Is it wrong to want a virgin husband?

[Anonymous]

Everyone ridicules me when i tell them i want to marry someone virgin. Because I'm virgin, and someone somewhat ugly, if my future husband had sex with another girl before me he'd remember her and say "Why the heck i married this girl"

I mean, I don't even think I'll ever get married because of my appearance and some problems related to my family and mental health but still i think in this way, why would it be wrong? I know I'm just 17 and too young to think about marriage but I'd be with someone who loves me only and i can love him only. Why is this wrong? All i want is just love and i don't think i can trust a non-virgin man, I don't even think a non-virgin man (or any breathing man) would approach me tho but nvm

[BirdshotJohn]

No, not wrong at all. Admirable even.

As to your concerns about being ugly; I don't know what you look like so I'll take your word for it; but there are definitely things you can do to improve your attractiveness even with the worst genetics.

The first, obvious one, is being in good physical shape (for most men, our preferences are for slim women.) This doesn't mean you have to hit the gym everyday and only eat undressed kale salads.
Just cut processed sugar from your diet and replace it with fresh fruits and veggies, and go for a walk in the park each morning.

The second one I'll offer only works if you don't already have strong political opinions. And it is to adopt strong right wing positions. (I'm not telling you to argue for things you don't believe in, I'm suggesting you read some right wing books or articles and see if you agree with their conclusions.) Someone sharing your political opinions generally adds several "points" to their attractiveness; Margret Thatcher was not a terrible attractive woman by physical beauty, but millions of right wing men had huge crushes on her because she stood up for the things they believed in. Virginity till marriage is generally associated with the political right these days; and there are more right wing men than right wing women, which puts you in a "target rich environment" if you will. A woman with right wing views on issues like gun control in particular is very appealing to a man, because it means his potential wife isn't going to undermine his hobbies/rights (depending on your country and perspective.)

The third is similar to the second; put yourself in "target rich environments" where men outnumber women. Towns with military bases are a great example, the men outnumber the women so heavily in these places that even the least physically attractive woman won't have much problem finding dates; and, many of the "less attractive" guys who join the army are still virgins when they do, they're hoping to improve their social status through military service to make themselves more attractive.

Best of luck!

[N192K001]

No, it is not wrong while holding yourself to the same standard.

Yes, some people will mock, but they do not realize how much of their easily-avoidable problems you're avoiding (threat of being used for sex, pregnancy-scares, S. T. D.'s, etc.).

Don't worry about losing options. The incompatible are self-selecting themselves out of the equation, hence saving you the heartache of couple-drama from a match-up doomed to fail from the very beginning. (If your morals & convictions mean anything to you, your they must to match with your candidate's as well. Or the potential union is doomed to failure. So, save yourself the heartache by cutting your losses early and not letting the problem brew in the 1st place.)

Stick with your fellow religious people who share, appreciate, and encourage your same convictions. And try to not heed the voices of incompatible wolves trying to lour you to their bed as their next prey.

Stay strong! Your fellow peers are more than you think, and scattered all over the world (though more common/rare in some regions of the world than in others). You're not alone. Be encouraged by that.

[sarahemilyyy]

1. You're not suited to the conventional values of wherever you're from. I'm assuming that you live in the West world.

2. You must accept that your values are not conventional in the West world, hence, finding men who think and are like you is quite difficult because these days, virgin men are quite rare.

3. There's nothing wrong in preferring virgins. It just means that you have different romantic values than the others.

4. Preferably go to places where virgin men always hang out at.

5. However, many virgin men are eager to get laid early too so that makes virgin men who wait till marriage verryyyy rare.

6. If you are so determined in finding a true virgin male partner, go to places where the "sex before marriage" values isn't common. Obviously not in the West. You have to go out to places and invest. And if middle east and alike immediately pop in your mind, know that middle east is not the only one. There are several places around the world where virgin men are common and your idea isn't treated as a "joke". There are places in this world where sex before marriage isn't perceived a must sexual experience for a better relationship and then marriage.



Good luck on your journey. Remember, your value isn't conventional in your place but many other people in this world would accept you for who you are.

[Alyssa11]

First of all everyone is getting into relationships and marriages, you’re not any different. You need to change your mindset because you are what you attract. At your age, I also thought I couldn’t get married because I trusted nobody and resented men. Humbly speaking, I’m an attractive woman so I could’ve easily been married now if I had the right mindset. Instead I’ve dated abusers and for engaged (and broke up) with a cheating fiancée. I genuinely blame my mindset.


Secondly, I really don’t think a man’s body count is indicative of how he will treat you. It’s about where the man is in his life right now and what he wants. If he wants commitment, he will be committed. The key is in finding out what he WANTS. If he doesn’t know what he wants, then that’s when we have a problem.


