My boyfriend accidently wet the bed, now things have been tense between us. Help?

Question

My boyfriend accidently wet my bed, I was sleeping next to him and he woke up in a panic and rushed to the bathroom. I fell back asleep just thinking he had to pee really badly, but then he later woke me up. First thing he said was " I have to tell you something, please don't judge me or think differently of me" then proceeded telling me he wet the bed, he was having a dream he was peeing. He says this has never happened to him and doesn't know why it would happen now. I tried to be very calm and understanding, I didn't scorn him or make him feel bad for it. I just washed the sheets while he was showering. He kind of teared up a bit saying how embarrassed he was, out of all places for this to happen, it happened in my bed. I just reassured him I wasn't upset or think of him in any other way. We haven't had sex since this incident, and we've been kind of bickering. Whenever it is silent between the both of us he automatically thinks I'm mad or something is wrong with me. Then I have the feeling I'm doing something wrong when I'm not. I don't understand why he's acting this way, especially when I've tried to be sensitive on the incident now it feels a bit tense and awkward between us. Sometimes the tension last for a couple of hours, we'll be watching a show and just sitting next to each other without cuddling. We are a very affectionate couple, just feels like theirs a huge wall between us.

Saad_1992 · Accepted Answer

I can imagine he must feel horrible. it happened to me once, but I was a teenager. however, we were poor and I was sleeping in the same room as my mother, sister and brother. my brother was a baby and he has no idea about it. it must be worse for him since he's probably your age (25-29). and on top of that, it wasn't even in own house, so it's not his sheets he spoiled. so, in addition to being embarrassed, he must have also felt like he burdened you. even though you haven't expressed anger at him, he might feel like you are merely being polite. that is why he is afraid to initiate sex or any other form of intimacy. so you will have to do the initiating. when you are watching TV, go close to him and try to cuddle with him. when you are sleeping, put your arm around him. it will reassure him that you still like him. after that, he might slowly start initiating too. if you feel like you can, then talk to him about the incident and bluntly say that it doesn't matter to you but his behaviour is harming your relationship. tell me how it goes 👍:).

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think I can help. I've been In this situation. it was when I was in 10th grade, I was kind of feverish and I wet the bed too. Same dream thingy. I was so embarrassed. I stayed inside bathroom just thinking what should I do. it was embarrassing and it depressed. made me feel so low about me... he must be feeling that way. no matter what u say he will not stop feeling ashamed. until u really reach out to his heart. Just go right to him, hug him tightly and tell him that's it's all fine and u don't think any less of him... he needs to hear it from you...

Edymemelord · Accepted Answer

So here's what I think that hasn't particularly happened to me but something similar has.
1) He could be totally embarrassed and shy about it! He might feel bad, gross, demasculated, whatever it might be. If this is the case bring it up subtly and tell him you really don't care that it happened.
2) It seems you have already tried to reassure him so try this: lead the sex to happen. Like you start it up unless he says during foreplay or whatever that he doesn't want to.
3) Mention the bickering part and tell him how it's okay.
4) If worse comes to worse lie and make up a story about how it's happened to you or someone else you know.

He's probably just really sad and self conscious about it.

(This is kind of like the time my boyfriend threw up on me which is what I was comparing it to).

LaFemmeFatale · Accepted Answer

Mm tell him that It has happened to many people and there's nothing to worry about. That's funny :D I don't mean the fact that he wet the bed, but I mean the fact that you let this influence your relationship, are you 5 years old? Talk with him and cuddle with him, nothing happened. It is not worth to be perceived so seriously. God, I would just laugh once or twice and forget. You should take him out of this situation. Joke about it and joke about it happening to you. Tell him how sexy he is in your eyes and how you want him.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think he is still embarrassed about that incident and he might be afraid that you might not like him again. I'm pretty much the same way. When I embarrass myself in front of people, it takes me awhile to get over it and negative thoughts starts to fill my mind. I think you should talk to him and tell him that he doesn't have to be embarrassed. He's human, you're human and the both of you could make mistakes. Try to comfort him to see what happens.

levantine99 · Accepted Answer

the matter needs discretion. make him feel sure that 1) this incident will be taken to your grave, noone will ever learn. 2) he is equally manly and attractive to you like he always was. lots of patience will be needed. he seems very self conscious about it and he's sabotaging the relationship

MadeInAmerica · Answer

He can't get over the fact that he wet the bed like a 3 year old. So he thinks that you are thinking about the incident just as much as he is. He thinks you wasn't sincere about you accepting he peed the bed and that you are judging him eventhough you not. Eventually even though it's in both your minds, and it's embarrassing of him you are going to have to bring this piss issue up again. Explain it to him and hope he gets the messages a second time around.

Levin · Answer

This happened to me, once, I was about 5. Pro tip for you all, if you ever dream you're a goldfish, and think, if you're in a goldfish bowl, and you're a fish, *surely* it's okay to pee, turns out it's not. Should have known something was awry when I was manifested as a fish...

I don't know. Obviously he needs to find a way to lighten up about it. We all, urinate, defecate what have you, and it ain't a pretty facet of our existence. Things happen... I'd almost guarantee it's related to some embarrassment or other traumatic incident he's had growing up. I have a book on the emotions behind various physical symptoms, and it says 'fear of an authority figure is the main key'. Probably not helpful though. You guys just need to have it out and encourage him to talk. It seems like the barrier to intimacy will come from him seeing that awkward incident as the background to everything, he'll be unable to relax.

MrOracle · Answer

Go over, crawl into his lap, and hug/cuddle with him for a while. Tell him you don't give a crap about the bed, but that you care that HE can't seem to let it go and you don't want it interfering with your relationship. And, could he please just have sex with you so he can release the tension?

Things happen. People are human. You deal with them, move on, and they're forgotten. Remind him of that, and then go bang his brains out and let him feel like a man again.

madhatters4 · Answer

he's embarrassed and probably feeling insecure because of the event... i think you probably just need to talk to him about how he's feeling. explain that an adult having a dream about going to the bathroom while going to the bathroom is not uncommon. reiterate that you love him and don't think differently of him and while you understand he may be embarrassed or whatever to try and not let that derail your relationship

Azgeda · Answer

I've been guilty of it once when I was 15 lol , tho he's being a drama queen about it , tell him to toughen up , shit happens , he's not alone , has happened to many guys AND girls , tell him to take it in the chin and move forward.
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troychapman · Answer

yeah he feels humiliated just tell him you dont care that it happened that it dosent bother you he is just scared your gonna love him less or your going to leave him because of it

Kaylyne · Answer

Before this festers into something more, I think you two need to sit down quietly together and have a heart to heart talk.

Cmasterson · Answer

The tension will go away, you just either have to talk it out again as awkward as it is or take initiative to bring sex back.

Bhongzilla · Answer

yeah just come back to it and tell him you don't care he wet the bed. he doesn't have to take it out on you.

scooogy · Answer

I used to have such dreams as well, but i was never easy enough to just let it flow out, so in the dream i wondered why i still had to pee and thus woke up

singlebee · Answer

I think he is very embarrassed about the incident.. Just keep in assuring him.. He will be fine

Glen68 · Answer

it happens to all of us at some point so no big deal

Anonymous · Answer

just act as i nothing happened it must be hard for him so things may get time to be as usual

Anonymous · Answer

Your boyfriend is acting weird because he thinks you think he's a bed wetter and that you're not attracted to him anymore.

jessicafit92 · Answer

accidents happen to the best of us geez big deal,

My boyfriend accidently wet the bed, now things have been tense between us. Help?

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