show me up... then they procceed to go "She wasn't that good looking anyway pal, here is a girl you should go out with" we wiill be there all day trying to get a guy to go out with us haha.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

Honestly, this is the first time I've heard this. I wouldn't rule out the possibility because anything can happen, but I would say you've got the numbers mixed up. Maybe 1% instead of 99%, that's crazy.

[emmabee11]

Guys my age or even near it aren't very mature sadly... they listen to the opinions of their friends to decide who they should go out with just like other girls do but i don't really have friends so it's a good thing really for guys lol nobody interfering (well... until some jealous cow near by who doesn't even know me witness's the whole thing then procceed to confuse the poor man by flirting with him), then when i back off she backs off and from there... the guy gets pissed at the both of us... not an easy thing for some girls to do going up to guys sadly when your always the butt end of insecure females lol.

[Cowboy6666]

... For me...

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[thatcomplicatedgirl]

True! :D

[Belleza2]

See I'm not brave so please make the first move on me, obviously if the compliment is deserved I will say it first but to ask for his phone number or asking him out, yea uh no!

[BumbleSuperBee]

Yess!!! Exactly!! Why does the pressure always have to be on guys? I agree on the fact that even girls should mmake the first move/text the guy first

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

Yep! Thanks for your opinion :)

[kat511]

It doesn't really matter who does it as long as someone makes a move. It can also have to do with the situation like if the girl is really outgoing and the guy is kinda shy its probably better for the girl to make the first move.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

yep. For as long as you are following your heart, it doesn't matter.

[Brookelea]

I still believe the guy should make the first move but if he isn't then by all means go ahead there isn't anything wrong with a girl making the first move

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

But why should guy always make the first move? Is there a Bible of dating that we are not aware of?

[Brookelea]

I did say there was nothing wrong with a girl making the first move

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

Yes, but "I still believe the guy SHOULD make the first move" is the statement you typed. So, I just wondered why he 'should' and why we should make the move when he doesn't.

[Brookelea]

That's just how I was raised and what I believe but I also believe that if a girl wants to ask a guy then that's perfectly okay I didn't mean for it to sound like a guy should be the first to ask excuse my wording

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

Yeah it's okay. There's nothing wrong with your way of thinking as well! :) At the end, do what makes you happy! :D

[badger25]

yeah if we are still kinda feeling eachother out and not sure where the relationship is headed I feel like you're not really interested if I am always texting first

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

True. If I have to text a guy first everyday, it will make me feel like he is so not interested.

[Unit1]

Whoever the hell wants to should move out or leave it be. YOUR CALL!!!

Can't be said enough these times.

Although I know rejections do hurt. That is part of the life and 100% normal for both genders. We are all humans.

[thatcomplicatedgirl]

Rejection is one of the worst things. But come on, life is one. Take chances. Who knows? Maybe something better comes out of it.

[Unit1]

You got my point girl. ^_^

[dontknowwhattoask]

I think you're right. But unfortunately, I'm just too shy to make THE first move. But after the first one is done and over with, I have no problem with texting or calling first later... ;)