If you've ONLY been in a long-distance relationship and have never met in real life, the outlook for success after five years is practically nil.
I'd venture to say the outlook for a longterm commitment after five years with progress coming to a halt would be nil if you WERE in each other's presence. That's statistics. Most people decide to partner after 18 months to three years. When it drags on much beyond that hope for more is dim.
You're living in a partial fantasy. Both of you have to fill in the blanks of simply not knowing each other.
The only way you CAN know each other is to spend many hours together simply hanging out. You need to be physically AND emotionally available.
There have been many couples who've had longtime online relationships who finally meet and find their personalities, lifestyles, habits clash.
None of this can be found out on facetime, zoom or snapchat.
What does your house smell like? How do you cook your food? Are there dust balls under all your furniture?
What do YOU smell like? How often do you work out? Is the toilet bowl clean?
You laugh. This is minor stuff. Not about how much we love each other!
Love cannot survive a filthy homemaker (male or female), someone who doesn't bathe regularly, or has halitosis and rancid feet.
You need to be together to find out if you CAN BE together. There is no substitute for BEING THERE.
I think it depends on some people. I know my cousin and her husband was on a long distance relationship before they got married. They've met in college in Berkeley, I don't know know how they met because I didn't ask. All I know is, when my cousin graduated Berkeley she moved to Chicago to study for her PhD. Her and her husband had a long distance relationship, by the time she graduated for her PhD. They got married. Now they've been married for 11 years and have 2 beautiful children (a boy and a girl). So it depends.
First off standards are high. Second understand reality and third utilize intelligence responsibility and maturity. That said if you saw eye to eye you know what it entails. The ends justify the means. I'm in a relationship over 10 years with 6 years long distance approximately 180 miles. We have a great relationship and it works both ways. I'm in the country now but still go back to the city every month and she is in the city and comes to the country every month. Every aspect of life including finances, health and security are apparent. It works it takes patience tolerance and discipline in order to keep it working. We work it works. If you're not worth it why did you pursue this line of life if you didn't think of it prior. I have peace. Most people don't know or how to achieve it. When you do most people will disagree with you dislike you envious of you. When it's right you won't have many opinions against and be completely at peace.
It depends but it’s not easy. I’ve been in a LDR before and we lived in two different countries (I was in USA and she was in EU) for a few years before we made the effort to see each other. We eventually made plans and I went to see her a few times and was plotting on me moving there.
Now it didn’t work out before that plan made it to the last step but it’s important to have a game plan and a timeline so you both truly put in the effort. Some people are nervous about it but it’s a team effort and requires both sides cooperating together.
It’s not easy , I won’t try to lie to you but if you want something really bad then you will put in the work and make the love fuel your mutual goals
I couldn’t agree more
You are right, especially about having a game plan and a timeline.
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Most don't work out. It's a big strain and there's so much longing.
But one of mine did work out. Still married 20 years later.
5 years? Give up. If you still haven't found a way to be together...
Yep and we ended it today Cus he has someone else. No wonder why it didn’t work out
With online relationships, there's always a risk. I've been in a few online relationships (none of them worked out, but that's not the same for EVERY online relationship in existence; I've heard of several completely working out), and the biggest risk is that one or both parties end up being totally different from their online personas, and the romance in the relationship fizzles out.
If I may suggest, try arranging a time and place where you can meet in person. That way the both of you can kind of test the waters and find out if you're really compatible with one another. A common trap people fall into (and I've been guilty of this myself; that is why I say this) is both parties fall in love with each others' online personas, but when they meet IRL, they turn out totally different from the pictures they paint of each other in their minds. See if they're capable of providing you with the same physical warmth and comfort you expect from each other and if your habits & personalities mesh well.
If you can get over this hurdle, your chances of success greatly improve.
i tried it for 7 years before we gave up and she got married and we dont even talk anymore. it was great and awesome but the distance was kind of hard on us.
we were even up to the point where we mailed each other rings and we had plans.
then she met a guy and they started talking there more than i was then right before we stopped talking she said she did not want to loose contact with that guy. and she threw away a 7 year relationship and we talked less because he was there for her.
im noot sure what he said or anything but his insecurities and sad boy routine , thats just what i think and she dropped me. pissed me off and what kind of make me laugh now is that its always the insecure cry babys that break up relationships. i would say more but some guys will be t busy sucking mamas nipple for milk rather than trying too get a girl the right way.
though i am talking about a LDR which makes me laugh every now and then that i took it so serious lol
2 years, i just end my ldr because he couldnt help me emotionally in my bad depression.
