Why are guys hardly romantic anymore?

Question

The last relationship (and the only one I've been in due to high standards) I've been in kind of sucked and didn't work out partially because my boyfriend was never "romantic" for me. Granted, on V-Day he got me a box of chocolates and a dog plush (I hate dogs) and on Christmas he got me a T-shirt and a flap open book, but it just didn't feel from the heart. Was I too picky? What do you consider romantic? I don't know 😅😅 I just hate how guys nowadays never want to tell their girlfriends sweet things, write poems, be all cute and sweet and just want to fuck 😛

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Men aren't rewarded for being romantic so there is no upside to it. Most women don't even try to be romantic to guys. Instead days like valentines day ends up feeling like we are hiring a prostitute. We spend a ton of money on the woman, so she has sex with us afterwards. It often feels like hiring a prostitute when women think they can replace romance with sex, and some guys don't get that much.

Typically either the guy is taken for granted when he does something romantic, or he it backfires somehow. Being romantic often comes across as being insecure, or even worse like he is being fake because he is up to something.

Despite what most women claim men are treating women they way women are teaching us they want to be treated. It isn't about what women tell us they want, it is about how women actually act when they get treated that way. Take your case for example. He made an effort to try and show you he cared, and you didn't appreciate it. I doubt there is anything he could have done that would have felt "from the heart". It is rare to give or receive a gift like that, and some people are just terrible at buying gifts no matter how much thought they put into it. If he noticed how you felt about the gifts, you may have taught him not to even bother trying because the woman will still not be happy, and he may even become the guy that won't even bother getting flowers for his woman in the future.

I once got my wife flowers for no reason, other than to let her know I love her, and she accused me of cheating on her. She swore that quilt from cheating was the only reason any guy would ever get a woman flowers for no reason. I am not the only guy that has had that happen either. I actually enjoy being romantic, and I can't because women simply can not accept romance in our culture.

A better way to tell how a guy feels is what he does to help you. Such as dropping what he is doing to come pick you up when you are stranded somewhere. Or perhaps helping you or your family to move when packing to live in a new house. These everyday actions are far more telling than some Hollywood version of romance, that honestly is unrealistic.

Even if you found a guy that gave you romance all the time, eventually it would just become ordinary, and you wouldn't care about it anymore. No matter how much he loves you, or how hard he tries he can't always make you feel the way he wants to make you feel.

AleDeEurope · Accepted Answer

I think most of us are tired of never receiving any romance from girls.
I love doing romantic thing for my girls, but I also like to receive something. Girls think that just sex will do, as if that's all we want. And though sex is great, I don't want just that. Just like you, I wanna get some thoughtful gifts (not something you have to buy, a small note will do), get taken out to dinner, receive a massage... I wanna know that SHE appreciates and needs me, just like I like showing my appreciation to her with romantic actions.
When that romance isn't reciprocated, I end up annoyed and start getting bored of her cause I feel like she doesn't care as much as I do.

Miss_Behave · Accepted Answer

Maybe it's just me but I've not really thought of my guy doing anything "romantic" for new before.
Honestly, I'm happy enough just from the fact that he treats me well, talks to me nicely, cares about me, etc. And the way he touches me, kisses me, looks at me and smiles at me... Makes me feel all sweet inside.

He's not one to get me gifts, although he gave me a dildo for my birthday. I remember when I opened the box, i couldn't stop laughing and said, "you got me what?" it was hilarious! But he said he got it for me so i could use it when we're not together (we're long distance) and that thought alone makes me smile like an idiot.

I, on the other hand, have given him many gifts, such as gift cards to one of this favorite store, a jeep t-shirt (cos he loves jeeps and the outdoors) , a book he's really wanted for awhile but never got around to getting... Only to name a few. And I'm very happy just giving him all that and although I'm not showered back with gifts, just seeing him happy and appreciate them are enough to send me over the moon!

Or maybe.. Just maybe... my definition of romance is just different, I don't know...

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think the fact that he acknowledged Valentines day at all shows he cares about you. I think your expectations may be a little high.

He at least tried on Valentines day, even if he did get you a dog. That is much more than a lot of other people get. He acknowledged the occasion, even when he didn't have to get you anything.

