How do you guys actually feel about the Silent treatment?

Question

So I wonder if this has an impact in the relationship in general, i'm not a fan of giving my partner silent treatments also because my blabbering mouth can't, so even if I try i could not we usually find a solution immediately... but i have seen many women giving their partner silent treatments that sometimes last even weeks...
I mean, most of these men don't even know why and how... I wanted to know what do you think when your girl gives you silent treatments and does it have an impact? How do you feel?

YourFutureEx · Accepted Answer

Talking things through may sound nice but it is impractical because the situation we're in is a total mess and there is no place for nice things in that. When you get a heated argument in a relationship, at least one of the parties (and sometimes both of them) are not in the situation to understand logic and the perspective of the other because of the rage, disappointment and ego they're experiencing and any thing you speak might make the situation even worse.

If it's your fault, apologise to them once and affirm that you won't repeat this behavior
And if you not at fault,
• You need to reevaluate how important is the other person to you (if you're the aggressor)
• Calmly tell them that they need to reevaluate the situation and their judgement because you strongly and peacefully believe that it's not your fault and you're happy to help to work things through (if you're not the aggressor)
AND THEN, let the silent treatment kick in.
It will help them to heal and cool off.

Personally I used to hate this thing but recently I started accepting this as I realized that this is a practical way to proceed. Furthermore, it will also give me more time to do my hobbies or do my work as she heals herself so it's a win-win situation.
& if she didn't come out of that silent treatment phase, is it even a loss? You are pushed to a right direction by the destiny.

zeitgeist057 · Accepted Answer

I'm a very independent person, so being ignored or the "silent treatment" is not really a punishment for me. I have plenty of friends, family, and other interests. If one person wants to withhold their attention from me, they're going to find out really quickly the only person they are hurting is themselves. Which is fine with me. If you want to sit around and sulk petulantly in a corner and ignore me, it will make for a nice environment for me to read a book, call someone I haven't talked to in a while, work on a skill or some school work, etc. The peace and quiet will be very appreciated!

In the long run, if this is my partner's way of "communicating" with me, though, there will be some problems. This is an immature "solution". I don't mind if you need to take some time to figure out what you want to say in a calm way. If that takes you an hour, a day, or a week, that's fine. But if you think just not saying anything for a week then trying to pick up from before the conflict is a solution, you are again going to find out the hard way it doesn't work.

After so many of these "silent treatments" it will become apparent to me that this person lacks healthy communication skills. I'm okay with trying to work on that, but if they are not open to it, I will probably end up moving along to spend more time with other people, even when I'm not being given this treatment.

Smoke-n-Growls · Accepted Answer

My mother did that a lot to my dad and I growing up. Only thing it did was make it so neither of us engaged with her or talked with her much - because, y'know, clearly she doesn't want to talk. So why would we ask?

Giving your partner space and time to process is healthy. But ignoring them in an attempt to "make them understand" (most often the reasoning I hear for silent treatments) is stupid.

How is someone supposed to read a silent treatment person's mind? They can't. All they get is confused, possibly afraid (my mom would end her silent periods with a huge blow up abusive yelling match and sometimes stealing the family car for weeks), and distant.

Your approach of wanting to find a solution, talk it out, is the right of it. At least that's been my experience.

4everalone · Accepted Answer

I’m relieved to read the comments here, because I was just going to post a question asking if I was out of line to cut off someone who gave me the silent treatment. I told him I was confused and he got snappy then I tried to explain but he still had attitude so I waited a few hours and sent a silly meme to lighten things up. I didn’t hear from him for a few days so I unfriended him. I still feel terrible about it and I want to reach out to end things on better terms but after reading the comments here I think it’s not a good idea.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If we have a disagreement and she says, "I need some time to myself to let my feelings calm down, then we can talk," I am perfectly okay with that. But the standard silent treatment is a hostile thing to do and I resent it.

coachTanthony · Answer

----The silent treatment is manipulative and shows poor communication skills. Need to nip this in the butt the first time it happens. Immaturity should not be tolerated in a serious relationship.

~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG

Just_call_me_Levi · Answer

Silence treatment, eh?

To me, it's so obvious what's happening, I can't help but roll my eyes.

