Why can't I stay loyal?

[deeznutzbby]

I am a 22 year old female. Since my first boyfriend at age 16 I have ALWAYS cheated. I have an amazing boyfriend now but I still find myself straying. Even when I am sexually and emotionally satisfied, I find a way to cheat physically and or emotionally.

My dad was a chronic cheater but my parents divorced when I was 4; she was fed up with his infidelity I believe, so I didn't know much about this until I got older. So I don't think it's a "learned behavior".

Any thoughts😕

Updates

+1 y

I am a very kind person and never set out to hurt ANYone.

[redeyemindtricks]

There are a surprising number of men who actually WANT this. "Cuckolding", "hotwife marriage", it goes by a whole bunch of names, but... it's much more common than I ever would have thought.

The big problem with it, of course, is... How much can we really RESPECT a man who'll just take us back after cheat-after-cheat-after-cheat? Lmaooo
I mean... Once is one thing, but, I have a hard time imagining that you still have yr initial level of respect for yr "amazing boyfriend" after having walked all over him so many times.

But... I'm not you.
So, I'll ask.

Do you?

Do you still RESPECT yr boyfriend? As much as you did when you two first started out together?

If yr respect for yr man can actually persist through THAT -- through repeated cheating, with him just la-la-la-looking the other way -- then you should find yrself a man who's looking for one of those "hotwife" marriages.
There are actually lots and lots of those men out there, and they are absolutely dying to spoil a woman rotten, too -- while she goes out and cheats on them, left and right, and then comes home and rubs it in their faces (often literally). The problem is a lack of WOMEN who are willing to deal with being married to... that.

So... can you? Can yr respect for him stay intact, through all the cheating?

If so, you'll have a LOT of men to choose from. A lot of very rich men who will wait on you absolutely hand and foot. If that's yr thing.

[spuitkaas]

There is quite some evidence that some people are naturally more prone to cheat and that it's inheritable. It's like some people are more prone to develop an addiction like alcoholism.
Here you have it explained by the devil from South Park (although I believe some people are more prone to have these dopamine problems)

https://youtu.be/ML2aQTn_1Ao

As for solutions, you could try to fight against it, but there might be a chance you'll feel miserable. You could try an open relationship, swinging or even polygamy. Good luck with everything.

[deeznutzbby]

I am also an alcoholic, inherited from my dad haha

[koko124]

In my opinion you might want to get your hormone levels checked out too.

You've got a higher hairline than me, and I'm a guy 2 years older than you.

[Michonne551]

Because you haven't felt how much it tears you apart to be cheated on. I was once like you... but then it happened to me, and now it has been 6 years without, 2 relationships later and I still know, strongly, that it is now against my morals and I never could.

[shadowlegend]

Do you secretly want to get caught and sabotage the relationship? Two reasons people cheat, they aren't satisfied with their partner and seek satisfaction elsewhere, or they have an insecurity problem and cheat to sabotage the relationship.

[deeznutzbby]

I sabotage everything haha
I've tried breaking up with him on soooo many occasions and he knows I've cheated but he keeps staying.

[shadowlegend]

Well either you want to change that or you're happy with it. Would you be cool with it if he slept with other people? Like maybe you can just agree to have an open relationship?

[deeznutzbby]

I've told him he can cheat back on me on the two he is aware of. I'm sure he knows more than he lets on. But he refuses and I believe him. He's got really good morals and is too good of a guy. He deserves better. But if he were to actually do it I would never forgive or forget

[shadowlegend]

So maybe don't have a relationship and just stick to hookups so you aren't hurting anyone?

[rabbit3891]

I couldn't begin to tell you why you do what you do. Do you enjoy cheating? Or get some sort of thrill from it? Is it because doing a bad things turns you on? In those cases my advice would be to be very careful, always delete messages, don't change up your routine all of a sudden, never leave absolute proof, and always deny it. Even if he knows for sure that you were hanging out with another guy at his house, or that you had another guy to your house, he can't prove that you did anything. However if you really want to be faithful and wish that you didn't cheat, but you can't control it, and you want to be a good faithful woman to the man you love, then I'm sorry you're going through this. I would say work on some things on your own for a while, see if you can figure out a way to get it under control, but if not you need to talk to your man and let him know that you love him and don't want to hurt him, and you're willing to work on being more faithful, and maybe eventually totally faithful. If he really loves you he will work with you, and help you through it, obviously his initial reaction may be bad, but if he loves you it'll be okay, and if he can't be understanding and supportive when you've clearly told him because you want to be faithful, then he doesn't deserve you. Either way I hope you find love and happiness, and that either he will accept you the way you are, or will help you get it under control. Hope that was helpful.

[deeznutzbby]

Very helpful. Thank you

[raio81597]

The simple answer here is that it's a self esteem issue. Everything you said here speaks of someone that doesn't value themselves enough to have a committed and loyal relationship. In this sense your personal moral compass is broken, possibly due to knowing things about your parents relationship that consciously you are not aware of, so like self esteem it's all a sub conscious drive to sabotage a good relationship for the sake of reinforcing some belief you have about yourself that is really more about your parents relationship. So as such you are running an old script that is not your own, this is a form of secondary learned behavior, just isn't a self aware behavior as to why it happens. Here's a resource for you, to get this fixed if you really value your SO and really want to get this handled.

getesteem.com/lse-symptoms/symptom-details.html

Get the book and workbook it will make a difference.

