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In my opinion, no, but for some people, even bringing this up would be a big deal, hell, to some partners bringing up anything that bothers you about them will be only fuel to trouble.
But in today's society, weight is a sensitive topic to some people, so it would be hard for you to bring this up without being an asshole. After all, they would need to do long term changes in their lifestyles, not something easy, and you are their most intimate partner, saying to them that you find them even slightly unattractive is kinda hard, I understand that.
On the flip side, sex is important in most relationships, or even overall health and your partner's quality life (it should be), so when a problem arises that affects those areas, I think you should discuss this as a mature couple, and agree to a solution.
Fuck off those who say "if he/she's not happy about your weight, he/she's not the one for you", love is to be cultivated, it's not something eternal and unconditional that falls from the heavens. People like that often can get away from the first problem that appears in any relationship because "if there's a problem, the other person is not your soulmate", which is a bullshit concept.
No it isn't rude, and never let alone attempt to guilt trip you for wanting a healthy partner. if you got with your partner while they were fit and they started to let themselves slip, then you have every right to want them to lose weight, given that you're not also to blame for them becoming overweight.
You have to make sure that you yourself are a good example. You cannot expect your partner to workout while you're out of shape yourself. Another note is that your girlfriend was already overweight when you two got together, then you only have yourself to blame for getting with an overweight girl, to begin with. If you're in the position to demand them to get healthy and attractive again, then you have to put your foot down and make sure you don't tolerate it.
My girlfriend knows I will dumo her if she starts to become overweight and she doesn't do anything to turn it around, given it is her fault, to begin with.
It's not bad to want that per se, especially if It's because you are genuinely concerned health wise. But it is bad if you dated them knowing this already and expect them to change in anyway for you. It will ruin their self esteem and they will think that you don't want them anymore. It's in all honesty bad for the relationship in the long run. They will always be worried and anxious, trying to be perfect for you. They will get frustrated the harder and longer it takes to lose weight. You could honestly make her hate herself for not being able to do it.. for not being good enough.
You should probably just break it off with her now if that is a concern for you and let her be happy with someone who loves her for the way she is. If you put her through that and then break it off with her after she couldn't do what you wanted that would be much much worse.
I don't think it's bad to want it. It's bad to make your partner feel bad about their weight/how they look or what/how much they eat, it's bad to want it simply because of looks or give some sort of ultimatum, it's bad to "make" someone lose weight. A person should lose weight because they wish to do so. I think when someone wishes their partner to lose weight it's more healthwise related. And that's okay, and it should be talked about. Now, if you're not really overweight, just slim but not toned per se for example, and they're just expecting you to "have abs", that's not okay
Opinion
37Opinion
---------No. We all want our partners to be healthy. It's a tough ask but it has to be done. I would much rather someone tell me they are losing attraction for me because of my weight then simply not say anything and it become an unspoken resentment down the road and they leave. If you care then say something.
"Don't let the weekend become your weak end."
~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG
Not at all. People don't seem to understand that relationships require effort. Just because you're in a committed relationship doesn't mean you can just let it go. Why only start trying to look good to attract potential partners when you're single; put in effort for people you're not committed to? People have this false notion that "They should love me just for my personality." Sorry but the reality is, humans are attracted to both the physical aspect and emotional aspect of people. Successful relationships are built on reciprocation. Also it's just healthier to be fit.
I tend to volunteer to do it together since I could always use to lose some pounds of fat myself. That includes taking over the cooking as well as training together. I think that's a nice and diplomatic way to offer.
As for whether it's bad, I see it as no more or less than expecting your partner to be reasonably smart, or talented, or financially responsible, or share in your basic interests and lifestyle, or anything of this sort. The trick as I see it is to communicate these desires with each other in a healthy and encouraging way so that you can at least meet somewhere in the middle.
In my opinion, yes, and same goes for asking them to change anything about their appearance in general. Since these “fixes” (which are already perfect anyways) will take a long time it can make someone feel really bad about themselves. If you are worried about their health, just try inviting them to exercise with you or make them healthy meals. If it’s about their looks… I don’t know what do say. When you walk into a relationship with someone, it’s not fair to expect them to change themselves to fit you. Either you like them as they are or you don’t like them at all. No one gets to build up their partner to suit them.