I think part of the problem is that guys get so discouraged from doing anything romantic because there are women out there who do not appreciate what they do. So they just stop caring.

In my experience its usually an ex girlfriend who has hurt them, and so then I have to deal with the broken hearted guy who doesn't care :(

Just try to be encouraging and grateful for the effort he does put in.

It's unrealistic to expect romance all the time. Once in awhile, sure. But he has to come up with that on his own. Pressuring him won't help. But when he does do something, give him lots of encouragement, tell him it makes you happy. And he will be happy to oblige.

janaina · Accepted Answer

Guys do. The ones you are mixing with don't. But I bet you're just casting them all aside in search of your "perfect man"... You don't actually sound particularly nice if I were to be honest. You seem materialistic and ungrateful possibly and as a result of that you will only attact similar people, because you are not giving out the right energy. But anyway, usually the guy you are looking for will come when you truly aren't looking but it's unlikely he will be absolutely perfect like in the movies so I would say lower your standards and think about what you have to offer instead of placing it all on the guy. The kind of treatment you want only happens through reciprocation, so you need to make an effort to do that for your future guy too

XRabbitHeartX · Accepted Answer

There are plenty of romantic guys. My boyfriend is one of them. He writes poetry, made a song for me, says cute things to me every day and is very sweet in general. I can't say anything bad about him. The secret is to not settle for guys if you see early warning signs that they might not be so sweet... I didn't settle and now I'm happy.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Well it's not uncommon for guys to be like that in their teens their immature, and hormone (ly) and chemically unbalanced. Once they get older they tend to wise up usually lol. Romantic guys are still around I just wouldn't expect to find very many of them in high school.

As for what I find romantic and me well I've always been a romantic and I personally do things depending on the girl I am with because not all girls are the same. And I tend to pay attention to the things they like and act around that.

Maybe I'll surprise her with a picnic in the park or make up a tent and watch the stars with her on the beach or wherever I am, take her on a moonlit walk and talk all poetic to her, or just do little cute things like show up at her house with ice cream and her favorite movie if she's feeling down, get her a stuffed animal that's totally her, whatever she likes basically. I do however always write poetry for girls I like since I am a poet and make special pieces that are uniquely for them and them alone.

But that's just me I've always been really old fashioned, a gentleman being romantic though isn't that hard you just have to pay attention to your partner but remember romance is a two way street we guys like it to, and you have to give a little to get a little.

Steelcore1085 · Answer

Honestly, it sounds like you are way too incredibly picky and have extremely high standards for guys (which would definitely scare many guys away that you might like). He was obviously trying to make you happy and did what he thought was the best to make the relationship romantic, but I honestly think you were expecting too much from him. The way the media portrays what love should be like doesn't help relationships.

Not to toot my own horn here, but I am an extremely romantic guy who would do pretty much anything for his girl (which I am shocked that I have one). I give my girl attention, affection, love, support, and also am a source of support whether she's up or down at any given time. Hell, I'd put my life on the line for her if she was in danger! I hope she and I maintain a relationship for a long time (which honestly I have my doubts; she's going cold on me already).

To also add, it really sucks for us when we are putting all the effort into the relationship and giving her little gifts and trying to do everything to make her happy, all the while our girl does very little in return. Eventually, most guys will say "fuck it" and walk out of it because we don't feel important to her. And this is a huge problem across the country. So a lot of guys don't really want to become romantic and get involved in relationships anymore. Many guys don't see the point. But that's my two cents...

HeWhoPonders · Answer

I consider myself romantic. I'm not as romantic as I used to be, however, due to the fact that in one of my earlier relationships my romantic nature caused the breakup.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not one of those "nice guys" who bitterly blame the breakup on how nice I was to make myself feel better. Rather, it is my strong belief that I was focusing too much on the romance and not enough on the physical intimacy. Looking back on it I was hesitant to go very far so we never did. She got bored with all the romantic things I did and the lack of physical passion and left me for her ex.

I suppose that in itself is why us guys now are afraid to go seriously romantic. A lot of us are trying to find that balance and are fearful of overdoing it.

becca123 · Answer

You'll find that most guys aren't over the top romantic, like you see in movies... full of grand gestures, etc.

