How can I get my girlfriend to communicate better?

[celiguy00]

We are in a long distance relationship of about 900+ miles until she moves out to live with me at the end of this year. We have been together for 5 months and fly out for a few days to see each other each month when we can afford it. The communication has slowly went down hill, and while I want to talk and let her know about my day almost every day. She always just says she is too busy. I have brought it up many times about how important us communicating is if we want this relationship to last. Her main response to that is that she is just really independent and isn't ready to give any of that up yet. I am opening up my apartment to her to finish her education and so we can be together. She uses this as an excuse for anything I bring up, "well I am moving out to be with you, isn't that good enough?"

The longest relationship she has ever had has only lasted 6 months, which we are about to surpass. We will be at about 10 months when she moves out to live with me. I am just getting out of a marriage of 5 years, and I am positive I understand now how important communication is to a relationship. I believe in this relationship, but I really am at a loss on what there is to do to get her to talk to me more?

She tell me that she doesn't talk to me about things because there is nothing I can do about it? So what do I say to that exactly?

[scottt88]

Sorry but I think she's suckering you. I hope I'm wrong but if she's not going to communicate with you, what do you really know about her any more. If there's nothing you can do about it, then perhaps she should consider seeking counselling because I don't think that it's healthy to become your partner's full time counsellor when the relationship is so young. She sounds like a power player and you're sounding gullible. Like I said, I hope I'm wrong about that but I hope you know what you're doing. If she wants independence then maybe you need to put more space between you and her, not less, and for your sakes more than for hers.

I'm going to try and not leap to any other conclusions given you're leaving a marriage here. It's important that either way you also have someone else to provide some form of emotional support. Close friends, relatives or just people you can talk to nearby. Because if she's not going to talk to you, and if you ever decide that perhaps you haven't done the right thing here, you're going to need people who have steady heads on their shoulders and can provide a grounded point of view.

On the other hand, have you been too clingy? Is that why she is clamping down on her independence?

Either way, it's not time to yell and scream at each other. Just be realistic. She will offer you what she wants. You need to figure out if she can meet your needs too. Preferably before she moves in. The better you both know these things, the faster you can figure out what you're both expecting and whether that really works, or whether you just want it to work.

All the best.

[lelebear]

I have to be honest this does not sound to promising. The first few months of a relationship are usually the honeymoon stage you love to talk to each other and be with each other so if that is already fading and she does not want to take the time to talk to you daily now how is she going to deal with seeing you daily when she moves in. If she is really that independent that might be really hard for her to do. You have already told her communication is important to you and she has rebuffed you maybe you need to rethink your relationship with her.