However, if you prefer to be with a virgin as a personal preference then that is totally your right and call to make. Virgin men do exist out there. It just means you’re slightly more limiting yourself, but when it comes to dating we should be picky anyway. A husband is someone you’ll share your entire life with, so you should be 100% happy to be with him - 99.9% won’t even suffice.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

No it isn't wrong if you save yourself marriage and want a partner that also saved sex for marriage...
May be harder to find, because men aren't held to the same standard or stigma of having premarital sex as women are.
I think it's more wrong when some men say they'll only marry a virgin, yet they themselves aren't because that's hypocritical to me...
Don't listen to haters... You have every right to what you want in a husband partner... At least you're not being a hypocrite with it..

[OlderAndWiser]

"Is it wrong to want a virgin husband?" No, it is not wrong, just as it is not wrong for me to want a date with Kristen Bell.

[jerdanro]

You have excellent taste Sir.

[mistixs]

It would be hypocritical if you weren't a virgin, but you are a virgin so it's fine to expect that from a partner. It's not wrong to want to marry someone you're compatible with.

[BCRanger10]

No.

First of all, 17 is not too young to think about marriage. If you ask me, by this age, a teenage girl should already be thinking about the kind of woman she wants to become, the kind of man she wants to marry, and the kind of family she wants to raise with him.

Now, if you want to marry a man who has waited until marriage, pay no mind to the trouble that others give you for it. If they want to be immature and stupid, that's their problem, not yours. That being said, if I may ask, what kinds of things do they say to you?

As for waiting until marriage, as a devout Catholic, I am 100% on board with that. Just remember that waiting until marriage, by itself, will not guarantee a happy and healthy marriage. You and your husband will have to make it work.

On that note though, be open to the possibility that your future husband may have had sex before, but had a change of heart later on. As such, I don't think it should be held against him.

Regarding your looks, I have to wonder if that's self-esteem problems brought about by your aforementioned mental health and family issues.

Does this help?

[btbc92]

No. It is your sexual right. As long as your a virgin you are entitled to that. That is what i believe. People have free will to choose. Says people want to say is their body their choice, guess what it's also your choice to not have somebody who doesn't meet your standards sexually. And nobody can tell you otherwise. It is not wrong. It is wrong with anybody to expect you to just accept them when they the ones that made it sexual choices. They could have wait like anybody else. I told people even back then, if you're that desperate for whatever, you say you care about that person, get married. The legal age is 18. If you can't marry them, why should they compromised you? Just stay away from selfish people.

[btbc92]

People got married long before your age. You are not too young to think about marriage. You are a young adults. You need to think about this if that is what you desire. It is best for you to wait until you are married to have sex area if a guy is not looking to do the same, you are not entitled to date them. Don't date people who do not share your values, you stand up, your morals, let alone isn't compatible with you. A person that loves you, would respect you. Look around you, stick around on the site for a while and actually do your research, really evaluate and observe the uses on the site. Really ask yourself do you really want to compromise your virginity over what they choose to do? I find it the most miserable people are the ones who made these mistakes.

[SnowyOwl]

You will only ever get waht you believe you deserve. And if you don't believe in what you deserve, I really advice you to talk to a councelor/therapist to work on your self esteem
I see a lot of red flags i what you said, and I can't give you a therapy session right here.
But you need to love yourself. You need to believe in yourself. Because you are lovable, and you deserve love. And if you can confidently say that to yourself everyday from now on, you will be the most beiriful girl out there. Any guy would be lucky to have you.

I hope you find your courage, girl

[modelUN242]

I also am the same way and prefer virgin guys. I don't want to deal with their baggage and them comparing me to their exes. Also, there are more virgin guys than girls so you have lots of options.

And, you still have the opportunity to fix your appearance. Eat healthy and sleep well. Don't stress and exercise.

[TruthBringer]

I'ts not wrong. Those who tell you that base their thought on the stigma that a virgin man is a "loser". Did you seriously expect better from people around the age of 18? At the same time, depending on where you live, you may not find a virgin men by the time you want to get serious. There are plenty of virgin men out there who are single and/or unmarried simply because they can't find another virgin woman. at least here in the west that's a big problem considering girls lose their virginity around the age of 14.

[Kaneki05]

No not wrong. But the ideology can also be reversed, he never had sex with any other girl so has a Mid life crisis at some point and cheats.
Because he realized he's never had sex with anyone else leading him into a thought that he needs to at least do it one other person before he dies. Or while been married, some girl try's to seduce him or is into him cause he is married or seems more confident due to been married and because he's never really experienced that longing, he gives into his lust.

Honestly to think one way is more full proof than another is foolish. But if that's true your preference that's okay just don't delude yourself thinking it's better cause he won't cheat.

[Anonymous]

I always wanted a virgin woman as my wife, but I never thought I'd get married either... and settled for her and it did not work out.

I wish I had just been single over marrying someone who already had experience. It is better to be single that go to hell and back.

On the bright side, there are more virgin men out there than woman so the odds are in your favor. Also regardless of how you look, even the best looking people, with time their looks fade.

You should not get married strictly on looks, should be all the other stuff.

My experience is two fold. I did date a super good looking girl once, who had a terrible personality, after a few months she started to look ugly to me.

On another occasion, I dated someone I considered below average but figured hey we could just be friends right? well after a few months I started thinking she was looking pretty good. Personality is more beautiful than looks that won't stick around.

