My boyfriend bought his ex underwear?

[Anonymous]

So, we've been dating 6 months and it's the first Christmas they'll have been living 'separate'. He tells me him and his ex have bought each other stockings to open on the day (as was the norm in their relationship), then says one gift he bought her is underpants as 'thats what she asked for'. His defence is that they're cheap underwear and he wanted to keep the 'normality' of the gifting. My argument is that his ex has a new partner who can buy that stuff. He also suggested that this Christmas we don't buy gifts for one another... but he can buy his ex underwear?
To me its about principles and standards - would he be comfortable with me buying an ex underwear. Short answer - nope.
What do you think? I need serious direction here.

[ksmiller]

After seeing that he has children with the ex I would say that it is normal. Having children means that the breakup is similar to a divorce, even if they weren't actually married. My parents are recently divorced and are still doing stockings for each other in order to keep the normalcy for me and my brothers. I wouldn't find it weird for either of them to gift underwear to the other if that's what they asked for or really needed. You are dealing with someone who will always have another girl in his life. Having kids creates a bond that is not easily broken. If it bothers you that he bought her underwear you could ask him not to in the future and explain to him why it bothers you. If he doesn't listen and buts her underwear again in the future then you can be concerned.

[Asker]

Thanks for your comment. He is divorcing and I told him I thought it was inappropriate as underwear is an intimate item. He didn't think it was a big deal.

[ksmiller]

Was he with her a long time? After a long time together things like buying eachother underwear no longer seems intimate. at least that is how it is with the couples I know who have been together for years.

[ksmiller]

Im not trying to excuse the fact that this bothers you, but give a possible insight into what he might be thinking.

[Asker]

I understand what you're saying, he did have a long marriage and his complacency about this being a problem suggests he hasn't really moved on from the mindset of this 'familiarity'. For me personally, I can't shift the feeling of unease about this, and anger. A lot of anger!

[ksmiller]

Your emotional reaction is valid and he hopefully will be able to realize that he shouldn't do this in the future.

[ClayDude]

That is odd that he does not want to buy you a gift, but is buying his ex a gift. Do they have kids together? I don't care long I've been with someone, I would buy them something.

[Asker]

Yes they have two children together (6 & 13), as do I from a former relationship (mine are 2 & 3). We mutually agreed months ago to not buy for each other so we could focus on the/our children instead, which I totally understand (Christmas is for them). I'm also a single parent. But then he tells me he's bought things for his ex, including underwear of all things, so like thats ok? I feel like a fool. I'm thinking whether to end the relationship after Christmas or not.

[Anonymous]

So he still talks to an ex. I don't deal with no ex if I'm in a new relationship period.

[Asker]

He has children with his ex and he says the purpose of the stockings is to keep the 'normality' for the childrens sake.

[Mädchen]

Then he could have given her a some chocolate. Does she Open her gift when she get's underwear in Front of the children for the normality? If No, there is no reason to get her anything at all. She could Just pretend there is something in her stocking.

[Anonymous]

I think you should break up with him to be honest. That’s completely unnecessary of him to do.

[MackToday]

Doesn't sound like she's really his ex.

[Anonymous]

Creepy.

[outside_Toronto]

I think you need to dump this guy

[Trev4444]

He is dodgy stay clear