My girlfriend chose her family over me, should I end it?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend and I live about 30 minuets away she got a new job working in my town. Things have been great for us. She’s been living in my house for almost a year now. Now she’s having problems with a coworker so they want to transfer her to her town. She tells me she wants to cause she says she feels like she’s neglecting her family. The thing is her family treats her bad. They don’t appreciate her & only want her there when they need something. She says she worries about her 6 year old brother and 14 year old but I feel like she shouldn’t cause she isn’t the parent. I care a lot about her and was thinking about proposing to her by the end of the year but now I’m having doubts because I feel like she doesn’t love me. What should I do?

[Hidden_P]

I get that you are feeling confused on this. In your eyes you are wondering why she wants to go to a bad environment when you have been providing her with a good one.

But.

Think of it from this viewpoint.

She didn’t have a good life at home. She remembers horrible things happening and she knows it’s happening to her YOUNG siblings. She might not be the parent but she is old enough to protect them. By her not going you are saying you want her past for theirs too. It’s difficult for someone who hasn’t grown up in a problem home to grasp but the best way is the imagine an extreme environment. Imagine her siblings were being beaten and raped. Would you want that for them? Would you allow it?

Her work is causing her stress. She has to spend hours there and it’s making her unhappy. By moving she has the potential for promotion and a better environment.

I would have more sympathy if the distance wasn’t so small. It’s not like she’s a 7 hour flight away. It’s 30 minutes (you haven’t specified walk, car, bus or train). It’s not like she’s left your life, and it also doesn’t mean she won’t stay over.

Personally I think you’re selfish. My ex broke up with me because my dad needed an amputation and I was his sole carer. Perhaps my experience is blinding me a little.

[btbc92]

Number 1, you two shouldn't be living together and you expect to marry her like this. It'snot a good future you two are going to have.

#2. She is already having problems that obviously she is not ready for. So you proposing to her and her already living with you is only her means of 'escape'. Not because she loves you. Trust me. Its MORE than that.

#3. Shouldn't you be HAPPY she cares about her family even though theyve treated her like garbage? Maybe YOU need to figure out your priorities. You say you want to marry her, your being stupid. Because like it or not, you HAVE to deal with her family. Good and bad. She is concerned about her siblings. Her damily is ALL she've known. It's a man's biggest mistake to do to a woman: taking her away from her family. You are the one that should be more stable as a man.

Whether she loves you or not is debatable as always. But she is obviously NOT READY to marry you. So her living with you and proposing to her about marriage would be useless. You need to find somebody else then if you want marriage. But doing all of this isn't going to help you in this situation.

[whatthehellwasthat]

I have an 11 year old brother. My parents are quite financially irresponsible and I feel like I have to step in a lot. In additon, they seem to neglect his emotional side and sit him down in front of the tv so they dont have to interact. When somethings truly wrong its considered an outburst just because they never made sure he was doing okay in the first place. I understand feeling responsible for your siblings because of situations like that. Plus theyre CHILDREN. In most cases, children come first and rightly so. you're an adult and need to handle your emotions rationally. If and when you get married you can talk out a better living arrangement. Or, you know, you can move with her. you're not rooted to the ground.

[Moonchild714]

You are NOT READY!!! If you were, you'd be understanding and supportive. This is her family the only she's ever had, these are her brothers, she wants to protect them as best as she can!!! Thirty minutes boo hoo, such a tragedy!!!

When you choose a Life Partner their Family is a part of that!!! Asking her to choose between you and them, bad family or not there's no choice but Family especially when Children are involved!!!

[RosscoJenkins]

Anxiety sucks doesn’t it? A lot easier to answer this as I’m the one looking in but if I were in your shoes I’d probably feel the same way honestly but that’s a different topic. You see it a lot though in people and relationships as she may feel the need to gain their approval/acceptance/love and she may not have it. She may be really worried about her younger siblings as she doesn’t want them to have to go through the same thing and feelings. I would say those are the two most likely outcomes. You shouldn’t have to make her choose between the two of you. If you really want to marry her bring up both topics and be supportive in whatever she chooses. Also express how you may feel when bringing it up. I usually always speak my mind but I try to think on it first so I don’t say anything I don’t mean

[GRIZZadams]

It sounds as though she is suffering from depression.

She could be lying and wanting to end the relationship, you should talk about everyone's feelings and real emotions, communication is always key, talk, talk, talk.