Pretending it doesn't affect you comes across as immature... You're trying too hard to make the other feel bad, and it rarely works. Had a girl try that on me about a year ago, we talked about politics and we disagreed, there was no hostility or trying to change the other person's mind on my side, yet she still thought it was a good idea to obviously be offended by my opinion, but not outright say it like an adult. She later got mad I didn't chase after her, I got over her too fast. Again, she created the distance, I never pushed her away or anything, she could've gotten back at any point, but according to her friend that would've felt like losing... 😄

Oh, or a better example, I was in a toxic relationship years ago, and my ex always used to storm off, throw with stuff, shout, and then after she cooled down give me the silence treatment. This whenever she realized she was wrong with evidence provided... It was funny to see someone freak out, and then suddenly play that game as a way to seem like the bigger person. 😏

If you think the person would follow you like a puppy, it just may work... Otherwise they'll lose a lot of respect.

caring__1 · Answer

Though wanting to know how the other person feels is nice, the most important thing to understand is whether our choice (silent or spoken) is leading us toward our long-term objective. That's the part that is overlooked the most. People say or do what they feel they are entitled to say or do without considering the consequences.

Will silence ever give us a deeper understanding or draw us closer? Of course not. People choose to be silent for one of two reasons. Either their goal is to manipulate by punishing the other person (keeping that person in the dark), or they fear escalated conflict. Learning and applying effective communication skills will make challenging moments much more comfortable and productive for all involved. It's amazing how many people assume they know how to communicate, just because they've been talking all they life. We're not taught these basic skills in school, and most of our parents didn't have them to teach, so if we don't reach out to learn them, we'll continue to be like everyone else... stumbling through life and hoping for the best... figuring if it's meant to be, it will be; if it doesn't work, we can always blame the other.

IDontBelieveIt · Answer

Sorry this is lengthy, I haven't got a girl but I've experienced it, and seen others go through it, nobody are mind readers, the longer they leave it the worse it get it could start driving a wedge in their relationship with lots of negative thoughts, it's also childish sulking like a 5 year old. Also if there are children it effects them. They are adults so they should behave like one. It's good to read you both try getting it dealt with asap. 👍. The example I have is my grandad, father's side was murdered, it made my father worse than before, my mum supported him all she could, she got frustrated because she could see her marriage falling apart, he wouldn't seek advice or help he wouldn't talk so because he kept it bottled up he became violent. It screwed all our minds up we lived in fear for 6 years until I threatened him at 15, it caused me to fear relationships if I got into one mine would fail, I have turned a few girls down when I was younger, I didn't know how to socialise, I've had at least 5 different counsellors the first was 9 months and other therapy treatments like CBT it didn't work, since age 22 to about 46, I have been on anti depressants since 2012 I've probably emotionally hurt a couple of girls because my mind could not cope when I first met them, if some had asked me what was up I might have been in a relationship years ago. I didn't get married when I wanted didn't have children. I wanted to prove I wasn't like my father and be a good husband and dad. All this because of circumstances out of my control and someone not talking. There will be many, many others damaged because some people won't compromise and work together as one as a partnership. I really hope others will use this example or other people's to see the devastation what one persons actions can do. A domino effect.

UnknownReflection · Answer

I'd consider silent treatments as an amature way to handle a situation.

Communication is key to solving any problem and avoiding misunderstanding. I mean we literally invented different ways to communicate throughout our history as mankind to end up doing what? Remaining silent and not expressing how we feel to one another? That's one hell of a backward step.

Silent treatments just prolongs the issue and creates an unnecessary drama. I believe in communication. Talk, listen, understand, find solutions, compromise, reach agreements. Done!

If you don't talk, how we supposed to know what's the problem or how we suppose to find solutions? What does it achieve to avoid an adult-like conversation and not facing our sadness, irritation, discomfort and pride? It make no sense to me.

ChristianMan21 · Answer

The silent treatment mostly confuses people. I mean, how does the girl even know if the guy understands what he did wrong? (Assuming he did actually do something wrong). I think that it just makes him feel ignored and sad and confused. See for me, my girlfriend doesn't really do that. Then again, she says I'm very good at knowing how she's feeling. I always know when she's upset, and I just always ask why she's upset. Sure, she doesn't always want to tell me immediately, but we do talk about it and resolve it. One of my mottos for relationships is to "Never go to bed angry". I think that communication about your thoughts and feelings is extremely crucial for a healthy relationship.

