Is it wrong to want a virgin husband?

Question

Everyone ridicules me when i tell them i want to marry someone virgin. Because I'm virgin, and someone somewhat ugly, if my future husband had sex with another girl before me he'd remember her and say "Why the heck i married this girl"

I mean, I don't even think I'll ever get married because of my appearance and some problems related to my family and mental health but still i think in this way, why would it be wrong? I know I'm just 17 and too young to think about marriage but I'd be with someone who loves me only and i can love him only. Why is this wrong? All i want is just love and i don't think i can trust a non-virgin man, I don't even think a non-virgin man (or any breathing man) would approach me tho but nvm

BirdshotJohn · Accepted Answer

No, not wrong at all. Admirable even.

As to your concerns about being ugly; I don't know what you look like so I'll take your word for it; but there are definitely things you can do to improve your attractiveness even with the worst genetics.

The first, obvious one, is being in good physical shape (for most men, our preferences are for slim women.) This doesn't mean you have to hit the gym everyday and only eat undressed kale salads.
Just cut processed sugar from your diet and replace it with fresh fruits and veggies, and go for a walk in the park each morning.

The second one I'll offer only works if you don't already have strong political opinions. And it is to adopt strong right wing positions. (I'm not telling you to argue for things you don't believe in, I'm suggesting you read some right wing books or articles and see if you agree with their conclusions.) Someone sharing your political opinions generally adds several "points" to their attractiveness; Margret Thatcher was not a terrible attractive woman by physical beauty, but millions of right wing men had huge crushes on her because she stood up for the things they believed in. Virginity till marriage is generally associated with the political right these days; and there are more right wing men than right wing women, which puts you in a "target rich environment" if you will. A woman with right wing views on issues like gun control in particular is very appealing to a man, because it means his potential wife isn't going to undermine his hobbies/rights (depending on your country and perspective.)

The third is similar to the second; put yourself in "target rich environments" where men outnumber women. Towns with military bases are a great example, the men outnumber the women so heavily in these places that even the least physically attractive woman won't have much problem finding dates; and, many of the "less attractive" guys who join the army are still virgins when they do, they're hoping to improve their social status through military service to make themselves more attractive.

Best of luck!

N192K001 · Accepted Answer

No, it is not wrong  while holding yourself to the same standard . Yes, some people will mock, but they do not realize how much of their easily-avoidable problems you're avoiding (threat of being used for sex, pregnancy-scares, S. T. D.'s, etc.). Don't worry about losing options. The incompatible are self-selecting themselves out of the equation, hence saving you the heartache of couple-drama from a match-up doomed to fail from the very beginning. (If your morals & convictions mean anything to you, your they must to match with your candidate's as well. Or the potential union is doomed to failure. So, save yourself the heartache by cutting your losses early and not letting the problem brew in the 1st place.) Stick with your fellow religious people who share, appreciate, and encourage your same convictions. And try to not heed the voices of incompatible wolves trying to lour you to their bed as their next prey. Stay strong! Your fellow peers are more than you think, and scattered all over the world (though more common/rare in some regions of the world than in others). You're not alone. Be encouraged by that.

sarahemilyyy · Accepted Answer

1. You're not suited to the conventional values of wherever you're from. I'm assuming that you live in the West world.

2. You must accept that your values are not conventional in the West world, hence, finding men who think and are like you is quite difficult because these days, virgin men are quite rare.

3. There's nothing wrong in preferring virgins. It just means that you have different romantic values than the others.

4. Preferably go to places where virgin men always hang out at.

5. However, many virgin men are eager to get laid early too so that makes virgin men who wait till marriage verryyyy rare.

6. If you are so determined in finding a true virgin male partner, go to places where the "sex before marriage" values isn't common. Obviously not in the West. You have to go out to places and invest. And if middle east and alike immediately pop in your mind, know that middle east is not the only one. There are several places around the world where virgin men are common and your idea isn't treated as a "joke". There are places in this world where sex before marriage isn't perceived a must sexual experience for a better relationship and then marriage.

Good luck on your journey. Remember, your value isn't conventional in your place but many other people in this world would accept you for who you are.