What you will find is that when a guy cares about you, his actions leave you no doubt.

I recall thinking that my guy isn't romantic when we were at a concert and the band played a slower, romantic song. He stood next to me when I *thought* he should have swooped me romantically into his arms. Then it hit me, rather than being disappointed in him for that one thing, I needed to be appreciative of his getting us the tickets at all. It wasn't someone he liked, and he only went because he knew it would make me happy.

THAT is real life romance.

GiftShop · Answer

You gotta find the right guy!
Both my sister and I have found the most mushy romantic men possible and it's incredible.

I think most guys want flings now over something meaningful that takes effort.
Girls also need to up how they let guys treat them

Mesonfielde · Answer

Well I am terrible at poetry. It's honestly for the better if I don't write her anything... Wait, I have to ask her if I am romantic sometimes.

She says I am not. Oh well, I think I do everything that is to be expected. She says romance is not in what you do but how you do it. I have no idea what she is talking about at this point, and I guess I am not a romantic. I don't see the additional value in candles beyond that it's a trope.

If you guys want romance, you should do it to show an example, not just sit back and expect everything on top of what you already get.

Redshift · Answer

Most guys are completely clueless what to do with a woman well into their 20s. And even then if they get everything they want from her they'll hardly think about earning it. I'm not saying "Don't have sex until marriage!" but don't give him everything all the time. Make the guy work for it and make sure he's actually in love with you. Few of us are born with the knowledge of what women wish from their bf/husband. Most have to be trained so don't be afraid of asking him to be more romantic, do something for you, etc.

theintrovert · Answer

Well here's my case i never get to be that way with a girl because every time I'm being sweet and kind in the eyes of my peers I'm a F*ckBoy. But when fuck boys do it they get praised and even in some cases obsessed over. Every girl I've tried to be romantic they've shunned me for it. So I can't be romantic because girls around me don't like that they want boys who don't care. Same goes for all of my other friends who like to be romantic with girls. Most girls don't like the romantic guys because lets face it they aren't lookers.

Kylesar · Answer

A few reasons that may or may not intersect

1) Because men don't fall for Disney Engineering and Hollywood romance ideals

2) Women these days are under the stereotypical idea that ALL men want is sex, like we're just mindless sex hounds

3) We do all this romantic stuff and get no romance back. It's not that we feel obligated to do romantic gestures, because trust me, it's insanely easy to see through fake romance. We just want to be on the receiving end sometimes

4) Next is that some guys feel that romance and romantic guys are simps

5) They don't know how to be romantic

6) They're not worth being romantic to

As for what's romantic. Cook for him, take him out, small gifts, notes

tyber1 · Answer

Well when I was in a relationship I did cute things for my girlfriend and she appreciated it. She even occasionally did cute things for me. I only did those things because I genuinely wanted to, because I felt like she was special. Not every girl who puts in an effort will make a guy feel like she's special but she's not gonna be special if she just takes and doesn't give. Many girls just expect guys to carry the weight in a relationship, they want us to make the first move, pay for the dates, say I love you first, propose marriage, do all these cute things for them throughout the relationship but it gets tiring to put in tons of effort into making someone feel special when they make you feel like you aren't worth that kind of effort. What's special about a girl who doesn't care enough to put in a little extra thought? Many girls are so lazy and self centered it just makes guys not want to bother. It becomes like a chore. All giving and no receiving just has a way of wearing you down.

GingerGuy · Answer

Did you know them when they were? ;) lol Seriously though, everyone is different and most guys, especially at your age aren't romantic. That comes later as they mature and settle down, get married. Some guy are much more romantic than others to. Some think it's a sign of weakness. For your last sentence, I get how you feel but look at it from the guys point of view. Our hormones are in overdrive. We're horny all the time (imagine if you were, how would you feel and how would you act?), and we're visual and we see gorgeous women all day long either in public or tv, ads etc. We don't need the emotion connection that women do. So the fact that he's doing anything romantic at all, says he likes you somewhat. Yes he wants sex but he's horny. Doesn't mean he doesn't like/care for you.

