Is it okay I don't want a baby right now?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend wants a baby right now (she's 20) and I'm 21. She tells me that her biggest dream is having a baby right now and that she will feel very happy, but I told her I can't give her a baby because well, Im still studying and I don't even have a stable job to raise someone or to maintain myself independently. She is not even studying or working also, and we don't see each other that much, so that counts, too. She says those are excuses and that her ex boss (her mother's boyfriend) can help her financially to raise a baby. I don't feel ready or with that much maturity to have a child right now, plus the responsibility that comes with it its huge, and me studying and working it's already a huge responsibility. I told her that if we continue along into our relationship and if I get my degree and a stable job where I myself can live independently, I will have a baby with her. But she feels unhappy most of the time because she keeps with that dream because she doesn't want to have a child at old age (even though she is too fucking young). I already told her all of this but still she wants a baby with me right now, what can I tell her to convince to just make her life first and then plan for a baby?

Updates

+1 y

Thank you to all of you for your kind answers, I just she can understand that this is something of a whole new level of responsibility and financial situation. Im not saying having a baby is bad, because is not, but she has overthink so much about it that I don't think she has seen that.

[pinkiemint]

coming from someone who had a baby at 17, it is TOTALLY okay to take things at the pace you are comfortable to. never feel responsible for someone else’s happiness because ultimately your needs are important and shouldn’t be disregarded just for the sake of another person’s happiness. bringing a child into this world when one or both parties are unprepared either financially or mentally or ANY aspect, puts unnecessary strain on the relationship. in addition to that, it could also create a hostile or un ideal environment for that child to grow up in. i was not prepared when i had my son. my boyfriend and i did get very stressed out for a period, we were both very tight on money and not prepared mentally for all the things that come along with bringing a child into this world and the challenges in raising one. eventually we did get out of that tough spot and are now doing better than ever with our son and our relationship. but a lot of the time, the strain put on relationships eventually will break that relationship which further complicates the environment for that child to grow up in. there are so many things you can do before settling down to have a child, and focusing on your studies to build a career is a great thing to focus on. just take your time and make sure to not rush, life goes at its own pace, you should still live your life and do all the things you want to do before having a child, you are most definitely entitled to that. i wish you luck!

[yoshi_wanna_ask]

The Mum's boyfriend might be able to help but there's only one problem, she's not in a relationship with him, raising a child with him, she's in a relationship with you. You are building a life together and (then) a family, that means taking your time and being self-sufficient. He's not a part of the relationship and these won't be his costs. Buuut I do have a good idea for you. If she's really wanting to be motherly right now and her Mum's boyfriend is financially comfortable, maybe you could all pitch in and get her a Cavalier, Spaniel or Maltese for her birthday. They're cute, they love to be loved and it will be great practice for looking after a kid. Not to mention it will give her something else to think about because it will need training and walking and vaccinating. It's really good that you're concentrating on your studies and costs first. She's probably never really been told 'no' before & part of learning to grow up is accepting that from others as well as telling yourself 'no'. You're doing a great job, keep up the good work.

[yoshi_wanna_ask]

and thanks for the MHO ;)

[sejla]

She isn't emotionally ready for a baby. Be extra careful with birth control if you continue to see her.

[AimeeEllenn]

You're literally so right, you guys clearly aren't ready to have children yet which isn't a problem. She needs to respect your point of view, I know it's upsetting for her but it's not like you've said no. You can make her dream come true in a few years. If you guys wait until everything's ready then all the child could want and need you'll be able to give them. You guys could possibly have a few, that way her dream will come true a few times. It's better to wait and be well prepared then just to rush in. Also if you rush in it may cause problems between you guys where you aren't ready.

[Unkowngirl]

Some people struggle to understand that a baby, isn’t just a little cute face to tote around. A baby is another responsibility, another life that is depending on you. To bring a child purposely into a situation that isn’t stable enough to secure them financially is reckless and somewhat selfish. She needs to do some growing up herself, before she can raise another human.

[averyconfusedperson]

It's completely okay to not be ready for a baby. A baby is a huge responsibility. Maybe try explaining to her that you love her and would love to have a baby in a few years, but you're not ready at the moment. Tell her that you want to wait until you're ready for a baby, so that you can give him/her all the love and happiness he/she deserves.

[SarahsSummer]

I think your girlfriend is possibly suffering from depression and thinking/hoping a baby will make her life better, happier, complete. You make valid arguments against and while you are both thinking about your own individual needs, it’s important to also think about the needs of a baby in this world. Those needs are largely nebulous To most non-parents. All I can say is for you to maintain your goals, don’t be convinced otherwise and ALWAYS wear a condom!

[leighbuh1989]

You are VERY smart! Do not fall into the trap. You still have your whole life ahead of you. Tell her that you're just not ready to make that huge commitment because of x, y and z. She sounds pretty immature to want to put that financial responsibility upon someone else. Stay strong! Lol

[gigglesexe]

This may seem like a crazy and weird idea but why don’t you try to suggest her to work with children some how? Maybe she’s craving the time with children. Because it’s fair if you both are working for your future. But still you’ve clearly been honest with her about everything, she will need to respect your wishes.

[CamilaP]

my mom had me when she was 18, that's not the ideal. just talk to her and say that you want to wait a little longer

[MissDawn7961]

dump her as a girlfriend for all she wants from you is a baby for you to support while she just lays around doing nothing ! Thanks

[Bee-Hatch]

Babies cost. Having a job that can cover that makes sense. I'd agree with you on this. Especially if you're not seeing each other that often.