Alyssa11 · Accepted Answer

First of all everyone is getting into relationships and marriages, you’re not any different. You need to change your mindset because you are what you attract. At your age, I also thought I couldn’t get married because I trusted nobody and resented men. Humbly speaking, I’m an attractive woman so I could’ve easily been married now if I had the right mindset. Instead I’ve dated abusers and for engaged (and broke up) with a cheating fiancée. I genuinely blame my mindset.

Secondly, I really don’t think a man’s body count is indicative of how he will treat you. It’s about where the man is in his life right now and what he wants. If he wants commitment, he will be committed. The key is in finding out what he WANTS. If he doesn’t know what he wants, then that’s when we have a problem.

However, if you prefer to be with a virgin as a personal preference then that is totally your right and call to make. Virgin men do exist out there. It just means you’re slightly more limiting yourself, but when it comes to dating we should be picky anyway. A husband is someone you’ll share your entire life with, so you should be 100% happy to be with him - 99.9% won’t even suffice.

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

It's not inherently wrong, if you're a virgin to also want a virgin. It is wrong in your case, because you are thinking about this in an extremely unhealthy way. It's an unhealthy view of sex.

" All i want is just love and i don't think i can trust a non-virgin man"

That is the problem right there. If you unpack your thinking here, I am quite sure that there are some really unhealthy assumptions within it.

What is it about a man having had sex in the past, that would make him less trustworthy? How does that conclusion follow?

Why is a man who has never had sex more trustworthy? (I can assure you, there is no relationship whatsoever between virginity and trustworthiness).

Also, you overall point about fearing that the memory of a past sexual partner, is going to make your husband less happy with you... because you think you're ugly. That's some really unhealthy shit. It's a lack of self-esteem to the point that you're making big life decisions based on the premise that you're ugly, and compared to any other girl... you'll look inadequate.

It's not abnormal to have self-esteem issues. It is abnormal to have them to the point that you want a virgin husband, because you're afraid he won't want you if he's been with someone else. That's not ok.

I don't know what you look like. I highly doubt you're as unattractive as you are claiming. But even if you are... you have a very inaccurate idea of what love means.

If you are in love with a man who loves you back (a guy you're going to marry). You will be, the most beautiful girl in the world... to that guy. That is what he will see when he sees you. He will feel lucky to have you. He'll feel lucky you chose him to fall in love with. Sex with you would be universes away from the past sex he's had... because he loves you. This is not going to be an issue.

It hurts my heart to hear your reasoning here. Its not that it's unacceptable to want a virgin, if you're also a virgin. But your reasons are unhealthy and make it not ok (for you, specifically). It's the thinking. Not the conclusion that's a problem. I hope you feel differently about all this some day.

🙂

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

No it isn't wrong if you save yourself marriage and want a partner that also saved sex for marriage...
May be harder to find, because men aren't held to the same standard or stigma of having premarital sex as women are.
I think it's more wrong when some men say they'll only marry a virgin, yet they themselves aren't because that's hypocritical to me...
Don't listen to haters... You have every right to what you want in a husband partner... At least you're not being a hypocrite with it..

OlderAndWiser · Answer

"Is it wrong to want a virgin husband?" No, it is not wrong, just as it is not wrong for me to want a date with Kristen Bell.

mistixs · Answer

It would be hypocritical if you weren't a virgin, but you are a virgin so it's fine to expect that from a partner. It's not wrong to want to marry someone you're compatible with.

BCRanger10 · Answer

No.

First of all, 17 is not too young to think about marriage. If you ask me, by this age, a teenage girl should already be thinking about the kind of woman she wants to become, the kind of man she wants to marry, and the kind of family she wants to raise with him.

Now, if you want to marry a man who has waited until marriage, pay no mind to the trouble that others give you for it. If they want to be immature and stupid, that's their problem, not yours. That being said, if I may ask, what kinds of things do they say to you?

As for waiting until marriage, as a devout Catholic, I am 100% on board with that. Just remember that waiting until marriage, by itself, will not guarantee a happy and healthy marriage. You and your husband will have to make it work.

