I want my boyfriend to date other women as well as me. Is this realistic?

Question

Potential jealousy aside, could I have my boyfriend date other girls at the same time? I'm not worried how I might react (if I ever get uncomfortable, I'll just stop him), I'm wondering if he can do it. Can he actually love more than one woman? Can he keep up emotionally? Sexually? Honest question, coming from someone who has thought carefully about it, and will continue to do so (this isn't rushed)

rjroy3 · Accepted Answer

It's realistic if he's able to do it and he wants to. Have to consider his value system aa well as what degree of closeness are you okay with him having.

Like can you honestly say that you're okay with him dating another girl who is as hot or hotter than you according to your view?

And/or can you be okay with him getting really emotionally closest one girl who is not you and he wants to spend a lot of time with her one-on-one getting closer with her instead of you?

Or are you thinking about it more so in terms of both of you have an open relationship, you guys will care about each other but you're both seeing other people sexually and it's not that serious from an emotional standpoint with anyone else outside of you two?

Or are you thinking little flings here and there rather than fuck buddies and the odd threesome here and there?

Personally, I think most of these can work if both of you can honestly genuinely be on board with it. It's what you both want, and at the same time you both put the other person first no matter what happens.

I've never actually seen someone have a open relationship that truly went the distance long-term. Now I have seen some go for years like up to about 5 or 6 years.

But even those ended up failing in part because a couple decisions here and there were made along the way that leads the girl to feel as if the guy didn't really love her and because she felt like he didn't really love her she ended up meeting another guy fall in love with him and then leaving her man.

I think if both people love eachother, both are clear on wanting the same thing and it's genuine. You agree on ground rules that work for both of you. You hold true to those rules, while both put the other first then it probably could work.

razelove · Accepted Answer

In your age range it's doable, however the more time that passes without finding something long term, the less likely that is to happen. How much the relationship you two have may change through all that depends on how honest and easy your communication is right now.

Then of course when you get to around my age the effort to put into finding someone new just simply stops being worth it at some point. This is mitigated a lot if you're in or near a large city. Just go into it without any expectations, and hope he doesn't have any either, for threesomes, for other women to be the same as you, so on and so forth.

I got into poly not knowing anything about it, straight into a relationship with two women, and how much love and attention I had from that set my standards and expectations so ridiculously high that I straight destroyed the next few opportunities I had for more than some fun for a couple weeks.

Anywho, talk it through, be very clear about each of your hard and soft limits, what you want, what you would dislike, and have fun with it together :) I wasn't consulted on anything, simply my wife talked to an ex I still liked, and one day they're both sitting on my bed, they said some stuff, can't remember what, but it turned out well lol

crazyish · Accepted Answer

It's plausible. The only thing is you have to reconsider your views on it. You mentioned if you were uncomfortable that you would make him stop. To me that's you saying your unsure if you can handle it. You are giving yourself an easy out. A very unfair easy out. What I mean by that is the other girl is essentially being used for you to test this theory. Your asking your boyfriend to form another bond just like yours and his with this girl, but how is that fair to her or him if you have the right to call it off anytime It's not good for you? You're only considering your own feelings and you need to be considering his AND hers. People are more willing to say they are completely ok with something if they have the control to end it. You can't have that control or mindset you have if you're serious about wanting it to work. I do believe you have thought about it and I can see where your intentions are coming from, but you have to realize that it's not just your feelings involved.

My advice is to only go through with it if you are 100% sure and that you don't have that escape root of ending it. Otherwise you will for sure hurt that other girl and your boyfriend. Look at your boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and replace yourself with this girl. They are going to be close, intimate, a real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. How would you feel if someone ultimately had the control over weather it continues or not? Its not a game or a trial run hun.

Sarahr123 · Accepted Answer

You have low self esteem. This is absolutely crazy. How can any sane woman in her right mind want to share her love? NO it isn’t possible to love two people. If he loves you he wouldn’t want someone else. In fact when you truly fall in love you on fall in love the once - just once in a lifetime. Whether they remain in your life or not they remain a part of your thoughts and life for as long as you live. You continue to live for them even if some appear to have “moved on.” Many will tell you it is a compromise whereas others live their whole life and don’t look towards another person. That doesn’t mean they’re unhappy - they’re just sure of what they want.

