Old friends with benefits that I keep running into, scared of getting feelings again? what to do?

[kaycipurr]

so there’s this guy that i used to be friends with benefits with, and i felt like we had a really good connection. i obviously started growing feelings for him because i liked being around him, the sex, the conversation, etc. but we grew apart. we got back in touch a few months later, hooked up, grew back apart. and that repeated even more months after that. but after that hookup we ended up getting into a pretty nasty fight. blocking each other on everything. etc. i thought i’d never talk to him again. but magically we somehow ended up talking again. and of course it stirred up old feelings in me, because i felt like i had such a good connection with him before, and like how come he kept coming into my life? anyway, he kind of told me he hoped that we could build something more than just sex because he believed we had a good connection, and like that’s all i’ve wanted to hear from him since we first started talking. but at the same time i’m terrified of even letting myself close to him again because he could just disappear again like always? i don’t know who hat to do. what if we’re meant to be together? how do i stop being afraid?

[GingerGuy]

lol, "grew apart" - always like that phrase. So vague.

Are there circumstances (school, work) where you see him often. It's probably a coincidence he keeps showing up?

I found this interesting because I'm in a similar situation, my fwbs and I just split and had a fight and aren't speaking anymore but I have a "gut feeling" it's not over. I think I'll hear from her again at some point, but maybe it's just wishful thinking as I'm like you and have developed feelings for her.

I find it interesting that he's all of the sudden wanting more? Why not before? The short answer to this is talk to him. Tell him your fears etc. Have a real heart to heart. He's got to convince you it's going to be real and worth it for you to reinvest yourself back into him (assuming you still think he's worth it and you want it?).

[GingerGuy]

Don't get "blinded" by things like "it's meant to be" etc. Keep your senses and think realistically, not emotionally.

[kaycipurr]

well no we actually never run into each other in person. it’s always like through text and we schedule meeting up, etc. so like he was blocked on everything and then his name randomly popped up on a messenger and we started talking on there. also he was drunk when he told me these things so I don't know maybe they’re true maybe they’re not.

[Logorithim]

First thing you need to do is ask yourself what you actually want with him now and then if he's capable of it. If it is an exclusive relationship you want, I would suggest looking elsewhere.

[whoop12345]

Ok sounds like you are a little confused on "friends w benifit" implys. The whole point is you get to get off when its convenient without any of the pitfalls of a relationship. So by nature of the agreement the partner tends to be around once in awhile when your needed. If there were feelings involved then you should have made that known or cut it off. Now the kicker is he has feelings now too. So in theroy his actions should change toward you assuming you told him your interested.

[JD22222]

If I'm honest i think he's probably using you. I'd be really careful here. He knows you're vulnerable and because of that he can tell you exactly what you want to here. I don't know his intentions and i can't stop you but id be super careful

[mythreya18]

I think you should meet him and talk about your feelings

[bradbradley]

follow your heart thats all i can say