On that note though, be open to the possibility that your future husband may have had sex before, but had a change of heart later on. As such, I don't think it should be held against him.

Regarding your looks, I have to wonder if that's self-esteem problems brought about by your aforementioned mental health and family issues.

Does this help?

btbc92 · Answer

No. It is your sexual right. As long as your a virgin you are entitled to that. That is what i believe. People have free will to choose. Says people want to say is their body their choice, guess what it's also your choice to not have somebody who doesn't meet your standards sexually. And nobody can tell you otherwise. It is not wrong. It is wrong with anybody to expect you to just accept them when they the ones that made it sexual choices. They could have wait like anybody else. I told people even back then, if you're that desperate for whatever, you say you care about that person, get married. The legal age is 18. If you can't marry them, why should they compromised you? Just stay away from selfish people.

SnowyOwl · Answer

You will only ever get waht you believe you deserve. And if you don't believe in what you deserve, I really advice you to talk to a councelor/therapist to work on your self esteem
I see a lot of red flags i what you said, and I can't give you a therapy session right here.
But you need to love yourself. You need to believe in yourself. Because you are lovable, and you deserve love. And if you can confidently say that to yourself everyday from now on, you will be the most beiriful girl out there. Any guy would be lucky to have you.

I hope you find your courage, girl

modelUN242 · Answer

I also am the same way and prefer virgin guys. I don't want to deal with their baggage and them comparing me to their exes. Also, there are more virgin guys than girls so you have lots of options.

And, you still have the opportunity to fix your appearance. Eat healthy and sleep well. Don't stress and exercise.

TruthBringer · Answer

I'ts not wrong. Those who tell you that base their thought on the stigma that a virgin man is a "loser". Did you seriously expect better from people around the age of 18? At the same time, depending on where you live, you may not find a virgin men by the time you want to get serious. There are plenty of virgin men out there who are single and/or unmarried simply because they can't find another virgin woman. at least here in the west that's a big problem considering girls lose their virginity around the age of 14.

Kaneki05 · Answer

No not wrong. But the ideology can also be reversed, he never had sex with any other girl so has a Mid life crisis at some point and cheats.
Because he realized he's never had sex with anyone else leading him into a thought that he needs to at least do it one other person before he dies. Or while been married, some girl try's to seduce him or is into him cause he is married or seems more confident due to been married and because he's never really experienced that longing, he gives into his lust.

Honestly to think one way is more full proof than another is foolish. But if that's true your preference that's okay just don't delude yourself thinking it's better cause he won't cheat.

Anonymous · Answer

I always wanted a virgin woman as my wife, but I never thought I'd get married either... and settled for her and it did not work out.

I wish I had just been single over marrying someone who already had experience. It is better to be single that go to hell and back.

On the bright side, there are more virgin men out there than woman so the odds are in your favor. Also regardless of how you look, even the best looking people, with time their looks fade.

You should not get married strictly on looks, should be all the other stuff.

My experience is two fold. I did date a super good looking girl once, who had a terrible personality, after a few months she started to look ugly to me.

On another occasion, I dated someone I considered below average but figured hey we could just be friends right? well after a few months I started thinking she was looking pretty good. Personality is more beautiful than looks that won't stick around.

Billlewis · Answer

No, ma'am, you're not in any way whatsoever unrealistic or unreasonable for wanting to marry a guy who has never gotten his dick inside a woman's pussy.

However, I recommend that you consider taking a 'Born Again Virgin' like me, who was at one time fairly active sexually, but has been kept celibate for much of his life since then. I don't think there is any doubt that you're on the right track, because the less pussy a guy gets, the easier it is to dominate and control him to the greatest degree possible.

