I said yes, because the "problem" with gaming can arise when a "passion or hobby" is instead used as an escape to avoid meaningful quality time spent together. Like going out for a night in the town and getting "hungover" the next day, gamers that stay up until 4am or whatever time is past their normal healthy functioning hours, WILL be affected the next day, even if they are not gaming in that particular moment. That becomes a couple problem when you want to do something and they are always "too tired" to enjoy shared time.
There are lots of different types of games, some more social than others, and some more complex than others. Gaming problems can also create social problems, he'd rather spend all his free time with his gaming friends instead of you. If you want more time, he treats you like a "stressor" when in fact it is perfectly valid to have differing ideas around how much time you should spend together as a couple. In fact in every couple, the social needs will be different, but if instead of sitting down with you and having an adult conversation about how he is willing to help meet your needs he just shuts you out, then he's immature. An immature person will always choose his games (and/or friends) over you/ relationship. Heck, at that point, it isn't even about you, it's about his selfishness and people like that shouldn't be in relationships.
You don't get to put another person's needs in a "box" that is convenient for you. Gaming can work if you make it clear that, even while gaming you can still "be there" for someone after a long day, are actually putting investment into the relationship (ie planning dates, giving them compliments, routinely giving them physical attention).
So, in terms of hard # of hours, I would say maybe 15 hours a week? I don't know. Some weeks it could be more and some it could be less based on what is going on in MY life. Did my dog just die? Was my boss mean to me at work? Do I just want to relax with someone because it is Friday? Do I want the security of knowing I have a partner that values me, not just when it is convenient for him? Girls have interests and hobbies too. How many times a week would you want your girlfriend to not text you back or ask about your day because she was "getting her nails done" X number of times or hours a week? Food for thought.
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First off, thank you for the detailed response! I enjoyed your logic and your analytical answer! I agree with you 100%. Gaming can get ugly and it’s no different than drugs at times, believe it or not. I had a falling out with one of my childhood friends because he turned into a gamer and he lost all his relationships and his life basically! It can get ugly. Fortunately, I have it under control!
Define "too much." Because as a gamer, I really don't mind guys that play video games. As long as he's able to balance his real life responsibilities, has a job, and pays a little attention to me, I'm content with him gaming. Hell if we play the same games, I'd probably team up with him and we could play together!
Now if he engrosses himself in games- say he spends ALL day playing games and not doing anything else. Or he puts video games over the relationship? I'd have a problem.
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I wouldn’t talk about every gamer out there. Personally, I game like 4 hours a day. Right now maybe more with quarantine and everything. I try not to let it interfere with my career and so far I’m doing good. What kind of games go you play?
Well that's not too bad. As bad as it sounds, you're probably better off dating a fellow gamer girl- they tend to be more understanding compared to a non-gamer. I'm still working (unfortunately, lol) but I do game in the evenings and on weekends depending on my mood or how tired I am.
I mostly play WoW at the moment. I need to find a new mmo to play because I'm getting bored of it, but so far I haven't found any that wow'd me enough to try them. Out. In addition, I have a ton of games on Steam I need to get caught up on! I tend to prefer rpgs, hack and slash, and fighting games.
If he ignores me yes.. forgets about plans we made yes and I have.. glad I did.. have a man who doesn't game 24/7.. he games but will let me know he's going to and we have played together as well its a good time.. an ex I wanted to play with him but since my abilities are not as good hed get so upset with me... make you not wanna play at all.. now if I play with my man now lets say were playing zombies... he will get me to just keep an eye on certin windows/doors if I need help he comes to me or vise versa.. when going through the map he waits for me doesn't leave me fending for myself.. and if I dont save him he doesn't get mad at me... we just start all over again then I know what to expect.. if he can prepare me he does.. we make a really good team.. I also enjoy games we are fighting each other, racing and mario party... so it depends what type of gamer you are
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That I can promise: if I ever game with my woman, I’d kill an army of zombies for her in a heartbeat!
Its all about how much you game.. if someone is in love with you they want your attention.. not have you forget about your plans or lose track of time cause of gaming.. with my ex I felt like he mays well be dating fortnight he played all day every day.. id ask for his help with something hed say 10 mins a half hour later still playing soo it depends if you can have control over it or it has control over you..
I totally get where you’re coming from! Actually, my neighbor (who went to high school with me and we’ve know one another for good 16 years) turned into a gaming addict. I literally hear him shouting and throwing stuff around every night until 4 am without any consideration for us his neighbors. He lost 3 girlfriends and dropped out of his graduate school program. He’s unemployed and isn’t doing well in life. I always have him as an example of what not to become. It can get ugly! :(
What’s the definition of “too much gaming”? If it’s cutting into our relationship and quality time together, his work, his sleep, his finances (i. e. if he’s going into debt buying games or apps, equipment, or just spending unnecessarily on games and stuff he doesn’t need), his health, etc, then yeah that is unhealthy. It would be an addiction at that point and if he didn’t want to get help for it I would leave.