If you are happy with sharing a man then I can guarantee you don’t love him. If you do go ahead with it then he will lose respect for you and he probably won’t listen to you if in the future you get uncomfortable and tell him to stop. You’ll become a doormat, lightweight and a mug. You will appear to have no self respect as well as pretty damn crazy.

I think you need to address the root of your low self esteem.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

It's realistic that that would more than likely be the end of your relationship.
People try things like this and think setting rules and boundaries work, but emotions can't be ruled... What if he starts having more feelings for the other person and you get jealous?
(if I ever get uncomfortable, I'll just stop him) you can't really stop someone from loving someone else or from leaving you if that's what they want to do. And too what about the other person involved? What if she's no longer comfortable sharing your boyfriend?

OlderAndWiser · Answer

So he starts dating another woman, you get uncomfortable and just tell him to stop? What about the feelings of the other woman involved? Is she just a meaningless plaything whose feelings deserve no respect. If I had a girlfriend who put me in this position and then told me to choose between her and the other girl, I would ALWAYS choose the other girl.

Jean-Marie_Céline · Answer

As long as everyone involved in this is okay with it.

Aethereal · Answer

I don't see this as very realistic. It sounds like a very unserious and short-term relationship.

Depending on his personality:
- He may interpret this as your excuse to "cheat" on him by seeing other guys (because you're requesting an open relationship when he was previously committed to only you).

- You're sabotaging your relationship, because you allow him to find someone "better" while keeping you around "just in case".

- You sabotage your relationship because he will eventually have a favourite between you and the other girl. What if it turns out you aren't the favourite?

- It cheapens the relationship: he doesn't have to care if he loses you because there is already a backup. Even worse; you encouraged him to get said backup.

- You set up a competition between yourself and the other woman. Who will he choose if he eventually decides to only focus on one of you?

- You share. You share love, attention, time. I know some people don't mind this, but these are three things I would strongly prefer not to share much of with anyone else when it comes to my partner.

ohshee · Answer

There's something very special about love can you can live five different girls at a time but when you find the one that you love it doesn't matter how many girls there are you only want her there is no other girl in the world will make that guy even think about walking away from the one he loves and 9 1/2 times out of 10 it's not the girl on the outside than those it's the girl on the inside which is Roxas his world Creative Energy in water we are made of atoms in water atoms broke down equals energy the whole planet is energy anything that is alive is energy when two energies find each other it is the most beautiful feeling in the world when your energy becomes one with somebody else's energy it's like each and every day you strapped onto a rocket ship and you're going to the Moon that's just how beautiful it is I can look into your eyes I can feel your energy the person who you are deep down in your soul there's not too much you could do or say to make him walk away but you should only use that energy for good because one day you ground yourself out the the wrong way and everything changes

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

"If I get uncomfortable I will just stop him"

It should not be like you are doing a favour on him and he hasn't proposed that idea.

Honestly it comes out as controlling, it's all good untill you are ok with it seems one sided and he has to make the choice.

What if he wants to keep going but you are not comfortable and he has to make choice to leave one of you.

But he definetly loves you so he would leave the other now she is betrayed bc you two side something else.

It's a complex thing, but if you are going forward with it so it whole heartedly I know you are open minded, but just think about it and not use this as advantage over him in future that I did this favour to you.

You might have to think on this section.

And other than that only your Boyfriend will be able to tell if his interested in that kind of relationship or he wants to be exclusive with you.

I think he would like to be exclusive with you as you have described his attributes, but who knows men will be men 😂 he might be ok as more the merrier and this Is kinda rare offer that one gets thrown at them.

Only talking with him will you be able to know what he really wants.

Have to appreciate the open mindedness and the way you are approaching it.

Anonymous · Answer

hi there catfish

Novacane · Answer

It is possible obviously if that's what he is into as well and of course there is consent. The struggle would be more on the guy's side, most guys would be happy to date other people but at times they want to feel like they are the ones in control, so once you start dating around he will start to feel some type of way especially if you don't give much attention to him. A lot of guys don't really like to share what is considered their girl, so as long as he is not the jealous type as well, then it is very possible!

