I don't feel like paying my girlfriend's bill anymore?

[Anonymous]

Here's an interesting little scenario. I am 23 and I have been dating a 21 year old for about 7 months now. Things started off really, really good and were great up until April. Now back in January I was speaking to my girlfriend and she was telling me that she was going to have to pay for summer classes (she's in college) and it was going to be coming out of pocket. She asked me if we could go 50/50 and I said sure. At the time we were madly in love and everything seemed to be going fine. I'm in a really good financial position so I wasn't too worried about the bill.

Now, April of 2023 hits and things become really rocky with us and I feel like leaving her, we communicate but we continue to go steady.. then May comes around we we've run into a few bumps in this month too, but we've continued to go steady. Right now I feel like we're kinda in limbo but it's time for her school bill to be paid. I'm going to pay the 50/50 because I committed to it in the past (it's less than 1k so it's no biggie) but I know that she's going to ask me to pay it all or why couldn't I just pay the whole thing? (I kinda spoil her and get her whatever she wants).

Do I use this as an opportunity to tell her that if the bill had came earlier when things were better I would have done the complete thing (because I honestly would have) but because of how things played out I don't want to (I really don't want to, I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it and I feel like it would lead to me resenting her).

I would love to hear your guys advice on this. I'm going to pay it regardless because I told her I would do so and I try my best to be a man of integrity. Do I mention to her that I would have paid the full thing in full if things didn't start going bad? I would only say that if she were to ask. I do kinda hope that this doesn't cause any issues between me and her. I hope that everything works out fine. I know she feels funny about 50/50 but I don't think that men should pay their girl's bills.

[Anonymous]

it's so weird to me to even ASK a boyfriend to pay my bills or go 50/50 when he's just my boyfriend.
now if it had came from you offering first to do the nice gesture, it would be different.

how do people even have the decency to ask others to pay their bills.

if she were your wife that's a whole different situation, then it wouldn't matter who asks or who offers because you pretty much SHARE your life together legally you are an item.

dating? boyfriend/girlfriend... WTF

now back to your scenario, if you had offered it, then it would be awful for you to just suddenly stop just because you are having issues, but you're still in your right to make whatever decisions you have with what you do with your money.

BUT you didn't offer, she asked and you were nice enough to do it all this time, so I believe you really can just tell her you won't be paying the bill anymore... Yet I feel that best comes with a so long and goodbye. Otherwise how awkward would it seem to stay in the relationship knowing she has a hard time to pay something you used to help her with, I don't know that seems weird to me, better just end it if you're gonna get to that talk about not paying her bills anymore etc.

My dad pays all my moms bills 100% not 50/50 but that was HIS choice after they married. My mom never asked, she worked her ass off but he made her stop working because he just wants her to have free stress life and he provides everything because it comes form the heart, if it didn't then that's when there's problems because it wasn't one's desire to do so, such in your case it didn't come from you, you were asked so you felt compromised like "do the nice thing".

[Opinion Owner]

Just tell her "you can pay your own bill this time".. see how that goes if you still want to try to work things out but not feel comfortable paying again for whatever reason.

[MissTinaP]

Honestly I have been paying my own college dues and bills and everything else. I had a boyfriend a couple years ago, who asked me if I wanted help paying off my college loans, but I refused because I believe paying them back yourself builds character. It'd be one thing if you were married, but she shouldn't expect you to pay it, just because you're there.

[Asker]

I agree with you wholeheartedly MissTina, I don't believe that she feels entitled to me doing anything for her but I think that over time you become accustomed to certain things. I also don't really mind because it's coming out to less than 1k. I just don't like that she told me that the date was closer than it actually was and that more money was needed up front than actually was needed. That doesn't make me feel good.

[TheThingALing]

It's going to cause issues if you don't acquiesce to whatever she asks at this point. You put yourself in a position where you screwed up the very moment you agreed to financial help her. She could take out a loan for her summer classes, she's saying she going out of pocket because she knows she has you to who is financially use and abuse

[OlderAndWiser]

"I'd pay the whole thing if the relationship was going better" sounds like "this is all your fault so I'm punishing you." If you hope to salvage this relationship, you need to never make that statement.