I thinks its absolutely rude! I had several exes who told me when I needed to lose more weight when I thought I looked good. It could also cause the partner to develop an eating disorder, become more insecure about themselves, and cause low-self worth. My exes weren't in the best shape either and did not take care of themselves. They hardly workout, always eat out, and drink. I don't like living that lifestyle. Don't think it will help in a long term relationship for there to be mutual attraction. It will make the person who you tell to lose weight make you not like you. Do you think your partner is fat is that why you asked?
If you love that person you want them to be better just because it's better for them.
Being overweight is not just cosmetic, it brings a whole host of health issues.
Some people can't lose weight easily. But at least making healthier choices, over time will be better for you both.
How to tell them?
Speak the truth in love.
It's not easy. If you care about them you'll tell them... but with respect and patience.
If ur ever mean about it or joke about it once it will haunt you.
Be careful.
This right here. Wow. Very well said!
Not surprisingly I have seen a lot of defensive women commenting on this one. But weight loss and fitness is something you can control. It’s not the same as judging someone for being too short or having a naturally high pitched voice (I’m tall but I’ve been unfairly judged for the latter)
The golden rule is don’t hold someone to a higher standard then you hold yourself. If you are more fit and in shape than your partner then she then this is reasonable. But this is a hot button issue for most women. You have to be like “he babe let’s go to the gym”. You drop hints to them without outright saying it.
This is how I helped my ex. She was “skinny fat”. She had to take prescription medication for epilepsy which didn’t help. But I encouraged her to stay active and she slowly got in better shape.
It depends on the couple. Personally, I’d have a talk at the beginning of the relationship about what expectations are when it comes to those situations. I think if they gain weight while in the relationship causing them to be unhealthy, maybe say something or encourage that you both get a membership. But as you abs your body changes so before saying anything, look really hard in a mirror and understand what your partner can be going through and consider that they could be insecure about it as well and wanting to change.
No not at all, as long as it’s for good reasons, health and mental well being being key.
when I left the Air Force, I got a bit lazy, my then girlfriend pretty much whipped me in to shape, getting back in to. 5km and 10km runs and other stuff.
Motivation needs to be so that it meets what they need and not come over as bullying.
it should never be ‘because I want to be with someone sexy’
If you can't accept them on every angle (including looks), then it is time to step away. There was a prior post I commented on that I gave this same answer to. You accept them for who, what, why and how they are, or you walk away. If their weight is that much of a bother to you, it is best to move on with life and tell them you no longer feel you are compatible. But never ask somebody to change something about themself just to please yourself.
No. I have standards for myself and my partner. People who don't have standards get the bottom of the barrel in life. Also the older you get the more important it is to maintain a healthy lifestyle. It becomes a major life altering type situation real quick if somebody packs on the pounds. No thanks.
I understand what you are saying, but believe it or not, horizontally challenged men in particular last longer in bed. So I wouldn’t see it as a negative for a man (I am a heterosexual and skinny female) to be overweight. I personally am attracted to overweight men as their fat feels so good to touch. I just think larger men are more physically appealing and more looked-after than skinnier men. That’s just me though. You may be different.
I guess you look so good since u want ypur partner to lose weight. So when u exercise because i guess also that u exercise invite her. Eat healthy, take care more of yourself and juat invite her that way she won't feel bad or attacked by you asking her to lose weight.
It depends. If the person was 1 way when u guys met and is another way now, it's ok to ask that even tho the other might think it's rude. U met that person 1 way, which is what u we're attracted to. If they were how they are now, there probably wouldn't be a "us". I'm only being real.
I'd argue its selfish of them to willingly continue to compromise their health, happiness, longevity, and attractiveness in the name of "its my body, my choice". Ljme, it IS their choice, but the right choice should be whatever promotes health, happiness, and attractiveness (as byproduct ofvthe fact that healthy happy people tend to be rated as more sexually desirable too)
I think it's not bad, but it all depends the way they express it, I think the best way to do it if both partners decide to make healthier choices, workoug together, eat healthier food together, without leaving the other alone in the misery.
Nah. I take physical and mental health seriously and gaining too much weight affects both of them negatively.
