I just realized that i never do things that i want and i reached a point in my life where i got the impression that i don't want anything!. I get scared doing things like for example turning the air conditioning on when it's too hot because if something happened my dad would blame me or even showing a girl that i like her because she would cheat on me because i'm not that active in life or you could say i don't have the potential attitude for a relationship, or buying new clothes because i always throw my new clothes (i don't like to own things) i'm starting to run out of clothes lol (i also always delete anything on my phone massages, pictures, etc.. you name it). I think all of these behaviors are defining my cowardness, what are your opinions?
You said that you live in a lovely household. And this image is what I could think of. You're still in the protection of that tree. Don't stress too much and just focus on doing more. Express yourself more, to begin with. If you like someone, tell them, don't think too far into the future. The first step is the hardest. I had to take an exam and move out of the city after I cleared it. I took the exam and did horrible. I hadn't even thought of what I'd do if I fail it. But there I was, staring at the failure and uncertainity. I was scared because I still had to move out. I mentally prepared myself for a few days, just telling myself that ok , this needs to be done. And the first step was to sell a few things that I didn't need to take. And after that, my mind took control and did all that was needed. Typing from the new city. So, the first step is the hardest. Just take it. If you fail, take a small break and take it again. You have to fight your mind for this first step. This attitude will have to be developed, but it sure can be developed. With time and patience of course. Good Luck.
So good news first, you clearly recognize that you have a problem and that you want to fix it. Good job. So first off I wouldn't even be concerned about dating. If you don't want to date then don't date, not everyone spends they life with another and if doing that isn't appealing to you then don't waste money and time on something you already don't care about. As for everything else you are scared of change. Change Is not inherently good or bad but you being afraid to turn on the AC when your hot is ridiculous. You lack confidence and you lack pride which are also not inherently bad either. You need to commit yourself to something uncomfortable, a dojo, a sport, a demanding hobby, something to get you uncomfortable and help you to experience personal growth. Growing up I was homeschooled and it was really hard for me to understand other people's pain and to register emotion. I was apathic as fuck and I viewed public displays of emotion as weak and pathetic. I realized that was a problem so I decided to ruin my current self and joined the Marine Corps. My she'll was completely destroyed and I basically became an altogether different person. I have a STUPID amount of confidence, I literally swagger when I walk and I have no problem getting laid or doing dangerous or risky activities. You obviously shouldn't do something like that but the point I'm trying to make is that you can change and if you want too you will. Cause where there's a will there's a way.
Your attitude has nothing to do with cowardice but is more of an OCD type of issue.
Perhaps you should seek the help of a specialist that could try to find out the cause of your behavior. Cowardice is defined as
"excessive fear prevents an individual from taking a risk or facing danger".
I don't see any of that if the fact that you don't by new clothes because you prefer your old ones.
You probably have a challenge that you have to overcome. It could also be a sort of procrastination that you push everything for tomorrow and that would include not doing something that requires too much energy.
Not wanting to own things could be a sign of an impending depression caused by your general negative state of mind.
It's not OCD. This level of self-doubt is common when people have been subject to psychological abuse for a long time. Children who are constantly told that they are doing something wrong have a very hard time having confidence in any decision. I've seen this in adults who were abused as children, and in people (men and women) who have been in abusive relationships.
@slatyb There is no indication in the question that the asker was subjected to psychological abuse but only paternal authority that was very strong.
But it is true that self-doubt is instrumental in many people that fail to stand up against such authority or are more introvert and fail to voice their position.
You are not a coward, but... in my opinion, you should talk to a therapist. I can regognize an OCD pattern in what you are describing, but it is not just that. It is more complicated in your case.
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Indeed, i think i suffer from OCD because anything that isn't perfect gets me depressed and my whole life is far from perfect, I think i never do things because their outcomes won't be perfect which made my life less productive and appealing. I went to a therapist ( i don't believe they can help anyone) and he diagnosed me as OCD first then changed his mind lol and said i'm bipolar which i think is completely false.
i think it comes down to low self-esteem, your dad did not help it either. try to find a way to like yourself and maybe try therapy it may help. it comes down to how you feel the need to make other people happy as well. your afraid to make them upset at you.
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I mean you're partly right, my did gets nervous easily and i worry about him, so i ignore risks.
The solution is intrinsic, you will never find it outside.
You take charge of your life and be selfish and do things your way right or wrong own your mistakes and try reduce them.
But take action you may fail you may be threatened insulted or minisculed stepped on But without standing up for yourself you won't find any solution the solution is you
I'm not a psychiatrist but you need to talk to someone who is. You may be suffering from pananoia or possibly PTSD. Have you suffered trauma recently? Or in childhood?
It could be a sense of Security and Safety, rather than Cowardice. You might be on the safe side of things at all times, rather than simply being afraid.
Well the less you do a thing you more you suck at it. We're all cowards by default but the more often we try to overcome that, the less cowardly we become.
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