And he keep go up and up and up while i go down and down and down.
I need time to face my own problem without comparing myself. So i better stop our relationship.
I literally just ended mine today and I felt relief. All this time I thought the problem was in me but cheated
That’s actually a good decision that u end it. Nobody needs a toxic partner
Thank you. Right now I need to focus on my life and just be busy. Nice meeting you vee
usually long-term relationships don't work out cause either the man or women get tired of waiting to be with the person your better off trying to find someone in your area usually it helps to put a time frame on it for example if i meet a lady and were talking i will tell myself give her 2 weeks to meet either me trying to meet her or vise versa but after 2 weeks and we still can't meet then move on to the next life is too short and time goes by really fast so make the best out of it
We prolly got tired
I am in a long distance relationship. I say it is very difficult tbh... At start it was fun but years passed by there is no connect like earlier.
We are stuck. We can neither take a step forward nor backward.
Some stories get successful. Those are not ordinary ones.
I can't say whether a close proximity relationship would work 100% because in any relationship there are expectations. If you can't be upto the mark or nearby the expectation, that relation doesn't work.
But I would not suggest anyone to try long distance relationship.
Not for me it didn't. I've done this twice, once with girl who lived 500 miles away and another time with a girl who lived 150 miles away and it didn't work out either way. My brother, however, had a relationship with a girl who lived over 2000 miles away and they ended up married and still are and very happy.
This question has been asked so many times I've lost count. Since you are not there and have no idea what the other side is doing there is too much chance of them sleeping with anyone or everyone. For all you know they may already have a boyfriend/girlfriend or even be married. You would be no more than an appetizer to their main meal with another party. There is just too much chance of being catfished.
I guess it can work if you can trust and develop times when you will see each other physically. And, do things with each other to get to know one another when you do come together. 5 year long distance is too long for me. If I'm casually dating, it is not. Some thing serious like a boyfriend leading towards marriage is different for me. And, that's long distance or you live in the same state. I'm not going to be in a 5 year relationship for you to determine you want to marry me.
Long distance relationships don't work 99% of times.
In 2010 I was dragged to the poor east. Ever since I have promised to return to Germany. It's 2021 and this year might be the year I finally return to Germany. It's been literally taking 11 years to even enable that! Also pretty much no girlfriend in 11 years.
What happened exactly?
Sooner or later you have to either move closer to one another or you have to give it up. There is no two ways about it.
That’s true. Move closer to one another or just give up. But I believe u know that if it’s not meant to be it will never be and if you’re really for each other, it will work itself out
Sad to hear that. If we could only knew from the start that it will never worked out we could have just end it. Mine just end it today and I’m glad we talked out
Very rare. My sister was in one, and I never thought they'd break up because of distance, they talked every day on the phone, but sure enough 6 months in it was over. They even had a date for when it would end, it didn't help, even though they spoke every day, they both changed too much, and they couldn't make it work.
5 years how many times have you meant and see each other
We only met twice then this covid issue changed everything
Yes and it’s a good start for me to focus on something else.. work and be busy with life
It's a really hard thing to do. the long distance or at least it is for me I'm an empath and I feel everything most of the time it's negative from people and I mean I have to clear that out of my system every night and for one of the best way to do it take all that pain and anger sorrow would have you and turn it into love that's where I dry I would drive myself crazy LOL
They tend to only work if there's good communication, a game plan of when y'all will actually be together and the actual follow through. At some point you have to meet up and finally live together. LDR definitely have a shelf life.
Agreed. I am trying to get the girl I am in a LDR with to commit and make this real.
I don't think I could ever trust anyone to the extent of deciding to be in a long distance relationship with them.
As for others, it can work for some people.
It did not work for me and my relationship... but that is like saying.. "the last time I got caught in the rain, I didn't get wet because I carried a spatula in my back pocket"
I know of 7 people who personally met their spouses through online long distance relationships. All of them are still married. Some have upwards of 3 children now ^^
They only work if there is a plan to close the distance within a reasonable time frame.
No one can answer that for you but you. But as you have been together 5 years, there is clearly something there.
The big question is is it covid that is causing issues for you now, or something else?
This covid and the he cheated on me
Ahh, I'm sorry to hear that. I guess the first step for you is to decide if him sleeping with someone else is a deal breaker for you.