She sounds like she may be in denial or not telling you the full story, talk it out

[jennifer_bloom]

She should choose her family over you - she has younger siblings to worry about and if you leave her she can replace you with somebody more understanding.

[GuysConfuseMeMan]

I mostly understand her situation. I have younger siblings that I've practically raised and had to look after. My mom was always out clubbing, getting high, drinking, bringing guys home, etc. I sacrificed my childhood so that they could have a better one. If I lived with a man I loved, and found out my siblings weren't better off without me there, I would go to them in a heartbeat. Those are my practically my children, no matter how shitty my mom treats me. Try to understand that she may love you, but there are children that may need her more than you do.

[Mebe4any1else]

The girlfriend made the right decision. Can you do as the same thing for her like her parents. Would you able to feed her, give her clothes, make money for her? How would even dare to compare her family over you. Thats just pathetic. Plus, I think you are petty. Have you ever wonder, why the parents treats her bad. It probably started when you met her. Even, if you loved her as a person you would have think how she be feeling. Think about what she is going through. Be a man, and stop being selfish.

[Zelea]

Sounds like she values family wayyyy more than you do. If you can't handle her wanting to care for her younger brothers, I'm not sure if y'all are gonna make it.

Just because she loves her family doesn't mean she can't love you too. If you don't feel the same way about her anymore leave. Maybe you don't love her as much as you thought you did.

[HANAZAWA]

She is having a difficult time right now, with problems at work, possibility of transferring back to her town which will distance her from you. She must be feeling so upset. Perhaps the reasons she gave you were just a way of convincing herself that everything will be fine. I feel that you should show a lot more understanding towards her predicament and try to work the problems out together with her, not doubting her love for you at a time where she needs your support and love most.

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

It sounds like she is mainly concerned for her siblings because her family is abusive to them. There is nothing wrong about that ! You should support her ! It’s not as if she doesn’t care about you. I would tell her how you feel and see if you can work things out before doing anything dumb. But calm your horses down before you word things dude. You don’t wanna seem selfish in this situation.

[Jeremy8]

Talk to her about it, express to her everything you feel no matter how good or bad it may be, as long as it is the truth, she will have to listen. If she still chooses her family over you after the talk then i suggest dropping her, i know its painful but, its even more painful being with someone who doesn't love you as much as you love them same with priorities. (i talk from experience)

[Pinay_ako]

I don't have any siblings but I admire your girlfriend. She deeply cares and loves her younger siblings and even if she isn't their parent, she is taking that role. You my friend found a gem in her. Do not rush marriage. Be patient with her.

[Shutupman]

Wow you aren't ready yet for a serious relationship/commitment. It's her family, she is worried about her baby brothers. You are over reacting and being selfish. A good partner would help and support.

[EpicDweeb]

Bro... really? Do you really think she doesn't love you because she loves her family despite them seeming to treat her poorly? Yes you should break up with her if something this minor can make you doubt her love.

[SonicWillow]

It doesn't matter how the family treats her. What matters is how she feels about them. If she wants to be closer with them, then you should support her. If in the end she regrets going back to her family, you should be there for her. You need to support her. Just because she wants to live closer to her family doesn't mean that she loves you any less. And you're a jerk if you give her an ultimatum of either her family or you.

[LordChaoticX]

Support her it sounds like she is having issues and is worried for her younger sibling. Successful relationships are filled with compromises on both sides.

[Anonymous]

They are her siblings hello? Ever heard of the phrase blood is thicker than water? Besides, her unselfish ways speaks volume about her character. She is a total keeper. If you end it with her, I say good riddance on her behalf

[winterr]

You assume she doesn't love you because she's worried about her siblings? Oh wow.

[carolinabluecoats]

Family (at least for me), whether I'm mad at them or not, just make me feel a certain way. I would chose my family over most anything. Have you thought about maybe moving with her?

[alice55]

It's totally normal to chose your family before your boyfriend / girlfriend.

[RandomStranger133]

She shouldn't just forget about family, since you're a boyfriend, not a husband...

[Izumiblu]

Well.. marriage is when you put your SO before your family. Not before.

[hahahmm]

Move on. She will be back eventually anyhow (if you’re available)

[AquaBoo]

Um. Sounds like you're a jealous prick. And she's a princess. She's right. That simple.