Is it weird that my boyfriend tries to have his daughter sleep by us at night?

[Anonymous]

I just moved in with him a few days ago and recently I met his daughter who is three years old. So, she barely knows me. Since I've moved in he hasn't put his arm around me in bed or cuddled me. But he'll have his daughter come into our bed and cuddle with her, hold her, and put his arm around her. To me, it's weird because I wasn't like that with my dad. My dad would kiss me on the head or squeeze me every once in awhile.

I never slept in a bed with my dad. Nor have I had experience with abuse (I'm not coming from a weird place). Just an honest place. I feel like night time intimacy shouldn't be in bed with dad's girlfriend, dad, and daughter in bed. I excuse myself everytime. I grab a blanket and pillow to sleep downstairs.

I can't figure out what's going on but I'm uncomfortable. I don't even know how to bring it up without sounding like a jerk. It's just something that weirds me out every night. Like for me, I don't want to sleep in the same bed with someone else's child.

I just expected intimacy because our relationship is still new. I've been crying every night because I don't feel warmth at night and my boyfriend expects me to immediately be a mother to his daughter. But it seems inappropriate to have his daughter in our bed. Since she barely knows me.

[ChronicThinker]

I've slept with my parents before. If he's separated from his wife, I assume his time with her is limited and he's just trying to be affectionate. Nothing you describe sounds sexual, so, there's no cause for concern yet. If it bothers you that you don't get intimate time, pose it that way instead of trying to make the situation with his daughter sound accusingly sexual.

[kittycat119]

So you're mad a man with a 3 year old kid has her sleep n bed with him? Seriously? That's what kids do, they sleep n bed with their parents sometimes. Seriously if a 3 year old child who's his daughter bothers u sleeping n bed with her dad, then you should just leave him right now

[Asker]

No, I personally wouldn't put my child in bed with someone they don't know. That will teach them that it's okay to lay next to someone you don't know. It's all about creating healthy boundaries for a three year old to keep her safe.

[kittycat119]

She's n bed with her father. You just happen 2 b there

[Logorithim]

Young Kids often want to Sleep in the bed with their parents, e. g., if they have nightmares or feel insecure. Not having her mother around would be something that would bother a child of this age.

She should never be in the bed with you, though, and he should know this.

[Logorithim]

Thanks for the MHO

[OlderAndWiser]

Your expectations and ground rules for how you handle these things should have been discussed before you moved in to his home. He is trying to be a good dad but he may not be ready to balance that with being a good boyfriend.

Where is the child's mother?

[andreasderjuengere]

When I was family still, it was normal when the kids (daughter included) wanted to join an cuddle every now and then. We left it to them if they wanted to. I think, your man means it well, but forgets to involve you into the process of making decisions here. A while back, my then girlfriend's daughter joined for the night (ten y/o, then) and I saw it as a signal of trust, acceptance and emotional comfort. In your own case this appears to be different, so bring it on the table soon and discuss it.

[Tmac412]

The only thing I find wrong is that you moved in with him and didn't even know his daughter. First of all he is a selfish jerk for not getting you two to know each other first. I would never introduce my daughter's to someone by having them live with me. That is wrong on so many levels. As for you, there is no right for you to complain about anything that goes on in that home between him and his daughter. It sounds to me like you don't know him either, and to move in with a guy you don't know is pretty stupid. Neither of you were adults in this matter and now that little girl is being put in the middle. You need to get out now before that little one is put in a toxic environment that will scar her emotionally for life.

[teamvic]

Your best bet is just to have a talk with him and tell him you're not exactly comfortable sleeping in the same bed with his daughter cause you barely met her.

It could sound a little bit bad but unless you plan on sleeping on the couch or leaving him its your best option

And i think he's just being a dad there shouldn't be anything wrong with sleeping with his daughter in the way you're thinking. she's still young. Now if his daughter was 16 then thatd be a red flag

[BigRob420]

Don't worry about the kid she's young. I'd say the child has an abandonment issue after losing her mother. You can tell him I wanted the bed to ourselves tonight, can we watch movies with the kid tell they fall asleep then just us go to the bedroom. You may want to get redressed after for when the kid wakes up and comes back in.

[Celtero]

Why date a single dad then if you don't want to be the stepmom?

[Asker]

I didn't say that. She is only three and has just met me. You don't out your child in bed with someone they just met

[Celtero]

Well, I don't really know your boyfriend's "bed rules."

I slept in my parents bed with them for some years after I was born. So to me it doesn't seem weird.

I guess I can see how it's inappropriate if you're undressed, but otherwise I'd just think of the bed like a couch.

To me it just seems like you and him need some time to adjust. Though, I find it strange you didn't spend time with his daughter before moving in, since she'll be a big part of your relationship if you stay together.

[Asker]

I don't have a problem with his daughter. I just thought it was weird he doesn't have boundaries he sets up for his daughter. Like don't sleep next to someone you don't know. My parents wouldn't do that to me.

[Celtero]

I guess he trusts you, or doesn't see the danger.

[MlleCake]

Many people co-sleep with small children. Not weird at all. But he shouldn't be ignoring you either.

[markscott]

Something is off here, if he doesn't cuddle and hold you in bed, but does with his daughter.

[mrkdvsn]

I don't EVER remember sleeping in my parents bed. Only joining them a few times AFTER waking up in the morning.

[Anonymous]

she’s three you’re blowing this up way out of proportion.
and your attitude she’s going to feel and that’s not good.

[CanadianGirlx23]

It's a little weird.