If it’s like a few hours a day or every other day and the majority of his time is spent doing other stuff, that’s fine. At that point, it’s just a hobby and not an addiction.
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I'm definitely talking about gaming as a hobby! I know a few gaming addicts and it's not healthy at all. Fortunately, I have not and I never will reach that level - I hope!
The line is drawn when gaming takes priority over responsibility. Each person in a relationship needs their own downtime and hobbies to do themselves. It is not up to one person in a relationship to decide whether their SO "gets" to do something, unless you are in a TPE, and that would be something you would discuss within the first week of dating.
If your SO is gaming so much they don't go to their classes/job, don't take care of responsibilities, or begins to replace quality time with you, then it becomes too much. Otherwise, it is not one person's place to tell them they are not "allowed" to do something they enjoy. Support your lovers, and they support you.
My boyfriend is big into video games and I support it. I dont always like it. But here's the thing.. he is home. He is safe. He isn't out making bad decisions. He is with me. Literally the only thing that I have to worry about is him yelling into his headset. Which I would rather hear him yell into that headset versus yell into the phone when he calls me while sitting at a crowded bar with lord only knows who and having the possibly of him driving drunk and not coming home to me at all. Sometimes he overdoes the gaming and we will barely speak for like 2 or 3 days because him and his buddies are in the middle of a time limited mission that takes them a little bit to complete but who cares? he's still home. In fact, I even picked up gaming myself just so I could spend time with him while doing something that he enjoys doing. I compromised. Not a gaming fan but he loves it and I refuse to be "that girl" and make him stop. I would rather join him instead.
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That’s a good way to look at it! The yelling into the headset part cracked me up, I do that a lot. Yesterday I got angry to the point I head butted the floor twice lol. Not my proudest and smartest moment for sure! But I like your logic. It still needs to be under control though.
Well I don't know it depends like if u feel that he is playing games instead of spending time with u then I suggest u ask him to limit his gaming and to choose between gaming or u like tell him to choose because then he will think oh my girlfriend supports my gaming oh I will play more which is what boys think when they have a girl that just like is very chill but if u ask him to choose then that's his ultimatum and then if he thinks it is hard for him to choose then u dump him because if he with u then that means he needs to spend time with u because I'm not an expert but on those games girls play too and I want u to be aware that while he games he could be cheating on u with gamer girls that appear on his games like be careful and just dump him i know its hard but just do it u will find somebody better that will give u attention and love. I know from experience
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I don't know if it goes that far, cheating on her with a gamer girl? I never would do anything like that. I’ll never cheat on my girl with anyone. But you have a point. Relationships and life should be the priority.
compromise that you have some down time. to play... while she does her own things.
but must put your relatiosnhip first... feelings can be hurt and not healthy to be focusing on gaming... try to cook, excersie, go out for walks together... let her know she is special. I personally would not like a guy always on games or social media...
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I personally can do both. I work out everyday and I do show my girl enough attention. But I like to game like 3 hours every night. Priorities should be set straight though, you’re 100% right.
if she is not complaining :) you are good eheheee... to save yourself some aggravations... just ask her if she needs any help... otherwise you will wine down to play a few games... takes away any misunderstanding... glad you are safe, working and trying to balance out your life with this crazy time.
My boyfriend games, but gaming is not his personality.
It's fine if he games obviously but everything comes in moderation.
If I was on a date at his house and he played games the whole time, yes I would get annoyed. But no overall it's healthy and there is nothing wrong with him gaming in his free time.
Breaking up with your boyfriend just because he plays a lot and loves gaming doesn't give you the right to use that to break up with him just because you didn't get the attention you wanted. You need to respect his passion or hobbies. He requires to do what he wants to do even if y'all dating.
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Thank you for being understanding! I guess he should be showing her enough attention though and that he cares about her more than he cares about fortnite a
Yea exactly. Its all about checking up on one another. It doesn't matter if he spends more time in gaming the whole day after letting her know about it or catching up at night after he plays.
I love video games myself therefore no, I don't see gaming as a reason to break up. Me and my boyfriend are both gamers and while we rarely play the same games we can still enjoy each other's company while playing :P obviously not 10 hours a day every day though.
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No! 10 hours/day is too much and just plain unhealthy! A gaming girlfriend is every man's dream though! Enjoy
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