What does it mean when he says I have some things to sort out first?

[Anonymous]

I have dated this guy on and off of the last two years. And our relationship have been a bit of an rollercoaster. Everything was great when we first started, and when I left we talked everyday for 6 months (but we were not like boyfriend and girlfriend thing yet). And when I came back, it started to get quite serious fast. I do live on the other side of the world where he lives, so the distance is very far. Came to a point where he said he just started to feel pressure and said that it's getting too serious, too fast, but he is the one that always wanted to go out for dinner and do things together. He gets mad when just a guy just touches my arm. And I also told him that if he didn't want this, that's totally fine.
And he get's super angry with me about it and , and I'm saying shit to him. Then it goes two months, and he was sharing with his friends that I heard that he misses me. He has this bestfriend that follows him everywhere. She would complain when me and him would look at each other. She would always come wherever he was. She would come just to share the ride with him home. I mean which bestfriends does that? I've never seen anything from him having an interest in her or other girls. But just lead to I went home, and didn't say bye to anybody. Since he took her up on the roof. And on Monday when I talked with him he would ask me where did I go. I talked with her as well, and she didn't even bother to tell me he was looking for me. And since then he has been isolating himself from her and from everyone until I talked with him. But she is trying to get close with my friends which I really do not understand, and it pisses me off that. It just seems she is trying to take the guy that is mine and my friends that are very close to me.

And then by 4 months we-reconnected again. And now he is really different. The only person he dosent talk about is her. And tells me he has some things to sort out.
So what does it mean?

[btbc92]

He has manly business to take care of, and he doesn't want you involved. He wants to handle it himself, and he wants to be by himself to figure himself out. Give him time to do what he has to do. If you want something from him, tell him. But you need to stop dating people on and off. That is not stable. Let him do what he has to do. He is not ready to date right now. Just know that he doesn't sound like a bad guy. Just guarded, confused and have problems.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your advice. No for me the on and off has been okey, because I haven't been ready to date someone else until I came back last time. But I dont like when he is behaving badly, and still is going to have something to say about who can touch me on my arm and who can't, it's not his right and it's not fair to me, and especially when I try to break up with him, he gets angry with me and fights with me over things that he claims that he dosent want.

[btbc92]

He doesn't sound stable and you should have got away from him. He's a red flag. Don't date him anymore.

[Asker]

That was before when we had all the other problems. Now he is quite different, and he tells me where he is, where he's been, who he sees. He's really different how he was a year ago, he's starting to be how he was in the beginning.

[Asker]

If he didn't open up to me and told me a lot of information, and would talk with me consistently then of course I would be done. Now he talks to me like we are together. He informs me who he sees, who he dosent see. a lot of his friends were telling me that he's been isolating himself from everyone before he told me, I wasn't aware since I dont live where he is. Just been talking with him on the phone for months, wasn't aware that's been how he's been doing. Just found out when I came back in January. And tells me that he has some things he need to sort out. Where I think he asked me to give him the time he needs right?

[btbc92]

Is he had to do all of that just to get to this point now, you can bet he hasn't changed not one bit.

[btbc92]

And you're just asking to get hurt.

[Asker]

Um no. First of all. I didn't want to talk with him for months. I have been staying away. You can sense on someone if they are changed or not. I have been on the other side of the world for the past year. I began talking to him again 7 months ago. You think he didn't do all of that before? We were not together before. Like you're talking like I have been waiting for him for a year. I haven't. It's extreme normal that people fuck up, make mistakes, and they change

[Asker]

Also secondly. All the time we have been on and off I just broke things off with my ex by the same time we met each other. So I've been dealing with my ex in the meantime. I have told several times to him we can be done and everytime I'm near that sentence, he starts to have big fights with me. And telling me that he is going through problems, and you can ask anyone, I'm not lying to you. And after our fallout out of 4 months. We started to talk again for 7 months on the phone, and already then he was telling me that he's not doing good. But again we were not together or now at this time. And when I came back, we saw each other, and he began telling me that he need to sort out some things. So dont try to bullshit what story I have with him. At some point, I actually need to believe what he is telling me, and not doubt him.

[btbc92]

Asker, you are most certainly wasting your time. Nothing your saying shows he's changed. It just sounds like your still desperate for the guy even though you say you don't or didn't want to. You're confusing yourself. It's very clear in your writing. I wouldn't stick around for something that unstable. You and he obviously love drama.

[neurolove]

Still hung up on someone else or not that interested and keeping you as a backup perhaps.

[Asker]

He lives on the other side of the world if you read correctly. And he has been isolating himself from all of his friends for months.

[Asker]

Plus. He is the one that keeps been wanting to go out on dinner and want to make plans about the future. And plus his bestfriend is following him around, and she complains when we have eye contact with each other. Him hung up on someone else, I doubt him. His family knows who I am, his parents got to know about me after our fallout and he has basically told everyone about me

[neurolove]

Distance means nothing. It's what's in a person's heart. I just gave you to possible reasons based on what I read. It's not my job to make what you wrote, clear. Take it or leave it.

[neurolove]

I guess something between her and you. Stringing along.

[neurolove]

Also called giving just enough to keep you hanging on. Seen it a million times.

[Asker]

It actually does for some people. And like I wrote we were NOT in a real relationship. The relationship started when I saw him again after 6 months, when I came back to town. And also if he was hung up on someone else, then he would just be with her after I left. But instead he was depressed and isolated himself from everyone. And starts talking about me to his entire family. So like I said, I doubt it.
However I think that he was having a flirt with someone while I was gone, and when I came back, he pushed it to the side. Guys that see you as a back up person or an back up option dont pick a girl that travels the world, they will use a girl that will be there whenever he want her to be. And they will talk about her to his whole family and be depressed over her. It's so fucking clear.

[neurolove]

Well looks like you have your answers already

[Asker]

No because that girl is his bestfriend that follows him around before. She tried to post a video where it looked like something, but he asked her to delete it after. And he called me about it to let me know. And a month after he was with me, he told her that things just happened between them because he was going through problems. And he never really meant anything about it in a serious way. And since then have she tried to be close with my friends for some weird reason. And already before this drama started, the first night he told me that a lot of things have happened caused by I haven't been around. That he haven't seen me for 6 months.

[Asker]

Thank you anyways though. Guess I already have the answers, just frustrated of the past

[neurolove]

No problem. I know it's hard to understand when they aren't clear with their interest level. Good luck.

[Asker]

for sure. And especially when you keep asking them if there is someone else, when you tell them if they dont want this, that is fine. And apperantly that's not what is happening on their side where it is total opposite where they actually want to be with you. And what is more weird is that he actually told this girl that he was starting to see someone, so I feel like on her side she should know the point of backing off and not keep trying to take someone else's property. And apperantly she still to this day she haven't understood it that it's time to back off, but she tries even harder.

[Smirnoff23]

He is with her