*I'm going to be asking a lot of questions on relationships bc this is my first one I'm in, sorry I'm just genuinely curious*
Here are the things we established it's not the reason for: It's not the age gap It's not the closeness (he doesn't mind saying "I love you")
So what is it? Does it have to do with me or is he not comfortable within himself? He doesn't mind light cheesy flirting. He says he's very shy but what does that mean deep down?
He's uncomfortable with his sexuality
He isn't very sexual in general
It's something about you
Other
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Please select your age
Why would a guy be uncomfortable with heavy flirting?
It's unlikely to be you. That's important for you to know. And it very much depends on exactly what you mean by "heavy" flirting. He may feel self conscious if the flirting is overtly sexual or bordering on sexting. That doesn't mean he's uncomfortable with his sexuality, it may simply be he's uncomfortable expressing it that way.
You mentioned there's an age gap. How big is the gap? He may not be aware if it doesn't bother him when you're together, but he may be self conscious in text if the gap is more than a year or two between you.
There's a lot of potential reasons, but I hope that helps.
I'm 24 and still don't exactly respond well to a woman touching me. Like even one I want to touch me because it just doesn't happen for me and I'm still a virgin waiting for the right woman. I'm extremely shy and nervous and its funny because you wouldn't really know it when talking to me. I have somewhat of a problem saying "I love you" or that I care but thats because I've been hurt a lot and honestly I think I still do pretty good with it. In fact, I still say it WAY too early.
I think it is the age. He just won't admit it. He prob enjoys you but its eating away at him deep down. He’d prob be more comfortable when you're 18 and your parents accept your relationship
I guess he's not very sexual in general. Men like him are rare to find, but they exist. Maybe you're too sexual for him and he's not comfortable with that.
If it’s a new relationship, it can be boundaries, flirting when it’s just light and sort of a laugh to it, is one thing.
when it gets a bit deeper and more sexual, then it’s easy to say something that kills the flirting.
usually this is to do with not knowing the boundaries and being scared to say something that may offend.
coupled to that some guys are okay at light flirting but then can’t really go deeper without becoming overly Pervy sort of thing.
personally, I would take it just to his comfort levels and then see where the limits and what boundaries you have, you may need to lead him by the nose so to speak.
Whether is heavy or light flirt we can certainly reach a point we've set as a goal.
But when we are under heavy flirt from the girl things go kind wrong most of us can't grasp why and how to comprehend this.
Or simply explained we Prefer to be The Hunter not the prey.
Another thing is probably not in the mood at said moment.
I had this argument over and over with my wife.
When we don't feel like it we just don't. I know is a bad thing but there are moments in life thst you need just a simple conversation and to relax and nothing more.
But takes understanding and opening about suvh things between the partners in crime.
It could be a copious amount of reasons behind it and the only one who knows is him. He might not have the full answer but he knows what he is feeling and the things that cause it. Communicate and listen to each other, show that you can be entrusted and hope he opens up to you.
Like someone else wrote because of what I think are rather stupid laws in the US he is also probably scared of being in the wrong.
In general communication and allowing each other to express with being questioned or judged is important.
You will never ever 100% understand each other but you can come close and that's a process that takes time and for some it can be a much longer process.
At start of a relationship sometimes its hard to be open and honest... after years and a few times brushing your teeth while the other is on the toilet you loosen up...
When you really get to know each other you can really have true talks... e. g. like if you were a serial killer how you would both go about it and help each other
Tim Minchin sums it up nicely with a few jokes... when your relationship is at this stage you know you there!
Okay, first off: Congratulations! I hope you're happy together. Now, as to why he's not flirt-comfortable: HE may not be bothered by the age difference, but OTHER people will be. He may not relish the prospect of the response you guys'll get. He may also have some issues/concerns with more direct romantic stuff in general; does he have a lot of relationship experience?
it this in person, or texting? either way he might just not be used to this, and if he's older, then it could add to it, it might be seen as a bit intimidating at first. from the little I've read of you on the questions around, you strike me as someone very confident so... this might just very new to him and he might be trying to find his way into this.
It could be that with your age and you come on heavy with him he doesn't go forward and some really shy people will do that and they need to get over that to move on for heavier flirting you be surprised I'm 53 and very shy and I suck at texting with a girl cause of my shyness, this one girl is age 24, but I can't move on to text her more cause it's just something about myself and she's a girl whose for real but we are not official but we talk and I would say we are just friends I wouldn't call it anything more maybe if she relocated to Pennsylvania things would be different but she's got an ill two-year-old son so I can't expect too much out of her?
He’s probably just having a hard time coming to terms with his feelings. It can be kinda alarming and uncomfortable when you first encounter them. So you flirting might be evoking those feelings in him more and not totally sure what the correct or an appropriate response to it is yet. I say give him space or room to breath so he can get a better grasp on his feelings.
He might just be more on the traditional side. Many guys are taught that they should be the ones to initiate intimacy.
It might help to show him in other ways you want to be intimate. For example, arrange dinner in and dress seductively, letting him make the first moves. It may sound cheesy but it is worth a try.
Hmm. Sounds a bit toxic to me someone going "no flirting allowed." After all this is a sexual relationship you are in? If he starts saying stuff like my ex-girlfriend did, like you're cold or whatever, which is what she called me after she wouldn't let me hold her hand or anything, then proceed to moan about it, then I'd get rid of him. Otherwise, if all is well, express that you are a person of physical touch and of words of affirmation, if he's shy then deep down he's probably enjoying it
If sex is off the table. Heavy flirting can be uncomfortable because you know its not going to lead anywhere. If there is an age gap , you being under 18 will most likely be the reason why heavy flirting will be uncomfortable even if the guy says age is not the reason.
I remember the time when I was in a dark place mentally and couldn't figure out what I want to do in this life, and there were some girls who did things to catch my attention and I just found it annoying, so if a guy not in a mood you better don't touch him.
I would say it might be one or multiple of those: -religion -he might be assexual -he is actually homossexual -he doesn't feel comfortable/confident enough with how he think he will "perform"
It means he is very shy. I used to feel weird when my girlfriend would want to kiss me in public. Sometimes she would hang all over me and kiss me. I am pretty shy and reserved. I don't like to advertise all this stuff. He is probably shy too. He said he loves you so that is a good sign. He just doesn't like all the public stuff. Everyone is different.
For me, I'm not sure if I'll be seen as creepy or not. I've heard that two guys can do the exact same thing and the girl will think it's creepy based on if she's attracted to the guy or not.