NyceGuyFinishingLast · Answer

Silent treatment used to get to me but I have learned to see it as petty immaturity. If your partner thinks this high schoolish method works as a form of punishment then they are clearly not thinking. Some guys might have a girl that nags them too much and a silent treatment is a break. Me, I see it as a way for them to punish themselves. They can sit there and watch TV or eat alone if they want to buy they shouldn't expect me to sit there with them. Relationships are supposed to be about open communication and using the silent treatment kinda goes against what most people want in the relationship.

JDavid25 · Answer

It's silly and immature.. I could see if we had an argument and she needed some time not to talk.. But to just basically act like I'm not there is childish.. Communicate to me even if we gotta yell for a few minutes and then after that if you need some time that's fine.. But I would prefer your method where we resolve it quickly..

TheorionMage · Answer

If you CHOOSE to remain silent about something bothering you.
You CHOOSE to deny me YOUR company.
I can either 'play your game' and kiss yer ass or
absent myself to find someone who APPRECIATES my presence.
The Creator gave YOU a 'franchise' NOT a 'monopoly'.

YOUR choice... AND MINE!

Ghostykill3r · Answer

It would bother me, but wouldn't be that much of a punishment. It's really punishing the whole relationship and not just the partner. Talking things out is always better. Sometimes it's good to shut up and be quiet for a while on some issues so both parties can take time to think, but that's not the silent treatment

slatyb · Answer

It’s a deal-breaker for me — childish passive-aggressive behavior. Talk to me, tell me how you feel. “When you... I felt...”

Your partner can then promise to change their behavior or they may not. Just because you felt angry doesn’t automatically make their behavior unreasonable.

Louquin95 · Answer

I like to talk about any issues we’re having (I’m not the type to yell in an argument) but giving the silent treatment would just piss me off and I would probably just leave for a few hours (which I’ve done before). I don’t have time to deal with someone being childish. Just tell me what I’m doing wrong or how we can fix this.

nojokecarmichael · Answer

It's manipulative for sure. I've had it done to me multiple times by my ex instead of him just communicating and talking to me. I've done it to him before too. It was a learned behavior and it's not a good cycle to be in. It's better to just let someone know that you don't want to talk for a bit and need time to think.

Ekvark · Answer

Do not like at all. if you're having a case of the reds and need space that's fine, I do too. But extended silences literally fix nothing and did nothing but let people try to fill the silence with their thoughts and usually that doesn't make matter better.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

The actual "silent treatment" where it is intentional to close the other person off, is childish and abusive. It makes the other person feel awful that there is no communication and it makes them wonder what went wrong. It serves no good purpose. It only makes the other person feel bad.

That being said, sometimes in a relationship one person just needs to take time out if things aren't going well. That isn't the same as the silent treatment. That is just re-grouping and letting things settle. It can actually serve a healthy purpose.

ODC2112 · Answer

Silent treatment is a manipulative strategy that psychopaths make towards their victims. When it comes to toxic relationships, those who engage in this type of behavior are the toxic elements in a relationship. Then it's the same people who whine about toxic relationships bla bla bla, when they are the toxic element of the relationship. That are the same people that instead of looking for a partner, they must look for a psychiatrist.
Using such a treatment is like completely breaking off the relationship, keeping it only on a formal level. Usually the silent treatment leads to nothing positive to relationship. Instead, it undermines the relationship as a tooth decay undermines a tooth when it hits it from the side.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

It's better to say "I need some time to think" or "I need some time to myself." The silent treatment is not a good way to express your disappointment. If you're upset, give yourself time to cool off and think, then speak up. Don't be in someone's presence and refuse to speak, that's gonna make matters worse.

worldscolide · Answer

It's abusive. Seriously. Call it what you like, but closing lines of communication with someone you supposedly love, denying communication is abusive no more no less. Additionally it's an idiotic childish manipulative game. I have zero tolerance for that in my relationships, I explained this to my wife before we got married, that if she plays games like that it would end up with her out the door and kicked out of my life permanently.

Thankfully I married a rational thinking woman who understands the need for open lines of communication..

admles · Answer

It's a fast way to getting dumped.

It is nothing more than childish manipulation, and a form of emotional abuse.

Use it on me once, and I'll just go out and have fun without you, as though you don't exist.

Try it on me a second time, you're dumped.

All she needs to do is tell me she needs time to get her thoughts together, to decide how she feels. Completely ignoring me does nothing for anyone.