Tomsta · Answer

I think there is an underlying issue here, no there isn't anything wrong with wanting a virgin husband. Apart from it being tricky

The issue i see is you post has an underlying message of you believing that you aren't worthy of having a husband that has slept with another person cos of body issues or fpr not being good in bed

Id advise working on yoir self confidence and worth. If possible id highly recommend seeking professional help

I myself have mental issues as well as self taught emotional numbness, itll be a hard road but i will come out of this a better person. You can to. Your words sounds like you might have body dysmorphia

Mishan97 · Answer

It’s not wrong for you to have a preference for a virgin husband however, it might be an unrealistic expectation. Majority of men are not virgins. & you are cancelling out a lot of great options by having this requirement. What if the perfect guy for you happens to not be a virgin? I think you should work on your self confidence because a guy who really loves you would not compare you to previous girlfriends. And if he gets to the point of marrying you then of course he is attracted to you and him being a virgin or not will not affect that.

callMeNeel · Answer

We, as a society, are too obsessed with the idea of virginity of either genders. I believe that worrying over a partner's virginity, unless for religious purposes, is not really worth it.

While you might be tempted to want a virgin husband, you should also consider the flip side of it. Having a non-virgin husband means that your husband has previous relationship experience, which is a good thing. If your husband has dated other women before, it means he is more mature, and he can handle the relationship much better. At the end of the day, what really matters is how beautiful your relationship is. And, in my opinion, someone who knows the tidbits of relationship (from past experience) is a better choice in that regard.

Anonymous · Answer

First and foremost, please get help to deal with your more than obvious insecurities. Everyone is beautiful in their own way and you'll be surprised how many men would more than likely approach you if you got your confidence up to where it should be. You are 17 and honestly, you shouldn't have that much weight on your shoulders being this young. That's a heavy burden to carry.

As for the virginity thing... you will probably either end up losing your virginity and change your tune on this topic (I said the same thing when I was young) or your expectations will probably push everyone away. The choice is yours at that point. No one likes expectations.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

First of all stop being negative everybody has problems, if that was the case nobody in the world would have married you know.

So relax, you will definetly find someone of your choice it's actually rare now that it's coming from a girl wanting virgin husband bcos now a days girls prefer guys with experience so they can enjoy.

It's not that your wish would never be fulfilled but guys like that you will get without any problem but whether you will like them or not based on charecteristics and traits I am not sure but all the best

I-C3_ME · Answer

Ok i don't understand why you think a guy that had sex can't be trusted? The way you explain it, it feels to me it comes from insecurities and not the guy.

You don't seem confident at all, even if 1 percent of people find you attractive. That's still 70 000 000 potential relationship, even 1 percent of that 1 percent is 700 000 people.

I get it if you want your husband to he a virgin when you start dating, but don't let the reason be cuz you don't trust other men. Just think about it, you're shooting yourself in the food this way (justified or no).

AzzaBlue · Answer

You're not wrong to want this. If nothin else, at least you are consistent with your standards as you hold yourself those standards. You should know though that by having such a standard, you are limiting your pool of relationship prospects. Also no offense, but it is a little bit narrow minded to assume that a non-virgin man is incapable of love. I am not a virgin but I would consider the prospect of dating someone like you desirable, as I don't focus too much on a woman's looks but rather I place a great emphasis on personality and character.

Sarahr123 · Answer

No. If you’re pure then you deserve someone pure. I am from an Orthodox community and all my friends are pretty Orthodox. They’re all virgins and want a virgin husband. All the young women I know who are unmarried are virgins and want virgins. You are a good girl and very strong. You have self respect and someday you’ll find a man who respects that and who respected himself enough to wait. I’m proud of you! Keep it up. True love waits!

Elsa143 · Answer

I also want a virgin husband and NO IT'S NOT WRONG to set some standards.
But my reasons are different.
I want a virgin guy because it is a sign that he's not a sex hungry pig like other men.
If I can control myself then I expect him to control himself as well.
Sex is very intimate thing and only supposed to happen between you and your forever partner.
Otherwise I see no point in having sex with literally any attractive person.

girlzruleboyzdrool · Answer

I bet you're a beautiful person. Inside and out and people always are harsher on themselves and appearances.
When everything is all said and done, do looks matter anyway? Everything fades
In saying that, find someone who you connect with and don't worry about the Virgin non Virgin thing.
Focus on each other and things will fall the way they're meant to
Much love
You should start an affirmation book and give yourself positive to do.

