What Are The Relationship Red Flags That Would Indicate To You Your Partner Isn't Fully Invested In You Or Your Relationship?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

[Dchrls78104]

Such red flags for me would be:
1. Smoking, drinking, or drugs: you are not ready for a relationship if you're drunk or high all the time.
2. Any abusive or aggressive behaviour or the use of profanity: all of this is disrespectful and shows contempt for the person; you cannot be in a relationship with someone you have no respect for.
3. Having an SO or not being completely over the ex: you have to lock the first door behind you and throw away the key before you open the second one. The second guy does not deserve to suffer for the misdeeds or mistakes of the first one.
4. Loose morals: lead to cheating and trust issues.
5. Being indecisive: if a girl wants me, she would have to show her friends, her family, and me, beyond doubt, that I am who she wants; otherwise, she's not worth it for me.
6. Keeping secrets from me: this shows that she does not trust me enough to be transparent with me and to talk to me about the things that concern her the most. Saying you can commit to a relationship with me while having secrets you can't talk to me about would be like sending texts on your phone while driving and expecting to keep your full and individual attention and focus on the road and on your vehicle.
7. Not listening to the other person or being controlling: this shows that you do not value the person or his opinion. If you don't want to hear what I have to say, you don't want a relationship with me.
8. Not wanting to spend time with the person: plants need water and relationships need effective communication and intimacy (I am not speaking of sex) to grow. If you expect me to read your mind, you are not fully invested in me.

[GhostMochi]

Great answer!

[ChrisMaster69]

Hmm bizarrely other than my stalker girlfriend I’ve not had any bad relationship and not experienced any red flags.

as a stab.

Trust
not showing respect to the relationship.
not being willing to make decisions and deferring to me.
lack of interest in general relationship stuff.
my big one is not getting on with my daughter

that last one there just means they are out of the door.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yeah that's the biggest one, if they don't get along with your children

[CrazyGirl2]

A BIG one for me is even though they’re with you, they’re still not really with you! For example, someone who spends the entire date texting w/ friends, or just surfing the internet, or hell, just playing a game! Put the damned thing down, and just be here !
If he gives the “marriage is just a piece of paper, it doesn’t mean anything” speech!
If conversations are all very superficial, there’s no sharing of memories, or dreams for the future!
If all of his friends are typical “Bros”, commitment-phobes who change their girlfriends more than they change their underwear… I mean, if he chooses to hang out with guys like that, we’ll chances are he feels the same way! (Not a guarantee, but definitely a red flag!)!
If he shows up to your first date wearing a “Bros Before Hoes” T-Shirt!
And of course the biggest red flag of them all… He doesn’t stop going on about how his wife “just doesn’t understand him” like I do!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yeah if they have a wife that's deal breaker there

[CrazyGirl2]

Yes! That would definitely be my cue to exit whatever “this” is!

[jasmine_0603]

There's many, so I will only list the ones I have in my mind now.
▪ Being emotionally unavailable and not able to talk honestly.
▪ Not taking care of oneself.
▪ Trying to pressure me into things; not respecting my boundaries.
▪ Neglecting/belittling my issues and feelings.
▪ Big trust issues and suspiciousness.
▪ Unstable and uncommitted.
▪ Overly affectionate; unwilling to give me space.
▪ Very self-focused/egoist.
▪ Dislikes pets (I love them, so it would be a problem).

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Great list! I agree most of those are big red flags

[jasmine_0603]

Thank you!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

👍😊

[jerdanro]

Overly affectionate? How do I know what is too little and what is too much?

[jasmine_0603]

@jerdanro I meant someone who would make me feel trapped and like I can't do anything without this person. Basically obsessed with me and "living" only our relationship instead of having their life and hobbies as well ;)

[jerdanro]

In understand that. Too clingy.

[jasmine_0603]

@jerdanro That's right, you found a better word.

[jerdanro]

That is definitely a red flag. You and your partner should both have things you enjoy alone as well as together. Love is not jealous or possessive

[MzAsh]

Being against marriage
Not wanting to live together
Not factoring me into important decision making

[KingdomForAKiss]

Him watching me exhaust myself from carrying the weight of the relationship (being the breadwinner while also being a mom, maintaining a household/lawn care/taking care of sick animals, while also being his lover) while he talked to other women online. Expecting me to be okay with this scenario because he paid his share in groceries and his "love" should have been enough to remind me that whatever is said online doesn't matter.

So bottom line--- disrespect is a huge red flag and deal breaker.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Oh I hear you!!

