I know he was a narcissist, I know narcissist has become a buzz word but he truly was and verbally abusive again evertime I disagreed with him.
But he was also very affectionate with me, always holding me, every night sleeping he would wrap his arms around me, padding me on my butt walking past me hugging me, everytime we were out as well he was always on me dancing close with me, and holding hands, complimenting me, spending time with me and being faithful and not really clubbing without me.
That never declined and I am scared to never find something like that where it will be true and also I still feel jealous and scared if I one day soon with see him walking around like that with someone else (and he is a show off, always going younger, prettier girls and very affectionate and romantic showing the love), it will break my heart and I have to see him as we have a child together that is only 1 year old.
He also had bad, lies, verbal abuse, gaslighting, trying to make me believe i was sick. The good was paradise and the bad was hell.