If it is not, and you feel the trust can still recover, then I would share your struggles, but wait until covid is over before making any life altering decisions.
Our relation is already broken and there’s no way it could fix it. I just let him go and that’s the best decision I did. I mean I could have done that long back
It won't. Dont believe the media stories, those are the special cases. Not the normal storyline. Most cases than not, you'll be better with a close proximity relationship.
In my single days, i had plenty of long distance relationships as I was on a dating site and they worked out for a while. They take a lot of trust for sure & patience.
1 in a 100 long distance relationships work out. Are you that one? Probably not. If you haven't been able to find a solution in 5 years, you're spinning your wheels.
It is a challenge but in the end it's worth it. I'm in one and we've been together for a little over 14 months. We live 9 hours away from each other but we are still as close as ever before.
You haven't been 'together'. You've been playing a game and wasting your time - yes, all that time. What a joke.
Consider dating someone you can actually SEE and BE WITH. You'll get way more out of it, I guarantee it.
We actually met each other twice after almost 4 years I got cheated on
Wow. Twice in four years. I hope you understand you really have NOTHING. This is EXACTLY why LDR's don't work - the stats are one or the other will find someone else. And that statistic happens within 90 days - four years is absolutely ridiculous.
It only works if the two people want each other enough. It doesn't take much for humans to fall out of love so if you two aren't trying to close your gap and have no end in sight, there really isn't a point.
Personally my experience taught me that I don’t really believe in LDRs.
I've been in a LDR for 6 years. Come this June it will finally pay off. We're moving in together and getting our own place. It just depends on how much you love each other. If they're "the one" it's worth waiting for.
My parents were long distance for a couple of years and it worked out.
The key is to try to get married as soon as possible.
It’s a slim chance , not saying it can’t work but you both have to be on the same page and want it to work , usually one ends up straying with someone closer to them and all hell breaks loose
They are VERY difficult and usually don’t work out. The only ones that do are because they eventually make them non-long distance relationships
I have tried long distance for most of my dating experience and so far it has not worked yet but I know for some people it has worked out for them.
Long distance relationship is stupid. Just move in together or move closer. You’re wasting a lot of time doing that. It’s not gonna end up working out. I’m sorry
Might depend on part on how long it will be until you can live near each other
That’s actually uncertain right now
If you don't put effort into it, it will certainly not work out well.
Nothing lasts forever. Might need to dump him before your heart breaks or he dies.
No cause one to far apart and temptation especially when they are far from each other.
The vast majority of LDRs don't work out. I would say that at your age 5 years is more than long enough. If it hasn't done the job by now it probably never will. Sounds like time to move on.
Most of them fail because you can’t just text and text all day you have to do other things mine worked out
Most of them fails Cus of the trust issues as well. I’m glad yours worked out
That’s what we used to do, talked on the phone till we both passed and we even traveled. But life is a constant change indeed. I’m happy for you both
I’m sorry to hear that. You survived thou
It was not easy Cus yours lasted 7 1/2 years. I don’t know how long I will move on
I’m always positive. I know everything happens for a reason
@khayecv02 That's a difficult question because it depends on how both parties are willing to put effort into making long distance relationship work.
I feel like it could. If both people are willing to put in effort, anything is possible.
I used to be in a long distance relationship. We fought for our relationship and eventually I moved to live with her, but the relationship ended pretty suddenly, and I ended up alone in a foreign country.
if they can both keep a commitment then it can work out, its hard tho, im surprised you lasted 5 years, thats a long time
Only if one is risky enough to make the move to be with the other one.
If you’ve been together for 5 years, maybe the time has come to think about taking that new step?
You know, to close the gap.
I have been in a long distance relationship since 2014, and since March 16, 2020 she has been back in her home country.
Yeah it does. Not everyone’s soulmate in their town.
It's hard. Very hard... Especially if you're a sexually active person. You have to deal with both missing your partner and sex craving at the same time.
It will get better if you move in together
Only if it's temporary.
It didn't work out for me.
Nah... they dont. You need physical contact.
Just cheat on him like every other girl does.
Is there a definite end date?
Good Luck, you need it.
Not even normal relationships do, maybe in heaven.
Sometimes it does. Mostly it doesn't.
from where are you from?
LDR can be very challenging
It is. Indeed
Some do but its rare
eventually they never do
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