I want to make my girlfriend clinger, and just more affectionate any ideas right now I am very much getting the cold shoulder and it sucks?

[Josephx760]

So I'd like some ideas especially from the ladies here on how to make my girlfriend more clingy or affectionate I got into a relationship because I WANT to spend time with someone I love and enjoy a life shared but after we moved in together we spend most time apart different rooms etc. She has said everyone needs to live there own separate life which is true to some degree but togetherness should exist in a relationship too, also is It smothering honestly if we spend from 7 pm till sleep 12am or so together, she has the rest of the day mostly to herself shouldn't that be enough "alone time" maybe I should find someone to make her jealous? Any volunteers?

[btbc92]

You are very selfish in this relationship and your only dating for yourself. He shouldn't be moving in together before you are married in the first place. But it's very clear that she is obviously regretting the idea. You like love within yourself and that is something you have to seek with a professional counselor. Not in a relationship.

[DevikaButts95]

You should literally always move in with someone before marrying them what.

[btbc92]

Never move in with somebody your not married to. Ever. You want to screw it up and have a divorce. Be my guess. Studies supports what I say.

[btbc92]

If you can move in, you can get married. No excuse. Marriage is about discovery. Not to fool around. Moving in together before marriage solves nothing. Your just going to have sex, not get married anyway, have kids, etc. You get married for those things to share a life with somebody. It is a choice. It's for them, not you. If you don't understand that, you don't need to be married plain and simple. Don't waste someone else's time. Because that's why he's having these issues now because of what you just supporting. Being married and having sex is not a game. It's not a JOKE. This is what happens when you do life backwards. He's not stable within himself and asking far more than what she is able to give him. Unhealthy for these reasons.

[DevikaButts95]

You literally move in to discover these problems BEFORE you get married so you don't have to get a divorce when it doesn't work out. What?

[btbc92]

That is not what you do. You discover these things when you get mad because marriage is about work. You should not be getting married with the thought of divorce. Where the heck is your brain and who has taught you about marriage? Because obviously you have not been to any better. Marriage will always have its problems and will have it Up and Down. It is normal. It's not meant to be perfect. You go in with the idea of being a team and you work these things out together. You're not going to discover these problems before marriage. Anybody can lie and still get married to you being a fraud. You are literally disrespecting not only the Institute of Marriage, you're disrespecting what sex is supposed to be like, and you disrespecting what love is supposed to bring in a marriage. Marriage is what you make of it. It's sad for your age you still haven't learned that yet.

[btbc92]

When you get married*

Stop Believing the lies You've Been Told. Marriage doesn't operate the way how you think it does. Marriage is you and that person. If you're not stable as a person, it doesn't matter how long you wait until you get married, you still have these problems once you get married. Why is because marriage will reveal all about you. Good and the bad. All you people doing is playing house and you're not taking it serious. Your actions and your patter speak louder than your words. If you can't handle that, best just a single. It's not for children I don't care how old you are or how mature your You Think You Are. It is about growth and learning experience for everyone who desires it. That's one of the top main reasons why you marry young so you can understand what it means to have a fruitful relationship with a person. Is about sacrifice. Your wants and desires for the others needs. And vice-versa for them to you. That's it nothing more and nothing less. Unless you make it that way, then you deal with it. Stop making it more complicated than it already has to be. Or else you going to make yourself and the other person if not your children miserable. and it won't be nobody else's fault but your own.

[btbc92]

Keep running away from your problems and you will never succeed in life. Marriage is a risk, and as the saying goes, no risk, no reward. Everybody else is will be moving forward without you in life, while you're stuck trying to figure out where else you going to go, or baggage you not have to carry because of the choices you make and you cannot turn back. This is why nobody's going to really take you seriously if you don't start taking it seriously. Better wake up to the real world and get out of that fantasy your in. Before life is going to force you to learn it the hard way. Better take lessons from this guy's relationship or else you may be next.

[btbc92]

A real woman gets married, she has no have time to be playing with boys. Children Play House, adults get it done and make it happen. Your 25, your not a child anymore. Time to grow up.

[DevikaButts95]

I'm not even going to read any of that. "You should not be getting married with the thought of divorce" is not something I ever said. That was where I went "okay, you're insane."
I don't really understand what you're getting on, but the reason you'd move in before marriage is to discover any problems and see if you can work through them, because problems will arise whenever you move in with someone, period. If you can't move past them/work through them and you're married, what are you going to do? If this guy was married and acting like this, what is the girl in this situation going to do? Like I don't get it, you literally said: "But it's very clear that she is obviously regretting the idea", so you think they should have gotten married before this in order to find out now that she regrets the idea? Like what?