Leavesbound · Answer

while it certainly is doable it comes with it's risks. There are multiple issues that may have to be addressed. First a guy might be concerned that you would be jealous and that this would end the relationship. Second a guy might be concerned that you would then turn around and want multiple boyfriends as well. Then there is the whole issue of stamina. Now if he wants to do it three times a day and you only want three times a week then that might be a practical solution. A lot of guys might consider your idea/suggestion to be a trap or loyalty test and the wrong answer would end the relationship. I dated a girl 20 years ago who suggested adding a girl to the relationship and I said "sure but you do the recruiting and I will only be with her while you are in the room." She lost interest after that.

Finchie40 · Answer

Question is why do you want him to date other women? Me personally doesn’t get into a committed relationship with someone to date other people , what would be the point of getting in a committed relationship with someone if I plan to date other people? A commitment to someone is loving and valuing that person and sacrificing for each other showing respect for each other by being faithful to each other , We don’t get committed to be single. So why do you want your boyfriend to see other girls? Do you want to see other men? If that is the case then you shouldn’t be in a relationship period, What is the point just stay single and date whoever , Love only grows when 2 people decide to commit to each other and stay faithful to each other and remove selfishness , if you can’t do that then you will never experience True Love

godfatherfan · Answer

If my SO told me that, I would just leave. That is the end of the relationship. There is no such thing as "open" relationship, that is just called being single. If a woman wanted me to date someone else, that means she wants to date someone else, that means the relationship is over. I once gave in to pressure from my mom and my therapist and tried dating 2 women at once. I never could remember what I told one or the other. It was hard to keep facts straight. I went on 3 dates with each before I just ended it with both. It was one of the most unpleasant experience's of my life. There was no way I would be in a relationship where I was having sex with more then one woman at a time either.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

This is really interesting, I don't think iv'e ever witnessed anyone have the urge to have their spouse be with someone else outside of threesomes, foursomes, or orgies (basically outside situations where each person gets multiple partners).

May I ask questions to better understand why you want this to figure out if this is realistic or not? There are a lot of factors involved, the type of person he is, the type you are, the type of person the other woman would be, whether or not you wanted this purely for the reason above, or if it's because of you possibly being bisexual. All would effect the outcome.

Weasly · Answer

Are you meaning just a polyamorous relationship? As for a small portion of the world, (about 5% in the US according to what I read) something like this is normal.

It can most certainly be done, but the people involved have no right to be jealous and stop a relationship once it has begun.

Kabluie · Answer

Yes, as someone who has also dated in a non-mono and poly relationship, plenty of folks have good poly relationships. I dated the right person and I saw things in a different light because of how we treated each other, and it detangled my mindset that we can all have more relationships. As love can be infinite, when everyone agrees, there is more encouragement which you likely have, and way less jealousy. If you are good with calendars and having date schedule, you are one-step ahead in this area.

Think of how it can go: "I love you, a lot, to share you with others to also see how loving you are, and I support you!"

ShadezMcgee · Answer

This sounds more like a troll post and if it is true, this comes off like you are doing some major setup via manipulation to some fight that will in turn come from what you are hoping he would do as a test. The test being that he goes back to you regardless of his feelings and the sex with the other woman. If so, that's fucked up and may God have mercy on his soul.

Anonymous · Answer

Guys know how much work a relationship can be.

This isn't about having a side piece, or another hole to dip your wick into. You are talking about dating another girl.

Not just one set of dates to remember - but two. Not just one girls emotional minefield to navigate, but two. Not just one persons trivial unimportant details that you have to remember in order to avoid a fight, but two.

Guys know the things we don't talk about - like just how much a girl can annoy the ever loving fuck out of you, and how and why we have the stereotype of not being able to remember her birthday but we can tell you the starting line up of our favourite team from 15 years ago.

