Have you ever been reluctant to get in a relationship with someone, and discovered they were the perfect partner for you?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

When my fiancée first approached me to help me out after I broke up with my ex, I made it clear we would never have a relationship and that I would not get in another relationship for at least a couple of years.
Five months later, we are engaged to be married and I'm the happiest I could ever be.
What about you?

[PurpleStorm]

I am happy things are working out nicely with your fiancee, but she has been very pushy since the very first date which is kinda worriyng. Pushy with getting you to date her, pushy with intimacy, with moving in, with quitting bad habits even though she still does them, pushy with engagement and I am sure you will continue to bend to her will from now on too. She is used to getting what she wants isn't she. Don't get me wrong, I want you to continue to have a great relationship with her, but are you so sure she would be just as wonderful if you said no to her? what if you did not do what she wanted several times in a row? is that something she can accept and respect what you want once in a while or does she want you because she can control you? I am sure you are happy with all that she has asked of you so far, but it is inevitable that eventually you will not want to do what she says with some things and you will have a good reason for that. Is this something she can accept or perhaps she wants to marry you because she can mold you into the perfect husband as you are so flexible? Women manipulate their men in very loving and positive ways, but with some time men see that they lose their identitiy in the relationship. I am all for giving control to the woman if the decisions she makes are good, but you should learn can she take no for an answer before marriage and also make sure you stay your own person who is influenced, not controlled. I don't mean to be attacking these are genuine worries when I read some of your posts. You are inlove and in honeymoon stage so perhaps you are blind to positive red flags coming your way.

[PurpleStorm]

*possible red flags

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I understand what you mean, since I have had similar doubts and wondered whenever her intentions were genuine or not.
I know she's really assertive and dominating, both in everyday life and intimacy, but she does consider my opinion as well and doesn't pressure me into anything I want. I also don't deny she has a few quirks.
I have known her for eight years and she has always been like this, even when we were friends and she was my tutor.
But that makes me consider that in those eight years, she always did what was best for me and never hurt or did something bad to me.
When we got together I was going through a very harsh period and she came and brought me light and joy when I needed it the most.
So that's why I'm convinced she'll never let me down, and motivates me to make her happy and smile in every way I can, the same way she does for me.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

And she does encourage me to keep doing the things I like the most and tell her when something is not alright for me - one of my biggest flaws is that I can be too quiet and indecisive, so she takes the lead in those situations. I'm working towards getting more confident and outspoken.

[PurpleStorm]

That's a relief to hear. I still hope once you do become more decisive and assertive she will welcome it positively

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I'm sure she will, she's always encouraging me to be more assertive and take the lead. She says she doesn't mind if I get "in the driver' seat sometimes", and that it should be that way for our relationship to be healthy.
She's assertive and an "alpha" so to say, but she's not controlling or dispotic.

[Anonymous]

Yeahhh

[Obtuse]

Same for me and my wife (and both of us reluctant), although things didn't move quite as quickly between us as you two. I think it's actually healthy to be a bit reluctant. If we're eager, that tends to bias our decisions, make us ignore more warning signs. If we're reluctant, we probably do a better job of choosing our serious partners.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

It's true that we are moving fast, but we have also known each other for eight years and she was my tutor in high school, so there's a lot of previous knowledge and trust.
I'm happy things went well for you!

[Obtuse]

Cheers! I didn't know that. My wife and I were friends for a year before we started dating so I think that helps tremendously that you two have known each other this way. We've been together for almost 13 years now. Friendship also helps a great deal in my opinion and getting to know each other that way in advance.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I agree with you - friendship lays important foundations for a relationship - many people talk about "friendzone" and that friendship should be "avoided", but I think that's just a product of the" right here, right now" culture.
With my fiancée it took a little to "rebuild" the closeness, as we had gone separate ways a couple of years prior and frequented different people.

[Obtuse]

With my wife and me, we were both at a stage where we were really enjoying being single, having good times with friends, maybe a bit jaded about dating (at least I was). I wasn't sure I wanted anything serious after a few back-to-back fails at such attempts. I was in the mood for good times and keeping it easy. Then I met her and we had a bit of flirty thing from the very beginning, and gradually I worked up the desire (not courage, never had problems asking girls out -- desire) to ask her out.

[Avicenna]

That's never happened to me, probably because I move decisively when I am interested in a woman. But I'm glad to hear that it's worked out perfectly for you.

[Avicenna]

Thanks for the MHO

[TsundereMatrix]

I’m not in a relationship but when I met the guy I like I honestly didn’t really like him. We met in college and he became my tutor. Over time as I got to know him, he like morphed into my dream guy which is crazy to me. We are both really shy so that’s why we aren’t together (yet)

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I wish you all the best for it!

[Dongtai]

I’ve done the opposite. When my guy told me something was wrong, I continued the relationships. They were toxic and I was always right in the end. It may not happen the moment I get that feeling but it happens.

I’ve never dated someone who I “felt” it wouldn’t work with because I never tried. There’s usually a big reason why it wouldn’t work

[TheMendini]

With my current girlfriend, we were both coming off being hurt by our previous partner and we were reluctant to get into another relationship. We started as friends with benefits, but then started spending more and more time together and enjoyed each other’s company. It got to the point where we realized that it just felt right and got together. Couple months later, I have no regrets. So yes, this fortunately did happen to me

[tonyhorse_90]

Yes, three times in my life! I wish I could have never done it!!😒

[Jjpayne]

Yeah I'm my dreams... I wish that would happen

[Daniel3035]

I've always been like that never had someone though.

[Bluemax]

It's never happened to me.

[Kazzza]

Did you tell her you would never date?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I told her and her reaction was "we'll see".
She won over my qualms with time.

[Daphne_Naiad]

Honestly, Jean-Marie that sounds really creepy... you told her you weren't looking for anything and she imposed herself on your life?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@Daphne_Naiad she didn't impose herself, she helped me out and it just happened.

[CoolKat21]

not yet. maybe it I push myself to get thing done

[anametouse]

Well shit what a turn lol

[337mag]

More than once

[Likes2drive]

Not yet

[COMMODOREII]

Nope not yet

[callymoore]

Yeah

[lolopp]

Nope