Anonymous · Answer

No but if you think you can wait 5-10 years your dreaming. My ex and I wanted to wait but the longer the relationship went on the more and more sexual it became. We started with just making out, then hot in heavy, then dry humping, then hand jobs, then having me jerk off to her topless, then blowjobs, then thigh jobs, ass jobs, anal then one time when she was naked except for a tiny white thong and all oiled up grinding herself up against my erect penis her thong had slipped to the side as she going really fast and my penis slipped in as I was ejaculating. That's how she got pregnant. Biology always wins.

cyclone21 · Answer

I see nothing wrong with it but before you start looking for a relationship I would highly recommend taking on a self care routine to help your mental health. We are our biggest critics to our bodies and how we look, try not to be so hard on yourself. I used to hate my body bc I've gained 80 pounds during Highschool and I’ve found it’s so much easier to lose weight when I’m accepting how I look and not hating how I look. Try to be happy :) don’t keep in your feelings talk to somebody and take care of yourself

Dazed0N0Confused · Answer

It's not wrong to have standards, but know that you might have to compromise those standards if you find you are talking to a non-virgin & you start to catch feelings for him & vice versa.

It also sounds like this post is mostly due to your own insecurities. The world is a HUGE place, you'll find someone who loves you & only you, but it might be that he went through some bad choices to find his perfect woman in you.

Best of luck to you sweetie!

Floppy2112 · Answer

That is a wonderful goal. Obviously you need to stay involved with your church and deal with men of high character. There is no harm in both of you only losing your virginities on your wedding night. I wish you much success, I hope you find what you are looking for.

Dereck199 · Answer

Your preference to marry a virgin is not wrong at all. It’s even okay for it to be a non-negotiable. Anyone who says otherwise is not just factually wrong, but morally wrong as well. It’s your dating life. You set the rules.

But your reason for feeling this way is very unhealthy. You said you are somewhat ugly. Setting aside that there are literal supermodels who have felt that way, I promise you there is a man out there that will think you are gorgeous, and I’m telling you right now, DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS THAN THAT!!! EVER!!!

There are other commenters here that mention being in good shape, and that’s never bad advice, and it can contribute to someone’s attraction to you. But the healthiest version of you is attractive to somebody.

Leavesbound · Answer

It's not wrong but it might be a challenge unless you are in a very religious community or find someone quite young. Almost all guys are no longer virgins by their mid twenties and most women are looking for a guy from mid to late twenties for marriage.

devilish-cutie · Answer

as anyone has their criteria why wouldn't you? As plenty of men want virgin girls why wouldn't you want a virgin guy? its fine. Its your own life. We all have different needs, wants, values etc.

Anonymous · Answer

No it's not wrong.

It's just very unlikely that you'll find a virgin man that looks decent. Any real virgin man is likely gonna fail in some other aspects of his life, (likely to be looks and also confidence) and you're likely not going to want that.

But if you do, It should be relatively easy to find a virgin man.

K-I-S-S · Answer

Every guy can notice hot women. Virgins and not so virgins. Doesn't really matter in that regard.

Also, especially when young, both men and women tend to want to try different sexual partners after a while.

Nothing wrong wanting a virgin. Just consentrate more on him being a good man, with virginity as a bonus.

Anonymous · Answer

I mean it’s ur preferences just I wouldn’t think so negative on that. I guess find religious guys or even if it’s guys that aren’t virgin try asking them if they’d wait for sex for u or smth. Im not sure. But as a virgin I kinda understand like hm I’d be afraid to lose it to the wrong person but I don’t think that much deeply into it.

Anonymous · Answer

Guarantees he will cheat as he will always wonder rather than remembering and regretting marrying you. And almost anyone who wants to can find someone-the problem is that people don't want people in their "league". You can find a sweet guy who is not attractive-plenty out there-

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I'm about the oldest virgin male on the internet I just don't believe in sex before marriage I want to be married to a girl, then have sex with her that is just how I feel, and no it's not wrong to feel the way you do

SenseiSeptred · Answer

As a person of the seriousness of what I am about to mention, I need you to seriously consider what I am about to say and ask. Would you still consider him a virgin if he was raped by another girl or woman at some point in his life like I was just before I turned 21 here in the states all because I drank alcohol and wanted to go to bed and go to work the next day? Would that make a difference or be the exception for you in what you are asking?

