Was moving in with my girlfriend a mistake?

[Anonymous]

So back in October, I moved in with my girlfriend, to an entirely different city. I'm 19, she is 21. At the point we moved in, we were only dating a couple of months, but had been good friends for a couple of years. But lately, I am having second thoughts, kind of. Recently she had been extremely unpleasant for a week, before shark week, which I guess is understandable, but that's not the only thing. We dont talk as much as I would like to, for example on the bus home. But, my question is, did we make a mistake? How long should people be dating before moving in together?

[Goldie757]

Relationships tend to work such that you get six months of 'romance and roses' where love is all eros and sexual and yummy, then after 6 months, (the theory goes) the bloom wears off, and you start to see the person as they are - warts and all. At which point, you either head towards agape - real deep friendship - or become disillusioned and want to withdraw. After two months, she has only just become your girlfriend and might take some of the fun out of being together.

Living together is a huge commitment: tenancy agreement, joint financial arrangements (rent, bills, council tax). I don't think you should have rushed into that when you're blinkered by being newly in love.

Not only that, but by moving in together you'll be fast-forwarding your relationship. At the moment you're dating, having fun, getting to know each other. When you move in together, you have to start having conversations about things like cleaning the loo. You won't have your own space any more, you'll both be there, together, every day. Why would want to go straight to that stage after just two months?

Tell her how you feel, your relationship will not work without honest and open communication.

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[samhradh_leannan]

Let me get this straight: you're having second thoughts because she was grumpy the week before her period and because you don't talk much on the bus home? It sounds like you're being pretty easily discouraged here. It's good that you're noticing these issues, but they don't necessarily have much to do with your living situation.

Let her know that you'd like to communicate better and talk more often. But if you're both tired when you're on the bus after a long day, it's very natural that you might not be in a chatty mood. Plus, now that you're spending lots of time together, it's totally normal that you won't talk nonstop while you're together. That's okay. It doesn't automatically mean that something's wrong.

[Anonymous]

It takes at least a year or two to really get to feel comfortable with someone. Moving in together just only months after dating I think was just too soon for you guys. Now the "honeymoon phase" is over, it's reality when living with someone. You get to see all of their bad sides too. It seems like your relationship might be getting distant. I would try and figure out where it's going and what you want from it. I would also figure out what the long term plan is on your lease and do your best to not get any penalties on your lease should you decide to go separate ways.

[Kitten967]

Everyone is different. Some people move faster than others and some move slower. People normally move in when they feel ready to. If you're having problems try talking to her about how you feel and if you think it's because you live together ask her if she would be okay with you staying somewhere else for a week to see if living together is the problem

[YourBetterAnswer]

I think that time is not so important, but the quality of the time you passed with her. Sometimes you can know a person relatively well in a few months or a year, others not. Usually, moving together is always a good way of knowing things that you didn't knew about her personality. Me and my ex had a more than 3 years relationship and when that time arrived, "we" saw that we weren't made for each other. If you think you already know her well give it a shot and the doubts will disappear quickly after the moving.

[OlderAndWiser]

It doesn't matter how long other people date before they start living together. What matters is what you do to fix the situation you are in.

Have you tried having a conversation with her about the deficit in communications?

[Rich0608]

I wouldn't have moved in until I was dating for at LEAST a year but that's me. Some people meet and say they knew this was the person they wanted to spend the rest of their life with from the moment they met. The other 98% of us need to develop a relationship and that takes time. You get to see what the person is like on good days, bad days and everything in between. You're both young and a couple months isn't very long but then again, that's just my feelings

[flymebye]

it was probably too quick to move in together, but seriously talk to her about it, as she is definitely feeling that same things you are. go somewhere together for a weekend to get away, and avoid the awkward silence by having a decent amount of alone time along with less but more appreciated time together

[ANITKUMARVERMA]

it's depend upon on relationship and level of understanding.
time is not always important. she is older than you. that's not bad.

and if it's a mistake then you guys should solve. not seperation.

hmm. financial problem could be the reasons.

[madhatters4]

i think it was quick to move in but i wouldn't say the decision was a mistake yet. moving in with someone rarely is 100% easy without hiccups.

[MadeInAmerica]

Everyone is different but I think you should be going out at least a few years. Seeing someone all day and living with them are two different things.

[lord_chilled]

Nah , this is a goid thing man. You won't truly know if you are compatible with someone till you move in.
And texting, calling, dating, hooking up , without cohabitation is very different from cohabiting. See how it works out

[Unit1]

You should tell her, that you noticed a lack of communication and see what she responds.

[Scolligirl2143]

You guys are too young to be so tied down! Give each other space, move apart, still try and date. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. If she's the one, it will happen.

[ProjectBaby1K]

Moving in is never a good idea. Get out while you can.