[SenseiSeptred]

What you described is the classic difference between someone's beauty score and their charisma score for if you play Dungeons and Dragons. One is known as physical beauty, the other is known as mental affinity.

[Billlewis]

No, ma'am, you're not in any way whatsoever unrealistic or unreasonable for wanting to marry a guy who has never gotten his dick inside a woman's pussy.

However, I recommend that you consider taking a 'Born Again Virgin' like me, who was at one time fairly active sexually, but has been kept celibate for much of his life since then. I don't think there is any doubt that you're on the right track, because the less pussy a guy gets, the easier it is to dominate and control him to the greatest degree possible.

[Tomsta]

I think there is an underlying issue here, no there isn't anything wrong with wanting a virgin husband. Apart from it being tricky

The issue i see is you post has an underlying message of you believing that you aren't worthy of having a husband that has slept with another person cos of body issues or fpr not being good in bed

Id advise working on yoir self confidence and worth. If possible id highly recommend seeking professional help

I myself have mental issues as well as self taught emotional numbness, itll be a hard road but i will come out of this a better person. You can to. Your words sounds like you might have body dysmorphia

[Mishan97]

It’s not wrong for you to have a preference for a virgin husband however, it might be an unrealistic expectation. Majority of men are not virgins. & you are cancelling out a lot of great options by having this requirement. What if the perfect guy for you happens to not be a virgin? I think you should work on your self confidence because a guy who really loves you would not compare you to previous girlfriends. And if he gets to the point of marrying you then of course he is attracted to you and him being a virgin or not will not affect that.

[Clueless27828282]

Majority of women are not virgins too? So what if there is a girl who is a virgin of course there can be someone who is virgin as a guy too. It is preference.

[callMeNeel]

We, as a society, are too obsessed with the idea of virginity of either genders. I believe that worrying over a partner's virginity, unless for religious purposes, is not really worth it.

While you might be tempted to want a virgin husband, you should also consider the flip side of it. Having a non-virgin husband means that your husband has previous relationship experience, which is a good thing. If your husband has dated other women before, it means he is more mature, and he can handle the relationship much better. At the end of the day, what really matters is how beautiful your relationship is. And, in my opinion, someone who knows the tidbits of relationship (from past experience) is a better choice in that regard.

[Anonymous]

First and foremost, please get help to deal with your more than obvious insecurities. Everyone is beautiful in their own way and you'll be surprised how many men would more than likely approach you if you got your confidence up to where it should be. You are 17 and honestly, you shouldn't have that much weight on your shoulders being this young. That's a heavy burden to carry.

As for the virginity thing... you will probably either end up losing your virginity and change your tune on this topic (I said the same thing when I was young) or your expectations will probably push everyone away. The choice is yours at that point. No one likes expectations.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

😂😂😂👻

[yofuknutz]

I may not agree with her but she has a valid point and something worth considering.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

I found it funny i mean the part were she says that i said the same thing when I was young.

These kind of things never change like from ancient times

[Aakash_Hangargi]

First of all stop being negative everybody has problems, if that was the case nobody in the world would have married you know.

So relax, you will definetly find someone of your choice it's actually rare now that it's coming from a girl wanting virgin husband bcos now a days girls prefer guys with experience so they can enjoy.

It's not that your wish would never be fulfilled but guys like that you will get without any problem but whether you will like them or not based on charecteristics and traits I am not sure but all the best

[I-C3_ME]

Ok i don't understand why you think a guy that had sex can't be trusted? The way you explain it, it feels to me it comes from insecurities and not the guy.

You don't seem confident at all, even if 1 percent of people find you attractive. That's still 70 000 000 potential relationship, even 1 percent of that 1 percent is 700 000 people.

I get it if you want your husband to he a virgin when you start dating, but don't let the reason be cuz you don't trust other men. Just think about it, you're shooting yourself in the food this way (justified or no).

[Typhon_]

780000000 for 10%
78000000 for 1%

[AzzaBlue]

You're not wrong to want this. If nothin else, at least you are consistent with your standards as you hold yourself those standards. You should know though that by having such a standard, you are limiting your pool of relationship prospects. Also no offense, but it is a little bit narrow minded to assume that a non-virgin man is incapable of love. I am not a virgin but I would consider the prospect of dating someone like you desirable, as I don't focus too much on a woman's looks but rather I place a great emphasis on personality and character.

[Sarahr123]

No. If you’re pure then you deserve someone pure. I am from an Orthodox community and all my friends are pretty Orthodox. They’re all virgins and want a virgin husband. All the young women I know who are unmarried are virgins and want virgins. You are a good girl and very strong. You have self respect and someday you’ll find a man who respects that and who respected himself enough to wait. I’m proud of you! Keep it up. True love waits!

[Elsa143]

I also want a virgin husband and NO IT'S NOT WRONG to set some standards.
But my reasons are different.
I want a virgin guy because it is a sign that he's not a sex hungry pig like other men.
If I can control myself then I expect him to control himself as well.
Sex is very intimate thing and only supposed to happen between you and your forever partner.
Otherwise I see no point in having sex with literally any attractive person.