Kaamraj · Answer

I personally absolutely detest it; I feel that it's a manipulative tactic. If I've done something wrong unknowingly or there is any point you want to discuss, then clearly communicate that with me. When I was younger, I used to fall for it, but now as I've grown older and wiser, I don't entertain it.

Anonymous · Answer

Most men don't even notice.

Look, men don't need to talk the way women do. It's a measured scientific fact. Women say something like 20,000 words a day and men are more like 7,000. (Though a recent study no doubt influenced by bullshit ideology that claim both sexes are IDENTICAL say that men and women use 16,000 words a day. Utter shit.)

Men are perfectly fine in silence. Women lose their fucking minds.

When a woman gives a man the silence treatment, he might notice eventually but for the early part he just notices that he feels happier. No one is talking his ear off or interrupting him every 5 minutes with some inane bullshit.

stargazeraug1989 · Answer

I don't believe it's a particularly healthy or mature means of expressing to your partner that you're displeased with something. Silence may be necessary to some extent when you've attempted to talk through something with that person and they've flagrantly tossed your concerns aside or have even gone as far as hurling every bit of vitriol they can conceive your way in protest of a point you've attempted to make. Under such circumstances, a bit of distance may be necessary, but only for a time. Freezing someone out for any perceived injustice is just childish and manipulative. If anyone attempted such a thing with me, they would instantly become a total nonentity in my life. I don't tolerate nonsense from anyone.

Catto_lover · Answer

Silent treetment is'nt something that i like. One girl was doing it to me and it felt awfull like really awfull. Like everyone i hava some porblems. And treeting like this makes me feel like cuted off. And i feel bad with myself becouse i always think everything is my fault

45Fstraight · Answer

My husband does the silent treatment, he's also passive aggressive. It used to annoy me because most of the time I had no idea what he was upset about. Over the (many) years, I learned that he was usually upset about something he thought I said or thought I meant. These days, I welcome the peace and quiet when he gets in one of his moods.

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

That’s a deal breaker for me. The moment you try that crap with me I let you know I don’t play games. I do my best to keep a relationship drama free. Do my best to stay on the same level of communication. So, when it comes down to the silent treatment, it’s normally over something petty. There’s the door, baby.

GenFem19 · Answer

My mom tried to use it on me. It used to work. Now when she does it I just ignore her right back. With that said I do acknowledge her in our normal ways. Like she will still call me for dinner and when she gives me my clean laundry I still say thanks but we have gone weeks without talking properly. We never establish what went wrong and never get an apology we just start talking again. It is what it is 🤷

Anonymous · Answer

I have reacted in many different ways to the silent treatment.

I moved out of our apartment while one of my exes was at work
I broke up with another and ghosted her
A few more gfs gave me the silent treatment and it was a welcome relief to their normally incessant blathering. I ended up provoking them at key times to get the to shut up and leave me alone.
A couple of gfs made me upset with the silent treatment at first but over time I fell out of love with them and it no longer mattered.

FloridaWeatherDude · Answer

I'm a talker and a good listener. That makes the silent treatment especially painful. As a tactic, does it work? "Yes", if your end goal is to simply agitate your partner lol.

snackthatsmilesback · Answer

Had it done to me a couple times and gotta say I don't like it. But if you know how to push her buttons you can usually get her to talk back pretty quick.

cloud9vortex1234 · Answer

I get people need time to calm down, but Silent Treatment for weeks is beyond disrespectful. You don't do that to people your in a relationship with and expect them to stick around. That type of behavior is childish and tells me your not ready for a relationship.

Anon621 · Answer

Honestly I personally understand why some people do the silent treatment. I just try to quickly say, "I understand you don't wanna talk to me or see me so I'll give you some space and if you change your mind I'll be over there."

Anonymous · Answer

What good does that do? It's immature in my opinion. Communication is key! I understand if maybe at the time you're too upset to talk about it calmly or rationally, but if that's the case, just say that. "I'm sorry I can't talk about it right now, I'm too upset, let's talk later"

RealMarek · Answer

The silent treatment can kill a relationship. So can withholding affection as leverage or making a spouse sleep on the sofa.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

Silent treatment…a route certain women take who prefer to be treated like an insolent child. The kind of woman I have zero interest in involving myself with. It’s a dumpable behavior.

es20490446e · Answer

My reply would be instant: "You have two options: either you speak to me normally, or I remove myself from this situation. What is your choice?"