RedThread · Answer

I don't think guys ever did that stuff in bulk that you see in romance movies. Sure some guys did but our Disney ingrained notion of romance wasn't a mainstream thing.

There's a time in our lives when we either have to accept reality as it is or work hard to create the one we want around us.

Raymond_Reddington · Answer

you're either a troll or a shallow b*tch. maybe both. you have high standards, of course you're not gonna find a nice romantic guy if your standards are as high as the Burj Khalifa. '

'I just hate how guys nowadays never want to tell their girlfriends sweet things, write poems, be all cute and sweet and just want to fuck''
well guess what, little miss perfect, there are sh*tloads of guys out there who'd want to treat a girl like that. but noooooo they are too ugly for your standards.

have fun with those brainless asses who are high enough for your standards.

bryon · Answer

Feminism killed romance some years ago. The only guy ( for the most part ) that will be romantic is in a LTR not just dating

FrostyFlame · Answer

Eh, just be sure you're not having fairy tale-like romantic fantasies or something because I'm sure you know life isn't like the movies. In my opinion, romance is in the real moments, and not so much in writing poetry and buying chocolate. To me, it can be as simple as someone being there for you in your lowest times, being brutally honest with you when needed, looking out for you. It's an overall feeling, not just tasks that anyone can do.

stardust101 · Answer

I love chivalry and it needs to come back. I love being treated like a lady. I prefer passion over romance though but opening doors for a lady is a must. It just has to be 😊

Anonymous · Answer

Don't lump all guys together. Some men just aren't good with romantic things. We don't grow up drenched in love stories. But a lot of us try. If you want more romanticism you've got to help him understand what it is your looking for because it's not naturally ingrained in us and (since it's mostly just a ton of extra work all for aesthetically pleasing you) it's not something we often seek to learn about on our own. If you want more romanticism make it known. Expose him to your roman tic tastes. He'll change.

MoonlitSonata · Answer

I once dated this girl. A week after we started dating happened to be her birthday. She had never been to prom (neither had I). I found out her school colors and favorite snacks, and on a $20 budget decorated my apartment like a school gym. Streamers and ballons and stuff and had a little table with a cover with refreshments and snacks. I made a a playlist of romantic songs, and asked her to dance at one point. Sadly it didn't work out the way I'd hoped she bitched about her day the whole time, and broke up with me 2 days later. My point is guys are still romantic. You gotta find the right guy.

ConsultantIsBack · Answer

Yea, i wrote a mytake very recently here: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a26383-18-things-guys-don-t-understand-about-girls

And i got a couple comments guys were like "this is gay" haha, sooo apparently you can only be a loser or a fuckboy these days I guess? Where my gentleman brahs @ ? I mean jesus, at least put up some competition for us gentlemen.

Mustachekitteh · Answer

Well since y'all are in high school. I'm not surprised the dude doesn't know how to be romantic. It's not like anyone knows how to be one automatically. We aren't born knowing what's romantic.

Playing video games with my boyfriend is romantic to me. Along with him making computer stuff for me.

Pampered · Answer

Hmm it could be because of your "high standards". I'm with a guy now who has a lot of flaws, like we all do, but I'm with him more for how he makes me feel and his personality over anything else. He treats me like an absolute princess because the love is genuine. You just need to hold guys to less standards.. no one's perfect, including you.

Sara413 · Answer

Who cares about movie style romance as long as he treats you well? My boyfriend has never written me a poem or strewn rose petals around the room but I don't give a shit... he treats me kindly and with respect and treats me as his equal. That's more than enough for me!!

I'll take my unromantic, respectful, loving boyfriend over a guy who swings between ass hole and sweet.

Tdieseler · Answer

some guys still are... they are just hard to find.
just like its hard to find a woman who does stereotypical "woman" stuff.
its 2016, equality has been fought for and gotten (to an extent)... guys don't need all that... guessing y'all don't either... i mean.. we are equals now.. right?

broadsword · Answer

Unfortunately your right but your a victim to your own sex. It's simply because there are to many women to have friends with benefits or fuck buddies or even just casual sex.
So guys don't have to try very hard any more to get to know a woman before she may sleep with them.