[Arabella_Rose]

1. Checking out other women while he is with me
2. Gets annoyed when I text him on a daily basis. This is an sign that he doesn’t miss me.
3. His work is a way bigger priority than our dates
4. I am never the first person he texts after he gets off from work.
5. It’s 6 months into the relationship and I have no idea where he is 80% of the time.
6. He refuses to be seen with me in front of his friends
7. Our dates are all last minute plans
8. He doesn’t put much effort into his texts.
9. He refuses to drive me home after a date.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yeah that's not good!!

[kmg9150]

TBH, your seeming a little invasive. Also seems that there is a bit of insecurity your dealing with. Men are going to check out of women, if your upset about it than you should improve perception of self worth. If he starts asking for contact info while your around than yeah ditch the dude, but confidence, not arrogance go along way.

When you say text on daily basis, do you mean more an hourly basis? Over doing it especially if content isn’t of substance, yeah it can be annoying, and your not giving him a chance to miss you because your always trying to be present taking his attention away. To some guys, I am one, work ethic is a big deal, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you or his family, it’s actually quite the opposite. One he wants to make sure things are provided, two he’s responsible, three your dates don’t for the shelter over his head or the date itself, and four if it applies, I worked extra so my now ex could have the freedom to be there for our son and not have to worry about juggling a full time job (she worked partime) and time needed for the child. She resently acknowledged my sacrifice to that she now understands.

First person to text… Come on, again insecurity. Your expecting him to only pay attention to you, that is not healthy to feel or expect. You both have lives outside each other, for a healthy relationship to blossom, it needs to continue while your develops. The relationship is to be worked into the one another’s world, not the other way around.
Why do you need to know where he is all the time? He’s not a child and your not his mother, what exactly would the knowledge of his location change, A reason for you question why/what he’s doing there, do you expect him to text check in and outs with you? there's no trust there, and destroying personal boundaries in expect of him to do many of these things.

[kmg9150]

Constantly expecting to him or your continually attempt to be present a majority of the time says that you don’t have much going on in your life and goals you wish to reach and you view his life same. Like you have nothing e lse to do if life other than expecting all his attention and keep tabs on his whereabouts.

Now 6,7,8,9 are much likely due to the your behavior and the your expected behavior of him. Which prolly safe to be classified as your now a booty call. Men don’t really people put to much thought into texting, if he answered the question or gave a valid response to a statement what more are your expectations of him? Explain how satisfactory effort is achieved. You must understand that growing a relationship means that intertwines the lives of the involved individuals, it doesn’t consume the lives. Do you expect that of your friends? Then your shouldn’t necessarily expect that of a boyfriend either and I’m sure he’s took your behavior and applied it to sharing a living space and onward and it’s too much, it really is. Not sure what the driving you home after dates is even happens. Do you ride the bus to where your meeting? Does he pick you up. What do the dates consist of? Netflix and chill or dinner and chill? I’m not saying this guy would be the one if your behavior is changed, because it seems rather than ending things your a booty call now. Which is cool if your both aware with of it. Work on yourself, secure self perception and regain your confidence, rethink your expectations, maintain healthy boundaries and most off all be ok with not being in a relationship or not having someone your seeking for relationship there is nothing wrong with not having a partner.

Yes it’s lengthy, but it’s constructive and maybe it bout time someone bring some awareness as a stranger who’s experienced the same and wants to help. Don’t rely others for your own happiness and self worth/growth, responsibility is yours. Best wishes on how ever you decide to proceed.

[Arabella_Rose]

@kmg9150 I never ever had a boyfriend who checked out other women while being out on a date with me. Trust me I am aware when there is a very attractive woman. And I do WATCH how he acts. A man who is deeply in love with his lady would not ogle or stare.

Constant texting between lovers is typical too. Most husbands text their wived constantly throughout the day. I have seen many female coworkers who have husbands who won’t stop pestering them

[Splatzonelover1]

My read flag is sending mixed signals even knew a guy has rejected me because I was too and he was also sent mixed signals and blocked him after that and yep he was 30 and did have a history of cheating. Mental health issues is one relationship that I did have must toixic me you can ever be. Being passive aggressive. Online dating flag not saying if they in a relationship or not. Has pic of girl or guys guys that only looking for casual fun. I am not interested having sex with stranger. I would prefer to wait and kept my Virgintiy.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

That's good, better to wait

[JEndigoBleue]

Their energy shifts. All the efforts they once gave you starts to change without warning or communicating how they feel.

Once I see it or feel it. I don't challenge it. I just end the relationship. It's not going to get better. If you are meant to be in my life, you will be in my life.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

That's true...