[coachTanthony]

Never pay anything ever. The expectations will always be there.

[JustMeL120]

If I was you I wouldn't pay her college bill but that is just me. I feel sorry for you because there is chance that when it's all paid off she will just dump you.

[Asker]

I was only doing so because she was a college girl that was having a rough go of it considering that she doesn't work. I don't mind it too much because it's not a super big amount of money ($875). BUT, what is starting to bother me is that she told me that a bigger amount of money was due sooner than it was. That kinda of bothered me a little but other than that all is well.

[JustMeL120]

She is using you that what I think. And I say that from experience. If you don't mind paying for her cuz you feel sorry for her that your life. But don't expect a big thank you when she finishes her studies.

[Asker]

Yeah, we're actually having a conversation about it now.. and I have a feeling that at the end of this conversation.. our relationship is going to be over...

[magiusX26]

if you already feel this way, then the relationship is not going to last much longer. i advise to live up to your agreed to obligation and make it a parting gift to her as you move on from her. i say gift because once you move on, it is very unlikely she will ever pay back a penny (assuming she agreed to pay it back at all) .

[magiusX26]

honestly, her even asking this soon into a relationship ahould have been a blaring red flag and your cue to run far and fast. maybe a year or 2 into it would have been different but less than 6 months would be a big hell no, see ya, was nice while it lasted, have a nice life.

[Unit1]

This is not an interesting scenario. This is a girl looking at you like a wallet and marketing her company to you.
What's the matter with men signing up to become women's wallet?
This is what you've become. Now deal with it.
I can't feel any sympathy.

[nawtee_me]

What ever you do, don’t just stop paying half without letting her know well in advance. If she has to drop out she will resent you for it. You agreed to half so pay half, not all. It is what the two of you agreed to. If she can not come up with her part then that is on her, not you.

[FreyaRed]

The real question is, why do you still pay it? Don't be stupid and never pay for anything you don't have to. You don't get any favors for your money, rather the opposite

[dudeinohio]

Do the 50 percent and tell her you'd do it all if things were better.

Then...

Tell her if things don't improve, you will no longer pay at all.

[Asker]

It's a one time payment and I feel like saying that is kind of a threat, no? I thank you for sharing your advice on the matter. It is greatly appreciated :)

[dudeinohio]

Yeah it is a threat. And you are very welcome 😊 good luck!

[JustMeL120]

Emotional blackmail to tell someone be a good partner or I will stop paying. It's a fucked up advice if you ask me. But you should still stop paying. Just because your not her mum.

[dudeinohio]

You gotta do what you gotta do in this world. Honestly, though, if the relationship was going south, I'd end it and move on to someone less of a financial burden. But, I don't think the Asker considers this a viable option yet.

[MissTinaP]

I agree as well. If you don't want to put it those ways, try, "Due to unforeseen circumstances, I won't be able to pay anything. Can you please take out a loan? I know it may not be what we promised, but you did say 50/50, right? I hope you can understand." Something like that.

[JustMeL120]

Or start investing in stocks then tell her you started investing for your own future and that you can't take the stocks out untill next year. If she loves you she will understand.

[Asker]

Stocks are actually how I made my money and I was telling her that I was going to be teaching her how to invest but things ended up looking a little shaky in market so I decided that I was going to teach her another time. Anyway, she just told me something was pretty unsettling but it isn't the first she's said it so I have to take it at face value. She told me that she isn't willing to sacrifice herself to make me happy I don't know

[dudeinohio]

Well, you can play hard ball as i suggested or terminate the relationship. She doesn't appear to be all in.

[MissTinaP]

She isn't willing to sacrifice to make you happy? That's a one-sided relationship. She doesn't care anymore about your happiness. She said it herself, she's using you for her advantage.

[JustMeL120]

If someone dumps me because I refuse to pay for there college course I would say good riddance.

[Asker]

@MissTinaP Thank you

[art84]

I wouldn't as she would probably expect you to pay other bills as well later.

[Anonymous]

i assume you had to ask her out and make a move on her.

[LiamJHayden]

Sounds like she's using you.

[In_Trance]

Just tell her you're not paying anymore

[Mansearching]

Stop paying

[Anonymous]

Don't