[btbc92]

Of course you're not going to read any of that you know why because you want to live in ignorance. That's what it is. You don't understand what I'm saying because you don't care to understand. You got everything completely backwards. When you get married, you get married. That's it. It's not about what you like and what you don't like. It is vows you take. And you going to honor your bowels or you end up divorce. Doesn't matter. You decide when you want to shape up. You don't want to shape up you deserve every hell you going to get from the other person. Because the moment you say you want to be involved with that person, you are obligated to do what you say you're going to do. You still learn to move past them and you work through it when you're married. That's how it goes. It is a choice. Either you shape up, or deal with the problem.

[DevikaButts95]

What problem? My relationship is more stable than it's ever been, and we're happy? You're just going bonkers spewing out stuff. I don't disagree with some of the stuff I've now read that you're saying, but when you spew out actual nonsense like: "You should not be getting married with the thought of divorce" when I said nothing of the sort, why would I ever bother to read past that? That's on you, not me.
You gotta learn to be with a person before you get married, you should never jump in on that idea under you're certain you and your partner can handle it together. Period. You're not going to be able to keep your vows if you start to dislike your partner for things that start occurring when you move in with them.

[btbc92]

Divorce shouldn't even be crossing your mind. You get married, you married for life. That's the point of your vows. Until death do you apart. This is why you be friends before you make an attempt to date somebody. So that way you can see all the things about the person and learn everything that you need to know before you see if you're romantically compatible. This is why back in the day they always double-check and do background checks on people. They don't just pair you up with just anybody they see compatibility. It is a choice to get married to that person or not. And if they have a problem especially sexually they will not permit you to Wed. If you going to be stubborn about it, you going to come with resistance. Learn to work together and you just may have some peace in your marriage. Choices. Be a team or defect it is still a choice. He was always like that and she knew that. So that's on him if he don't like the fact that she is not going to submit to him the way how he wants to with his insecure self, and it's on her by her knowing this is who he is and now she has to do it because why? She chose to live with him. So there you go. Choices. Everything in life is a choice. Ain't about your feelings. It's about doing what you're called to do. You think when you go to work your boss is going to care about how you feel? Nope. If you're called to go to work at 8, they expect you to be there at 8. That's a marriage. She's not married to him. She is not legally his wife. She don't have to do anything that she don't want to do. But if you get married with that attitude you going to excuse my French, F it up. Royally. When all you have to do is humble yourself.

[DevikaButts95]

Yea... friends first, then you start dating, then you move through various relationship miletstones like moving in together, and when you've gone through all that and realized you and your partner can overcome anything, then you get married, knowing divorce will never cross your mind.
You don't go: "well shoot, I like 'em a lot, I'll get married to this person and hopefully they're not like an abuser when we move in together afterwards."

[btbc92]

Again you're still not getting it. It's not about you disliking your partner. That person is still your partner. You will learn to be with that person when you get married. You don't learn before you were married. Again it's a choice. Is not about them being certain is about you being certain. Because you only going to get judge for the things you choose to do. Now what anybody else. If you don't want to keep your vows because you dislike certain things, whose problem is that? That is your problem. My parents have been married for 23 years. I have seen it all from the time of my birth. Nothing you say or do is going to change the fact that once you get married you still are called to do your duty. It doesn't matter what your spouse choose to do. What matters is what you choose to do. You still have to wake up to that same person, you still have to feed each other if not yourself and your children, you still got to clean your household, and you still got to pay the bills. That's marriage. It doesn't matter who you got married to. These are not the days anymore where you are forced to get married who to get mad at you. Now you get married for so-called love right? You don't get married to who you don't love right? So if you don't love your spouse, did you ever loved him in the first place? No, I say what I say to point out the flaws in your argument. I don't care if you're single. I don't care if you're taken. I don't care if you're married. I don't care if you a divorcee. Whatever your relationship status is it does not matter. The point of the matter is that you are still missing the key point of what is being said. Is that marriage is not selfishness.

[DevikaButts95]

"She don't have to do anything that she don't want to do. But if you get married with that attitude you going to excuse my French, F it up. Royally. When all you have to do is humble yourself."
Absolutely not, you don't lose your status as an individual completely when you get married and do whatever your partner tells you to once you get married fucking what. ABSOLUTELY NOT. MARRIAGE IS PARTNERSHIP, NOT A DO WHATEVER YOUR HUSBAND TELLS YOU TO DO.