QooLipBite · Answer

This is definitely because of porn and masturbating.

These stimulating activities wire the brain to start craving and wanting more of these things while numbing the emotional and other areas of the brain through constant flooding of dopamine from watching porn and masturbating.

kedslover · Answer

blame the women's movement for that. guys just don't know what to do when women become so hostile to men. as for the gifts he gave you, appreciate them for the thought behind the gift rather than the gift itself. sometimes he just doesn't have the wallet for "nicer things".

Aetumn · Answer

This is something a lot of guys don't get. The fact that it's not the big occasional presents that actually makes their girlfirends but small, constant attention. They don't think it's "important" enough.
You might want to talk to your boyfriend about it, seeing this visibly isn't part of the standard boyfriend manual :p Make him understand you'd much rather he showed mini-signs of affections every day rather than an enormous bouquet once a month or whatever.

Asher8 · Answer

Its true that most guys today do just want to fuck.. Its very sad. But their are some guys out there who are still sweet and gentlemen like. I am one XD and I know a few who don't understand guys who just want to fuck. And no you are not too picky. Wanting romance is normal. You're probably a hopeless romantic, like moi

Northeast106 · Answer

I think guys are afraid of being the cheesy, corny, romantic type. You really put yourself on the line for a harsh rejection whenever you take a risk like that and make an over the top romantic gesture. I always think of that guy who proposed at a basketball game and got rejected in front of thousands of people.

soccerchick4eva · Answer

I dont know how to answer this that well since my guy is really good at this with presents and suprises and all ahha but maybe its just who the guy is, not all guys have the same sort of idea about romance but hey he still got you nice presents, if my guy got me chocolates and a dog plush i would be happy cause its the thought that counts not the sort of present you received :)

AprulZ · Answer

Well I don't know about you but my boyfriend and I have been really romantic with each other! We've made cute gifts for each other like I made him a locket and a box that said all the reasons I love him :) just be romantic and do cute things and he should do it back. Being romantic is really just trying to make your SO smile. I think that your ex was trying but your standards were too high for him.

Alexious · Answer

Well I have like no experience..
But, I know how to treat a girl. Unlike a lot of dudes, I'm not trying to say I'm the fedora dude.. But it varies on the girl I guess. Everyone is into different things, but I tend to feed on the things they like to keep them happy. I have been to the zoo with a girl once and she said she enjoyed every minute of it.

Because I live in London I can take her anywhere in the city. Winter Wonderland is first on my list.

DasVoz · Answer

You're dealing with guys in a young age range. Most guys take a while to fill into themselves. With experience and maturity, these young guys that you're turning down now will be gentleman in the future.

Chief16 · Answer

Don't generalize bro, there are a few women who be like this You don't see men whining about them. And most women don't even give gifts or anything to men.

Luvme66 · Answer

Well... here is the truth... most guys in our age ranges are not at all mature... even the girls aren't too...
As far as I know... we teenagers are going through hell right now... we are way more self conscious... We want people's acceptance... but NO i realised that all you need is yourself!

I can only suggest that you wait till get to your 20s... you will see what guys can do ;)

archiz · Answer

That s not true, well it wasn t with me I ve met some really sweet guys who were adorbs

Anonymous · Answer

Well if you find that buying you the perfect gift is "romantic" then I don't know what's up with people now a days. First of all, you shouldn't have to wait for a particular day to spend time with your loved ones. Days like that are just days where industries promote so that they can have good sales.

JohnMike999 · Answer

You are the reason girl, if you told him what you like and what you hate he would have brought you what you like, and avoided what you hate. My girl told me once she likes makeups, and being complimented. I kept that on mind on V-Day i gave her a packed up gift containing hands varnish, and a small paper written on it the 10 things i like about her, she really liked it.

genericname85 · Answer

because everything that was formerly known as being "romantic" is now called "sexist" or "creepy"... so a guy being romantic is not socially acceptable anymore.

next time you ask yourself why people are not romantic, you should consider how you treated the last guy that actually was trying to be romantic but that you were not into at all.