JackSmy · Answer

Yeah, it has an impact, and I don't play games. I leave. Why should I put up with that shit? Have a problem, let's talk it out.
Play baby games, and not the one for me, so Bye, Bye!
The two times they came back, crying, after a few days. I talked it out with one, but the other, GONE!

Snakeyes7 · Answer

It's one of the worst things to do after a disagreement, I think some classify it as emotional abuse. I don't think it's that far but it's not a very charitable way to treat someone after a disagreement.

Ninjazzed · Answer

No idea, usually men do this by not texting back lol.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

It's awful. It doesn't resolve the underlying problem and needlessly forces the other person to do extra work to figure out an issue that they don't have because their partner refuses to just fucking tell them.

Aquariusmystery · Answer

I hate it! It’s one of the most damaging things you can do in a relationship. You’re meant to talk about your problems

J2ohhhhh · Answer

As a kid I really loved when people just randomly showed up. And one morning my mom told me that we have an unexpected guest. I jumped out from bed, run out and gazed the garden for the visitor then my mom pointed on the door frame and a snail was there and she said that was the guest. Silent treatment is kinda the same feeling. I'm not angry or said, I'm just disappointed.

RoyalGuy_PRO · Answer

always makes things worse tbh. Never give the silent treatment for anything. You are not their teacher or parent. You are not teaching him parts of life. Just talk through any problems you have with each other. Try to understand his side. Leave him if he is a douche

Still-alive · Answer

Its a cruel thing to do to your partner or a friend even. Id rather have a bad fight than receive the silent treatment. Thats how much i hate it

najekim · Answer

Wife learned while we were dating that the silent treatment doesn't work on me. So now she takes a few minutes, collects her thoughts, and then discusses them with me.

AffectionKing · Answer

Im naturally aloof. It doesn't bother me. The woman that does this to me doesn't last long because i end up making her laugh. What bothers me is not saying why she was upset with me in the first place. That's what annoy me

AdithyaR · Answer

In normal relationships it's bad cause you're actively avoiding communication.

Although I do it on a regular basis with my cousin cause he's kid with no respect for adults and will constantly mess with my stuff even after being told not to. And I don't wanna throw anger on a kid and I know he's doing it to get a rise out of me, so I give him the silent treatment.

Actually it someone is annoying you just to get a rise out of you, silent treatment is great.

SubGardener · Answer

I find the silent treatment to be a sign of poor character. It shows an inability to communicate, whether because of a lack of courage or being inarticulate. It is a total turnoff.

boggboss · Answer

I wouldn't stay with a women that dis it simply put deciding to not talk would be lile me being upset and making a conscious effort to make sure I showed no love towards her

dudeinohio · Answer

Mind games are a turn off and a threat to the relationship.

hahahmm · Answer

Look, I can work on repairing stuff in my house or on a car for hours in peaceful silence and it doesn't bother me at all. It's like asking me how do I fee when my woman gives me ice cream.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

I've dated women who LIVE to give guys the silent treatment. That never really worked on me though, because If you tickle them enough they talk... well no..,, they shout and scream whilst the whole time laughing.

Anonymous · Answer

My mother used it as a abuse tactic so never a fan.

NoLookingAtSoleil · Answer

I'd say you are one of the few good ones.
Both blocking/ghosting and silent treatment are, in fact, aggressive behaviours/emotional assaults.
If anything offends you, you ought to verbalise it and forgive that it happened if there was no mean intention/intention to hurt in it.

scentoflavender · Answer

That isn't a healthy relationship tactic. Learn how to effectively communicate.

missy52 · Answer

It's a powerful tool not to be used often. That thing is hellllla manipulative so be careful with it

TheOracle10 · Answer

I am very solitary, it wouldn't bother me but seeing as I probably wouldn't break it first. It would probably lead to dissolution, it sounds like a horrible and desperate measure.

Anonymous · Answer

My ex-girlfriend and I were having an argument back when we were still together about where to go for dinner for my birthday and she gave me the silent treatment after for an entire week so I hooked up with one of her friends, which ended the silent treatment immediately.

msc545 · Answer

Makes me feel like breaking up with her. The silent treatment is rude and immature.

Neyila · Answer

Pointless. Doesn't resolve any conflict and makes matters worse.

How do you guys actually feel about the Silent treatment?

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