Boyfriend won’t compromise on where we should live in the future, is this a deal breaker?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend (25M) accountant and I (26F) nurse, have been together nearly 4 years, 3 years of that was long distance as he lived in London and me Southampton for uni. We saw each other every weekend and made it work even though it was hard with communication and never seeing one another. This year we moved in together halfway of our friends and family, we enjoyed living together but the pandemic wasn’t the better timing as we were completely isolated from friends and family. We ended up disrespecting each other and not appreciating one another as we had no space. I have now moved out on my own due to uni again and taken space from the relationship and he has moved back to London. We are willing to work at our relationship but I have felt like I am putting more effort in then he is. We spoke about where this is going in the future, I want to go to another university in London so I agreed that I would be happy to move back with him up there for 4 years until my course is complete and then we could move further south to ‘settle down’. He is now refusing to move further south in the future and wants to be near his friends and family for the foreseeable. I feel as though I’m making the compromise and have done to be 2 hours from all of my friends and family and only asked that we move closer to them in the future so that I can be near my mum when I have children. I have given him other solutions like finding another place we like halfway again but he has said no to all the locations and wants to stay just below London. I have said this means we can’t be together as I will be sacrificing my family for his but he says he wants to be with me? He would be ultimately sacrificing his family but it is just him and his parents and his friends will most probably move out of the area anyway. So I believe if we move south he could find a job down here and make more friends? His parents would probably follow us anyway. He says there aren’t enough job opportunities in the south.

Updates

+1 y

We moved out halfway early 2020 not this year haha

[caring__1]

It sounds like he wants to make the decisions for both of you. You understand the value of a support system when you have children, but all he cares about is himself. If you are comfortable with him making unilateral decisions and only thinking about himself, then continue the relationship. If not, let him know this won't work long-term for you. You can choose to be with him while you are in London and then separate when your schooling is finished. This could be like a summer romance you know will end when school starts in the fall. Just keep your eyes open, and don't assume he'll eventually care about your feelings.

[Asker]

Thank you for understanding, I know he would be compromising a lot for me but like I said I am happy to live half way but he isn’t. I think I’m worried because I’m 26 and even though I will be in London for a few years I don’t want to stay with him until I’m 30 odd and then run out of time biologically for kids if he messes me about :/ but I don’t know how else to get him to see my perspective.

[caring__1]

You're wasting your time if you want someone who isn't interested in seeing your perspective to see your perspective. He has made his choice clear to you, so the ball's in your court now. I hope you choose what will actually take you where you want to go.