[anghellic6942]

He doesn't listen
He wants to fuck u but claim single
He ignores ur calls
He expects ur time but never has n e for u
He flips shit n makes u feel bad for being right
He lies
Ur not allowed to feel
He picks fights so he can do what he wants
He hides his phone when texting
He leaves or spends a hour in the bathroom so u don't hear him talking to other women
He abandons u
He publicly humiliates u when u call him out
He spends the night with his ex n lies bout fucking her
N that's just a start it gets worse

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yeah that sounds like a narcissist and someone I once knew

[DollAlone]

Red flags? PORN ADDICTION. If you aren't enough to keep him sexually satisfied then that's a huge red flag. I know men will claim that "its a guy thing" and blah blah blah but thats just one of their lame justifications for the emotionally cheating behavior. Not ALL men need such a cheap means of instant gratification.
Also his behavior around other women. If he puts you at a distance and tries to not look "tied down" or "unavailable " to other women , be aware. And little white lies, if he constantly is caught in little white lies it should make you wonder if he will lie about the little things then what will he do with the BIG secrets?

[AcadiaJ]

I did not date in social media times things were much simplier then. If I met someone I would not use texting or social media at all give your phone number and see if they call you. Then when they call think of things youd like to know talk for 30 mins or so, then maybe talk another night. Then at this point they should ask you out on a date. You will know if he is a keeper by how the first few dates goes. I would stay clear of dating sites too. Try to meet someone the natural way in a hobby or group that you like and I would say start off as friends first and state this! I had a friend she would give a guy 3 chances to screw up by the 3rd she would dump him and she would tell him this from the start. It works great for some women and shows respect!

[PaynefulPleasures]

Lack of interest in you
Constantly going everywhere with their phone
Lack of communication
Lack of intimacy
Moody
Inconsistencies
Lying
Good sign to get gone this person doesn't give a chit about you anymore ✌️

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Definitely red flags there

[PaynefulPleasures]

Sure are & they wouldn't be a part of my life anymore ✌️

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

That's good!!

[PaynefulPleasures]

Ty 👍

[ChrisMaster69]

@PaynefulPleasures good points there.

[Leavesbound]

Well if she keeps talking about how wonderful her ex (s) are that might be a red flag. If she suggests we each see other people that might be a red flag. If everything is all about her and I exist only to satisfy occasional needs that might be a red flag. If I've been dating her for a few months and I've never met her family who lives nearby that might be a red flag.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Those would be red flags I agree

[Rosegold020]

-Not making time for you
-Excuses being made for everything
- Invalidating your feelings
-Actions not reflecting their words
-They keep you in a bubble (apart from friends and family)
-Blaming everything on you (lack of accountability)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Agree those are definitely big red flags there

[ToastyOats]

If I feel bad around them and they don't seem to notice or care. If they feel better more energized after spending time with me but they don't notice that its because of us being together. Lack of creativity, if they're into me they'll try to make it a good experience for both and be genuinely interested getting and giving feed back, finding solutions.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

👍👍💯

[MrWolf]

I really don't know tbh either to many or way less. But what i know is when i lose all interest suddenly! This is a red flag for me. If I don't have anything to say or don't bother being nice suddenly! That woman is done and she made a mistake somewhere at some point.

Can't really explain it's just a gut feeling and then I'm never wrong. Once i feel I'm done with that person definitely I've seen to many red flags.

[Lliam]

If she doesn't want to have fun and do things together as a couple. If the only time she wants to get together is to fuck, it's fun but it's not a relationship.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

That's true

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I would think Red Flags is lack of communication, always makes excuses that they can't go out, when you go out with them they are texting their friends, yes this is a bunch of red flags

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Oh I agree there

[Anonymous]

Being rude, dismissive, denegrating my character and generally making me feel worse about myself or my life.
Prioritising her life or friends or cat over me.
Not interested in my life, my plans, my interests.
I mean why bother?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

👍👍👍

[Hxxmx]

So many , but what i consider choking is toxic masculinity.
Will never handle all that ego.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

You and me both!!!

[loves2learn]

Sudden changes in behavior, sneaking around, getting caught in lies, disappearing for periods of time, suddenly working late a lot.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Those definitely red flags

[loves2learn]

They can indicate signs of a drug problem too

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

That's true

[loves2learn]

Unfortunately I know that one from experience.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Sorry to hear that

[loves2learn]

All good now. :) Just a bump in the road of life.

[Avicenna]

Lack of enthusiasm in general
Sex is rare or nonexistent
doesn't spend much time with you

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Those would be red flags alright!

[Minahh]

-he is seeking the attention of other women
-he is not financially stable
-he is aggressive
-he is mentioning his exes all the time
-he has huge ego

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yeah the ego thing can be too much