[btbc92]

No you do not move in together before you are married. You are still falling around and you going to cause potential problems. That is not how you go. You automatically go in knowing what you are going to be expecting. If you don't know what's going to be expected of you as a spouse you talk about these things before you get married. Moving in together solves nothing. Do you not understand what I'm telling you? If you wish to be successful in your marriage you do not move in. You experienced these things the moment you first consummate your marriage and you start the new day as a married couple. You don't need all that relationship Milestone garbage. Because now you are wasting time and ruin the marriage experience. You imprint on these things. And you will leave yourself and the other person miserable. You don't discover all about the person and then you don't want to get married to them. Cuz now you not only wasting months but you're wasting years of that time when they could be married to somebody else who does love them who knows what they want, and isn't going to use them just to abandon them. Are you kidding me?

[btbc92]

Yes you do. And yes you do follow your husband because your husband is over you, you are over your children. That is the partnership and that is the order. What you're saying and what you're talkin about is exactly why divorce is hide away is. Because people nowadays feel they don't have to listen to you. So I hope you condone cheating then. Can't go around being a hypocrite and you expect to have morals. Marriage is supposed to make you die to self. You supposed to become a whole new person. It's not about losing yourself. It's not about losing your status. It's about elevating your status to a higher level along with the individual. That's how I know you was taught greatly wrong about marriage and this is why we have a high divorce rate and why a lot of men are getting sick of being involved with women.

[btbc92]

And likewise a husband does with his wife tells him to do. So congratulations. You just proved the point of why so many people don't want to bother getting married or why they no longer believe in marriage or love anymore. Just proved it. Because I got news for you. Marriage out of convenience is not love. It's flat-out robbery. You have no right to Rob another person of their happiness.

[DevikaButts95]

Oh you're just a dude huh.

[btbc92]

No. I am a WOMAN. And a woman with common sense.

[DevikaButts95]

An abusive person, either or. I don't think more really needs to be said. Marriage is a partnership. Doing what your husband tells you because he is your husband is not a partnership, nor a team, that's a dictatorship.
That's the end of this conversation right there. You clearly don;t know what you're talking about and only want unhealthy relationships.

[btbc92]

Sweetheart, I pray you don't get married. That's not dictatorship. That's leadership. Partnership is learning how to have your rules and working together not fighting with each other. Stop thinking every man that wants to lead you in your life is some abusive person. It's not unhealthy. What you're doing and talkin about it's unhealthy and that's why you get abusive men in your life. Because you can't tell the difference between a good man and a bad one.

[DevikaButts95]

Yea I don't have any abusive men in my life lmao.
Like I said, end of conversation right there sweetheart. Take your L.

[btbc92]

You're just a person who don't want to be told what to do and wants to be loose and do whatever it is that she wants. Then when you can't get anybody to listen to you, you want to start talkin about how the other person is selfish when you're the one that's being selfish. Someone of your qualities is why there's a high divorce rate. Then let me know not only were you not shown better you wasn't taught better. A good man knows how to lead, knows how to respect you, treat you with love and kindness, and doesn't have to abuse you.

You are my comment feed. You better learn to respect me or else, did you decide to bring your little booty over here thinking you know so much when you don't. I suggest you take your leave. Probably not because you sound like you're abusive one. Exactly that.

[DevikaButts95]

No I absolutely don't respect you. You don't deserve it. You're talking about how marriage is a dictatorship, disguising it as a leadership. It's a partnership. You're a couple, not a single person deciding for two people. That's a fact, there's no arguing it, you choose to be stupid, on you. I ain't wasting my time.

[btbc92]

Don't put words in my mouth. That's for starters. Don't go around twisting my words with something that you're brainwashed with. You sound like a freaking miserable person. That's not dictatorship. That is leadership. And about arguing at you don't want to choose the argument because you don't have no respect for other people. I can tell just by looking at your avatar picture what kind of person you are. Nothing of what you're saying is a fact at all. Because I have plenty of people that I know of that are married believe the same thing that I believe in, and happily married for years and have families and children of Their Own. Everything you want to say about me you talkin about yourself. Cuz you're the one that sounds stupid and sound like you don't have no freaking education. You can't even debate or argue properly let alone support your claim. You got nothing to actually support what you're talkin about.

[DevikaButts95]

From Merriam Webster, the definition of Dictatorship is: "autocratic rule, control, or leadership"

[btbc92]

You are still a couple when you are married, but you still follow a man's leadership as long as his leadership is something that you are willing to abide by. Nobody is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to get married and submit to a person, that you have no desire to love and no desire to actually follow. You got everything freaking Twisted because you want to project what you believe is true when it's not even true at all? I grew up in a domestically abusive home. And know first hand what a marriage is and isn't. Nothing what you say at all it's anything healthy. You just think is healthy until it end up to be a problem. Get freaking educated.