[ilovesexyfeet]

U have underlying issues of maybe not feeling accepted or wanted or that relationships don't ever last. The trouble with this is the more you do it the more it will hurt u in the long term. You won't find happiness with a partner or ever have the true feeling of a loving relationship, as to u this doesn't seem to exist. It may come from your parents break up, u feeling like the relationship won't last, as he will cheat on u so u do it first. Your opinion of a relationship has been clouded by why your parents went through and u need to get help with this.

[deeznutzbby]

So much sense.

[deeznutzbby]

I don't think I even know how to love another completely

[ilovesexyfeet]

Well you have now taken the first step, as you know there are issues with how u view a relationship so the next step is maybe counseling to help u understand how your actions will affect your future and also to deal with how your parents break up affected u and the reasons they broke up. Good luck with it and when u learn to love and find that special relationship, you will be truly happy and feel totally different.

[BarbieDollT]

Love this opinion

[Insignificant16]

Grow up and be considerate to peoples feelings. Otherwise leave the guy you're with stay single and sleep with whoever you want. It's as simple as that. How can you possibly say you're kind and never set out to hurt anyone when your actions only do exactly that? What do you want people to say to you? That it's not your fault? You should know better than anyone given your Dads past. Just be single and do what you like, including getting over the issues you may have, or be committed to one person. Don't mess with peoples lives though, it's not fair, and anything but kind.

[desidoll]

I think it has something to do with your childhood that affects your view on a relationship. It could also be that you're not ready to commit to one person. Insecurity is the third one. Maybe you doubt your partner so you always wanna hurt him first before he hurts you. My advice is either to stop having a relationship and get a friends with benefits, or remain single. No one is hurt.

[CoolSky01]

So you have an amazing guy, you cheat , and you're awaring of you're cheating habits? its your fault and yours only you do this knowingly and not by accident or mistake, you do it cause you love it and crave the attention of men around you , i met someone like you once and after i realized what kind of person she was i pushed her away and told her to forget about us ever dating, i can safely say that i would never ever be with someone like that , you can change but you dont want to.

[ThisDudeHere]

Please do men a favor and stay single for the rest of your life. No one deserves a partner like you.

Or change. That's also an option.

[deeznutzbby]

I'm a very good girlfriend in every way but this. I don't think he'd stay with me if not. I wanna change

[ThisDudeHere]

This alone cancels out you being good in every other way.

[deeznutzbby]

So why tf's this guy still with me?

[ThisDudeHere]

Maybe he's an idiot or just desperate and doesn't want to feel alone. Or both. I wouldn't be with you, that's for sure.

[deeznutzbby]

I wouldn't be with me either. Or him if he did to me

[Octavius]

Seek a therapist. Maybe they can find the root of your problem. You shouldn't just keep on going like you're going. That's how you hurt people.

[Uselessguy]

If you want to cheat in every relationship. Tell that guy you are most likely to cheat before relationship. If he is protective guy, cheating can ruin him for a while. I think you should not marry or have a serious relationship. It hurts people.

[deeznutzbby]

I did tell him. The night we met I was a wreck and many nights after as well. I've told him plenty times that I will only hurt him and he should find himself a good girl to marry. I think maybe he needs some therapy himself..

[Uselessguy]

Perhaps he likes cuckolding. You would be a perfect couple. You like to take other guys and he likes it)))

[selmo93]

I was like that.
. probably self confidence - you think they'll leave. cheat or deserve better so you give them reason to.
Or you think you can find someone better

[Fearless_banana]

You sound like a grade A sloot. Deeznuts lmfao. You're a hot 22 yr old though so it's all good lol. Just stop getting in committed relationships. Problem solved. You can thank me now.

[dogbert444]

Get a grip on this, somehow. Otherwise you could end up a very lonely single lady.

[ClumsyAngel]

Self control, self discipline
If you're satisfied... why look for someone else? :/

If you think of cheating and you did it... Break it up with the guy, for your and HIS own good, he doesn't deserve this, you know that

[TheGuyFromMiddleEast]

As long as you don't try to make a man believe a child is his, when it actually is a product of infidelity, I think it is fine. Just don't try to hurt people. Cheati don2t let the man know, let him go and find another boyfriend.

[Weirdstuff]

Maybe you have some psychological issues of needing to be "desired". Ever considered going to a psychiatrist for this?

[Anonymous]

You are not being satisfied, fulfillment is something you are not getting from one person, you are searching for something, i think when you find what you are looking for maybe then you will settle down.

[cth96190]

You have a deep-seated problem that probably stems from your childhood experiences.
You need to see a psychologist, who can help you work through your problem.

[kittykatbrat]

Serial dater right here who doesn't understand your constant need for a boyfriend.

Want to explain it?

[HGStebbins]

theattractivearts.com/.../

[RedRobin]

Maybe you have abandonment issues. It's possible to get them if your mare ts divorced.

[RedRobin]

* parents

[Anonymous]

It's probably something to do with your childhood, although that doesn't mean it has to be your father. Perhaps it's just the result of all the little things you were exposed to that made you like that?
Also, pro tip: Don't get married :/

[zagor]

If you can''t stay loyal, at least accept it. Go ahead and do what you feel. Just be honest Don't try to be what you can't, just don't BS people on your way.