Move away with girlfriend for her career or stay in hometown?

[Anonymous]

So my girlfriend graduated with a degree in chemical engineering this past may. Due to the ongoing pandemic she has not found employment in our home state of Illinois & we are getting to the point where relocating may he her only option for getting a job. She currently lives with her mother by the way while I live in a student apartment with a room mate. I am a certified mental health counselor full time currently with a handful of connections in my time & will be graduating with a degree in social work in December of this year. I also have a strong support system of family & friends here & have lived here my whole life. Meanwhile she has a significant amount less of things holding her back in comparison. She came here from Europe many years ago with her mother & sister who aren't that close with her & her best friend is soon being sent back to her home country. As this situation escalates I'm forced to ask myself the challenging question of if I should stay in my hometown where my career, schooling & support is & let her leave or leave my life in my hometown behind to go support her? I am planning to do a master's program for social work but am open to an online program which wouldn't make a difference wherever I were to be. What is the best option in this case? Is the thought of staying behind selfish?

[WindAtMyBack]

This is entirely your choice. You have to weigh the options.

Personally I always liked to move around a lot, just to experience it. I would not even consider it supporting her, but a chance to move someplace else. I did a lot of moving around, and got "home" whenever I could to visit. I eventually moved back home after many years of getting the adventure out of my system. That's entirely me though.

Obviously you want to finish your degree in December. For a masters, there should be many options including online and regular universities. If you are in the US, you'd probably have to live someplace a year before you got in-state tuition.

But the only thing that really matters is how important all these are to you. Is she "the one"? You don't want to drop things important to you if this is not serious with her. On the other hand, if you do drop things and move, that can always be reversed. Neither choice is permanent.

[not329446]

Leaving behind all that you are comfortable with is a daunting task. Life in a new place may not work out for you.
Ask yourself if the relationship is worth giving up employment and connections. Employment, no matter what the field, will not be the same in a different location.
If you're young and willing it's what people seem to be doing.
Tried this once many years ago. Didn't work out. I did not care for people in the area and working conditions were so different I gave up and went home 2 years later.
Sometimes you have to just go For it. You never know what s out there if you don't try.

[Via_8662]

You need to decide how much you value your relationship and if you really see a future with this person. Will you be able to be happy with just her, or will you grow to resent her for taking you away from your family? I moved away from my large family and the small town I grew up in for my boyfriends job. There are still times when I really miss my family and when I first moved it was pretty tough on me, mainly because my boyfriends job is pretty demanding. I still hope to be able to move closer to home in the next few years, but I'm happy with my choice. If you do decide to move with her, keep in mind that the transition will be tough on someone who is super family oriented. I was NOT happy at all for a few months, but once I got a job and started making friends it was much easier.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you think she is The One with whom you want to spend the rest of your life, how high do you think she should be on your list of priorities?

[In_Trance]

Something is missing here. It would be smarter to relocate once a job is obtained. Illinois is not a small state; if she can't get a job there, I don't see the logic in moving elsewhere. She might not get a job there either.

[Asker]

Well yes of course we wouldn't move until she got offered a position nearby wherever we moved to.

[In_Trance]

That said, she may end up getting a job you don't have to relocate for

[Jman001]

You could always give it a shot and move back if it doesn’t work out. Especially since you’ll have a degree you’ll be more marketable to employers and you’ll have an easier time finding a job.

[KrakenAttackin]

Moving for a woman is the beginning of the end of your relationship. Women see a man who moves for her as weak. Don't believe me? Make and move and see.

[Iron_Man]

Stay at home with family

[Cryptic-Game]

Do whatever you think it best for you and her.

[HomerSexual]

2 words: don't move.