FWB relationship but he seems jealous

[Anonymous]

I don't know if I'm reading the signs right, but I think my FWB guy is getting jealous over me having dinner with friends. He & I never date, hell he does not even want to be seen with me in public, but the other week I had a dinner out with friends, as it turns out it was two guys and another woman so I guess it looked like a date (which it was not). Anyway my FWB saw me out, he didn't say one word to me, in fact I didn't even see him looking in my direction. But later that night I got a phone call from him and the first words out of his mouth were tell me the truth, I can handle the truth. What were you doing with that guy. And later he told me I had to make up my mind about what I was going to about that guy. I told him flat out that I was not interested in that guy he's just someone I work with.

My problem is this, if he is jealous and does not want me to be seeing other people why will he not take me off the market so to speak. This is not the first time he has acted like this in fact it's the third time in three weeks that he has questioned me about what I was doing and with who, and if I was with someone else. Do you think he is falling for me or do you think he just does not trust me.

[Shlei3]

Oh this sounds all too familiar. Be careful with the FWB relationships. I was in one for 6 years. Yep that a long time. We never dated. We have been out of the relationship for about 5 months now. I'm just now getting answers from him as he has moved away and wants me to consider him as his "other guy". For closure I asked him a bunch of questions. He comes from a troubled childhood and has a slightly evil ex wife. Because of this he never wanted to trust me. He was all for hanging out with me at his house and occasionally going to dinner or a movie. But he always made sure I knew we weren't a couple. I even met his kids and mother. But I never once met his friends. If we were out and some friends came to say hi to him he wouldn't bother introducing me or even letting them talk to me. He told me a lot of his life and secrets. Because of this I sort of knew I was important but never was sure. Anyhow, he admitted that by being my FWB he was able to keep me close but not too close. He too would get jealous when I'd go out with friends. I asked him why I wasn't ever good enough. To this day he can't answer that question.

Think about it, this guy has it great. He has a lady he can have sex with anytime but doesn't have to really put in effort with cards, anniversaries, dates etc etc. It's easy. It's his way of having a relationship but still having the control. A part of him does care about you. But another part of him makes him unavailable to you.

The next step is to talk to him about it. Figure out what you yourself want and what he wants. If you're ok with the FWB thing then you need to make it clear to him that he doesn't get the right to get upset about guys being in your life as he chose to be a FWB.

[Asker]

Yeah I'm not ok with the friends with benefits thing as I'm sure you have already guessed. I was just confused as to why he would be jealous if he really does not want me in his life. You are right I guess I need to put it to him like you said and tell him flat out if he chooses to be FWB he has no right to be upset when he sees me out with friends.

As for your relationship wow 6 years that's a very long time to continue something like this, what was the final straw, what made you move on.

[Shlei3]

It took me a long time to realize that I wasn't being fair to myself. I deserved to be in a relationship with a man that loves me and is proud of it. The final straw happened when I went through a very very tough time in my life. I had always been there anytime he needed a shoulder to cry on. He wasn't there for me. It clicked that he wasn't for me. Now I met someone who loves me and treats me the way I deserve to be treated. It was hard to break away from the FWB but it's worth it.

[Anonymous]

I have an friends with benefits that would call me out for getting jealous, saying I'm too sensitive, but he would literally hover around any guy I was too close to. I think he's the perfect example of wanting to maintain control, and distance, while keeping me in his life. I think I'm finally ready to be done with this, mostly because of my own jealousy. My ego can handle him seeing other people, but not watching him spend time and attention with someone else knowing how disposable he treats me. He says he cares but actions speak louder.

Men aren't necessarily falling for you when they act territorial. Sometimes they're just being selfish.