[DevikaButts95]

No, it's a partnership. End of discussion.

[btbc92]

I'm not going to tell you one more time. Do not put words in my mouth. A man leading a woman is not dictatorship. It's not an autocratic rule or control. You learn to be control of yourself. When you get married you are one flesh. You are not up on yourself anymore and neither is your spouse. You do these things to work together and to live with each other or else yes you're going to have problems. Don't be talkin about something you don't know about and you're not married yourself.

[DevikaButts95]

I literally posted the definition, tough shit if you don't like what it means, that's a fact.

[btbc92]

No there is no end of discussion. You don't know what a partnership is obviously. Because nothing what you sound like sound like a partnership. It just sounds like you just want to be of your own self which is not a partnership. There's no I in team. You definitely need to just be single. You the one that wants control of everything you have in your life and that obviously includes your relationships. You don't like what I got to say you're free to leave.

[btbc92]

No it's not affect sweetheart that's what you are. A Dictator. Stop calling it a dictatorship when it's not a dictatorship. I'll see how know any logical man in their right mind will be happy with someone like you with your nasty attitude. You're definitely the type of person no man in their right mind is going to like.

[DevikaButts95]

I do know what a partnership is, it's not just one person leads and that's the end of the story, you work as a team, which is not just one person leads and that's the end of the story.
I don't need to remain single, quite happy in my life with my partner.
I repeat, end of discussion.

[btbc92]

If you know what a partnership is and you're definitely a hypocrite. Because I don't remember a partnership disrespecting another person. In a team there's always a leader. You must have not went to school.

[DevikaButts95]

Ok boomer. Lmao.

[btbc92]

The only reason why you're quite happy cuz as long as you getting what you want out of the person you are with you don't care what you got to do. I already know what kind of woman you are. So you can try to act like an innocent all you want but You're Not Innocent. You're exactly what the definition of a dictator actually means. Don't try to pretend like you actually want a relationship because of you know what a relationship is about, you would know exactly what is being told to you. So stop pretending. Your butts been found out.

[DevikaButts95]

You're actually just wrong, and amazingly, you don't know me. Lmao.

[btbc92]

@DevikaButts95

Your the one who is wrong. I don't have to know you to know how wrong you are. Let alone backward. Now goodbye and off my feed.

[DevikaButts95]

"maybe I should find someone to make her jealous? Any volunteers?"
Welp, just lost a lot of respect for ya. Have fun figuring out that situation yourself, since you clearly don't value her at all. Damn.

[Josephx760]

Wow context is clearly lacking some in what I wrote , perhaps i should elaborate, was hoping that someone may be willing to perhaps be a friend and pretend to show some interest in my time not sexually to perhaps draw her back in. And at the worst I make a friend out of the deal too.

[flamiE]

Either way it’s kind of disrespectful. You’re not 15, sit down and talk don’t play games.

[Josephx760]

I assure you I am very respectful and treasure her and her feelings I have talked many times with her about the situation she is difficult to communicate with and often gets defensive but I LISTEN carefully to the minimal or evasive responses I receive when I ask her about why she's become cold standoffish and distant , it's to no avail... making her perhaps a bit jealous is a last resort to try to re kindle her interest , and you never know it couldn't hurt to make a helpful female friend in the process.

[DevikaButts95]

LMAO BS. Either or, that context doesn't make that okay.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

You are trying to control her. It's not going to work, it's already blowing up in your face.

Your only saving grace is to go profusely apologize to her, beg her forgiveness, and tell her you are wrong to put expectations on her. Then give her space. Prove that you aren't a clinger. If you love something, let it be free.. it's truth.

[drayday4]

She either feels really secure or doesn't care much about you she needs to feel a sense of competition or like another woman will win you over and evan tgen she might not react tge way you want

[Browneye57]

Buy her something? How big are her diamonds? LOL

Honestly, you simply cannot negotiate attraction and desire. You can't MAKE someone want you more. Consider it's just not a match. The vag-tingles are gone and they ain't never coming back.

[flamiE]

Maybe it’s just not in her nature.

[Josephx760]

She used to show intrest and be affectionate at a healthy level but then it dropped off and I can't figure why and she says she doesn't know...

[flamiE]

Maybe she really doesn’t. Do you feel if she did she would’ve told you? Has something that could’ve made her pull away happened recently or something?
Sometimes we are so hard to understand and there isn’t always a reason behind the way we act , it’s how we feel.

[BillysBabe]

she's not that type