Boyfriend for almost a year hasn't taken me on a date. Should I end it?

[sonnia946]

So I'll try to keep it short and sweet. I've been dating this guy for almost a year and he has not taken me out once. A little bit of background: we've made it clear that our relationship will never be very long (like forever long) because we will both be in different countries in the next few years. However we decided to be exclusive anyways. He is really sweet. He texts all the time- pretty much all day. When I'm upset about something he is considerate and attentive. He says all the right things and when I'm with him I'm happy. But I can't help but feel horribly disappointed by his lack of effort. On my birthday he made no effort to make any sort of plan. I didn't get a card, or flowers, a gift. Nothing. He hasn't taken me out to eat, or doing anything outdoors.. See a movie. Its not even about the money (which he has plenty), but it does bother me that he doesn't care to do anything I enjoy. And it's even more troublesome that he knows it's making me unhappy. Every time we see eachother- we have sex. And anytime I stay over at his place, or he stays at mine... He leaves in the morning. Like he doesn't want to just hang out with me. We get up, shower, get ready and go our separate ways. It sucks. It really sucks because he says he loves me and when I bring it up to him... He says he will try to be better and claims its his anxiety that keeps him from doing things (he takes meds) While it's true that he is a creature of habit (he only goes to his classes, friends house, or he's just home), his anxiety doesn't seem to really keep him from doing things HE wants to do. I try to be the best girlfriend I can be- but I don't know what more I can do. I don't feel like he really loves me. I don't feel like he really knows me. I already mentioned ending things with him.. And he said to give him another chance, that he loves me, etc. He says to give him more time. I don't want to waste my time with someone who doesn't care about me.

Updates

+1 y

I know that wasn't short. I guess I got carried away-- thanks for reading :-)

[WhiteBuffaloWoman]

Let me tell you my experience. I dated a guy for a year who never took me anywhere. We would go out to eat, and that was it. Otherwise we stayed in and had sex. He bought me nothing, not even a card for my birthday. For his, I bought him towels and his favorite candy. Every time I saw him using those towels I got so angry I wanted to shred them. Christmas came and I asked him to bring me back a pinecone (I collect them) from his hometown. It's free, I thought. Can't be that hard to pick up a goddamn pinecone. Did I get the pinecone? Nope. He forgot Valentines day. Slept through it and didn't text me once. My guy also said he loved me. He was also affectionate. I accepted that he was a broke musician, even though he had enough money to buy me food. I asked him for wildflowers on multiple occasions, didn't get those. Hell, he wouldn't even drive THIRTY MINUTES from his house to come see me. I had to BEG to get him to come to my place, otherwise I drove out to see him.

Honey, this man does NOT CARE. He is in it for the sex, plain and simple. I was too stupid to realize that I was being used for a year, and I regret the time I wasted. He is using you and pulling you along by the nose with his fancy words. You have done all you can do. Please get out of this relationship before you get hurt even worse.

[cupcakes94]

If going out is important to you, then make plans! Don't wait for him to do it because it sounds like he's not in a rush. My boyfriend is also pretty reluctant to go out places, so I just tell him, "I want to go on a date this Friday. There's this restaurant that I really like and I want to go there with you." There's no shame in taking a guy out on a date. And if you guys have a really great time, maybe he'll enjoy it enough to take some initiative and make his own plans. Also, I would definitely consider what @Boomer123 said. It is a little suspicious that he's so quick to leave after spending the night with you.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

You are not his girlfriend. That's probably something he leads you to think you are so y'all can have sex, but based on his actions I highly doubt he refers to you as his girlfriend when you're not around.

[ak666]

How about just snuggling up to him and talking to him about it? I think this kind of thing can solve so many problems. Snuggling up first is important, it makes it friendly instead of confrontational.

Some guys just don't take naturally to the dating scene and are just really bad at scheduling/planning something (I'm somewhat like this, though I remember to plan something special for birthdays at least). They like having a girl around the house and chilling out with her, that sort of thing. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't love you.

You might also somewhat train him sexually, like if he does something romantic, you reward him with sexual gratification. He might start to get a clue that way.

Or you might leave him and try to find someone better at putting on a romantic scene, taking you out, well-dressed, that sort of thing.

[CuriousBlackGirl]

You should most definitely end it. He's obviously keeping you around for the convenience of sex. I think your mistake was making it apparent that you don't intend to be with him forever. So he doesn't intend to treat you like it. Dumping him will solve one problem. The way you don't end up a friends with benefits again is you don't act like it won't last. & He won't change. Guy's will say that just to get sex.

[Boomer123]

He seems to be using you for sex. Next time he comes over agree to cuddle but nothing more. If it's just his anxiety keeping him from spending time with you, cuddling and talking all night will be fine... if he just wants sex and you refuse, he will leave and you will have your answer

[LifeEqualsLove]

What kind of anxiety prevents him from going out w you but not out to class or just interactions with social beings?

The fact that you've stated this is an issue & he hasn't done anything to change it is a problem.

Doesn't sound worth it to me. I would leave him tbh.

[takumii]

How many dates have you taken him on?

[Jared____]

Not 1 date😧