Siren777 · Answer

No nothing wrong with that. It's your preference. People will laugh, they will ridicule, they will talk but don't let it get to you.

Anonymous · Answer

I think thats perfectly fine you like what you like. I'm a virgin myself and I think my boyfriend is too he never brings up sex or anything like that. He's a gentleman. You'll find someone just be positive :)

RagnarRedbeard · Answer

At 17 you're probably not going to struggle as much as an older woman would to find a virgin. The kinds of guys who are likely to be virgins and to want to wait til marriage are the heavily religious ones.

Anonymous · Answer

As a virgin guy I hope to find someone like you. Plus I also have mental health issues; so I wouldn't mind dating someone else who has them. As for your looks, don't sell yourself short. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone likes different things.

richardcory · Answer

Nothing wrong with wanting a virgin husband but be aware of the risks. There are men who simply do not desire sex at all, and if you want an active sex life after you are married, you need to be sure he isn't one of them

beldath · Answer

Screw everyone else. If you want to marry a virgin, more power to you.  I mean good luck, but you should go for what you want.

kamalravi25 · Answer

There is nothing wrong in your desire. But how will you be very sure that he will be a virgin. Even if he tells you that he is, you will be blindly trusting him.

Anonymous · Answer

My boyfriend was a virgin when we met and in some ways I wish he’d had some other experience of women before me. Just one or two girlfriends. Not so that he is a man whore but his inexperience is obvious sometimes. I will marry this man and he was a virgin before me so I would say no, it’s not wrong to want that

DizzyDesii · Answer

In not a virgin and i’d still love to have a virgin husband 😂 but good luck girly. there's many out there

Marshymallow · Answer

No one gives af about that these days. Your reasons don't make sense either. You sound like you're 12 years old tbh

BCA6010 · Answer

No you're not wrong, but people trying to make that decision for you are not your friends.

Anonymous · Answer

No, it is perfectly acceptableness to want a virgin husband.

Fennec4xx · Answer

Girl, I thought the same. And I thought I found the one whom I wanted to give my whole self to. Later it turned out she was playing me. And later I realized society doesn't value virginity in guys.

Enjoy your life while it is not too late. This is coming from a person who realized it in hard way.

Typhon_ · Answer

Nothing is wrong with that, I'm still a virgin myself and prefer a virgin wife but not bc I feel insecure , people who will love you for your self and not for your looks exist so no worries about being unable to marry a man

talka20 · Answer

Its very right thing that ure doing... i like that... hopefully things will go right n in your favour. 😇

fonduegirl · Answer

It perfectly makes sense. Most men want a virgin wife, why let it be a double standard?

AdithyaR · Answer

Nothing wrong with it, it's totally your choice.
But I can tell you that the guy being a virgin is not a full proof guarantee. He's still just as susceptible as a non virgin. It depends on the individual as to how much he loves you.

Not_Average · Answer

Not at all. Go for it. I’m sure you can meet someone.

JustACuriousLady · Answer

I think it is foolish to treat a social construct like virginity as a value add for anyone. Leads to poor decisions.

Miristheiss · Answer

No, it isn't wrong. Why would it be wrong? It may be difficult. Marrying younger is probably going to be needed.

TwinTonyz · Answer

Grey area, but I will say this. I don't think I would have much luck, nor many fans on twitter, when pursuing the same of women.

Anonymous · Answer

Is it wrong? No... is it kinda weird? Maybe a little. Is your reasoning behind wanting to marry a virgin man weird? Yeah, it is. You don’t sound ready for a relationship, let alone marriage. Don’t stress the unknown.

kkirk4442 · Answer

Yes, it's wrong to have a virgin husband, or wife for that matter. They are married, and ought to have sex.

Browneye57 · Answer

Yes, you're much too young and confused. Give yourself some time to actually mature fully into adulthood. Seriously.

Astarlessnightsky · Answer

Not wrong, but you are limiting yourself based on such a minor detail, people don't change when they are virgin or no longer virgin.

Is it wrong to want a virgin husband?

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