Qdbrown · Answer

Been there and it's stupid. It's makes everything complex. If you need to have many partners, don't get married if you're the guy, and don't have kids. You're still playing.
If a woman wants to play, she is ready to leave you. She is just limbering up the relationship.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

No. It won’t end well somewhere for someone.. either for you or the other girl or him.. you can do what you want.. but somewhere down the line he won’t be your boyfriend anymore.. the whole point of dating it to find that one match.. not to have something and keep dating.. your not a car where you find the car you like but then keep buying and driving other cars.. humans are more complex than that.. I’m just saying someone will get hurt and their will be a lot of regrets. But do you, make your mistakes so you can learn from them while your young

weysally · Answer

a guy can have sex with two or more girls, but can only really love one, same goes for a girl, she can have sex with many guys but can only really love one
a lot of people on here seem to want others in a sexual relationship after a short time with their OS'
my husband and I do have sex fun with others but it was about 12 years into our marriage when we talked about it so can I ask you a question why do you want it

MeghanL · Answer

A person can love more than one person. It's called polyamory. Whether your boyfriend is polyamorous & whether he can & would do those other things I can't say since I don't know him.

A lot of men talk about doing that but it's usually little more than talk, they haven't actually done it.

supercutebutt · Answer

Yes it is VERY realistic. BUT It would help if he had the visual image of you lapping up his creamy explosion from his new lover's sniz. Why? Because he will recover quicker and you won't have to wait very long before he pumps you full of a fresh batch of love nectar of your own. :) Good luck!

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

Yes it’s possible. couple of things though.

STD’s having more than one partner increases the risks, how would you handle this?

Also sex can often increase our level of attachment, what if is starts to love the other girl more, could you risk losing him to another girl. While you might want to call it off, what if he does not?

it’s not impossible, I have done enough casual dating to know the other person has other partners, admittedly most have been other girls.

abc3643 · Answer

Never forget this old adage... Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it. Spock said a very good variant...

Nawlins34 · Answer

It depends on the guy you're with and his maturity level. What can he handle on an emotional level?

If he's not into that, you're better off dating a guy who isn't ready to settle down. Don't experiment with the feelings of a guy who prefers monogamy. Find the former and have fun.

Just my opinion, be safe and good luck.

VertigoJ · Answer

It very much depends on both him and yourself as people. Also, it means that you have more avenues of potential failure in the relationship, but, it is entirely feasible, and has been done successfully by a great many people. Just make sure you know what you are getting into.

jshm2 · Answer

Well... obviously, he's only your boyfriend, not your husband. He can have a girlfriend for every day of the week, as can you a few boyfriends. It's not a legal contract you have.

The STD's between you would start a pandemic though. Not to mention the shitty mental and financial state you would all end up in.

SirJohn42 · Answer

Why have him date other Women? Idont know who he is. I dint know his personality. I dont know the way he thinks.

All I know is if you tell him to date other women. You may lose him to other gal. You say you stop it but what if its what he enjoys it. What if he still does it.

jmf909 · Answer

Yes of course he can finding another lady wanting or willing to play this way. Any particular reason you want him to date other ladies. is it because you have long times seperated or because you are bi. who picks the other girlfriend you or him and is it a long term thing or just something U want to try out just short term?

vald9inches · Answer

Many people do it all around the world so it is definitely possible but you would have to make sure everyone involved understands and is completely comfortable with it. You would also want the two girls spend lots pf time together first and become friends ideally before anything happens.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

I've done this before. When im single i usually keep 3 to 5 fwbs. And i often have 3somes. No big deal. Relationship wise the time commitment is the biggest problem unless the girls overlap and date night can be with multiple girls at once. But realistically most girls have been too jealous to do this on the very regular. Everyone wants their special alone time.

Ryfyle · Answer

No you're fucking stupid to even think of this. Imagine he finds some more interesting and you tell him to stop, he's his own man so he just ditches you. Your hubris and naivety is the most damning evidence of our decaying society. This Decadent cancer eats away at our moral Fiber! This post modern horse shit is going to be the death of us all!

petargrom · Answer

No one is really interested in that
It is onky done when your envious friends set you up
Not that it is a big deal, it is just pointless (unless it us your best friend and you really want her in bed with your boyfriend because you care that much or are bisexual)

unintrigued · Answer

I know people who are poly, but the unfortunate side of this is you can’t really tell him to stop. You do get to know who he’s dating, though. Otherwise that’s cheating.

karangill · Answer

He wouldn't deny it if he could unless he's new age feminine man.

The question is - is he able to seem desirable to other women? He does have a benefit as you're dating him, he is selected by a woman already.