But as others said it, you need to communicate in an encouraging way.
How is that rude or selfish? If your partner is being unhealthy and gaining weight and you’re worried or even just not attracted to them anymore then the best thing to do is ask/help them lose weight
Well health is not explicitly the reason, it entirely has to do with attractiveness.
Not if it's for the benefit of their health. It's a tough subject to approach with someone - is this because they are too big or slightly chubby for your liking. If it's just for your liking then leave, don't upset them for that.
Nope its fine as long as you're realistic and supportive. If you want your girlfriend to look good for summer in a bikini your ass better stop buying cookies at the grocery store. Id be mad asf if my girlfriend wanted me to lose a few lbs but was buying tubs of ice cream for the house wtf.
If you date them while they are healthy looking and they change on you, by all means you should be able to talk.
If you start out with a chubby person, you get the chubby person. No fixer upper talk at that point.
Not at all, you should be able to sit down and talk to your person about anything even the uncomfortable things!
I think I’d be a little hurt if my partner asked me to lose weight, but I’ve always been very health conscious and taken good care of my body. If I were obese I might feel differently.
It’s not bad as long as you’re not like mean about it or treating them like crap because they aren’t 💯 perfect or you know they’re healthy is in bad conditions.
Yes, you do what you have to to appeal to your partner
Only do as much as your love for them though.
It's only dairy, I go to the gym etc, I don't want a wale, you wouldn't want me to huge would you
No. If were married, and my wife was overweight, I would tell her that for her health, she needs to lose weight. I would also tell her I will be their in her journey of weight loss, and not leave.
If you can't love someone as they are, don't get involved. Don't every accept someone "on approval". And no one should accept a relationship under those conditions.
No not when it comes to health. Health is important, I want my partner to care and say something if they nothing bad behavior I am doing.
Yes,
- if you're overweight yourself
- you're shoving garden salad down their throat while ordering french fries plus burger & coke yourself
Depends on your motivation. If you’re just wanting her to look thinner for your own satisfaction, then that’s a bit selfish. If she’s overweight to a point that you’re concerned for her health, then it’s absolutely ok to bring up.
No, but it is bad to get with a partner you're not attracted to under the assumption you'll be attracted to them after they change. Bad idea right there.
I don't believe it is. People who are overweight are prone to diabetes.
No, just don't be hypocritical. If you want her to be below 130 (average), you yourself can't be 250 yet 5'8. I want her to be healthy just i would hope she would want the same for me.
It depends. If he or she is obese and unhealthy, it's ok. Otherwise i doubt you have any right to ask a partner to lose weight if they haven't thought about it
I don't think it would be, but it depends on how you express your want for that, and your reasoning behind those wants.
if you're respectful about it, it's ok. I think the idea people, let alone men, shouldn't ever say anything about something difficult (like weight problems) does more harm than good and only leads to destructive behaviors / miscommunication.
No.
Personally I want the opposite, not much but 5kg more would be nice. I guess some people will consider this as a problem too.
It depends on why exactly you want it?
That'd tell you if it is bad.
Trust me it is not at all easy for people to lose weight.
Don't do it. That's a breakup about to happen right away. I did that once or twice after that broke up not shortly after. If it's a big issue for you then end it. Never talk about her weight.
You respond by saying "I'll lose weight when I feel like it bitch. Shut your bitch ass mouth ho!"
No, not if it’s done out of love. Genuine concern for health isn’t a problem.
Not if they have health risks if not accept them for who they are.
It's not. You want them to not only look better, but have better health.
Yes she/ he doesn’t want him for him. She wants his body
You should lose because you want to not because your dumb idiot of a partner wants you to.
It's either lose weight or the partner will leave for someone they are attracted to... Both bad choices but one is worse than the other
Hell no! It's your responsibility to tell her if she's becoming a fat cow.
No, but please be respectful. I love when my boyfriend takes care of himself
I don't think it's nice. but over weight can cause heath problem.
I lost 20 pound because of cholesterol
Have a talk but it's ultimately up to them.
No, things are more fun to do with a friend.
Not if it’s out of concern for their health.
Just express it in a respectful way
Dude, I feel your pain!
No it isn't.
no
Nope.
I want to see them healthy and in good shape. May be toned.
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