Prince_teddy4u · Answer

Because that's the new trend of being romantic. You're girl with my thinking. I tried doing all these and my girls left me saying you're not romantic. I used one girl only for sex and she compliment I'm so romantic. I don't know, what's the yardstick of being romantic in this robot world.

Anonymous · Answer

Girls rarely match guys with effort; after years and years of this trend guys are finally sick of it and are moving away from relationships. It's not rocket science. Women want special treatment and often offer little more than sex, yet rant about equality and ability, but still expect guys to offer more.
Good job ladies.

TimTim56 · Answer

I don't think most guys have ever done things things like that not just nowadays. You may be too picky about appearances. Most of the sweet guys tend to be underdogs based on my experience with them instead of the guys girls consider "cute" or "hot"

chrisbigman · Answer

Probably because - I don't know, actually. I was gonna say that Hollywood fucked them up, but that may be a loose fabrication. I know if I was in a relationship, I would be romantic - whether it's to make a very nice candlelight dinner at my place or do something out on the town or something.

hifromkai · Answer

It goes goes both ways I've been in relationships where I've put so much effort into being romantic and she's loved it but after a while it becomes just an every day thing for her and she never puts effort in so it becomes too one sided so I just couldn't be bothered doing it all the time... It's pretty disheartening...

serious · Answer

Well, some guys are naturally aromantic, or they lack that romantic touch in them, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they don't love you. I can understand what you are saying though and there is nothing wrong in expecting that.

Prettygurl12 · Answer

You're seventeen. You should just be thanking your lucky stars the poor guy remembered those dates were things that merited presents in the first place.

Offthelist · Answer

Just because its a holiday doesn't obligate ur boyfriend to buy you a bunch of sht or give you anything but affection. you're materializing love.

PrettyBama · Answer

Plenty of guys are romantic. I think it takes a certain girl to bring it out of them.

findingdreamland-1 · Answer

Because there are so many options. They do not want to try anymore. And also keep in mind. Real love and a real romantic person are not easy to find. So keep searching.

Anonymous · Answer

Most guys I knew stopped being romantic if they ever were.  General experience is that unless a woman is head over heels for you, it goes over badly not well. And makes her find you less attractive.

etaine2908 · Answer

Honestly, I'm glad that its that way.. I find romantic guys way to cheesy! However, I stumbled upon quite a lot of overly romantic guys in my past.-. Wanna switch? :P

ThisDudeHere · Answer

So when you talk about being romantic, the main thing you mention in your description are material possessions that he gifted to you. So romantic=buys you stuff?

Anonymous · Answer

I see a guy below said those guys are gonna be gentleman and shit... ya know wot?

I'm almost 25 and I'm not a gentleman at all... I hate gentlemanism... I believe it's for pussies...

And no I'm not romantic at all... if I saw ya I'd make clear ma intentions towards ya... there's zero sweetness comin' from me... if ya want a sweet guy look somewhere else...

FallOutBoy2001 · Answer

Mine is pretty romantic, walked me to the door the other night and kissed me on the doorstep. We're not really "gift" people though

Anonymous · Answer

Most men are sick and tired of women that just take take take and never give any romance or anything in return. It is a two way street which most women need to learn.

Jayded1 · Answer

Id say its more the guys you date aren't. Not guys in general. And no you were not to picky, gifts should involve thought and show you know your partner. Not show you dont care what they like enough to find out.

ASOdeath · Answer

nothing personally im not very romantic my self its disgusting dont come to with that emotional bs and ill probably end up trying to hit him and crying smh

FatherJack · Answer

I'm afraid you ladies are extremely difficult to please , we are damned if we do , damned if we don't. When married , I stopped giving gifts for my ex birthday , even Christmas as she never appreciated my effort / thoughts ( also I HATE shopping )

AceOtana1 · Answer

I've lost romantic interest in women ages ago. Not being nasty but, women just don't seem worth it any more. Too bitchy and spiteful.

Humping_Tornadoes · Answer

I was/am very romantic, and extremely passionate. But lets face it, most girls aren't appreciative of those things anymore, and the big majority won't reciprocate the same way.

Why are guys hardly romantic anymore?

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Why aren't guys romantic anymore?

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Why aren't guys romantic anymore?

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