Female mindset workz according to harems , one women can improve his success with other women

DavidDong · Answer

Lol what, this is the first I've ever heard a woman say this. It will destroy your relationship if he ever finds someone better, you might be thinking too highly of yourself, sorry. Also, quite cuck

harvest · Answer

It's a bad idea, and you're going to regret it pretty soon, but if you want to try it, go ahead. He shouldn't have much problems fucking to beautiful girls instead of one ;)

John_Galt · Answer

That is going to depend entirely on the guy. There are a lot of men that are polyamorous! but not many with the experience to handle the situation properly. You guys need to be rock solid and communicate really well! For it to work.

Chriscunning · Answer

It depends if he enjoys it. You asking for a type of open relationship. It's not really a "can he handle it" because his a guy, it's if he wants to. Just ask and see.

joshua_francis · Answer

Honestly it really depends on the guy. He may be able to cope with it or maybe not. You are the best judge of his character and wether he'd be able to cope with it

Anonymous · Answer

I'm not sure about if he'd LOVE the other girl (s) or not, but I would say that it's VERY likely he'd be more than happy having hot, hot sex with other girls while being in a relationship with you. Particularly if you could help him get really hot girls!

oldawg · Answer

Why would you want your boyfriend to date another girl? And I bet you will find if you offered that to your boyfriend he will get jealous because he will think you're up to something

TOTEMPLASTER · Answer

He doesn't have to 'love' a girl to screw her. All you are going to achieve is to make him think that you are subtly suggesting that you want a FFM threesome.

Anonymous · Answer

Why bother having a boyfriend? You sound like you are spoiled. Take a good look at your mother. You will be lucky to end up looking like her. You are going to age sweetheart, everyone does. Enjoy your 15 minutes because they will be over before you realize it

Anonymous · Answer

It's nothing wrong with it to me, but other people won't understand why you want that. Me i don't care if my girlfriend sleeps with other men it's 2021 and a lot of things have changed in modern day society. Not a lot of people are comfortable with their sexuality because they don't want to be called mean name's like slut or a player.

RyzaStout · Answer

As long as you both communicate about it and set rules if needed and such. Polygamy or an open relationship can be doable

CubsterShura · Answer

It may be possible for him to love two girls, but your idea is neither reasonable nor sustainable!

Jackblue · Answer

It is not so much whether he can do it that as what would happen if you became uncomfortable with it. Sexual freedom is like smoking, quitting once you have become accustomed is hard.

Unit1 · Answer

Realistic? Of course. I mean like I am capable to do that and if that's what you want, I'd do it. Men can and do love more than one woman.

Be warned, that this thing, that you are hypothetically being in is called being a cuckquean.

ConfusedGinger21 · Answer

If everything is open then you should have no problems poly is fun if handled properly

karenchick111 · Answer

I think it will be great. Set him up with one of your close friends.

BillHe1 · Answer

Does that include just casual dating or also full sexual activity? How many other women before as you say "you'll cut himoff"? Are you ready for additional STD protection?

lillianaustin · Answer

you're into open relationships? you're okay with them?

shade_19 · Answer

So u r kinda challenging him Well go try it   by the way this question doesn't make sense  It depends person to person  On their skills and comfort

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

I'm sure he can the question is can you. You have to be careful this is a Pandora box what you let out you can't put back. Don't be greedy if you got a good dude keep him cause he may find someone he likes more than he likes you

JessicaNeo · Answer

This might be possible if you want to date two guys simultaneously

Anonymous · Answer

I don't think its a good idia nor its fair to the other woman. Eventually someone's feeling will get hurt. Relationships are not meant to be tested or experimented its meant for only two people and not three to fool around and waste time.

BCRanger10 · Answer

He's already committed to you. Why would want him to do that?

DJB72 · Answer

If you expect him to be able to see other women but not get more involved with them than you, you're setting yourself up for a lot of pain.

SetFree · Answer

Depends on the guy, but why do you have this idea, desire? My woman loves to fantasize about me having sex with other women, and she really wants to try a threesome, but she's afraid for me to be in relationship with another woman.

MillenniumBill · Answer

Yeah, its fine. Just make sure both of your things are pre-packed to save time moving out later.

I want my boyfriend to date other women as well as me. Is this realistic?

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